After all she's done for America!Gaah, Maureen Dowd! She has written a “serious column” today, which means that it does not refer to anybody with nicknames. She thinks Caroline Kennedy would be a cracker jack senator because, first: it is very sexist to suggest otherwise, and second: the Senate is already bloated with the offspring of famous politicians, so what’s it to you if we throw another one on the pile?

Nobody (meaning Maureen Dowd) ever thought it was presumptuous for Caroline’s brother to consider running for office (which he never considered), so why is everybody getting so down on her?

I thought [JFK Jr.] should run for office and employ his special clout to make life better for Americans. He died before he had the chance.

So I found it bizarre that when Caroline offered to use her magic capital — and friendship with Barack Obama — to help take care of New York in this time of economic distress, she was blasted by a howl of “How dare she?”

Obviously, it is because of sexism.

The press whines that she doesn’t have a pat answer about why she wants the job. I’ve interviewed a score of men running for president; not one had a good answer for why he wanted it.

Fine, but here is the thing: that does not reflect well on any of those men running for president, either, and Caroline Kennedy shouldn’t get a pass just because a bunch of dudes had bad answers too. Anybody who has applied for an “actual” job in the past oh TWENTY YEARS knows that the first question in their interview will be, “Why do you want this job?” If a normal person has to be able to explain why they want, passionately, to be a claims adjuster at their local insurance agency, Caroline Kennedy should be able to explain why she wants to be a senator.

Second, there is this business of nepotism:

Sitting in the Senate gallery on Tuesday as senators were sworn in by Dick Cheney, I saw plenty of lawmakers who had benefited from family.

Two Udalls were being sworn in, under the watchful eye of Stewart Udall. Mark Begich, the new senator from Alaska, is the son of a former Alaska congressman. The classy Bob Casey of Pennsylvania, son of the late Gov. Robert Casey, was there in a festive pink tie. [Is this some veiled reference to gayness? — Ed.] John McCain, whose wife’s money and Arizona pull made his Senate election possible, looked on with a smile. Hillary, whose husband paved the way for her to join this club and run for president, chatted with colleagues. Jay Rockefeller wandered about, as did Chris Dodd, son of Senator Thomas Dodd. And Teddy Kennedy, walking with a cane, worked the room with his old brio.

To Maureen Dowd, the problem is not that Senate seats have been traded back and forth between the same four or five families for the past hundred years, it’s that Caroline Kennedy hasn’t gotten one yet.

Here is a thought: Instead of just appointing some nice lady because she is nice, the governor of New York might appoint somebody who has already, you know, WON ELECTION to some other public office. Then it would at least have the appearance of legitimacy, or fairness of some sort, or something.

Or he could just give it to Kennedy, because everybody knows the Kennedys are imbued with special powers of public servitude that makes it very cruel of us to prevent them from serving in whatever capacity they think is most appropriate.

Sweet on Caroline [New York Times]

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  1. “special clout” and “magic capital”? Who are we talking about here, Moses? “Caroline, please part the Red Sea so we can show those Republicans we’re finally in charge!”

  2. JFK Jr. both started a crappy magazine and personally flew a small plane into a dense fog. That kind of brilliance is precisely what is missing from American politics.

  3. Obvious PUMA fat “joke”: if MoDo would regain that 30 or so pounds she lost several years back and stopped showering “down there” she could write for ‘the Blog That Cannot Be Named’.

  4. Does our political system resemble a hereditary aristocracy? If so, how do I get in? I’d settle for the modest title of ‘Count’, possibly ‘of Monte TruckNutz’. SPQR and all that.

  5. [re=211498]Bruno[/re]: Caroline was an early supporter of The One – a traitor through and through. Hillary (PUMA’s high priestess) was so miffed that she returned Caroline’s donation to her campaign – I am guessing they hate her guts.

  6. “John McCain, whose wife’s money and Arizona pull made his Senate election possible, looked on with a smile.”

