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CARS

Presidential Limo Is Big And Scary

It's a nice day for a drive through the apocalypseJesus god, Barack Obama’s new fortified palace/romper room/communications center/car looks like it just drove out of the Thunderdome. It is a hideous multi-paneled Wagon of Doom that shoots laser beams out of its headlights and can decapitate a man. It was forged in the fiery furnaces of hell and custom-finished by leather-tongued demons who poured the Elixir of Pan into the gas tank, for greater fuel economy. Early reports say it is a Cadillac. [CNN]


12:36 PM on Wed January 7 2009
By Sara K. Smith
2803 Views

  1. charlesdegoal says at 12:39 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Reminiscent of the Fuhrer’s Mercedes Benz. Power corrupts.

  2. Kev-O-Tron says at 12:40 pm, January 7th, 2009

    It needs more Truck Nutz.

  3. CrunchyKnee says at 12:41 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Hopemobile!

  4. Cape Clod says at 12:42 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Nice pimped-out ride.

  5. ManchuCandidate says at 12:42 pm, January 7th, 2009
  6. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 12:42 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Yes, but will it have a stereo system capable of producing bone-shattering bass riffs? Or spinners?

  7. Vewol Mevemont says at 12:44 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Holy mother of god! It looks like the bastard child of the batmobile and a dumpster.

  8. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 12:45 pm, January 7th, 2009

    ManchuCandidate: Or this, when the weather gets cold.

  9. SayItWithWookies says at 12:48 pm, January 7th, 2009

    They said it can withstand a direct hit from an asteroid. So it seems that’s the car the dinosaurs should have been driving — which is ironic, considering that if they had been driving that tank, we wouldn’t have any fossil fuels. Um — what was the question?

  10. Tommy Says Soooo says at 12:48 pm, January 7th, 2009

    As long as no Asians touch his radio, Hopey will just chill on the ride.

  11. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 12:48 pm, January 7th, 2009

    shoots laser beams out of its headlights and can decapitate a man.

    Just like Michelle Obama!

  12. Noodle Salad says at 12:50 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Trying to find a bullet-proof unicorn was extremely messy and ultimately unsuccessful.

  13. I heard it was forged in the fires of Mt. Detroit and can only be unmade if two gay hobbits drive it into the fiery inferno whence it came.

  14. Dildo Baggins says at 12:51 pm, January 7th, 2009

    As part of his southwestern strategy, I think Barry should rilly get some hydraulics, to show he’s down with teh Cholos.

  15. randomsausage says at 12:52 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Now that’s what I call a BMW…Black Muthas Wagon.

  16. sarahconnor says at 12:53 pm, January 7th, 2009

    errr, that is a very hawt description of the car. i can haz ride?

  17. A Caddy, huh? How many times do you figure this piece of crap will break down during the 2-mile inaugural parade?

  18. V572625694 says at 12:53 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Shouldn’t it have dubs?

    Naked Bunny with a Whip: Win!

  19. ManchuCandidate:
    That horrible, horrible movie.

  20. “In truth[heheh], the new presidential limo is a Cadillac, Krell said, although it is ‘not a direct extension of any single model.’”

    No, in contradistinction, we assert an intension of sīc cadillac.

  21. Here in my car
    I feel safest of all
    I can lock all my doors
    It’s the only way to live
    In cars

  22. Incredulicious says at 12:57 pm, January 7th, 2009

    At least SOMEONE is buying American.

  23. Anonymous Office Zombie says at 12:59 pm, January 7th, 2009

    It is a hideous multi-paneled Wagon of Doom that shoots laser beams out of its headlights and can decapitate a man. It was forged in the fiery furnaces of hell and custom-finished by leather-tongued demons who poured the Elixir of Pan into the gas tank, for greater fuel economy.

    I had no idea NoBama was so metal. Who’s his chauffeur, Glen Danzig?

  24. XOMuffintop says at 1:00 pm, January 7th, 2009

    I hope it has machine guns and smoke bombs like in Death Race. Barry H. Sorrento will need that to protect himself fromthe ravaging hoardes of PUMAs and truffers.

    Also, I think it needs more strippers hanging out of the sunroof because that is how my boy rolls.

  25. Wait, isn’t Cadillac going under? What if it breaks down? No spare parts.

  26. Incredulicious: Ah, hell. You beat me to it.

    Besides, who cares if the Hope-mobile is ugly, so long as it deflects an assassin’s bullets?

  27. Such an impregnable machine is only more encouragement for terrorists to nuke us all.

  28. AngryBlakGuy says at 1:08 pm, January 7th, 2009

    …I hear after the inauguration its heading right back to Green-Zone!

  29. JtotheA says at 1:09 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Basically, Obama is the pope and batman all in one, and this is his car.

