whoa hey

Person Who Answers To Wolf Blitzer Will Run America’s Doctors

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Hey Obama waited until the last minute to pick a surgeon general, the government’s top doctor! SHIT SHIT SHIT who should he pick?? Uh uh uhhhhhh… quick, without even thinking: name a famous real-life teevee doctor! Him? Sure, fine, whatever, he can run America’s doctors.

This fine piece of Man here is Dr. Sanjay Gupta, the dude who pops up on CNN whenever Jack Cafferty has a question about his thyroid pills, or when America wants to know how long it will be until John McCain dies. This is Gupta’s job. He’s a great role model for his fellow Mexicans, and he’s richer than all of you people combined, ever.

Now he will be surgeon general, toiling the hours away for Barack Obama just like every other douchebag. He is expected to accept Obama’s offer within days. He’s obviously irreplaceable at CNN, so now Americans will have to figure out on their own that eating shitty food all day and literally never standing up, ever, will kill you.

Obama Wants Journalist Gupta for Surgeon General [The Trail/WP]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • FMA

    I would have preferred that other guy on the TV, whathisname, House.

  • comradepaulson

    Sherman T. Potter was unavailable?

  • DCStaffer

    Obviously you pick Sanjay Gupta – Name another famous doctor besides Doogie or even your own doctor… everyone loves the Gupta. Also with Richardson gone we needed another one of those tan folks to replace him somewhere.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Hopefully his scrotum is taut!

  • chascates

    Oh come on! Andrew Weil would have been a better choice.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    DAMN II!!! I was really pulling for Dr. Dre!

  • BigDupa

    Do we know where he falls in the “beat off/ don’t beat off” STD prevention question? Hopefully, he’s pro-whacking.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …for a second I thought he chose Bobby Jindhal!

  • lenorecutie

    Was I the only one rooting for Dr. Phil? I thought his in your face attitude could shake up the medical industry.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=210500]CrunchyKnee[/re]: well, he does do neurosurgery, so maybe he sidelines in scrote lifts? He did one on himself first to test the procedure.

  • space stout

    what is his, erm, position on teh masturbation?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Gupta is a televised troll. Every fucking time he comes around the tee vee fills with two hours of drug commercials advertising anything from back pain to limp dick to bone loss to child loss to restless legs to elephantiasis and right back to back pain again. Fuck him and the crappy tee vee dood he has ridden on for the last MILLION years.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …and I guess hoping for Kieth Olberman as Press Secretary wasn’t so much of a stretch.

  • Cape Clod

    Well, since Dr. Johnny Fever is dead, it might as well be him.

  • WagTehGod

    See, it’s a good thing we didn’t get Hillary or we’d have the whole cast of Grey’s Anatomy.

  • actor212

    Listen, at least it’s not Sanjay Gupta!

    Oh. Shit. It is!

  • Bruno

    Sorry to break it to you guys, but this Sanjay is so loaded with indian casino wampum, he’ll never take this job seriously and just drink the firewater

  • Udargo

    What a depressing choice. I’ll never forget the smear job he did on Moore’s “SICKO” and how dishonestly he defended it when Moore called him on it. In the name of “balance” he asserted several times that Moore had his facts wrong, but when Moore quoted his sources to him he pretended he had only argued that there were different studies and different interpretations. No, Goopy, you said he had lied, not that you were quoting some pharma company’s alternate interpretation. Only when Moore came on CNN and challenged your report did you start back-peddling.

    He has no intellectual honesty and he’ll kowtow to powerful interests if his paycheck depends on it. That’s about all I know about Goopy. Terrible, terrible choice.

  • Doglessliberal

    I like the picture the WaPo chose in the linked story. Wet t-shirt shot? Nice.

  • BigDupa

    FYI people, he’s Indian/Pakistani, not Mexican. Get to know your brown people– his people run the 7/11, not hang out in front looking for work.

  • Pat Pending

    He was my favorite on Idol. Glad to see he’s cut his hair and gotten back on his feet, since the singing thing was not-so-much.

  • rubybuckaroo

    Dr. Bombay?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Will Rex Morgan, MD never get the recognition he so richly deserves?

  • FamilyLost

    Come on…we need Dr. Drew!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Not only teh masturbation but I wonder what his take on PUMA vaginal hygiene is???? (I just can’t let it go.)

