Here’s a heartbreaking interview with a prisoner at Gitmo, about how the terrorist Hussein did a fascist thing to these seven weird ladies. COMMENTER CHALLENGE: Are you funny enough to avoid the really obvious, mean/tragic joke here and somehow transcend basic fat jokes? [YouTube via Hart88]

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  1. Are you funny enough to avoid the really obvious, mean/tragic joke here and somehow transcend basic fat jokes?

    I think I speak for everyone here when I say, no.

  2. I’m reposting what I wrote on the other thread since it’s relevant here and no one will read it there. Mercy these Pumas. They’re like the herpes outbreak that Valtrex can’t kill. I thought we left that ish back in August? Now they’ve got their grannies in a twist over Our Wonkette. If you bitches are gonna criticize at least recognize where we’re coming from. Wonkette is a community of progressives that are jaded and hopeful. We face the crushing reality of our shitty world with a healthy dose of humor, irony, and sarcasm. When your life lacks such sentiments, or when you are too stupid to understand them, you face the risk of turning Puma. Pumas are joyless, bitter, ignorant hags. The sadness within you permeates your being until you’re nothing but a hateful ball of shit living in a sad internet reality. Really, Pumas aren’t that different from Wonkette readers, except we have a firm grip on reality. See the difference?

  3. Oh my gah. What is the deal with her hair? What is that?

    Also, my beagle is the best dog ever, so step the f off, Jennifer “Beagle”, if that’s your real name.

  4. I always thought PUMA = Party Unity My Ass?

    She says in other countries people riot in the streets. I would like to see her attempt this. Near a McDonalds or Krispy Creme. Revolt. Surpressed.

    Greeks can get away with for months because they are pretty fit. Dodging riot police burns about 100 calories an hour.

  5. OMG I am dying because I cannot see the youtubes at work. But there may be an ice storm today, so I should probably be heading home soon anyway…

  6. You weightests.

    For instance, she is wearing a very nice bright yellow shirt. Isn’t that nice? That and she’s a total whack-job who probably writes daily comments on Confluence.
    Not so nice.

  7. [re=209916]blinky_twinkie[/re]: Hugging her will have to be a team effort, we can link hands, it will be like seeing how big around a redwood tree is on a grade school field trip.

    [re=209921]NoWireHangers[/re]: Yup, you’re right

  8. This is why people with extensive stuffed animal collections prominently displayed in their car’s rear window should not be allowed to vote.

  9. Stupid Beagle doesn’t mention that FLA and MI were sanctioned for moving their primaries against the wishes of the DNC. This wasn’t some facist plot to discount votes in those states. They got sanctioned for breaking the rules. Let’s talk about that, Beagle. Beagle. Beagle. Beagle.

  10. I’ll avoid the fat jokes, but I can’t avoid the dog jokes — Beegle, he-he.

    Among the many things I don’t understand, though, is why she wants to talk about Barack’s middle name? She says she’s a big supporter of civil rights, so I would think that would make Barack’s ethnic middle name irrelevant, no?

    Aghhh, once again logic is in a death battle with a PUMA.

  11. Do I get kicked out of Wonkette if I say I feel bad for her? I only watched the first minute because I did not enjoy this sympathy emotion. She is just so upset. Delusional sure, but she seems really sad. It is okay honey the scary Hussein is not going to kill you. But that next double cheeseburger might. Oh fuck it. I tried, okay? Seriously, I said that out of love.

  12. [re=209922]NoWireHangers[/re]: I am going to sign all my emails with “we face the crushing reality of our shitty world with a healthy dose of humor, irony, and sarcasm” from now on. Beats the hell out of the Corporate Inspirational Poster tags my stupid coworkers use.

  13. Can’t we please talk about something else less repulsive to a typical heterosexual adult male, like my fuzzyy, naked bunny butt, or “The View”, or the view of my naked, fuzzy bunny butt?

  14. [re=209962]EnBuenOra[/re]: I kind of wondered that, too. Must be a slow news day at Wonkette. The nicest thing to do would probably have been to let this young woman fade into obscurity ASAP.

  15. It is good to see that so many people who consider themselves clever couldn’t resist the obvious fat joke (because what could be funnier?) and totally missed how the McCain kool-aid that she drank was glowing through her bright orange t-shirt. OY!

  16. I think the most tragic thing about her has nothing to do with how she looks. It’s not her weight that scares off menfolk and various intellectuals that value their own personal safety. That voice could peel the paint off a car, and talking to people with wonky eyes always freaks me out, so I avoid it altogether. I was even self-conscious watching the video because I didn’t know if I should look at her eyes as she was talking or gravitate downward.

  17. I showed this video to my teenage Son:

    “Does she beep when she backs up?”

    Maybe she’s just angry that Obama doesn’t represent her special needs interests, people who need a rag on a stick after they take a dump.

  18. Seriously? Where was this- fuck it, I’m gonna say it- fat bitch during the Bush elections? If she is so worried about her precious democracy, she should have been opening her big, fat gob about that.

  19. “I went over to that p.o.s. blog”[…]

    What are you gonna do when someone comes to collect? hmm? You gonna hump us? YOU GONNA HUMP US A THOUSAND TIMES!!!???

  20. Politicians applying political pressure on other politicians at a major political event? Wow, orange creature, you’re absolutely right, that is the most egregious instance of fascism the world have ever known. It makes the actual Fascist Party look pretty mild in retrospect. Take that Italy!

  21. You cruel bastards. The real tragedy here is that those are window stickers, and she’s actually only 14″ tall. Have a fucking heart.

  22. All I can think about is the line from Friends when they see Monica fat. She says “the camera adds 10 lbs” and they ask “just how many cameras are on you?” From one fat chick to another, DON’T RANT ON CAMERA! Do it in print or on the radio. Won’t make her any more rational, but will eliminate the fat jokes.

  23. My two-year old was in the room when his seven-year old sister was watching Harry Potter 5. It was the scene when the ugly aunt visits and Harry causes her to be blown up like a balloon. My son was sitting in my wife’s lap and I casually turned to look at him. His eyes were transfixed on the screen, with an expression on his face like Edvard Monk’s “The Scream” except silent and more horrified. We instantly descended on him to “comfort” him and he was taken from the room literally shaking and traumatized. “The lady is scary to me” was his testimony (amended by “the lady was a balloon”).

    This woman lives that moment every waking instant of her life. She is totally scary to me.

  24. [re=209942]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: She writes comments at mostly. This is one of our fav’s:

    She speaks of Obama and the country:

    ” jenniforhillary 11.08.08 at 8:49 am

    I am in a economy proof business, my parents have money, and I will NOT SUFFER. We have one year of food PLUS, we have our gardens, we have our weapons, our bullets, our network. We are prepared.

    That being said, I CANNOT WAIT for the suffering to begin. I hope there is starvation, I hope there is rioting, and i hope that there is massive death…

    WHY you ask? Because the spoiled rotten ingorant masses need to realize TRULY what they have done…and it appears (and MURPHY you are in my mind sometimes) from the SECOND election of GW that they learn REALLY REALLY SLOWLY…

    This man and his team are so dangerous for not only america, but the world, I can only hope that tremendous suffering will UP the learning curve so perhaps we can save ourselves…”

  25. Not only is she magically a puma, but she somehow managed to swallow an entire bowling ball and still manages to speak which shows the sheer strength and will of the unfortunate PUMA.