    I once paid $15 at a truck stop for an Arizona Pull.

  7. And Teddy Kennedy, walking with a cane, worked the room with his old brio.
    That’s cute — I didn’t know pets were allowed in the Senate chambers. I hope he had it on a leash. My neighbor had a brio/lab mix and it was completely adorable.

  8. I agree, it’s sexist to suggest that she can’t fulfill the role of US Senator. My only concern is whether she will actually be able to do the work, considering she has no penis.

  9. “Caroline offered to use her magic capital . . .” What? They’re letting witches into the senate now? Is this what we get for letting the Dark Lord himself be VP?

  10. I get from this post that the official Wonkette stand is to oppose Caroline’s appointment. I don’t get this high drama – anyone who is appointed will have to run in two years – I believe she will win against that dork Peter King. Unless you get rid of this who governor’s appointing power then we should be fare to Caroline Kennedy because anyone who comes to this office will be appointed by the governor.

  11. [re=211512]TGY[/re]: It is a hereditary aristocracy. I’m OK with that as long as they promise to bring back jousting tournements. First up, Harry Ried vs Mitch McConnell.

  12. Caroline Kennedy is the princess of New York. Of course the seat is reserved for her. And she will bring the senate to its feet every time she arrives in her pumpkin carriage and strides in wearing that flowing white ball gown of hers. Just mind where you step, fellahs. Those glass slippers are fragile.

  13. My newfound dislike of PUMAs conflicts with my oldfound distrust of dynasties. Ow my head!

    Usually you have to go over to the West Side Highway for “spcial clout” or Christopher Street for “magic capital.”

  14. [re=211530]Cape Clod[/re]:

    Bringing back jousting would be awesome. And let’s face it: the mall was practically designed for jousting tournaments.

  15. When I read this column this morning, I thought to myself, “I sure would like my Wonkette to eviscerate this pretentious bitch with her ‘I know Caroline Kennedy’ nonsense.” This article was almost as bad as her interview with Tina Fey in Vanity Fair. Ms. Dowd, how about some ideas instead of rubbing my nose in your rolodex?

  16. As a New Englander I was educated to believe that if there were not at least 3 Kennedys involved in national politics at any given time Castro will rise up and take us over. I think we should just let her have the seat just in case.

  17. And I noticed that she was far more forgiving of the highly educated Kennedy’s speaking habits over Sarah Palin’s (who went to 5 of America’s shittiest colleges). YOU KNOW…fuck Caroline Kennedy.

  18. [re=211542]heroinmule[/re]:
    That’s unfair. Really unfair. Caroline Kennedy isn’t Sarah Palin.

    She’s not (totally) stupid, a religious krazee, none of her daughters were impregnated by Levi Johnston… um… um… that’s it.

  19. Meh. Plenty of reasons to oppose Caroline’s appointment, just as there are plenty of reasons to support it (let’s face it, she carries a lot of political clout), but sexism? Nah.

  20. Sheesh, just give the seat to a black sistah. The PUMAs are scared of ’em. It’s a two-fer. Or make it a three-fer, Wanda Sykes just came out of the closet. She’ll kick them all in the slats.

  21. I didn’t equate the two. But if you forgive the speaking habits of someone born with a silver spoon in their mouth, you must forgive the speaking habits of the thrilla from Wasilla.

  22. I don’t know from Caroline Kennedy, but I do think it’s a little, “Oh, I suppose I’d like to be a senator if it’s easy and I don’t have to actually campaign and get my feelings hurt or anything, and don’t you think I really should get to just be appointed? Because I’m a Kennedy? Could be a hoot!”

  23. Hmm, our country is fucked up. The leaders we have are fucked up. The way we select our leaders is fucked up.

    Fix the system? Fuck that. Give Caroline what she doesn’t deserve and shut the fuck up.

    Did I say “fuck” enough?