  • Joehoya

    Crap. Trapper John, Richard Kimble and House MD must’ve turned him down.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    Sheesh you steal the entire continent from ’em and now they want to be Surgeon General. Well there goes the “infected blanket” ruse.

  • chowkster

    Hurray. This will be a BIG news in India. Expect front page news reports in rags like Times of India and Indian Express.

  • rocktonsammy

    Damn, Brock keeps giving jobs to people that already have jobs, wtf?

  • dannygutters

    Dr Drew must have turned him down. Seriously, isn’t this mostly a PR position to phych up americans about brushing your teeth and the sit and reach?

  • TGY

    [re=210539]rubybuckaroo[/re]: Bombay Sapphire, you mean. What’s his position on a Gin and Tonic?

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=210532]BigDupa[/re]: Oh, great — just when the CIA was closing in on Pancho Villa, too.

  • Jim Newell

    [re=210532]BigDupa[/re]: This was called a “joke.”

  • V572625694

    Dr. Feelgood?
    Dr. Demento?
    Dr. Quinn (medicine woman, I hasten to add)?
    Dr. J?
    Doc Watson?
    Doc Adams from “Gunsmoke”?

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=210548]CrunchyKnee[/re]: I don’t think he would be too happy with the PUMAs in general, because he is a huge proponent of exercise, staying fit, and eating well, and, well…the samples we have seen…

  • jagorev

    [re=210532]BigDupa[/re]: You do know that most Indians or Pakistanis don’t like being referred to as Indian/Pakistani, right? How would you feel if someone called you American/Canadian?

  • V572625694

    [re=210565]Jim Newell[/re]: “Ha!” “Ha!”

  • Dramatist

    Tom Daschle is a Curry Queen, clearly.

  • Scandalabra

    At least he didn’t offer Judge Judy the Justice slot.

  • Gorillionaire

    [re=210532]BigDupa[/re]: Don’t read Wonkette much do you.

  • jagorev

    This is a HUGE slap in the face. Hillary Clinton was passed over for this job, and for what? An inadequate black male?

  • gurukalehuru

    A fine choice. The cabinet was looking a little short of people with silly names.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    I was hoping for Dr. Seuss, personally.

    I’ll let Manchu come up with a suitable Seussian ditty.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=210577]jagorev[/re]: but he is actually a child of an Indian and a Pakistani. From the Post piece. “The Michigan-born son of Indian and Pakistani parents, Gupta has always been drawn to health policy.”

    His official bio doesn’t mention it, not that it should. (and the photo as not as good asthe one Jim used)

  • TGY

    [re=210559]dannygutters[/re]: Don’t forget about the dire warnings on smoking and anal hygiene and the importance of using a lube. The SG might just save your life, or possibly your TruckNutz.

  • jagorev

    [re=210528]Udargo[/re]: Oh boo hoo, he failed some ideological purity test one time so he must be ostracised. Go cry about it on DailyKos or that Glenn Greenwald’s Salon.com.

  • TGY

    [re=210589]gurukalehuru[/re]: Wait…Sanjay Gupta, Surgeon General SG:SG. The choice is obvious.

  • kapish

    Not to worry. My personal guru, Six Pack Chakra, could easily replace him on CNN.

  • Godot

    [re=210506]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Barry forgot about Dre.

  • wheelie

    I dunno about this – his Bollywood movies are pretty derivative.

  • quoth teh Raven

    [re=210519]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Thank you… What a douche.

  • gjdodger

    [re=210575]V572625694[/re]: Don’t forget Dr. Frazier Crane! Just wait till Sanjay does soft drink commercials. “You can trust me, by golly gosh–I’m a doctor!”

  • FreshCliches

    [re=210575]V572625694[/re]: Doc Johnson still provides the most bang for my buck.

  • jagorev

    [re=210596]Doglessliberal[/re]: Oh, wow, he’s transcendent of national divisions and whatnot, like a less white Barack Obama.

  • bitchincamaro

    Did you know?: If you anagram “Sanjay Gupta”, all you come up with is “Sanjay Gupta”.

  • Dramatist

    [re=210606]wheelie[/re]: What about the one where there’s the guy and the girl, but they can’t be together, and then it goes on for four hours?