  26. If Denver was so Fascist, she could have taken her McCain-Palin signs up to Minneapolis, where the storm trooper Greeting Committee hung festive concertina wire decorations to welcome her. BTW, what’s with the two signs? Is that analogous to using two bags on dates?

  27. This will only prove PUMAs right, at least in their own minds. Then again, every thing that happens or doesn’t happen proves PUMAs right, so have at it. If we make one PUMA cry and stress eat herself into a diabetic coma, that’s a step towards the internet being a better place, or at least a place where a slightly higher proportion of its users know basic primary rules.

  28. [re=210039]springfield_meltdown[/re]: If that thing can be said to have tits, I’m gonna start googling amoeba porn.

    Hell, I’m gonna do that anyway.

  29. This lady gives me a sad. I say we let them have the webloggy awardy thingy. They already failed at basic reasoning, nominating their candidate, electing Walnuts, and life. How much more do you think this lady can handle?

  30. You can’t be the furthest from a racist if your personal circumference makes you more likely to be closer than someone of average girth.

    That’s not a fat joke. That’s a distance joke.


    Well, they would, wouldn’t they? All of existence is rigged against the PUMAs. Just ask Jennifer.

  32. [re=209936]Dave J.[/re]: 10,000 whore diamonds for you! Thank you for the FUPA.

    “I am the farthest thing from a racist. I am an American,” is perhaps the most beautiful mobius strip of non-logic ever uttered. It’s kind of like saying “I am the farthest thing from a fatty, I am an American”.

    And furthermore, Americans can be just as revolting in the streets as other countries, so pickles to you, PUMA lady!

  33. The glory and shame of Youtube and the internets is that people like this can have their say and be taken seriously(ok, maybe not). The getting upset and turning red is not a good sign for someone of that weight. She needs to take better care of herself and not the election. And going to McCain/Palin from Hillary is another sign of mental breakdown.

  34. [re=210068]Servo[/re]: “Imagine that face in mid-orgasm.”

    Well, I’d imagine it’d be difficult to tell which one’s coming: Her or a tyrannosaurus rex.

  35. She think Fla/Mich was an absolute travesty? Where the fuck has she been the past eight years? Bush/Cheney had travesties on the slowest newsdays that FAR surpassed anything this election had. I’m really starting to hate people.
    Oh, by the way Jenn…when the aliens land, they’ll eat the biggest first. bye.

  36. Barack HUSSEIN Obama, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, HUSSEIN, HUSSEIN, HUSSEIN. Have I mentioned that Obama’s middle name is Hussein, yet? Why can’t we talk about his middle name???? I AM NOT A RACIST! I HAVE FOUGHT RACISM MY WHOLE LIFE! REVEREND WRIGHT!!! MICHELLE OBAMA’S THESIS!!! I AM SANE AND IN NO WAY CONTRADICTING MYSELF CONSTANTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

  37. Want …. to …. make …. joke ….

    I can’t. I just can’t make fun of this seemingly woman. I just feel so bad for her. To live in a world of so much delusion. my god. And its hurting her so much. I kinda want to hug her. Well, not actually touch her, but like maybe poke a with a giant stick, and just alleviate her of her mental disorder. I’m worried for her safety and well being. I want to make fun of her so badly, it’s right there, so much material. I just can’t. It would be like shooting a flea-bitten, rabid, mongrel puppy.

  38. [re=210068]Servo[/re]: Do you mean imagine her while SHE’S in mid-orgasm, or the next time I’M in mid-orgasm I should imagine her? This video could be an important tool in the treatment of premature ejaculation–I thank you for your contribution to SCIENCE.

  39. I feel she should receive some credit for the safetyorange shirt.
    That said, I could lose a few pounds myself but I never voted with my pointed head up my ass.
    Anyway if we counted votes using pounds per person what a different election this would have been.
    Nate??? Are you listening???

  40. [re=209961]JGB[/re]: Thank you! The convenient distortion of how Florida and Michigan weren’t counted bugs the shit outta me.

    She is tragic on so many levels beyond her size and potentially malformed frontal lobe…

  41. Would it be transcending to call her Jabba? Probably not. I watched the Rules Committee meeting from start to finish and this was a very open process. Florida and Michigan were told ahead of time what the consequences were going to be for holding their primaries when they did and all the candidates signed on – including Clinton. It’s not suppression of democracy that was the problem with these lunatic hags, it was the fact that they weren’t allowed to change the rules of the game in the last few seconds in order to benefit them.

    I would’ve liked to see this sick, sad, fuck’s face on election night.

  42. this sad woman is sad for so many reasons. but at least she won’t be accidentally shot by hunters in the woods. also, are we sure that’s 3×3 sign. did the reporter guy actually say “billboard”?

  43. from their site:

    donnadarko, on January 6th, 2009 at 1:44 pm Said:
    The voting for Wonkette, a non-liberal blog, over The Confluence, the true liberal blog, is just like the fear of women and Hillary again. Wonkette is not known to be a liberal blog, it’s corporatist snark, but it’s anybody-but-Hillary again.
    These fauxgressive wimps fear women.

  44. I think I may have just found an online personal ad placed by this individual:

    “Give me an hour of your time, a six-pack and a trampoline — and I’ll show you what made Mr. Whipple squeeze the Charmin.”

  45. Never in my life have I seen such a perfectly pear shaped head to match a perfectly pear shaped body. It’s like a giant stack of rotting fruit. And some word vomit.

    So, yeah, couldn’t resist the fat jokes.

    But on a serious note, can we please find a copy of some pre-production footage of this so-called documentary the PUMAs are making? I’d really like to see them wanderingly aimlessly around Invesco asking people if they’ve been threatened by Obama cronies. I really want footage of the outtakes where delegates roll their eyes and turn away.

  46. [re=210192]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Rev. Otis Moss?! Sounds like some dude with slicked back hair and a shiny suit crooning in front of the Moss-tones.

  47. She clearly is parroting all of that stuff. The scary thing is that there must be some larger ORANGER person in her life that she looks up to to help her interpret the world.

  48. I think I’ve figured it out from the voice. She’s really Sally Struthers, and all those poor people she was getting donations for? She ate them.

  49. Before watching the video, I assumed that I might feel at least a twinge of sympathy towards this woman. After viewing it, I have to say that I disliked her more than I thought I would. I think it was mostly due to the willful ignorance.

  50. Holy shit this is funny:

    afrocity, on January 6th, 2009 at 2:13 pm Said:
    Wonkette just declared war on PUMAS.
    Someone should tell them not to bring their brain dead dull knives to an Annie Get Your Gun Fight!!!

  51. I was crying too hard to watch the whole thing. There should be some sad violin music playing in the background while she goes on and on… She made me think about sad things like lonely puppies and kittens or starving babies in 3rd world countries. Or maybe lonely, starving babies with puppies and kittens in 3rd world countries. Where’s Sally Struthers fat ass when you need her?!?!

  52. [re=210259]pepe[/re]: Wow an internet war. I look forward to boring my grandchildren with stories about my bravery and valor in this epic conflict.

    I almost envy the PUMAs. They can bore their grandchildren with it tomorrow, if they like.