  24. Yeah, bringing up Junior will make people want to see Caroline in the Senate. Is it just me, or is anybody else still pissed off that a man who never held federal office got a ZOMG huge state funeral, with flag-lowerings and shit? You’d think the guy was George Fucking Washington.

  25. [re=211551]heroinmule[/re]: The difference is one has a nervous tick – the other is a moron who cannot put two sentences together. Caroline can loss her tick, Gov. Palin is just a moron.

  26. [re=211528]Dreamer[/re]: If Caroline Kennedy thinks she would be such a great senator, then I have no problem with her actually running for the office in two years. But in the meantime, I think it would behoove Gov. Paterson to look for an appointee who has already demonstrated that some majority of voters, somewhere, support them.

  27. [re=211532]Serolf Divad[/re]: And at midnight she will have to flee back to Greenwich CT, where she will once more have to go back to the slavish grind of issuing orders to her army of wicked personal assistants.

  28. I liked the NYT article today about how Andrew Cuomo is getting all pissy because Caroline is trying to sit in the throne that was clearly meant for him because of his last name. Can’t all these legacy politicians who want to be appointed Senator just meet in front of the statehouse and have some sort of Gangs of NY, Five Points battle for the seat?

  29. [re=211510]slavojzizek[/re]: Plus, did he ever pass the bar? I mean, love him, love the family, but, well, in the words of Monty Python… let’s not go to Camelot, ’tis a silly place.

  30. Sweet Caroline and the Kennedy Clan are not merely claiming family privilege. For them this is a two-fer against feuding families: once again edge out the Clintbot bitterz machine AND get even with the evil sorcerer, the divorcer Andrew and the family Cuomo who has been slobbering for a seat for a long time and was married to a Kennedy Chow-dah head.

    Of course Modo is merely showing us (unconsciously?) her youthful fantasy noting the same tactic JFK used back in the Camelot days: just as JFK piloted PT-109 over the dastardly Tricky Dick, Caroline is presenting the dainty countenance of Princess Diana who provided wily, stealthy advice to the New Black Prince.

    Alas and alack, methinks poor Modo’s little girl desire for a Prince Charming, or some magic goody-goody potion is showing again. Quick! Must hide, must hide! Don the feminist bluster! Where izeth Dame Peggy Noonington?

  31. So, like, to win elections, you have to have already won elections? Well, that’s kind of a kick in the nuts for an unpopular person like me.

    Probably for the best, though. Only reason I’d even wanna run for something like this is for all the free clothes and shit.

  32. [re=211521]Dreamer[/re]: This is why I am asking, what ‘women’ characteristics are acceptable to these Pumas, they keep banging on and on that it can’t be any woman, but the only ones they like are Hillz and SnowBilly, which seem total opposites…

    Sorry, there I go again, trying to get some sense from people who think the world is just a series of random events.

  33. [re=211562]Sara K. Smith[/re]: Who is he gonna pick tho? He has totally been blind-sided by the Princess Caroline controversy and can’t see any way out. By blindly following the power elites wishes, he is now in a blind alley searching like eyes without a face for an alternative. I bet he’d even take a one-eyed man to lead him out of this political blind spot Paterson has waltzed into like a dancer in the dark.

  34. [re=211556]hrhkingfriday[/re]:
    From a commenter with a Hillary looking really tired avatar:

    “I never thought this award was such a big deal until the folks at Wonkette decided it was so important that they’d have to cheat so they could see other blogs they’ve never even heard about until now lose.

    I’m trying to find out how to contact the people who run this contest but stuff like this has got to stop.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! You ain’t seen nothin’ yet! We don’t have to cheat to win because we are insane and we are obsessed with winning. If you don’t believe it check out the other stuff Wonkettes have won — stuff MUCH stupider than this.

  35. I like the implication that Ted Kennedy, who is dying of brain cancer, is wielding a cane as an “old brio” fashion accessory, much like Casey’s fancy pink tie.

