Wonkette
Rod Blagojevich couldn’t make it himself to today’s Senate swearing-in ceremony — why would he, right? He’s not even a Senator!! — but his Taint, his grimy grimy taint, was omnipresent in the chamber, and it reeked. After thoroughgoing racist Harry “Bull Connor” Reid made a black person leave Capitol Hill due to the color of his skin this morning, the black spectre of Non-Racial Transcendence swept the chamber with Misery, casting a blood red aura of Sin throughout the ancient lair of our bicameral legislature’s more exclusive wing. The Racists went on with their ceremony, which required a blood oath to Dick Cheney. Senator Joe Biden took the oath. Crippled lion Ted Kennedy took the oath. John McCain had a sad.
Uhh:
Four by four, new senators and those re-elected to another term walked up to be sworn in just moments ago. Senator Joseph Biden Jr., the vice-president elect, beamed as he stepped forward to be officially sworn in, and carried a large Bible. He will soon be resigning his Delaware seat to assume the vice-presidency, and Ted Kaufmann, a longtime aide to Senator Biden, has already been named to replace him.
Perhaps the most poignant moment occurred when Senator Edward M. Kennedy, who has been battling brain cancer, hobbled a bit with the help of a cane, as he escorted Senator Dick Durbin for the ceremonial swearing in. One colleague after another reached out to hug or shake hands with Mr. Kennedy, who is serving his seventh term in the Senate.
So maybe Biden really WILL drop out before all’s said and done — that’s why he WILL NEVER QUIT THE SENATE EVER — and Hillary actually WILL become vice president instead? The prophecy survives, today.
Also, “The Mac is Back,” in the Senate, where he will go back to the old task of taking strong stands on various symbolic issues related to Honor because he’s not smart enough to actually understand policy. And as he bragged about constantly on the campaign trail, he has absolutely no friends in the Senate:
In addition, for a short while there, Senator John McCain, the Republican presidential nominee sat alone, hands folded in his lap but smiling as he watched the ceremony.
…But where was Roland Burris?
Let the 111th Congress Begin [NYT/The Caucus]
Best Simpsons episode ever.
“Let’s get drunk and play ping pong!”
Sorry.
I apologize on behalf of my inner geek.
And what of Uncle Ted Stevens? He’s back in Alaska crying like a little girl because after being Senator back when Alaska was in diapers he’s now just another convicted whore.
Of course, McCain sat alone. The only thing worse than Blago taint is loser taint.
Cheney is swearing in the hordes.
This is going to be bloody. Merciless, horrible violence will surely ensue.
I for one think the most poignant moment was Lindsey Graham swearing on a Bible bound in Strom Thurmond’s hide as he fondled a key fob given to him by Charlie Crist.
Where were McCain’s butt buddies: Lindsey “I’m not gay–just a really old bachelor” Graham & Joe “swampland feces receptacle” Lieberman?
FMA: No doubt; despite our differences, we Wonketteers loves our Stonecutters episode. It makes us all feel Illuminatty and Bilderbergian.
Who keeps Joe Lie in town?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Who keeps torture under wraps?
Who permits illegal wire taps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who enables Dick Cheney’s war?
We do! We do!
Who disappoints every night?
Who never pays to take military flights?
We do! We do!
Our national cure for insomnia, CSPAN, is back in service with all new material. Huzzah!
But where was Roland Burris?
In the drawing room with Colonel Mustard?
My sympathies go out to Ted Kennedy, but why would you want to be represented by a person whose brain is literally being biologically decimated?
So Biden didn’t get sworn in on Hussein NOObama’s Forty Hadith?
Weird.
ManchuCandidate: You should be the poet for the inauguration but I fear the message. Post it here anyway.
groove: Like Reagan?
ManchuCandidate: Bravo.
As a Minnesotan, I was only half-interested in this thing.
groove: Oh please. You may well ask that of the folks in Michelle Bachmann’s district.
Oh good lord, it just hit me…the Senate’s going to do some “Cats” thing when Kennedy finally leaves his seat, right?
You know, Old Deuteronomy going to the Heavyside layer, yaddayaddayadda…
I would like to see the Blagger show up with a series of Nation of Islam bodygaurds to the Senate. And them all to get roughed up a bit (ideally by some Alaskan Roughneck friends of Levi’s)
ManchuCandidate: Best ever song parody. Who did make Steve Gutenberg a star?
In addition, for a short while there, Senator John McCain, the Republican presidential nominee sat alone…
Poor Not-Miss Congeniality — still not loved, and now no longer feared. On the bright side though, being out of the limelight will make it easier to chase hot lobbyist tail.
ManchuCandidate:
Who fucks page-boys in the ass?
Who gives war criminals a pass?
We do! we do!
Aurelio: Win!
Texan Bulldoggette: “Swampland feces receptacle?” That is truly a hoot and a half!
I just knew you were from Brazoria County. May I call you Miz Dawg?
FMA: oh, come on, Monorail is the best…
Now we can see where Dick “Elevator Eyes” Cheney was really looking when he shot his buddy.
GDTRFB: Gotta to say that “Lisa the Vegetarian” tops ‘em all. Just watch this Troy McClure educational film:
http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/41981/detail/
Or think of Miss Krebapple pushing the “Independent Thought Alarm” button under her desk when Lisa asks why we have to eat meat, causing Principal Skinner to direct an increase in saltpeter in the cafeteria menu.
groove: They don’t care, it’s a DYNASTY dammit, like they got over in Yurrup! Those massachusetts morons will still be electing him when he’s dead, he won’t need embalming much less a campaign! Hmmm, I wonder what Deval Patrick will want for THAT seat when the corpse finally crumbles and they are forced to find a new Senator, do you think a case of Courvoisier and a carton of Newports would get it?
This is my first time here, I read the phrase grimy, grimy taint, laughed out loud alone in my room, and promptly bookmarked
actor212:
Long time lurker, first time commenter. I was driven to create an avatar to correct the following egregious error: “Heavyside LAIR”, actor212. LAIR. Liner notes.
Yes, we’ve all heard about Blago’s taint, but did anybody catch Steny talking about his “massive package, that we must do it now and we must do it right”? I about drove my car off the road.