    My wife totally wants to bone Dr. Sanjay, and now he’s moving to DC. My marriage is in trouble…

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Dr. Jack Kevorkian is looking for work and I think he’s out of jail now.

  • rambone


    If Obama goes around hiring all the A-rabs, who’s going to drive my cab to the airport and such?

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=210615]jagorev[/re]: totally. This is the Racial/National Division Transcendance Admin! Now we need a Muslim in for Commerce to replace New Mexican Huggy Bear.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Barry needs to add Fareed Zakaria to his administration. This will confirm that he is indeed a muslin for hiring all his brown-skinned brothers. (Plus Fareed is pretty hot; Sanjay so-so.)

  • Vanity Smurf

    I guess Oprah wouldn’t let him have Dr. Oz.

  • hrhkingfriday

    Maybe he meant another Dr. Sanjay Gupta? I’m sure there are hundreds in DC alone.

  • wheelie

    Actually Jim Newell, he does not advise Jack Cafferty on thyroid pills, and there are currently no price reductions on Truck Nutz, contrary to your fallacious and deceiving claims.

    For more rebuttals, see http://www.NewellWatch.com

  • Mista Eko

    [re=210575]V572625694[/re]: Matt Smith the newest Dr. Who?
    Christopher Lloyd revamping his role as Doc Brown?
    Yadier Molina as Doctor Octopus?
    Doc from Nintendo’s Punch Out?
    Doctor Robotnik?

  • magic titty

    [re=210532]BigDupa[/re]: New fish!
    [re=210506]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Which one??

  • BigDupa

    [re=210577]jagorev[/re]: I’m sure Canadians would take great offense. I believe one parent is from India and the other from Pakistan thus my duel reference. He was born in Michigan so he knows about suffering. He left MI so he can’t be that dumb.

  • NoWireHangers

    If you’re gonna pick a teevee doctor for Surgeon General at least get Oprah’s billion dollar Dr. Oz.

  • jagorev

    Look, this godlike man once helped to save the life of Jesus. No joke:


  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=210565]Jim Newell[/re]: What are these “jokes” you speak of? According to that earlier article I am writing “snarks”. All this time I thought snarking was something you do between meals.

  • jagorev

    [re=210644]BigDupa[/re]: Oh man, I can’t wait till Michelle Bachmann hears about the fact that a possible half-breed Muslin terrorist is going to be surgeon general. I want to taste her sweet despairing tears.

  • Kev-O-Tron

    I wish he would have picked George Clooney or one of those other secksee ER doctors.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Damnit Barry! Sanjay’s a hack, not a doctor.

    Sad that no one mentions Dr McCoy…

  • dennymcden

    [re=210581]Dramatist[/re]: Sanjay Gupta makes us all Curry Queens, especially dogless muslin vampire, Barry.

    Sorry – OUR dogless muslin vampire, Barry.

  • magic titty
  • bitchincamaro

    Did you know (#2)?: If you drink scotch too slowly from a plastic cup, the vessel will melt before you finish the drink.

  • hockeymom

    Dr. Rachel Maddow?

  • ella

    Good news: not another Clinton retread. Bad news: further Oprahization of this administration. Worst news: Barry really is choosing this pop culture icon. Blerg.

    Two of his kids are named Sage and Sky. Maybe they’ll find love in Wasilla.

  • grevillea

    [re=210647]NoWireHangers[/re]: I heard he’s one of BHO’s Ayrab friends. Wait, I’ve got the email right here somewhere…

  • NoWireHangers

    This post was good enough to tear me away from that Puma post ever briefly, but still not good enough to tear me away from that Puma post entirely.

  • jagorev

    [re=210657]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He’s a professor of medicine at Emory University…

  • amyazz

    [re=210532]BigDupa[/re]: He’s a Michigander of South Asian decent. Also, Go Blue!

  • Voyou Charmant

    [re=210544]FamilyLost[/re]: Backed 100%

  • NoWireHangers

    Yes, but is Gupta half breed muslin? Inquiring minds what to know.

  • jagorev

    [re=210666]ella[/re]: naming an experienced neurosurgeon who has credentials in neurosurgery, psychiatry, neurosciences, is adept at working with the media, and is experienced in combat surgery and the needs of combat medicine to be surgeon general for a nation involved in two wars is exactly like appointing Oprah to the Supreme Court, or something.

  • ph7

    Let’s hope he shares Jocelyn Elder’s view on masturbation.