  36. [re=211530]Cape Clod[/re]: [re=211512]TGY[/re]:
    Huzzah! Bring it back. As a bonus, we would get to revive the whole heraldry coat-of-arms thing, which means you could put of TRUCKNUTZ on shield and standard to display as your esteemed family crest.

  37. According to the Senate’s position on the Burris appointment, Andrew Cuomo could refuse to sign Caroline’s appointment and they won’t seat her.

  38. After a 5 week hiatus, I was kind of hoping Maureen would bring it. Perhaps her refined and sophisticated sassyness got so backed up over the last month or so that it no longer works. Kind of like when you get that 4+ hour hard on from one of those boner pills.

  39. Like JFK Jr., I would like to offer America the “special clout” I earned by flunking the bar exam, starting a failed money-pit of a magazine, and dating has-been movie stars.

  40. [re=211521]Dreamer[/re]: Let me get this straight: Hizzlery returned a campaign donation? From a Kennedy? And continues to ask for campaign debt relief?

    OK, I’m done watching Neil Cavuto chyrons.

  41. I think Caroline will make a fine Senator and there’s no reason to stop Patterson from appointing her.

    Nepotism is not limited to the current denizens of Congress nor to family ties. No doubt Obama’s administration will spawn a whole new breed of cockroach, as Clinton did before him (c’mon, Rahm Emanuel as a Congresscritter?)

    Face facts: with all the money it takes to run for any elected office in America, nepotism is a slam dunk outcome. Money gravitates in this nation to the few. That means whole families will be privileged to receive the opportunities, Obama’s grassroots campaign notwithstanding.

    So? Why not Caroline?

  42. Oh, Sara, you are darling!

    Appoint someone who’s actually run or has demonstrated political skills?! That’s just not how democracy works, silly!

  43. [re=211623]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: My heraldic motto: Alenda Trucknutus ubi orta libertas or, in the vernacular, “Cherish TruckNutz where liberty abounds.”

  44. Don’t worry folks, Caroline has a backup plan if this fails: She’s becoming an Architect. After all, she’s been around buildings her whole live. She’s even LIVED IN THEM. She’s eminently qualified in ways people with careers in the field just don’t have.

  45. I agree with Hart88. she doesn’t lack qualifications to be a Senator,
    but the assumption on her part and others’ that she will ascend
    to the seat just because she is a Kennedy do not fly, even in NYS,
    which revered JFK and elected her Uncle Bobby to office.

    but mo-do, eek! HER, talking about *sexism?* she hates women more
    than the most vile male. she has spent her career trying to have it both ways,
    and every aspect of her ridiculousness is on display in this column. mo-do
    does not vote in NYS, and she (like Caroline) has forgotten that NY is a
    state, with voters whose interests and concerns are not those of her and
    her Park Ave. neighbors. oh, um, and Caroline really cannot speak well, which
    does not help in the Senate.

    David Patterson must wake up every day saying a very special prayer regarding his
    predecessor spitzer.

    as for Wanda Sykes in the Senate–alas, this great woman is a DC native, and
    of course, DC remains a colony. bah. I’d rather have Wanda than al franken
    in that deliberative body. she’s funnier, and we’d have our first Lesbian-African-American
    senator. let’s start the campaign.

  46. Caroline really has done a lot for America. Besides getting the whole world excited about one “Barack Obama” only a little over a year after everyone was really excited about Barack Obama and that one song in the 60’s, our nation can began to look forward to the future presidency of Malia or Sasha now, instead of piously waiting for a sexy, broad-shouldered male heir apparent. Girl power.