  53. Dear Afrocity:

    Anything you can do, we can do better.

    Be it drink, loathe, vote, annoy other blogs, play worthless online driving games for worthless online awards, what-EV-uh….we can do anything better than you.

    Yes we can.

    (I’ve heard that before.)

    Yours, etc.,
    The Wonketteers

  54. From a purely PR angle, would you really look at all your potential candidates for this video and select her? I mean, there is a reason spokespeople are famous or great looking (or both). I know they could have found someone more attractive. Right? Right?

  55. [re=210042]gimmeabreak1[/re]: I will NOT SUFFER. We have one year of food PLUS …
    All right, someone has to say it – you probably shouldn’t have eaten it all at once.


  56. What, I am allowed to called this repulsive fatty pig, obese? Are you trying to undermine my democratic American rights? She should have picked a better cause, like boycotting unholy burger chains, forbidding trans fat, or something.

  57. she actually runs out of breath in her very first sentence — at prolly ~25 years old, she likely won’t live long enough to see barry’s re-election. if it weren’t funny and fitting, it’d be sad.

  58. [re=209909]Trace[/re]: if her face was the confederate states, it would be trying to succeed the Union! Wait … her face could be the confederate states! That shit is funny …and slightly ironic?

  59. [re=210277]MurphyPUMA[/re]:

    Your should take some of that $50 you and your 20 other hags have collected and buy a powerwasher to clean the sand out of your snapper.

  60. [re=210245]RealVirginian[/re]: This is like kids in the backyard throwing gasoline on the bbq grill. It’s all fun and games until someone loses a hand.

    I can’t stand the tension…I hope it lasts.

  61. [re=210277]MurphyPUMA[/re]: Wait a minute. That screenshot of how to cheat at super important poll things clearly says NOT to do it. It even capitalizes “not.”

    Anyway, I sure hope Wonkette wins that award thing so we all get our share of the monetary prize or… whatever it is about this that’s supposed to benefit me personally.

  62. Makeover time!!! let’s make this PUMA into a COUGAR! It will take a team of experts, from Stacy and Clinton to The Biggest Loser team to Ty Pennington to shore up the foundation before Dr. 90210 comes in for the lipo.

    Yes, we can!

  63. [re=210296]Trace[/re]: Wonkette wins the award…. maybe you can get a job here. Personal benefit problem solved.
    Nice try though.

  64. “I can’t stop eating. I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat. It’s a vicious cycle. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s someone I’d like to get in touch with and forgive… myself.

  65. [re=210306]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: The whole reason I post here is because it gives me something to do OTHER than work. Being hired by Wonkette would be so confusing for me, I’d probably start bleeding out the ears.

    I do kind of feel like I should get paid for having to learn what PUMA is. I was happy not knowing. Now I’m like The Giver out of that one book (called The Giver), holding on to terrible knowledge just so I can protect other people from it.

    Surely that’s worth at least five bucks.

  66. “Don’t cry for me Florida and Michigan…”

    Seriously…she’s crying for these states, and, um BOTH OF THEM VOTED FOR OBAMA in the general election.


  67. [re=210290]justlen[/re]: [re=210293]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Oh come on guys. Don’t take the bait, it’s too easy.

    I will say that with the Pumas everything is always about this so-called “cheating.” There is no rule for this stupid internet contest that states that you can only vote once. It’s not a real election. It’s an internet election for some stupid virtual award. You can vote a million times if you want. The problem with Pumas is that they take everything so goddamn seriously. Everything is a conspiracy against their pathetic existence and dated worldview. It’s sad.

  68. [re=210329]NoWireHangers[/re]: at some point it stops being sad and crosses into pathetically hilarious. Or maybe it just skipped sad altogether and went straight into hillarity; I’ve lost track.

  69. [re=210344]loquaciousmusic[/re]: There was supposed to be a strikethrough line through that “eaten.” Sorry. The whole joke doesn’t make sense anyway.

  70. [re=210331]pepe[/re]: If we catch em uphill we can just roll em down, and it’ll be over. Too easy. I’ll still do it, though. Can you get, like, battlefield promotions for valor? Like if several of them are piled up in a big sweatball and I run down with a big stick and dislodge them, would that qualify?

  71. [re=210329]NoWireHangers[/re]:
    I loove taking bait…

    You make some fine points, but these folks are so self centered that they can’t conceive there might be somebody who is smarter and/or more skilled than they are.

  72. I couldn’t stand to watch the whole thing… but it strikes me as something Karl Rove would engineer. Smear both Barry and Hillary in one big old, sweaty swing.

    I wonder how widely it was seen before the election?

  73. [re=210329]NoWireHangers[/re]: The funny thing is that losing is completely central to their worldview, if not their existence. If they started winning things, they’d have no reason to be around. So my guess is that they are going to purposefully enter one contest after another that they are guaranteed to lose, just so that they can have something to complain about. (See also, “Nader, Ralph.”)

  74. I’ll completely avoid making jokes about her appearance, and just say that I wish I could see her blubber when someone explains the difference between a republic and a democracy to her.


    Hurry quick! Somebody post over there as Barack Obama. Or Osama bin Laden!

    And I quote:
    “Pat Johnson, on January 6th, 2009 at 2:57 pm Said:
    Ben Smith: Perhaps if you and I played a little bit of role reversal you may see it a little differently. I have no idea if you are the same Ben Smith from Politico but if so, then engaging in this meaningless discourse offered by Wonkette only drags the system further into calamity.
    If you are not, then please do not attempt to sell us on overlooking the “hijinks” of these posters who have sullied and demeaned a site that does them no harm.
    While we decry the absolute failure of the MSM we also recognize that much of their audience is made up of those who submit postings along the lines of what we are discussing. A sad commentary don’t you agree?”

  76. Um, so like.. they think we’re making fun of that thing because it’s a woman (?), a PUMA, and/or a Hillary supporter.

    Yeah, that was definitely why I was harshin’ the tard. They got me there. Not because she cleverly pointed out that Barry’s middle name is the same as a turr’rist or any of the other wonderful things that I guess some people might have been a bit annoyed with.

    Oh, or the fact that she is, to put it kindly, offensive to the eyes. I wouldn’t normally rag on someone for being monstrous big like that, but then she opened her mouth and started forming sentences that made her offensive to the brain, as well.

  77. These people are everywhere. The woman who gave birth to me got totally hacked off with me in a Wal-Mart when I commented on a checkout-line tabloid headline reading “Gays Burn Palin’s Church” that the meth lab in the church basement probably exploded. I was admonished not to judge people by their surroundings blah blah it was time for a woman to lead blah blah. That Palin put a serious hex on middle aged women, including supposed liberal ones who don’t smell like cat piss and hot pockets.

  78. [re=210406]N8Ma[/re]: I know! It reminds me of the scene in Annie Hall when Woody Allen produces Marshall McLuhan to the bozo in line at the theater.

  79. So, like, can someone find a video of a male PUMA saying something stupid so we can make fun of him, too?

    I’m sure that will make these people happy, right?

  80. So, like, I only just started posting here today and not only was one of my comments featured on that page I only just heard of today, but someone over on that Confluence site considers me the “average” Wonkette poster.