  • actor212

    [re=210640]Mista Eko[/re]: Yadier Molina as Doctor Octopus?

    That explains how he was able to catch Rick Ankiel!

  • ManchuCandidate

    True, but I’m really not enamored with his lousy mathematical defense of For Profit Healthcare during the whole Sicko discussion which is why I consider him a hack.

  • Dildo Baggins

    When I was in grad school in the 80’s, my Indian roomate used to get publications from his mother that were essentially arranged marriage catalogues. Nice pictures, with a brief description of particulars, e.g., caste, income, degrees, etc. Most of the ones I remember were women, but my guess is that this picture was Sanjay’s (from about the same time, judging by the designer jeans).

  • j6n

    How will CNN fill its 8:00 AM time slot on Sundays?

  • populucious

    I want the dude from Esquire/Oprah, the one who wears surgical scrubs with dark dress socks and shoes. Any man who can make scrubs look as starchy as a 3 piece suit has what it takes to manage the whole of America’s erectile dysfunction and saggy vajayjays.

  • Dramatist

    [re=210658]dennymcden[/re]: For the record, I was a Curry Queen before Sanjay Gupta. After Sanjay Gupta, I was THE Curry Queen.

  • Dramatist

    [re=210683]ph7[/re]: Oh God, if he even says the word “Masturbation” at me, I’m going to shoot America all over his face. Again.

  • Dramatist

    [re=210695]j6n[/re]: Dr. Campbell Brown.

  • HopeyDope

    Hey! How did the guy from my office’s mailroom get his application in so fast?

  • chauncey

    Keep your friends closer, enemies closer etc… this ties Gupta’s influence to Obama’s success, and keeps him from running for the nomination in 2012

  • space stout

    [re=210639]wheelie[/re]: fellatious?

  • bitchincamaro

    How does “fine piece of Man” and “Filthy cock jackal” come from the same mind???

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Oh my god, it’s the famous Curry with the Syringe on Top!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=210691]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I agree with you on this one. Gupta is the hack of all hacks. I’ve had plenty of professors who were self-loathing neo-fucktards. Gupta is no exception to this.

  • effinHel

    jagorev: What the hell do you people have against American/Canadians anyway? To white for the Obrowna’s!?! It’s not like it’s hard enough to get a job but now some people are to white eh! For Shame!!! After all the brave American/Canadians have been through to protect our freedom.

  • WadISay

    [re=210596]Doglessliberal[/re]: His parents should have named him Kashmir and fought over him.

  • Dramatist

    Every answer that Sanjay Gupta gives in his confirmation hearing is a key to his life experience, told in flashback and ending in a Bollywood number.

  • canadasteve

    Yikes! When I see The Goop on CeeEnnEnn, I always feel he’s shilling for some drug company. Time to buy stock in big pharma!

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=210715]effinHel[/re]: *Too*, also.

  • FreshCliches

    [re=210713]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Chicks will fuck all geeks like This Curry.

  • c-freak

    i’m pretty sure over on the puma blog some largish menopausal hag was boasting about a “doctor” being amongt them. and they got that fox news cred & all. must’ve slipped past the team.

  • Fivetree

    When I first read this I thought they meant Sanjaya. Imagine my relief.

    Hey, I LIKE him. And he can depress MY tongue anytime he wants. Didn’t he and Andy Cooper and Jeff Corwin go prancing off around the world to save the planet or something? I thought they made a cute threesome. Maybe Anderson Cooper can be Obama’s Ambassador to Gayworld and Jeff can run the EPA. Then they can all share an apartment in Washington and have fab parties and their pick of all the hot Abercrombie models.

  • Rebel Countess

    I smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish.

    I got REALLY tired of doctors (male and female) zeroing in on my breasts and cervix every damn time I got a physical, instead of on the body parts that will most likely do me in, and haven’t seen a one of them in dog years.

    I do have health insurance. What good is it, if the doctors are such tools and fools?

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Paging Doctor Kildare.

  • cal

    [re=210716]WadISay[/re]: Win for sophisticated geopolitical humor.

