THE MAC IS PAC  1:48 pm January 7, 2009

OMG You Mean John McCain Is Still Alive??

by Jim Newell

GAHHH what the hell is this! The campaign’s over, OLD MAN. Go get a real American job now, OLD MAN. So terrifying. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that John McCain’s starting a new PAC called “Country First,” so check out its fancy website, which is a long donation form and absolutely nothing else. John McCain’s never had any problems raising money in the past (HEHEHE), so this website should more or less heal the economy. [Country First]

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AngryBlakGuy January 7, 2009 at 1:53 pm

…he is still alive?

Hart88 January 7, 2009 at 1:54 pm

Putting Country First…by donating to John McCain.

In addition to advising him that the election is over, someone may also want to clue him in about the economy.

Sussemilch January 7, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=211856]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Yes, he’ll live another four years on limited life support, just to spite his 2008 critics.

AngryBlakGuy January 7, 2009 at 1:55 pm

[re=211856]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: …damn it hit enter too quick! “he is still alive? Someone call the geriatrics home!”

satyricrash January 7, 2009 at 1:55 pm


Vewol Mevemont January 7, 2009 at 1:56 pm

A failed campaign is a valuable fu**ing thing; you don’t just give it away for nothing. What will you donate to get a piece of this awesomeness, hennngh!?!?

Delicious January 7, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Good lord. Don’t we have enough e-mails from Obama still begging us for money? Now this turd is back?

SayItWithWookies January 7, 2009 at 1:57 pm

CountryWide First. He should really get a proofreader. And stop calling me his friend.

shortsshortsshorts January 7, 2009 at 1:58 pm

“Your session has expired, please click here to go back to the donation page.”

If that’s not inspiration, then someone isn’t PUTTING CUNTRY FIRST YOU LIBRUL BASTARDS.

loudmouthredhead January 7, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Is he the next Nigerian prince/banker/widow that I should send my bank info to?

sarahconnor January 7, 2009 at 2:02 pm

I hope you guys have an excuse for the delay in posting something about the Presidents’ lunch… I realize there were probably lots of rich sauces, but how rich, exactly?

FreshCliches January 7, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Money talks, bitches. And ground zero for that giant sucking sound is in Sedona.

Schadenfreude ROCKS.

myiq2xu January 7, 2009 at 2:03 pm

McCain didn’t get Palin elected as VP, the Misogynist.

ph7 January 7, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Is it safe to assume that a Republican calling anyone “my friend” after November is an illicit sexual advance?

Theodorick Of York January 7, 2009 at 2:09 pm



And while you’re at it, let’s have some fun with THIS!

shanemacgowan January 7, 2009 at 2:09 pm

what comes second, sex or beer?

CrunchyKnee January 7, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Oh WALNUTS!, how I miss you, sir!

Kev-O-Tron January 7, 2009 at 2:15 pm

I’m glad I’m back to the place where I view Walnuts! as a sarcastic, inappropriate uncle instead of devil spawn.

Sorry Walnuts! I got nothin’ for you.

FreshCliches January 7, 2009 at 2:15 pm

[re=211889]Theodorick Of York[/re]: OH SWEET JEEBUS.

And we were all saying that there wouldn’t be anything to mock come 2009.

Sussemilch January 7, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Oh man, this shit needs its own thread.

Hamster January 7, 2009 at 2:19 pm

“More actions–> Filter messages like these.”

Ahh gmail <> if that function only worked for the whole internet.

loudmouthredhead January 7, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=211898]FreshCliches[/re]: Don’t worry; the sun reflecting off his dome will draw Palestinian rocket fire like a beacon. In a way, he will save Israel…temporarily.

Kev-O-Tron January 7, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=211901]Sussemilch[/re]: I tipped them on it like an hour ago. I’ve resisting posting that because I don’t want to take this OT. I was going to put it in the open thread later if our Editors didn’t deem it snarktastic enough.

Trace January 7, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Ok. But seriously. What does Country First mean? What has that EVER meant? It means nothing! Or if it actually DOES somehow mean something (which it doesn’t, god damn you all to hell), why did that energize the redneck base in the first place? Shouldn’t it be Jesus first? You’re supposed to love that dude more than your immediate family. None of this makes any sense! I’m going back to watching Citizen Kane (cuz I’m cultured as shit and also a Harvard grad and a scientist).

HuskyMescan January 7, 2009 at 2:22 pm

More like “Me first”

freakishlystrong January 7, 2009 at 2:23 pm

What the fuck are we supposed to be donating for? HEHNGHH?

HuskyMescan January 7, 2009 at 2:24 pm

[re=211901]Sussemilch[/re]: Sam has tons of war experience battling stuck turds and snaking out the enemy.

myiq2xu January 7, 2009 at 2:24 pm

I’d totally blow Joe the Plumber.