    Well, I NEVER! Did the “average” Wonkette poster get their comment posted in shining glory on some random web page with weird people? I think not! No, THIS Wonkette poster got their comment all up on there, man. This is an honor that very few know! I am like unto a God!

    And now I’m gonna get banned. :( I’ve become too powerful too fast.

  81. Um, Trace like ya know that is a real bummer like you know. So like what are you gonna do know are you going to like go back over to the Confluence and like do something about it?

  82. Goddamn right we are fierce! We will fight you until you are begging us to stop. We concede that you have won your precious liberal blog category however we will crush the rest you cheating bastards.
    Here is Puma PAC’s Suggested Slate of Blogs for the Weblog Awards.

    REMEMBER: Vote Once A Day!

    * Best Liberal Blog: The Confluence.
    * Best New Blog: Uppity Woman.
    * Best Individual Blogger (she’s FUNNY!): Rachel Lucas.
    * Best Small Blog (vote AGAINST dumbtoast): Nice Deb.
    * Best Hidden Gem: Deadenders.
    * Best Food Blog: Cake Wrecks.
    * Best LGBT Blog: Pamshouseblend.

    Bring it on, we wont back down!

  83. [re=210459]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Oh, please. Confluence bans so fast, hillary couldn’t cackle twice in the time it takes them to do it. And they delete comments. Cowards. Where’s the fun in that?

  84. [re=210459]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: lolz got me with my own medicine. pwn’d!

    Now I feel all bad, though, gettin’ too big for my britches here on the Wonkette. You know I kid. I love you guys in a totally non-fruity way (unless you’re into that). They just picked my comment to lift up and exalt because it was near the top of the page. And yet still, I admit to being a bit flattered. It’s good to be noticed!

    A lot of the other comments were admittedly funnier and more deserving of being enshrined for all of eternity.

  85. So like how do we vote? Do we get something like we we liked voted 55 times for Obama when like um, um ACORN came over to us when we were at like the Starbucks and I was like twisting my dreds around my like finger?

    Next gen fembots are both intriguing and insane. Please never go. You’ll find the troof!

  87. [re=210459]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Right. “Go back there.” Their Terms of Service state somewhere “We will ravenously insult those who disagree while pegging others for the same after we remove their comment quickly from the site so as not to give us any chance for disagreements.”
    Fucking PUMA’s.

  88. [re=210462]MurphyPUMA[/re]: In our culture, desperation is not generally regarded as an attractive quality. I do like your Pointless Passion for a Lost Cause, though. It’s very Captain Ahab.

  89. for stupid male PUMAs, just look up the rantings of myiq2xu, he has a blog called klownhaus.

    He has adopted the pseudo-feminism of the PUMAs to score poontang amongst its members…

  90. Um , You know Is there like I place where I can go on this site to learn big words that you guys are using ? Cause like if you get like a video of like a PUMA saying something like stupid we could have like a huge steak in making them look stupid as a segway. Except the PUMAs use words I like can’t understand without like a pictionary ya know.

  91. [re=210462]MurphyPUMA[/re]: hahaha. Hey notice your comment hasn’t been deleted and you haven’t been IP banned, even though you are obv a humorless tool? Suckle mightily to the trough of freedom, something you ungrateful bastards don’t let people do at confluence.

    You get’im, Hot Flash Bandit!

  92. [re=210471]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I know it’s fun, Shorts, but don’t feed It. Remember Tony? It’ll just keep coming back for more.

    It’s like the kid who comes around and throws sand in your face to get some kind of reaction. Such persons are so starved for human contact that they try to obtain it through any means possible: antagonizing behavior, hysterics, crazy. Such persons also seem to thrive on playing the victim. While it is tempting and fun to poke It with a stick, really our reaction should be to calmly state: “Please leave. We don’t want anything to do with you.”

  93. [re=210462]MurphyPUMA[/re]: Deary, it’s time to stop taking blogs so seriously. Take one sleeping pill, and if that doesn’t calm you down, take 58 more and a fifth of gin — it really takes the edge off.

  94. So like um who is Captain Arab? Was did he bomb the twin towers at the like pentagon or something? And like isn’t it called the like pentagon becasue it has 7 sides or something totally rad like that?

  95. [re=210484]Gopherit

    hahaha. Hey notice your comment hasn’t been deleted and you haven’t been IP banned, even though you are obv a humorless tool? Suckle mightily to the trough of freedom, something you ungrateful bastards don’t let people do at confluence.[/re]:

    I think I love you.

  96. OMG, the crazy is coming out of the wood works. So far, this is the juiciest post of 2009!

    [re=210475]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Maybe I was wrong about feeding the trolls. Reading these latest comments, it’s really fucking tempting.

  97. [re=210488]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Why don’t you enjoy the temporary spike in traffic while it lasts? All the banny banny makes for bad business. Kisses!

  98. Um, like doesn’t Otis make like elevators and shit like that? I know that because every time I make out with a guy it is usually in like an elevator or the back of a bus, or my cousin’s catering van and like that name is like always on the floor somplace.

  99. [re=210485]NoWireHangers[/re]: Your tolerance knows no bounds, but I kinda like poking the snake until it bites back. I can usually depend on one you people to suck the poison out.

  100. NoWireHangers, like is your name like some kind of what do you call it like an oxycon or moron something like are you like pro choice or are you really just a frigid yeast infected child abusing whore like Joan Crawford?

  101. Ken, will our precious liberal blog category trophy be placed on the mantle next to our precious Eco-Driving trophy?

    [re=210462]MurphyPUMA[/re]: You fight that good fight, just like you did this past summer. We’re just two weeks away from you uttering “President Barack Hussein Obama”.

    Schadenfreude ist der schoenste freude.

  102. [re=210245]RealVirginian[/re]: It’s clear to me that the only way to settle this will be a gang war, West Side Story style. We’ll cha-cha in one another’s general direction, snapping in unison, until we all break out into song and someone’s girlfriend shoots someone! And we will all have learned an important lesson about life. Except the poor sap who gets shot; s/he will be dead.

  103. [re=210488]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: He was did like a deadender, except he ate stakes and drove a segway and was more interesting than the average PUMA.

    Do they really give Wal-Mart greeters this much time off?

  104. shortsshortsshorts: I know it’s fun, Shorts, but don’t feed It. Remember Tony? It’ll just keep coming back for more.

    Look you worthless bag of crap, you called me out and I’m here! Now you want me to leave? Dont open your mouth if you don’t want to deal with the consequences! As the admin and owner of I have a responsibility to defend my blog, something you spinless tools wouldn’t understand. Unlike yourselves, we have influence and MSM Cred, see the appearances on MSNBC and FOX while all you have is this blog..losers

  105. Just remember all of this is being archived by the Library of Congress:

    And yes, Confluence does NOT want dialog, it’s just an echo chamber. I tried, back in May, to be civil to them. The nice Obama supporters were called “sweeties” and instantly banned. And hey, check out their awesome grasp of politics, the zeitgeist, human nature, etc. with the following predictions:

    Obamatards are trying to be nice to PUMAs because they are in the first stages of denial. HRC will be sworn in on Jan 20, 2009:

    On November 4, they run this ridiculous post about McCain winning 510 electoral votes:

    Since the Library of Congress doesn’t care–AT ALL–about PUMA or divorced women in NJ and MA with their “gifted children,” I thought I’d put these links here so there is some record of their existence in the future…

  106. [re=210504]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: As much as I’d like to feed the troll more, being the newbie here, I’m thinking I’d better walk a bit more gingerly. Don’t want to have everyone here weary of me TOO quickly.