  • Thegreatbacon

    An over-achieving Indian doctor — what a cliche. I never thought Barack would fall for stereotyping like that.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Steven Segal would have been an inspired choice. I once saw him heal himself from several gunshot wounds using only hot stones and candles.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=210754]pdiddycornchips[/re]: Win for taking something horrible and making it beautiful.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=210732]Rebel Countess[/re]: Self-examinations (like I’m doing now at my desk) are the most accurate and fun.

  • Thegreatbacon

    Personally, I would have preferred if he had chosen the hot scatter-brained daughter of a VIP, who is unsure of whether she got through med school on her own or through her parent’s pull. She will get teased and mocked in the first term (first two seasons of the show), only to learn to trust herself and become a great Surgeon General in the second term (seasons 3 through 5). That’s the kind of compelling Surgeon General I want.

  • HuskyMescan

    I showered after the puma blog (never look back!), and I think Gupta would be great! It’ll drive the wingnut-librulmedia conspirators crazy, too.

  • Datsun510

    [re=210548]CrunchyKnee[/re]: You should let go of PUMA vagina. In fact, you shouldn’t touch it in the first place.

  • j6n

    [re=210732]Rebel Countess[/re]: I’m pretty sure it will be breasts that do me in, somehow.

  • rev_matt_y

    Man, I was so hoping for Doctor Detroit (woo woo!). Gupta >>>>>>>> Weill. Not enough “greater than’s” in the world to express that. Dr. Scholls would be better than Dr Weill.

  • Dinsdale

    I came here for some Dr. Spaceman jokes and since there are none I’m taking Wonkette off my blogroll. Goodbye forever!

  • crookedE

    [re=210691]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Agreed. He is a tool.

  • Incredulicious

    Secretary of the Treasury: Suze Orman
    Attorney General: Joe Brown
    Director of NASA: Art Bell
    Chairman of NEA: Michael Israel
    Head of EPA: The Crying Indian

  • Chet Kincaid

    [re=210716]WadISay[/re]: Pump your breaks, kid. That man’s a national treasure.

    I think Obama should have appointed the keyboard player in the lab coat from The Revolution.

  • CollegeStudent

    [re=210506]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Dr. Dre is in, Gupta is just going to be “Caretaker” until Detox is done…so some time during the second term.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=210513]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Me, too. I was like “Wow, when did Bobby become not ugly? Oh.”

  • cal

    But when will Obama officially appoint Nate Silver as America’s Boyfriend?

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=210532]BigDupa[/re]: FYI, if you don’t know if someone is technically from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, etc., you can use the term “South Asian” or even “desi” if you want to be “down”. Also, shut up.

  • azw88

    Bad choice, in this day and age of bailouts, we need an american-made doctor: like this guy

  • S. Cullen Bonz

    Wait until Focus on the Family finds out Gupta wants to put the Kama Sutra in the classroom.

  • atsegga

    The Borgen Project has informative statistics on addressing global poverty.

    $30 billion ends world hunger
    $550 billion is the US Defense budget

    This organization has the ability, resources, and policy-makers to suppress the threat of global poverty by enacting legislation here in the US, which is tied to the United Nation’s Millennium Development Goals. Please support organizations such as The Borgen Project so that we may rid the world of poverty.

  • Hostile Michigander

    [re=210666]ella[/re]: Actually, Sanjay used to work for Hillary, so it is another Clinton retread!

    Somewhere in Arkansas, the guy who writes Bill’s prescriptions for penicillin is thinking to himself, “I missed it by that much!”

  • daisy chain

    [re=210575]V572625694[/re]: ahem… Dr.Dre, beeotch.

  • daisy chain

    [re=210577]jagorev[/re]: … or Wonaketeer/PUMA

  • Citizen Kang

    Dr. Nick and Dr. Julius Hibbert weren’t down with being surgeon general? Even with the snazzy uniform?

  • randomsausage

    [re=210902]S. Cullen Bonz[/re]: +1. With perhaps Barry and Michelle illustrating The Congress of The Crow in the text book.