FreshCliches January 7, 2009 at 2:26 pm

[re=211906]loudmouthredhead[/re]: And in “saving Israel”, he’d be saving America. It works on so many levels!

One Yield Regular January 7, 2009 at 2:27 pm

No, no, no. A thousand times no. It’s not “Country First,” it’s:

Sussemilch January 7, 2009 at 2:29 pm

[re=211907]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Ah, the “Submit a tip” link up top. It’s not my fault, my fearless President taught me to read as little as possible and never follow directions.

shortsshortsshorts January 7, 2009 at 2:29 pm

I miss the days of trollops and cunts, which is why this place:
still does the job for some really trollopy old cunt action.

They have had four posts SPECIFICALLY against little stupid comments we have made on their site. I’m not saying feed the beast or anything, but my god it’s as if those women were given keyboards they know how to use inside of their brains, instead of actual brain matter. They have removed every comment a Wonketter has posted on their little retard site, while yesterday they were barfing all over us “snarky” (is that word still allowed?) people. I HATE PUMAS. I HATE THEM OH SO VERY MUCH.

bitchincamaro January 7, 2009 at 2:30 pm

Walnuts wants money and I want half my brain cells back from the alcohol therapy his fucking campaign forced upon me. MOTHERFUGGLER1!!!111!

myiq2xu January 7, 2009 at 2:32 pm


I’m starting to hate them too. I keep kissing their ass but none of them has given up the pussy yet.

shortsshortsshorts January 7, 2009 at 2:34 pm

[re=211925]myiq2xu[/re]: That cunt dont hunt, ya nooos?

proudcitizen January 7, 2009 at 2:35 pm

“Country” would be defined by most Repugs to be the same as “Mega-Corporation”. So, you see, McOldfart wants you naive citizens to send more money to him so that he can make the “country” richer.

XOMuffintop January 7, 2009 at 2:36 pm

With a donation of $50.00 or more, you get your choice between Juan’s favorite prune recipies, a commenorative piece of Trig’s spittle or a handful or random pills from Cindy’s personal stash.

myiq2xu January 7, 2009 at 2:36 pm


I guess I’ll have to go back to jacking of while wearing my muumuu and watching the Hillary 4U And Me video.

Mustang January 7, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=211908]Trace[/re]: I’m just an English major, but you might find it enlightening that Crusty Fin Rot is an anagram for Country First. More to the point, so is Crony Fist Rut.

TGY January 7, 2009 at 2:40 pm


Trace January 7, 2009 at 2:40 pm

[re=211921]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Why… are they still upset about this? I mean, sure, it’s not nice to make fun of fat people (even if they are a particularly hilarious and unsettling form of fat), but then when you go and make really stupid comments about how you hope there will be suffering or death or whatever just so you can sneer at those who think differently from you?

All I’m sayin’ is that sometimes it’s refreshing to find a person who is as ugly on the outside as they are on the inside. That’s God’s gift to easy comedy and it’s a slap in His holy face not to enjoy it.

Theodorick Of York January 7, 2009 at 2:42 pm


Like, who among us wouldn’t throw down a Grant for a fistfull of Oxies?

Jim, we gonna get a post on “I am Joe the War Correspondent” or what?

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 7, 2009 at 2:43 pm

[re=211912]HuskyMescan[/re]: Yea, and the first time a Hamas-fired grenade lands anywhere near him, he’ll be snaking out his own panties for the next year.

problemwithcaring January 7, 2009 at 2:45 pm

The guru of campaign finance reform starts a PAC, solicits donations without giving any information about what it does and then calls it country first.

Is irony dead? ‘Cause no one told PUMAs.

XOMuffintop January 7, 2009 at 2:46 pm

[re=211921]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You know, after last night I am done with them and the trollcunts that they wrought upon our beautiful Wonkette. As much as I hate them, I pity them and the sad lives they live even more.

NoWireHangers January 7, 2009 at 2:47 pm

I think there’s an extra “O” in that subject line.

problemwithcaring January 7, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=211913]myiq2xu[/re]: No! But taking a break from figuratively toppling those you dislike on the internet shouldn’t force you slum with the likes of teenage boys. Don’t lower yourself here. You could take those shell necklaces you made last summer with the other ladies in your craft circle, that are just lying around your house and sell them on eBay. Who knows, you might become the next internet millionaire. Or at least earn the money you need to start NutriSystem like you been saying…

justlen January 7, 2009 at 2:53 pm


Snicker. That wacky myiq2xu.