    …Please love me. :(

  107. Hahahhaa. Yes, puma has street cred. You are SO full or yourself.

    “Look at me!! I am PUMA!! RAWR!! I am almost less of a joke than Ron Paul!”

    You slay me.

  108. [re=210480]steveeboy[/re]: Shouldn’t that be assklownhaus?

    Bless their hearts, they even have a “Suggested Slate of Blogs for the Weblog Awards.”

  109. [re=210504]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: There are lots of Wonketteers who would gladly suck the poison out of a pair of shorts. Wait, what?

  110. [re=210462]MurphyPUMA[/re]: Why do I keep thinking the next words you type will be, “You may have won this time, Flash Gordon. But your precious Earth has not heard the last of Ming the Merciless!”?

  111. [re=210520]MurphyPUMA[/re]: Ah, Hah! This is NOT Darragh Murphy. Not even she is stupid enough to call attention to her epic fail interview with David Schuster in the fall.

  112. [re=210508]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: YOU MAKEY DA FUNNIES. Have you considered that you spend all your days on a website where you think that everything you say is INCREDIBLY important and actually matters. Let’s look at some examples. Call it a “CHILDREN’s TREASURY” if you will:

    Well first there was the thing where a number of your folks believed that Ben Smith was ACTUALLY posting replies on that thing, which is beyond retarded, but I won’t post those.

    ACTUALLY…. fuck the treasury. It’s far from worth it. You people just talk to each other like some kind of all-agreeing fuck fest. You aren’t worth the shit on a shit sandwich.
    Eat a dick and be gone.

  113. [re=210520]MurphyPUMA[/re]: “Spinless tool.”

    Hey, let’s not say anything we can’t take back, man. Words can hurt.

    Also, err, so the consequences we have to suffer for poking fun at a crazy person is to be meekly “harassed” in text by another crazy person? That’s rough, man.

  114. If you have worked on the Obama campaign, support Barrack Obama in his run to the
    White House, or if you simply want to offer your thoughts to the man who will lead
    America for the next four years, this is your last chance to have your letter
    included in the new book Letters to President Obama.

    Skyhorse Publishing will go to press at the end of January, and this handsome
    hardcover book will be in stores in April. If you want to be part of history and
    share your feeling with the world by writing an open letter to our new president, go
    to and submit your letter right away. Yes You Can!

  115. [re=210493]NoWireHangers[/re]: This is the greatest thing to happen to Wonkette since Ashley Todd carved up her own face. And as a result I have accomplished absolutely nothing today.

  116. [re=210520]MurphyPUMA[/re]: You have about as much influence and credibility as a Lincoln log covered in termites. If you think you have any shit-chance of “influencing” anyone other then the 10 people who comment on your stupid fucking PUMA P.A.C. well, I think you should get a job. OHHHH I’m sorry is that your job? Well maybe a real job then, one that, you know, actually pays the bills. The influence that I have over the two people who work under me far surpasses any SHIT of a chance you have of actually attaining credibility. Go back to your cave and sit there, you little monster of a mouse you. Nobody is listening.

  117. [re=210561]Trace[/re]: This is really bad. I can’t stop laughing. It’s like we laughed at a dancing chimp and the chimp is punishing us by dancing with more vigor and intensity. Then you laugh more and the chimp dances faster. My stomach hurts from laughing…wait maybe that’s the sweet revenge for sullying the good name of a crazy blog; death by laughter…touche Pumas. Touche.

  118. Off the record what did you say that this was the greatest thing to happen to Wonkette since Gopherit squirted cum all over your face???

  119. [re=210042]gimmeabreak1[/re]: I wonder how many snack cakes = 1 yr of food for this lady. Oh, and she’s a miserable bitch no wonder she can’t wait for everyone else to start suffering! Misery loves company (and snack cakes)

  120. [re=210568]Gopherit[/re]: It would make sense. I’ve always been a bit of a hag and I believe Shorts is a geigh.

    [re=210574]OffTheRecord[/re]: I read that and screamed aloud. SO getting fired today…

  121. Will they include like the letter for the like obama birth certificate from Berg in those Letters to President Obama. Is like um Bill Ayers like gonna like edit it or something?

    I wish people would stop harnessing us Wonkettes.
    Mean people are really like mean.

  122. [re=210520]MurphyPUMA[/re]: You know, Murphy, you have some really great points. I would really like to learn more about your opinions, but at the moment my tummy is grumbling something fierce and I would prefer it if you MADE ME A FUCKING SANDWICH INSTEAD.

  123. oo! oo! can I get on the front page of the puma blogs too? pleeeeeeeeeeease. ok let’s give this a try.

    Pumas are all a bunch of dried out husks of a cunt! They should get off their fat, lazy, wordpress using asses, stop eating bon bons and make me a sammich. Hurry up, bitch, before daddy drinks his liquor and gets angry and haz to teach you a lesson. At least I’m not all made up like a trollop!

    oh, please, please pick me! I swear you won’t regret it, pumas. I can keep giving you fake things to get all angry about forevers.

  124. Sassette like I dunno. I like looked at your um like “blog” and the first thing that came to my mind was like stupid. I wash like Googling my keyword for my thesis on why Willy wonka was a really short man and how Oompa Loopas are a megaphore for Karl rove and like this site came up. But everyone here is a like poser and I feel like so at home here like than I do in a trailer or something kinda like that.

  125. [re=210602]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Christ, you Lost, Walnuts! Move on, man…..70+ year olkd war heroes should only cry during the national anthem.

  126. [re=210520]MurphyPUMA[/re]: [re=210578]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Clearly you two spend way more time watching TV than you do reading actual literature.

    Stupid Wonkette, your pseudo-ebonics/internet lingo hybrid makes my head want to explode. Reminds me a lot of trying to teach illiterate high school dropouts how to read. It also reminds me why I like to marginalize ignorant, humorless gas bags.

    P.S. Murphy, it’s spinEless. Not spinless. Your English teacher haz a sad.

  127. [re=210608]JeffGoldblum[/re]: Hahahahaa nothing like the sexism card. Well played, sir.
    Most of the time I would say “THAT’S NOT SECKSUALL TRANSCENDENCE!!!!1!” but when dealing with greasy-pig nazis such as these PUMA folk, it seems to make perfect sense.

  128. Chuck you are like funny like you know. Speaking of husks did I tell you this story of when I was like the queen of the like Corn Parade back in Ohio when I wasn’t pretending to be a kewl New York Sex and the City girl and I had to eat a bunch of corn and like I had totally diaryrhea and this one football player–the one I had not slept with yet like when down one me and when he came up he had corn kernals all over his mouth?

    Like did you guys know that like there is a bad called Korn but it was spelled with a K, is that called like um um a hyperbowl or like a angiegram?

  129. [re=210603]HuskyMescan[/re]: like yeah, why, you wanna cum in my face?
    Are you thick like an 8 inch enchirito? Do you wanna squeeze your melted cheese all over my four chins?? You’ll have to pry through my dried up , inactive cunt walls to penetrate my hot stinking cabbage hole. I hope you have the talents, you Obamatard.