  47. [re=211603]Mustang[/re]: I was just slumming over there and found this gem, which must be preserved for all time:

    justus949, on January 7th, 2009 at 12:54 am Said:

    dear bostonboomer:
    hilarious picture.
    wonkette = amoral scum

    YESSSSSSSSSS!!!1!! Recognition like that is hard to come by, even after years of phoning it in. At least one of those whatever-they-ares has divined our true nature. To celebrate, I’m going to go get an abortion RIGHT NOW from a black man with a funny middle name!! I hope he overcharges me, but I do need some munnies for a clean shirt by Inauguration, because the Dark Prince has asked me to lick all the Porta-Potties clean, for Jesus.

  48. Just gotta stand up for Begich, MoDo. His dad died decades ago. No other Begich has been in politics since then other than Mark. And oh yea, Mark was self-made, was a two term mayor of Anchorage, and beat the Ted “The Tubes” Stevens, whom Alaskans DID NOT hold his felony conviction against. If we’re lucky Mark will continue fine senatatorial performance of our last dem senator. Mike Gravel!

  49. Yes, truly a remarkable column. Essentially, it argues (apologies to dwarfs everywhere) that since she’s taller than a midget she must be tall enough. Since she is not obviously totally unqualified she should get the job. Or, as dear Willy S of blessed memory would have put it, “for a fat girl she does not sweat much.” It’s time and past time that people started calling bullshit on Maureen.

  50. Ugh, I’m just tired of all of this, can’t they just have a WWF cage match (sponsored by various microbreweries, Starbucks, and Arugula growers) and just be done with it?

  51. [re=211556]hrhkingfriday[/re]: Wow. One, I can’t believe that someone is actually willing to take credit for that shitty photoshop job. Two, what is it with their obsession with us? It’s all, troll this, troll that, those guys are so stupid/juvenile/pathetic/whatever. I am unclear as to what they profess to believe in, but am becoming increasingly aware of all that vexes them.

    P.S. – “That last “erudite” one didn’t even know plural endings. I sure am glad I full [sic] in the uneducated category if that is an example of educated.”

    The irony sustains me.

  52. I didn’t have to read far for another Mo Dowd shot at the Clintons. I’m no PUMA, but dear God. OK, Maureen, I get it: you hate the Clintons. Yes, yes we all know. Bill’s a horndog and Hillary’s a…what? Tonedeaf beeyotch? Shrieking harpie? Oh, I know. Just some sweet talking Senator who hasn’t done anything during her time in the Senate. I guess I’m glad for her that Barry made Hills Secy of State so she WILL have them to kick around for awhile longer.

    Caroline Kennedy seems like a nice lady and all and I’m sorry her dad and brother died young, but she seems wholly unqualified for the media hurricane that accompanies being an office holder in the 2000s. When she gets haughty with an NYT interviewer, well…

  53. [re=211562]Sara K. Smith[/re]: This is a red haring – is prior run for an office or even successful previous election a proof that the candidate will be a good Senator? I’d say NO! So it is not fair to have this high standard against Caroline Kennedy because we hate her for her wealth and “charmed life”.

    Caroline Kennedy is as qualified as Hillary Clinton was when she took the seat. She will proof her mantle. I actually prefer her to that arrogant and pompous ass Andrew Cuomo. She will not be in the pockets of the same villains as New York’s senior senator or would be so craven for power that she will sell her soul like Hillary Clinton. I am betting she will be as progressive as her uncle and I would welcome her as my Senator.

  54. Hillary was voted in because of her famous name. Her first entry was due to that name. Did she content with a primary fight or did she just buy a house in NY so that she can run? Not a big difference after all.

  55. [re=211658]FreshCliches[/re]: She did out of spite – kind of like cut your nose to……… in her defense though – that was before she actually accumulated a huge debt.

  56. [re=212260]Dreamer[/re]: quick primer on the difference between “proof” and “prove”:

    if you fail to proofread, you prove you’re a tard.

  57. [re=211610]pondscum[/re]: Maybe Blago can appoint Caroline Kennedy. Everyone in Chicago knows that Mayor Daley made her old man president!

    Zhu Bajie

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