  • bunnyhead

    [re=210628]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I second Dr. Jack Kevorkian. His approach may help some escape the Great Depression II in ways other than jumping out of buildings, or cutting their wrists like the French guy who lost all his money to Madoff. And the whole process could be green, like Soylent Green…

  • spymoose

    Shit … I thought the Weather Channel’s Dr. Anna Marie would become the Grand Poobah.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=210544]FamilyLost[/re]: Agree! If we have to have a “TV doctor”, since those are the only type that us 200 million insurance-free ‘Merekin are actually familiar with, I’d totally pick Dr. Drew also. We know where he stands on the wacks-on/wacks-off question, his advice (as heard on the Loveline show) seems to be largely based in reality and experience, and he doesn’t seem to be a total BigPharma-whore.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=210577]jagorev[/re]: I’ve always been confused on what to call the tech-support/Squishee-machine guys, but I heard somewhere that the ‘correct’ word is “Desi”, which I think is the Paki/Indi/Bengli/Lanki equivalent of “Scandinavian”….

  • smellyal8r

    So, SG the SG? He had a bigger audience at CNN. Now, he’ll enter governmental obscurity (though I think he can order up a bitchin’ uniform that makes him look either like Cap’n Crunch or the doorman of an Upper East Side building). After he’s done, maybe Dr. Cox or Dr. Dorian might make the grade. Also, the first time I saw him on the air with Andy Cooper, I wanted them to totally start making out. Hmm…I still feel that way.

  • smellyal8r

    [re=210773]rev_matt_y[/re]: What about the Web MD?

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=210528]Udargo[/re]: This makes me so sad. I think Sanjay is hot and liked to imagine what his bedside manor would be but now, Udargo who pays attention to shit, you have ruined it for me. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=210532]BigDupa[/re]: Besides working at the 7-11, his people also dominate in IT and heart surgery. And kick-ass at spelling bees.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=210633]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I’m more into Sanjay’s hotness than Fareed’s, but I would totally second putting Fareed and his brilliant brain into the State Department. He could completely remake our middle east and near east policy and, hell, south Asia while we’re at it, and bring pragmatism and realism to the job.

    After eight years, I’d a fed up up up with government by greed co-mingled with ideology. Lecture ended.

  • JSDC007

    I was in school with Fareed and he’s not that smart and he’s definitely NOT hot. He is smarter than any other political commentator on teevee but that aint saying much.

    Sanjay Gupta now is a very hot, very smart, very media savvy neurosurgeon. If this man can put together the brains of an Iraqi child while driving in a humvee as bombs explode around him he’s overqualified for the job of Surgeon General. After all, how hard is it to say “use condoms,” “don’t swallow'” and “if you do, use a good mouthwash?”

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=210655]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: You rat-bastard. I was so about to say George Clooney. Because, you know, if I suggested Dr. Ben Casey, that brooding hunk of Vince Edwards cheesy doctor, you kids would be very confused.

    That I can remember that but not where I put the glass of water I was drinking four minutes ago is proof that Bell’s Palsy is the first clear symptom of Alzheimers.

  • bago

    Never say “don’t swallow”.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=211070]smellyal8r[/re]: You really think AC/DC 365/24 would get his multi-culty B-list lovin’ on in public? Especially after Kathy Griffin threatened to “knock the dicks outta” his mouth on the TV-machine? No, he’s waiting until he & his honey get to their little love-nest on Fire Island…

    [re=210997]randomsausage[/re]: I’m sure President & Mrs. Half-breed Muslin also enjoy doing the terrorist ugly-bump in the Milk-and-Water-Embrace:

    (I like this one, since Mrs. Hopey has a nice rack)

    After the Big Inaugural Balls have been spent and the Obamas have their private sexytime (since historical studies have shown that First Ladies are NEVER more wet for their men than right after the Ball) it’s time to get freaky-deeky with the Pair-of-Tongs:


  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=210713]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Curry with the fringe on top made me laugh so hard I was about to make one of those spewing on the keyboard jokes that the wonkette overlords hate so much. Don’t look at me, Sara, it was lawrenceofthewhatever who did it.

  • slavojzizek

    Isn’t this the guy who went against Michael Moore when Sicko came out? Yes, it is:


    Couldn’t Obama have named House or McDreamy?

  • torera

    god you 13 yr old retarded boyz are so tiresome. Gupta first got famous for reporting from Katrina-swamped hospitals and that’s the shout-out here.

  • gradgrind

    [re=210616]bitchincamaro[/re]: NOT TRUE! There are 751 anagrams, including at least 200 that’ll sound dirty to a Wonkette-trained ear. I predict the Family Research Council’s favorite will be SATAN YAP JUG.

  • Winsome

    [re=210539]rubybuckaroo[/re]: I believe it is now Mumbai.