  130. [re=210520]MurphyPUMA[/re]: ya RLY. Fox News ESPECIALLY loves you. Awesome, and good going on that. Especially Fox I think they’ll really help bring the party to true unity. PLEASE CONTINUE YOUR VALIANT EFFORTS.

  131. I was going to say: Stupid Wonkette: your comments have all the calories of half a glass of water with none of the fecal coliform fizz. If you’re going to waste your time here, at least try a little. We all try and fail, but you’re not even trying. That’s just lame.

    But I agree with Shorts. You’re fun now. Welcome.

  132. [re=210612]N8Ma[/re]: ditto here – plus the screeching pumas have turned this dyke stright. let’s just say my wife is not going to find this funny one bit.

  133. Like do those “Yes We Can” Inaugural Cookies come magic negro flavored? I was so proud when I voted for Mr. Obama and change and shit like that. I would love some of those cookies. My roommate like never like spoke to me and like one day she came over to me while we were watching the Obama speech on TV at like the DNC convention you know when he was in Greece and the temples were all beautiful, like anyway she holding her mouth and handed me a kotex and said–CHANGE. She like use this feminine thingy as a megaphore to show me Obama’s message of change. I said to her “HOPE” and like then she said “yes, I have been since you moved in”

  134. [re=210649]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Fuck yeah. Oh man, now we’re talking.
    I haven’t ‘cybered’ in years..and right here on Wonkette in front of all of these libtards. Lets do this. Throw that flaccid labia over your shoulder and make way for supreme beef burrito. I’ll knock crack those petrified vaggy walls down like Jericho. Your turn.

  135. Holy shit, I missed the PUMA war!
    Who knew these pasty white ladies could learn about trolling, too? I guess they read the NYT, sort of. Or they at least post that they heard somewhere that a major newspaper might have mentioned them at some point in time.

  136. Fat? FAT? You have: 1. Crazy Eyes 2. Shrill Voice 3. Bizarre Hair 4. Horrible Sense of Fashion 5. The Sexual Appeal of Bruce Vilanch 6. Named After a Dog 7. PUMA Membership and 8. ON CAMERA WITH NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT SHE’S SAYING. Yet you people are riffing on FAT. Fat is the least of poor Jennifer’s problems. She could lose three or four hundred pounds and she still couldn’t get laid, or put together a coherent sentence. The well of problems runs deep with this one.

  137. You know, I call foul on the PUMAs going after everything that is good and holy in my world. There’s nothing wrong with a little oral sex. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the freedom to throw trash at internet bums that can’t read. There’s nothing wrong with frat boys or sorority girls. Poor puddins! They’ve been marginalized their whole lives! Bless your hearts!

  138. Aw, Jen, you’re so cute with your deeply-held democratic ideals:

    I mean, DAMN STRAIGHT the dems don’t support women because Franken ran for the senate in Minnesota. I can totally see the correlation between those two things, in that the party clearly commanded Minnesota voters to vote for their male candidate in the primary, against their own wishes to have a woman in that office! Go you and your wish to help your own democratic party recover its ethics! You’re not at all a republican pretending to be disgusted by your “fellow” democrats!

  139. [re=210649]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Good Jesus, knock it off with the amateurish high school lit references (Melville, hyperboles, etc.) if you’re going to insult our intelligence.

    Trolls used to be more clever than this. At least Tony the Tiger had a certain goofy style to his/her posts. You, Madame, suck at trolling. If you can’t be more clever at least elaborate a bit on the 8 inch enchirido and cabbage hole theme. Shocking is almost as good as clever in the short term, although you’ll only get a few solid posts from the sexy/scat stuff.

  140. Hey NoWireHangers, like um you never responged to my question. So is you name like mean you like have something against like hangers or like r u a survivor of like a partial birth abortion. I could see that because the shit you post only like makes partial sense.

  141. [re=210709]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Well after an objective look at the whole thing, I have to say that nowirehangers made you look like a fully-aborted fetus, so there’s that.

  142. [re=210709]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: OMG! You solved it! That’s why Jen has crazy eyes! Partial birth abortion gone bad! They only poked her in the eyes!

  143. It took me, like, an entire Phish jam session to read through the comments posted between when I left work and when I arrived home. This thread makes me happier than anything, ever, the end.

    So, as a gift of thanks to you, I’m linking to this section of the PUMA PAC website where you can download the MOST INCREDIBLE .jpg images, “fake money” thingies, and this PUMA PAC letterhead—letterhead, motherfuckers, letterhead—that actually has a picture, at the top, of a real live baby puma kitten chewing on a stuffed bear.

    Screw it, here are some more of the most delectable .pdf documents the Internet has to offer:

    “Did Barack Obama Ever Exist?”
    “Who Needs Enemies?”
    “Donna Brazille Says My Party Doesn’t Need Me In November” postcard
    “Obama: Selective Service for Women!”

    You must go and read every single thing on there, even if it means that your computer gets many many viruses and self destructs.

    So you see, Ms. PUMA, the reason why we’re all giving you shit? It’s because you’re full of shit, you lying, hypocritical fraud. Go eat, as they say, a Miracle Bread Bag™ full of dicks.

  144. [re=210709]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Your character lacks depth (and humor and consistency and any redeeming qualities and you’re fat and you have no friends and I hate you).

  145. [re=210709]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Wow, you SO got her. BURN!!!!

    Why no funny stupid? And where are your friends? Oh, wait, that was mean…

  146. So I get it The Confluence is like where smart women who are old hang out and this is the place where all the rest us who are stupid young women come. So like I did now know that PUMA was political and stuff I have some of they shoes and now I won’t buy anymore.

  147. [re=210726]Dildo Baggins[/re]: Only the bottom dwellers of Wonkette are still posting in this thread, including me. Don’t let our boredom induced shit parade spoil your day — read the above threads instead.

  148. [re=210738]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: No, The Confluence is where stupid old bitter women make attempts to sound intellectual (e.g. words like “confluence”) but fail miserably, cementing their reputation as the worst generation/social movement ever.

  149. [re=210738]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Why are you mocking the ebonic usage of “they” for a term of possession? Why do you hate America?! You can’t be an American! You’re racist!

  150. [re=210738]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Nah, you probably have flabby bags anyway, young or no.

    Away to us, boring wench. Or bring jeff his sammich. AND WHERE IS MY POT PIE!!!?!

  151. [re=210738]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Whatever you say, psychopath. Whatever. You. Say.
    There are plenty of women who are smart enough on this here site to recognize that it doesn’t have to be serious. If you think you are making a serious point by trolling to various websites and saying how angry you are, you are in fact a retard, whether male or female.
    That said:

  152. [re=210709]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Withdrawing the welcome. Nothing but lame coming out of that cornhole of yours. A shame, this was starting to get fun. Then… something changed… (insert Julio Iglesias crooning, “To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before.”) …you stopped trying again. You just couldn’t overcome your essential nature, which apparently sucks.

  153. [re=210738]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Young pretty women are inherently stupid… Young pretty women are inherently stupid… Young pretty women are inherently stupid…

    Oh my, someone has the case of the bitters, no?