  30. Nim, ham hock of liberty says at 1:09 pm, January 7th, 2009

    TGY: Spare parts are not a problem. The flesh and bone of innocents can be used to perform any reupholstering or replacement of drive shafts.

  31. V572625694 says at 1:09 pm, January 7th, 2009

    TGY: Barry will go down to the White House basement workshop and machine any required parts himself.

  32. justlen says at 1:09 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Did Larry Sinclair pick the interior color?

  33. Jazzman says at 1:10 pm, January 7th, 2009

    This was all part of the bail out deal for GM. Make us a monster mac daddy limo for Barry and we’ll keep you afloat. Hell, he could pull up to a clan meeting in this thing and still be OK.

  34. AngryBlakGuy says at 1:12 pm, January 7th, 2009

    …I would half expect that thing to turn into “Megatron” halfway through the parade route!

  35. Jazzman says at 1:13 pm, January 7th, 2009

    What is elixir of pan anyway? Or do I have to look up one of the Larry Craig posts to get that information?

  36. Theodorick Of York says at 1:14 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Greetings from The President Elect!
    The Lord Hussein!
    The Warrior of the Wasteland!
    The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla!

  37. MoonshineJoe says at 1:14 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Break a deal, face the wheel! (New congressional rulez?!!)

  38. shanemacgowan says at 1:15 pm, January 7th, 2009
  39. assistant/atlas says at 1:16 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Someone at CNN was enjoying themselves today…from the article:

    “For much of the country’s history, the Secret Service didn’t even drive the president, evidently oblivious to the dangers of asteroids.”

    Oh, CNN, you made a funny. You’re so cute when you try to do that.

  40. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:17 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Of course it is outfitted with Hamas Rockets, right?

  41. Jazzman says at 1:18 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Now I know where I’ve seen this thing before! It’s the band car in Spinal Tap, minus the glitter tequila bar and foil wrapped cucumber dispenser. When lowered from the ceiling it is actually only 3 feet high. A decoy. Barry will be riding on a force field protected magic carpet of course.

  42. XOMuffintop says at 1:19 pm, January 7th, 2009

    justlen: No he installed the coke bowls and made sure it is roomy enough to do coke off El Presidente’s thigh.

  43. skyhorse says at 1:22 pm, January 7th, 2009

    I found a great way to be able to let the world know about your ideas, thoughts and opinions on the new president elect Barack Obama! Skyhorse Publishing will go to press at the end of January, and this handsome
    hardcover book will be in stores in April. If you want to be part of history and
    share your feeling with the world by writing an open letter to our new president, go
    to http://www.letterstopresidentobama.com and submit your letter right away. This is for all of those whom have worked on the Obama campaign, support Barrack Obama in his run to the
    White House, or if you simply want to offer your thoughts to the man who will lead
    America for the next four years, this is your last chance to have your letter
    included in the new book Letters to President Obama.

  44. OMG, it’s a stretch Escalade. He’s going to to be rolling like a rapper, except that his Escalade will be a hybrid which makes it even MORE pretentious.

  45. populucious says at 1:29 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Available in any color, as long as it’s black.

    A fitting ride for our Mack Daddy in Chief.

  46. teebob2000 says at 1:30 pm, January 7th, 2009

    The curb-feelers are a nice touch.

    C’mon — mac-daddy black dude in a Caddy?? That’s too easy.

  47. Sassette says at 1:30 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Primer grey doors for our first black President. Does it have hydraulics too? Because what we really need is a big old hooptie in the Inaugural Parade.

  48. This once again shows the failure of GM. If they hired more gayz, they would realize that two-tone paint design is horrible.

  49. Monsieur Grumpe says at 1:32 pm, January 7th, 2009

    What? No spinning hubcaps?

  50. teebob2000 says at 1:32 pm, January 7th, 2009

    populucious: Jinx on the mac daddy reference.

  51. Sassette says at 1:32 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Anonymous Office Zombie: The Secret Service is now entirely made up of the KISS Army.

  52. Also, all of the crome features, and logos need to be replaced with 12k gold. Barring that really shiny brass. And a big gold American eagle hood orniment

  53. What exactly is the point of Hopey going through the inaugural parade in this thing if nobody can, you know, see him?

  54. Sassette says at 1:35 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Bruno: No way, an Obama “O” logo hood ornament! Which he can remove and wear as a pendant for functions.

  55. skyhorse: Is there a p0rn section to your little book promotion thingy. Also unless you can 100% assure me that any letter I put there will be included, I’m not interested.

  56. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:47 pm, January 7th, 2009

    jfruh: That’s why he needs a pope mobile. Better yet, the pope should just give him the pope mobile. Barry’s way more popular worldwide.

