Wonkette
KNOWN LIBERAL TEEVEE STATION ‘C-SPAN’ BARRED FROM GOP PROCEEDINGS: According to a well-placed secret source, the “RNC voted to close today’s discussion with the candidates vying to be their new chairman. No cameras allowed, so C-SPAN will not be able to cover.” The American people deserve to know what sordid pagan pansexual fisting orgies the Republicans engage in when they’re selecting their new chair. Now how will we ever know?
The terrorists have won.
I’m pretty sure it started with everyone singing the song from Chip’s gift CD.
Now we will never know what’s more repulsive - what we think happens at RNC proceedings, or what actually goes on. This is a sad day for science.
Pansexual fisting orgies? Nah… They just have an American Idol style competition, where you sing a song you wrote along the lines of Barack the Magic Negro.
…I have a feeling the ritual will be right out of the “X-Files”
Hmmph. C-SPAN could at least find out if they use disposables or a service.
At least SOMEBODY remembered to close the stall doors this time before the ass fucking fest this time. Jeebus Larry can’t you learn a lesson?
“Pansexual” seems a little harsh. Don’t all GOP’s have the same sexual inclinations?
“The American people deserve to know what sordid pagan pansexual fisting orgies the Republicans engage in..” ah, now we’re back to the Wonkette we all signed on for. Less PUMA. More GOP fisting.
Well we aren’t missing much. They will have the wide stance competition followed by who can sing the more racist anti-Obama song before whacking off at the heels of Sarah “The Savior” Palin while helping Bobby Jindal with a genetial exorcism.
You know, a normal day for the Republicans.
…of course, they don’t let cameras in the mens restroom!
I hope C-SPAN counters by screening ‘Caligula’ and puts a krylon across the bottom saying ‘Live broadcast of the Republican National Commitee meetings.’
I’d just as soon not see the thong bathing suit part (((shudder))).
I’ll wait till it comes out on DVD.
BUT THEY FORGOT DIAPERS.
I call on everyone to form a grassroots protest; it can be like it was in the 60s, with folk music, and non-violence.
Hell, we could probably book Peter, Paul, and Mary. They’ve got a few snappy tunes.
If no teevee coverage, I hope someone tries to steal everyone’s meeting doodles, similar to what’s been done with SnowBilly, W, and Mr. Bill Gates. These meglomanic pedophile rantings must be presented to America
What do the Swag Bags from this meeting contain? I guess its something like that recently captured NY republican pedophile’s condom & dildo supply for his meet up with those little girls. That, and pork rinds.
It’s a jizzing-for-distance contest, inspired by that picture of GILF in a bikini with an assault rifle.
The Rev. Yevot: PUMAs ARE the new GOP.
AngryBlakGuy:
Naw, more like an upscale Klan rally.
I’m guessing that if we use our wildest imaginations, think really hard about all the worst nightmares we have ever had, and top it all off with some gory loli anime porn, we may get a tiny taste of the horrors at these proceedings.
Don’t know about anyone else, but I’m not sorry to miss all that.
Mitch McConnell will dance on the banquet table and they will all chant, “One of us. One of us. Gooble Gobble. One of us.”
A Tod Browning reference is almost as good a Bill Kristol reference, or a Campbell Brown reference.
I believe it unfairly stigmatizes diaper fetishists to link them to the GOP, just as it unfairly stigmatizes transgendered people to talk about Ann Coulter’s adam’s apple.
…I hope all the Congressional Pages escaped!
The puppy sacrifice before the statue of Ronald Reagan would have been nice to watch.
satyricrash: …you will probably be able to find it in the scat section of your local gay adult video store.
AngryBlakGuy: And after, just like on The X-Files, all the GOP members will go out and have a party.
(Note: this is truly the most frightening episode of any television show in history.)
AngryBlakGuy: The pages are preparing for the runway show this afternoon. The RNC is very picky about these things.
It’s not the pansexual fisting orgies that frighten me. It’s the Sarah Palin look-alike contest, complete with fancy pageant walking.
In desperation, the RNC has reinstituted their Klingon combat arena succession ritual. Only the strongest may lead! Blaarrgghhhh!
loquaciousmusic: Well, hell. Now I’m not going to be able to sleep at night.
Is that a still from Eyes Wide Shut? Is Larry Craig dressing up to play the Nicole Kidman role?
shortsshortsshorts: …I always thought the GOP preferred to import their lady-boys?! Damn we really are in a recession!
Chip, the Magic Cracker, worked for the GOP,
He was well liked by Repub hacks, ’till he sent them that CDeeee, OH!
Chip, the Magic Cracker, wants to head the RNCeee,
But now it seems, just like AL Gore he’ll stay in Tenn-e-sseeeeeeeee
…the janitors are going to have pressure wash that entire room!
Pagan orgies? More like ‘pin the tail on Ronald Reagan’.
AngryBlakGuy: It’s their new populist economic message for 2010. They will be buying only American boy slaves from now on.
AngryBlakGuy: Sounds like a job for Burrus.
Of course there’s no TV coverage, there never has been.
Political parties are guaranteed no rights under the Constitution, but by definition are a form of conspiracy. The only reason they’ve never been banned is because they control the government.
So, at what point of the RNC chair nomination is the “suck-off”?
Look, you cannot show a bunch of hooded, robe wearing white guys dancing to “Barack the Magic Negro” on national TV…even if it is C-SPAN.
Sussemilch: Shut yur pie hole. We talk fisting, butt sekks and racial slurs in these-here parts!
Enturbulate: When you get lowbrow enough eventually it’s just a mustache. I’ve done several laps and atm it’s a combover.
In fairness to the Republicans, they have already made exclusive arrangements with Leni Riefenstahl to film the event.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Horrifying.
jagorev: No- Larry Craig will be working the traditional merry widow and Dr Frankenfurter wig- Chip however is pulling out all of the stops and going for the rubber crotchless teddy and latex hood…
perhaps it is really just a requirement for the seance in which Reagan’s spirit tells them what he would have done 30 years ago.
I’m guessing/hoping Joe Lieberman will be an honored guest.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Now, even Leni had standards.
Seriously, people. This is because they’re trying to figure out “How can we get us the N vote?” without having any pesky PC MSM to listen in.
OT but important–has anyone ever bought and used the Shamwow? Because I am really, really, tempted to buy it. If I win the lottery, I’m going to sit in front of the teevee with my credit card in hand and order everything. If I am rich, that’s how I will save the economy.
loquaciousmusic: That was Home, wasn’t it? The one with the Johnny Mathis tune? Performing in that episode, in and of itself, was what turned David Duchovny into a freak.
The C-SPAN won’t be allowed to film the RNC and the Israelis won’t let any reporters (except for their own) into Gaza.
Coincidence? You be the judge.
(I have no idea what the above means. Talk amongst yourselves)
DustBowlBlues: Yes, “Home.” Episode One, Season Four. It aired once on FOX, and then it never aired on television again.
DustBowlBlues: It means there is a SHADOW GOVERNMENT making decisions behind closed doors. SHADOWS. GOVERNMENT.
Series bizness.
Now we’ll never know what contender is the first to refer to “O-nigger-ation Day” to the delight of all attendees. Hint: it’ll be some Southern White Man. We’ll at least be spared the subsequent assertion that the IN-THE-TANK, LEFTIST, PC, FASCIST MEDIA took the whole thing out of context and can’t take a joke, also.
I’m hours late; did someone say “their obvious choice to settle RNC chair - best nigger joke wins” yet?