  • smellyal8r

    I do think it’s nice that after the Bush administration we are finally going to get a brain surgeon in the administration (man, what a jump we’ve made from the Princeton wrestler who served as SecDef for 43). If SG had been in the Bush Admin, he’d have had nothing to operate on….thank yew, thank yew and g’nite.

  • ushutyurmouthwhenurtalkintome

    Wasn’t anyone from General Hospital available?

  • Mr Blifil

    It would suck if he showed up at his confirmation ceremony with high explosives strapped to his middle.

    Also he accused Michael Moore of “fudging the facts.” So we know he’s into the fudge. What this country needs is a Surgeon General who is unafraid to level with the American people on the safest and sanest methods to have healthy buttsecks.

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=211171]Bearbloke[/re]: It would be sad if the confirmation process were to become heated, resulting in a Suspended Congress.

    As far as nookie on the first night in Da Houze, I personally would choose to bone Michelle on Nixon’s bowling lanes, holding out the possibility of perhaps using a spare pin or two as marital aids of some kind. Unfortunately, it won’t be my call.

  • HuddledMass

    [re=210522]Cape Clod[/re]: Johnny Fever of WKRP? He’s dead? I haz a sad…

  • gliberal

    Paging Marcus Welby. You’re wanted in re-write. I wonder if Sanjay will grow one of them there gopher butt beards like C. Everett Koop. Chicks dig that shit. Say what you will, San-J was the bomb on American Idol.

  • gliberal

    Coming to the side of a Marlboro box soon: Sanjay says this shit will kill you. Knock it the fuck off.

  • iburl

    Michael Moore is ready to start shooting his new movie tomorrow.

  • sanantonerose

    [re=210522]Cape Clod[/re]: WIN

  • PsycGirl

    [re=211171]Bearbloke[/re]: to hell with the milk and honey…I would be impressed with anyone who who managed the Pair of Tongs.

  • Bitter-Elitist

    Surely this job was made for the good Dr Ron Paul? When will America Learn?

  • StephanieInCA

    Dude, do you know that Dr. Sanjaya and Wolf the Insipid Ewok are sworn enemies? Ask anybody at CNN! For serious!

  • villageatrois

    [re=211367]Bitter-Elitist[/re]: I was waiting for someone to mention Dr. Paul. He’s a real doctor. Favors ending the War on Drugs. Is skeptical of pharmas, and supports natural remedies. And as to healthy behavior warnings, he’s used to being ignored.

  • villageatrois

    [re=210616]bitchincamaro[/re]: “If you anagram “Sanjay Gupta”, all you come up with is “Sanjay Gupta”.


  • Chief Grinning Eagle

    Will I be able to get my health insurance to pay for yoga classes? Can he stand on his head? Can he stand on one leg and grab his other foot and pull it past his ear staying on balance? He’s not sitting on a chair in that photo. That’s a good sign. Maybe he’s a good choice.

  • regisgoat

    I concur with the majority opinion here, that it should have been Dr. House, especially since he endorsed hot girl-girl action on last night’s episode.
    Seriously, though: Is this quack for national health or what? I don’t care what he looks like or where his ass is from. Was he just going after Michael Moore because he, Gupta, is a doctor, and Moore isn’t?

  • regisgoat

    Well, here’s the answer to the rhetorical question: no opinion.


  • rockstarjoe

    Come on, no Dr. Octagon? 1-800-PP-51-DOODOO?

  • Jackie Treehorn

    What was wrong with Dr. Steven T Colbert, DFA or as mentioned earlier, Dr. Nick Riviera?

  • problemwithcaring

    OK, so are we all agreed? Anyone who has ever disagreed with Michael Moore is not fit for modern public office.

    The End.

  • hobospacejungle

    Dr. Hook? I loved that song about “sharing” the night together when I was a kid.

    Unfortunately it appears Dr. Hook is several people. What the hell, can’t hurt to have backups.

  • tiger

    Dude is SO hot. Is he gay married?

  • Cheeto


  • AxmxZ

    Barack seems intent on assembling a pretty administration. Between his own fine self and his dishy Chief of Staff… Sanjay! Yeah, baby! All he’s got to do now is take on Evan Bayh, and they can pull America out of recession by selling erotic calendars.

  • cantsayno

    Dr. Evil’s got my vote