  57. Worlds End says at 1:47 pm, January 7th, 2009

    They should of give him the tumbler in my opinion.
    http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/12/2007/09/batmobile_Tumbler.jpg

  58. daisy chain says at 1:50 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Do you think he locks the doors when he goes through black neighborhoods?

  59. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 1:50 pm, January 7th, 2009

    jfruh: You liberals are never happy! “I want universal healthcare. I want to withdraw from Iraq. I want the president to be visible.” Sheesh!

  60. Sassette says at 1:51 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Now that I think about it, that asteroid thing is good news. Because as Hollywood has taught us, if a black man is President, the Earth is doomed. Thank god we didn’t elect Morgan Freeman or we’d REALLY be screwed.

  61. canadasteve says at 1:57 pm, January 7th, 2009

    I hear that, before entering service, the new limo is to be tricked out by the guys at ‘Pimp My Ride’. Michelle is insisting on spinning rims.

  62. Anonymous Office Zombie says at 2:04 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Sassette:
    Sweet. Reinforced with special divisions of the Metal Militia and the Slaytanic Wehrmacht.

  63. Hamster says at 2:06 pm, January 7th, 2009

    GMs returned favor for the bailout.

  64. populucious says at 2:14 pm, January 7th, 2009

    populucious: Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. Caffeine hadn’t fully kicked in yet and I went for the low hanging fruit. Ok, I went for the fruit rotting on the ground.

    Personally I second all calls for a Pope-Mobile type ride. It’s so regal.

  65. DocWonk says at 2:17 pm, January 7th, 2009

    I always thought Clinton brought the funk, but apparently it was Funk that brought Clinton:

    “‘Obama should expect two seemingly contradictory feelings when riding in the presidential limousine,’ said Joe Funk, a retired Secret Service agent who was President Bill Clinton’s driver during part of his career.”

    I wonder if they ever visited Parliament together.

  66. CivicHoliday says at 2:18 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Obama obviously is continuing to favor Chicago with this choice of vehicle. He got it direct from a south side chop shop.

  67. a-petit dejeuner says at 2:19 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Now that is pimp.

  68. gurukalehuru says at 2:38 pm, January 7th, 2009

    It’s the Obamabile, obviously. Hopemobile is cool, too, but I like the way Obamabile rolls off the tongue.
    And thanks, Skyhorse, I’ll check it out.

  69. DocWonk: Bill Clinton and the Joe Funk All-Stars?

  70. “I think he will be surprised about how when he’s in the limo, it’s a cocoon,” Funk said. “The everyday noises will be gone, and he will be totally isolated in this protective envelope.”

    Ho ho, Mr. Funk. You’re forgetting about his BlackBarry.

  71. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 2:54 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Am I the only one that is disappointed that Obama didn’t go with a ‘72 Lincoln Continental or a ‘77 Cadillac Fleetwood sedan with the fender-mounted chandeliers like the Duke of New York?

  72. Theodorick Of York: they need to elevate Ayatollah of Rock-n-Rolla to a cabinet position or at least appoint Wez and the Humungus to the Presidential commision on Gay Post-Apocalyptic Biker Outreach

  73. mrpuma2u says at 2:59 pm, January 7th, 2009

    It’s a Hope hoopty, thanks very much.

  74. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 3:07 pm, January 7th, 2009
  75. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 3:10 pm, January 7th, 2009
  76. smellyal8r says at 3:31 pm, January 7th, 2009

    This ride is fine, indeed, but it’s just a piece of the whole “rolling thunder” motorcade that carries the Prez around town. For even the most routine trips, the sirens wail and the whole motorcade “serpintines” down Connecticut with rolling police motorcycle blockades at each intersection with a second limo and ambulance and two HUGE Chevy Suburbans filled with angry looking Secret Service agents (some sitting looking out the back window with rifles in hand). It was quite startling when I was walking home from the gym across the Taft Bridge and you’d hear this thing roaring down the street (it’s a slightly smaller motorcade to take the Veep home…but still the same siren wailing “show of power”). Crazy.

  77. Jukesgrrl says at 3:35 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Is this what they’re using to bring home the First Puppy?

  78. qwerty42 says at 3:42 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Wugou: one car to rule them all

  79. And in Detroit do bind them?

  80. Jazzman says at 4:22 pm, January 7th, 2009

    Bruno: It’s called primer. Cadillac hasn’t made a two tone car in at least 5 years. I think. Do you have to be straight to put on an undercoat? Please feel free to enjoy the double entendres.

  81. Wugou: You’re thinking of a Delorean.

  82. The Obamobile comes in two models. The 88 and the 98.

  83. hobospacejungle says at 1:21 am, January 8th, 2009

    mrpuma2u: The Hope-ty

  84. Naked Bunny with a Whip - Don’t you mean Michelle Malkin?

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