GAHHH what the hell is this! The campaign’s over, OLD MAN. Go get a real American job now, OLD MAN. So terrifying. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that John McCain’s starting a new PAC called “Country First,” so check out its fancy website, which is a long donation form and absolutely nothing else. John McCain’s never had any problems raising money in the past (HEHEHE), so this website should more or less heal the economy. [Country First]

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  1. Putting Country First…by donating to John McCain.

    In addition to advising him that the election is over, someone may also want to clue him in about the economy.

  2. A failed campaign is a valuable fu**ing thing; you don’t just give it away for nothing. What will you donate to get a piece of this awesomeness, hennngh!?!?

  3. “Your session has expired, please click here to go back to the donation page.”

    If that’s not inspiration, then someone isn’t PUTTING CUNTRY FIRST YOU LIBRUL BASTARDS.

  4. I hope you guys have an excuse for the delay in posting something about the Presidents’ lunch… I realize there were probably lots of rich sauces, but how rich, exactly?

  5. I’m glad I’m back to the place where I view Walnuts! as a sarcastic, inappropriate uncle instead of devil spawn.

    Sorry Walnuts! I got nothin’ for you.

  6. [re=211898]FreshCliches[/re]: Don’t worry; the sun reflecting off his dome will draw Palestinian rocket fire like a beacon. In a way, he will save Israel…temporarily.

  7. [re=211901]Sussemilch[/re]: I tipped them on it like an hour ago. I’ve resisting posting that because I don’t want to take this OT. I was going to put it in the open thread later if our Editors didn’t deem it snarktastic enough.

  8. Ok. But seriously. What does Country First mean? What has that EVER meant? It means nothing! Or if it actually DOES somehow mean something (which it doesn’t, god damn you all to hell), why did that energize the redneck base in the first place? Shouldn’t it be Jesus first? You’re supposed to love that dude more than your immediate family. None of this makes any sense! I’m going back to watching Citizen Kane (cuz I’m cultured as shit and also a Harvard grad and a scientist).

  9. [re=211907]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Ah, the “Submit a tip” link up top. It’s not my fault, my fearless President taught me to read as little as possible and never follow directions.

  10. I miss the days of trollops and cunts, which is why this place:
    still does the job for some really trollopy old cunt action.

    They have had four posts SPECIFICALLY against little stupid comments we have made on their site. I’m not saying feed the beast or anything, but my god it’s as if those women were given keyboards they know how to use inside of their brains, instead of actual brain matter. They have removed every comment a Wonketter has posted on their little retard site, while yesterday they were barfing all over us “snarky” (is that word still allowed?) people. I HATE PUMAS. I HATE THEM OH SO VERY MUCH.

  11. Walnuts wants money and I want half my brain cells back from the alcohol therapy his fucking campaign forced upon me. MOTHERFUGGLER1!!!111!

  12. “Country” would be defined by most Repugs to be the same as “Mega-Corporation”. So, you see, McOldfart wants you naive citizens to send more money to him so that he can make the “country” richer.

  13. With a donation of $50.00 or more, you get your choice between Juan’s favorite prune recipies, a commenorative piece of Trig’s spittle or a handful or random pills from Cindy’s personal stash.

  14. [re=211927]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:

    I guess I’ll have to go back to jacking of while wearing my muumuu and watching the Hillary 4U And Me video.

  15. [re=211908]Trace[/re]: I’m just an English major, but you might find it enlightening that Crusty Fin Rot is an anagram for Country First. More to the point, so is Crony Fist Rut.

  16. [re=211921]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Why… are they still upset about this? I mean, sure, it’s not nice to make fun of fat people (even if they are a particularly hilarious and unsettling form of fat), but then when you go and make really stupid comments about how you hope there will be suffering or death or whatever just so you can sneer at those who think differently from you?

    All I’m sayin’ is that sometimes it’s refreshing to find a person who is as ugly on the outside as they are on the inside. That’s God’s gift to easy comedy and it’s a slap in His holy face not to enjoy it.

  17. [re=211929]XOMuffintop[/re]:

    Like, who among us wouldn’t throw down a Grant for a fistfull of Oxies?

    Jim, we gonna get a post on “I am Joe the War Correspondent” or what?

  18. [re=211912]HuskyMescan[/re]: Yea, and the first time a Hamas-fired grenade lands anywhere near him, he’ll be snaking out his own panties for the next year.

  19. The guru of campaign finance reform starts a PAC, solicits donations without giving any information about what it does and then calls it country first.

    Is irony dead? ‘Cause no one told PUMAs.

  20. [re=211921]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You know, after last night I am done with them and the trollcunts that they wrought upon our beautiful Wonkette. As much as I hate them, I pity them and the sad lives they live even more.

  21. [re=211913]myiq2xu[/re]: No! But taking a break from figuratively toppling those you dislike on the internet shouldn’t force you slum with the likes of teenage boys. Don’t lower yourself here. You could take those shell necklaces you made last summer with the other ladies in your craft circle, that are just lying around your house and sell them on eBay. Who knows, you might become the next internet millionaire. Or at least earn the money you need to start NutriSystem like you been saying…

  22. [re=211930]myiq2xu[/re]: Maybe you could just go back to writing half-baked responses to cogent statements on your hate blog? The “u” to which your blog-name refers must be an earthworm or freeper. Wait, sorry about that, earthworms. I realize you little wiggley folks perform a valuable function.

  23. [re=211955]Mad Farmer… of Science![/re]: [re=211949]problemwithcaring[/re]:
    You’ve guys generated another major post at Cuntflutalence. They can thank us for topics by sending us more unfunny and corny trolls.

  24. My Friends,
    Now that I know I’m not going to be your President, I can entertain even more lobbyists than usual, open all the personal PACs I can think of, and to hell with that campaign-reform crap nobody cared about anyway. So send me some damn money, especially you people in the telecommunications industry who need to thank me for inventing the Blackberry. Cindy says a million would be an appropriate first gesture, but if you’re under indictment, I understand if you send it in unmarked bills.

    And to all you folks in the Real America, I say you can be in on my PAC, too. That Indonesian whippersnapper we now call Mr. President has shown me that nickels and dimes from the little people add up, so you’re invited to send me something every payday. I won’t DO anything for you, but I haven’t done anything for the people of Arizona for YEARS and they keep sending me to Washington, so I guess that’s not a problem.

    Thanks a lot,
    John McCain

    And don’t forget, a $10 million contribution gets you a ride in my personal Maverick, but you have to get your own ticket to Cornville (that’s where I really live — I just tell the press they’re in Sedona).

  25. [re=211991]HuskyMescan[/re]: Doing my part. My goal is to replace either replace Neilist as the most hated misogynist or Afrocist, as the resident delusional black lady.

  26. Didn’t he say if he lost the election he would finish his term and run out the clock in Arizona? And now he wants to run for another senate term and redeem himself and America and Honor and give Meghan something else to blog about? Term limits and a mandatory retirement age for politicians!
    And politicians as rich as Croesus (90% of them) should be forced to spend their own money for their elections! And legalize cannabis! And . . .!

  27. “Still alive”? Do you have any proof that McCain was ever actually alive? I mean after the Vietnamese replaced him with a commie robot back in 1971?

  28. I’m so excited! This was my tip! My first ever–now I feel like a real wonkster. You know, “Country First” sounds like some crappy S&L in Arkansas, where people get financing for their doublewides.

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