  154. If this thread goes on for another five hundred or so comments, Stupid Wonkette might accidentally say something funny.

    I think it’ll be worth it, but I have nothing better to do.

  155. [re=210749]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Shorts, didn’t you realize that Wonkette is the most important liberal blog in the blogosphere (see, it says so on the award site)… That’s why it’s important to argue every point on the comments here and make sure the truth is heard about the extreme importance of the PUMA cause (that being dried up old vaginas getting moist at the thought of HRC getting her hands on the reigns of power).

  156. There really is no crazy like PUMA crazy:

    Ex-DemInVA 01.06.09 at 5:32 pm

    We’ve all said before that Obama is a front man. With this latest CIA appointment, IMHO, the “real” head of the CIA will be behind the scenes directing the Agency. It will be someone like Ayers who is really in control of the CIA. This is what we all feared would happen. People better wake up because this country is being hijacked.

  157. [re=210740]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: Hey. Bottom dwellers? I admit I do a little bottom-dwelling occasionally. Does that make me bad? There’s no law against it, except in Utah.

  158. God, this post is so out of control that it’s crashing my Wonkette. Wow. I never missed Tony, but this kind of sophomoric bullshit has a time and a place. It feels good. Real good.

  159. [re=210738]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: You are such a potent combination of bawwww and fail I think my heart has grown three sizes in pity for you and the rest of the sad pot roast burners in the PUMA tribe. May I suggest taking a moment, pushing past all the Arby’s roast beef folds between your fat, gouda smelling thighs and consider scrolling the old mouse once or twice to our boy Hopey? Rubbing a few out may make you feel better over the fact that you are a bitter, old hag with more cats than Andrew Lloyd Webber.

    Oh, and do PUMAs also talk about how the south will rise again, beta is better than VHS and the 8-track will make a comeback? All those other causes are about a valid as Monday morning quaterbacking the primaries.

  160. [re=210678]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Wow your “clever” writing has convinced me to change my vote. Your blog is obviously the best so, I will vote for it as many times as possible!! Why with your vote, my vote and the fat broad in the video we will be unstoppable!!!

  161. Looks like all the smart ones who were members here have realized that there is a better place out there called the pumasphere! Just look at the voting numbers now in the other categories, Dumbtoast is losing the small blog category and uppity woman is winning in hers and it speaks volumes as to what is happening. Welcome fellow PUMA, come home, we are waiting…

    Wonkette is cheating!

  162. [re=210768]NoWireHangers[/re]: At least you came around to the troof, nowirehangers. Once in a while this kind of fun is unavoidable.

  163. [re=210757]Gopherit[/re]: [re=210767]robanybody[/re]: Hey, tain’t nothing wrong with bottom dwelling. This site was born and raised on assfuckery.

  164. I’m so glad I work at home. I’ve been laughing so hard my dog about tore the back door down trying to get out. Childish? Yes. Sophomoric? Definitely? Do I think we could have done things differently after the invasion? There are those who would agree.

    Now, back to SERIOUS WONKETTE, right?

  165. [re=210779]MurphyPUMA[/re]: Thanks for finding that comment by the way, nobody here knew about it after the editors removed it, and luckily one of your trolls was able to post it back up again for you people to use.
    PHEW at least everything’s fair.

  166. [re=210798]SeminoleInDior[/re]: What’s it with crazies/trolls and bad puns? The pun is a fine literary tool and an art. Dumbtoast instead of Rumproast? Really? Not even Dumptoast, which while still pretty horrible at least fits a little better? Mercy.

  167. So like if we are so smart why is our name wonkette? Why not something like
    poseresque like Obamacats (roar) or Posers For Obama?
    Like how can I be a racist when I like voted for Obama?
    I went to the PUMA site and all I saw was like tennis shoes.

  168. [re=210812]NoWireHangers[/re]: I couldn’t agree more. The puns are so bad I had no idea what they were even referencing. BTW, you are my snark hero of the day.

  169. [re=210780]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I think trolling Malkin’s site was more fun.
    [re=210812]NoWireHangers[/re]: I wouldn’t mind the trolling if they were actually funny. Fuckers can’t take a few shots. They’re so OFFENDED!!!! OMG!!! WTF?!?!??

  170. [re=210825]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Your overuse of “like” is neither funny nor mocking. It’s just stupid. Stupid is as stupid does. Bless your heart.

  171. These are the worst fucking trolls I have ever read in all of my years on the internets. Why won’t they shut the fuck up?

    Ugh, Super mega ding dong FAIL.

  172. [re=210795]justlen[/re]: You, my friend have made my day.

    [re=210825]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Didn’t I tell you to go rub one out? How are you able to type with one hand on your stink pit and the other holding the baconator?

    [re=210779]MurphyPUMA[/re]: Don’t you have sammiches to make, pot pies to bake and a bad of dicks to eat? Why are you still here?

  173. [re=210832]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I agree on Malkin. That was faster and more poignant. They were taken by surprise. These people are just retards.

  174. So this is the place where stupid young women and metrosexual men named after characters in Beowoolf come not to be like serious. The confluence is a big word and I dunno know what it means anyway. I tried to read there but my head like exploded cause the words were to big but I get it now. They are a serious blog with smart old women with dried up vaginas and we are a dumb blog with young stupid women with soo much rotten cum in our vaginas that it will never dry up.

    I am so glad i brought my clue stick today.

  175. [re=210841]XOMuffintop[/re]: “How are you able to type with one hand on your stink pit and the other holding the baconator?”

    The stubborn, mindless determination of the idiot savant?

  176. Seminole in Fake Dior,

    Is my use of “like” like stupid????

    I mean you guys are using so many vacab words like baconnator,fuckers, fucking, retards, bizzness, assfuckery. Man o man you guys are like so blog award worthy.

  177. Like this was the like best Wonkette comment ever

    NoYou’ says at 12:36 pm, January 6th, 2009

    “now we now what a Puma is”

    if he wanted it to be more like accurate he wOuld have said

    Like now we now what a like Puma like is

  178. [re=210853]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Honey, you really don’t want to have a verbal tiff with me. Really. I see so many errors in your post that you don’t even have the god-given ability to point out someone else’s mistakes. Not that I ever make any. I am your worst nightmare. I am, in fact, the perfect woman.

  179. [re=210844]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Yes, I remember the tales of the mighty gopherit. Long may they sing his stories.

    Seriously, you suck at this.

  180. [re=210858]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I’m sensing an untenable distaste for younger women you perceive as stupid based on verbal patterns. Did you not get the sorority bid you wanted? Were you the fat girl that seethed over your Snickers bar because of the pretty girls that got all the guys? Did you never learn to properly twirl your hair or flirt with the opposite sex? I can teach you all these things for $19.95 plus shipping and handling.

  181. [re=210844]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I get it now. Since you are not young, attractive, sexually active and/or unfufilled and would never again have a man (or cucumber, hot dog, or cat’s snout) inside you for the rest of your life you must now harp on how your candidate lost by trying to break the pre-approved rules that she agreeded to until she was LOSING while at the same time trying to make men and women who are smart, sane and fun feel bad for having a sense of humor and an ability to side with someone other than you.

    I was kidding before, but I am serious now. Please, for all of us, get off somehow. I have a friend who hasn’t been laid in years who is desperate enough to bang any hag. I will gladly send him and a bottle of KY over to your house in bitterstan.