Mad Farmer... of Science! January 7, 2009 at 2:53 pm

[re=211930]myiq2xu[/re]: Maybe you could just go back to writing half-baked responses to cogent statements on your hate blog? The “u” to which your blog-name refers must be an earthworm or freeper. Wait, sorry about that, earthworms. I realize you little wiggley folks perform a valuable function.

S.Luggo January 7, 2009 at 2:58 pm

[re=211918]One Yield Regular[/re]: Goes well with crow.

HuskyMescan January 7, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=211955]Mad Farmer… of Science![/re]: [re=211949]problemwithcaring[/re]:
You’ve guys generated another major post at Cuntflutalence. They can thank us for topics by sending us more unfunny and corny trolls.

Jukesgrrl January 7, 2009 at 3:05 pm

My Friends,
Now that I know I’m not going to be your President, I can entertain even more lobbyists than usual, open all the personal PACs I can think of, and to hell with that campaign-reform crap nobody cared about anyway. So send me some damn money, especially you people in the telecommunications industry who need to thank me for inventing the Blackberry. Cindy says a million would be an appropriate first gesture, but if you’re under indictment, I understand if you send it in unmarked bills.

And to all you folks in the Real America, I say you can be in on my PAC, too. That Indonesian whippersnapper we now call Mr. President has shown me that nickels and dimes from the little people add up, so you’re invited to send me something every payday. I won’t DO anything for you, but I haven’t done anything for the people of Arizona for YEARS and they keep sending me to Washington, so I guess that’s not a problem.

Thanks a lot,
John McCain

And don’t forget, a $10 million contribution gets you a ride in my personal Maverick, but you have to get your own ticket to Cornville (that’s where I really live — I just tell the press they’re in Sedona).

Gopherit January 7, 2009 at 3:08 pm

somewhere there’s a lawn being trampled by kids. Do your duty, John. For. Your. Country.

daisy chain January 7, 2009 at 3:11 pm

I bet I know what kind of tree comes first over at ole’ “you know who”…

S.Luggo January 7, 2009 at 3:11 pm

“Country First”, it’s so catching on!

Clap, clap, clap, clapitty, clap, clap.

Gopherit January 7, 2009 at 3:13 pm

and OT….pumapac <3s Ken Layne:

problemwithcaring January 7, 2009 at 3:15 pm

[re=211991]HuskyMescan[/re]: Doing my part. My goal is to replace either replace Neilist as the most hated misogynist or Afrocist, as the resident delusional black lady.

obfuscator January 7, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Hey, at least he’s not whining that Mitt won’t pay off his campaign debt.

HuskyMescan January 7, 2009 at 3:17 pm

[re=212012]S.Luggo[/re]: He’s outsourced the country first PAC to India? WTF?
McIDontDoResearch strikes again.

S.Luggo January 7, 2009 at 3:25 pm

[re=212031]HuskyMescan[/re]: In India, campaign staff can be paid with Budweiser pull-tabs. To them, it’s just like real money.

Hart88 January 7, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Didn’t we vote McCain off the island, or something?

chascates January 7, 2009 at 3:49 pm

Didn’t he say if he lost the election he would finish his term and run out the clock in Arizona? And now he wants to run for another senate term and redeem himself and America and Honor and give Meghan something else to blog about? Term limits and a mandatory retirement age for politicians!
And politicians as rich as Croesus (90% of them) should be forced to spend their own money for their elections! And legalize cannabis! And . . .!

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 7, 2009 at 4:02 pm

“Still alive”? Do you have any proof that McCain was ever actually alive? I mean after the Vietnamese replaced him with a commie robot back in 1971?

AnnieGetYourFun January 7, 2009 at 4:19 pm

[re=212029]obfuscator[/re]: Win.

ushutyurmouthwhenurtalkintome January 7, 2009 at 5:17 pm

The old fart has to pay for his Medicare premiums somehow, right?

AutomaticPilot January 7, 2009 at 5:32 pm

He should name it “Cuntry First” after his wife…

Dildo Baggins January 7, 2009 at 7:25 pm

I’m so excited! This was my tip! My first ever–now I feel like a real wonkster. You know, “Country First” sounds like some crappy S&L in Arkansas, where people get financing for their doublewides.

2coool January 7, 2009 at 7:54 pm

It’s totally funny as long as it’s not you!!!! Yay smug sophisticatos!

S.Luggo January 7, 2009 at 8:44 pm

[re=212045]S.Luggo[/re]: I should have said that the US Chamber of Commerce told me that. And Mitch McConnell.

snideinplainsight January 7, 2009 at 11:02 pm

Confluence = lizard people

Bruno January 8, 2009 at 6:40 am

I don’t get why he is collecting is donations in $. Doesn’t he want real money?

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