  182. So like why is the Wonkette mascot on our blog like a picture of like a Bratz Doll?
    And like why is Bill Richardson like your favorite Mexican like person?
    Is Obama like your favorite Negro?

    Do you have Bill Richardson cookies like for sale too?

  183. [re=210859]SeminoleInDior[/re]: These are the ‘feminists’ that embraced Sarah Palin when Hillary ‘abandoned them. I hope you are not depending on logic as a weapon against PUMAs.

    You need to get some free floating outrage and swirling emotion boiling on the stove, and when you start feeling really confused, begin writing.

  184. I would just like to lighten the mood by adding this note:

    There were 420 comments when I opened this post. I am sure that more have been added since, but I am granting 420 stoner diamonds to me for noticing and being amused by this.

  185. Seminole did you like get your retorts from like the Screen play from House bunny or Clueless?

    Or maybe you have been like fucking the guys from this site that you thought like respected you?
    Muffin top, I don’t like need KY jelly cause Seminole in Fake Dior’s blood type and astroglide and I just have to find a vein in her arm that is still good to stick a needle in.

    I apologize I am am messing with your cum hag seminole. What’s the matter honey? Judging from your verbal vomit you sound like you won the whore prize.

    What jealous cause da Wonkette guys r giving me more attention tonight than u?

  186. I don’t know about anyone else, but I kind of feel good for dragging this Stupid Wonkette creature here and causing it to waste its time harmlessly.. uh.. doing whatever it is that it’s trying to do (offend us? make us laugh? briefly amuse us, then bore us?). Better it tire itself out here rather than go out into the real world and, I don’t know, drool on some poor stranger or get itself videotaped babbling about Barack HUSSEIN (!!) Obama. Those kinds of videos end up on the internet, you know. And mean people might hurt its feelings.

    We could be heroes. We could be doing something really noble here. I’m… I’m so damn proud of all of you.

  187. [re=210873]justlen[/re]: Win

    [re=210870]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I don’t base favorites by race or gender (unlike you). I do, however, have a favorite under sexed troll and that is you. Oh, yes you are. You are my favorite troll. I’ve got a bag full of white castles, a vibrator and some Hillary is 44 bumper stickers for you. Now sit, roll over and go back to your sucking chest wound of a blog.

  188. Skutre:

    I hope you are not depending on logic as a weapon against PUMAs.

    No doubt cause there ain’t no fucking logic. We are like the Wonkettes!

    Wonk, Wonk, Wonk, Wonk.

  189. [re=210833]SeminoleInDior[/re]: Totally agree. Who actually speaks like that? Perhaps the old bag has been watching too many episodes of “The Hills” with the grandchildren??

  190. [re=210876]skutre[/re]: Exactly. It’s a losing battle. You can’t stop the crazy. You’ve got to let it wash over you like a fine sea mist.

  191. [re=210880]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I can assure you, madam, that I am more of a lady than you can ever hope to purchase on your lonely nights. But, I do love how you pigeonhole me as a whore because I hit every single one of your comments. Calling other women whores is VERY Progressive. I applaud you. Well done, monkey. Well done!

  192. [re=210844]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Clue stick? When do you propose to begin using it?

    So suck it &c.

    And also, I am a smart old woman and a former Clinton supporter who, because I have a fucking clue about the disaster wrought upon my nation over the last 8 years, got the fuck over it, because party unity *is* pretty fucking important.

    Oh, and further also, I would like some magical negro-flavored cookies, because I am PMSing like crazy right now, and mama loves the chocolatta!


  194. [re=210889]Stupid Wonkette[/re]:

    Why is your only response to call another woman a whore?

    Is it because your only sexual experience was that night in college when you went to a frat party, and got depressed because you weren’t getting attention and drank too much and passed out, only to awake the next morning to discover you were the Bukkake target?

  195. So like who does a stupid woman have to give a blow job to score some of them “yes we can Cookies”????

    Like most posers do you guys watch smart TV like the History Channel and Discovery Channel?

    Do you guys like wear T-shirts with clever sayings “Like Sarah Palin is a like Cunt?”

  196. [re=210880]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Oh, snap. She’s back to attacking other women for having sex. And, wow, she finally name checked me. I can die happy! May I suggest we change tracks? Like me for example, I am done with making fun of your still born sex life. I will not make any more crazy cat lady comments and I will not say your vag smells like a porta potty in the Florida sun. I will however, remind you that you are full of fail, Hillary lost fair and square and Seminole and the fine ladies of the wonkette have more with in one labia than you have in your whole squalid, trailer bait scum pile of a body.

    Now move along now and go dream of a land where bon bons fall from the sky, “The Young and the Restless” is one for three hours a day and you were the popular girl in high school.

    So, to close, allow me to put this into language you will understand. STOP THE HATING, HATERZ!!!!1! PUMAS NO FUN NO MORE!!!!!! HILLARY WAS ROBED!!!! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! SHRILL HARPY SCREAM!!!!!

  197. “I’ve got a bag full of white castles, a vibrator and some Hillary is 44 bumper stickers for you. Now sit, roll over and go back to your sucking chest wound of a blog.”

    Chris Matthews is that You? Like so kewl I didn’t know you hung out on the Wonkette. So like does that mean that Seminole is carpet muncher Keith Olberman Lapdog – Rachel Maddow ????

    Like who fuck else is on here pretending to be stupid besides the stupid people on here?
    I thought you guys were like a bunch of suck ball posers but fuckin A dudes.

  198. [re=210906]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Stupid women such as yourself get paid in cookies, while smart women such as myself get paid in hobo beans. We don’t watch history, we prefer to make history. And no, Sarah Palin is not like a cunt, she is a cunt.

  199. [re=210906]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: No, I watch “Fringe,” “Sanctuary,” “BSG” and MSNBC with my wife. We both have multiple degrees, a loverly house and have only 3 cats. She, and he feminist mother both laugh at PUMAs because of how bad you make women look. They are able to look past gender and vote what is best for the country (McCain/Palin and another 4 years of Bush policies or the half-breed muzlin).

    When a wear T-shirts (I really can’t because unlike you I have a grown up job) they are either plain or band t-shirts from when I was in college (Pearl Jam, Pavement, etc).

    May I ask, what do you watch when when “Real Chance of Love” and “A Shot of Love” aren’t on? And do you mumus have gravy or BBQ stains on them when you leave mom and dad’s basement for more McRibs and Faygo?

  200. [re=210896]SeminoleInDior[/re]: The thing about Pumas is that they see the world through their own self hatred and victimization. You can really see it in the crazy comments. It’s sad. Especially the assumption about Wonketteers being “frat boys” and “whores” because, because who knows why? In reality that description couldn’t be further from the truth, although I will state for the record that Wonkette ladies are intelligent, funny, and beautiful.

  201. “fine ladies of the wonkette have more with in one labia than you have in your whole squalid, trailer bait scum pile of a body.”

    Bwah Ha ha that was priceless. The fine ladies of Wonkette have labias made of fucking steel that even like Superman can’t bite threw em. Gopherit how did you know Limbaugh had a dick? Do muffin’s talk, but I guess they do cause we a Gopher and a Seminole and a Muffin, and a Wire Hanger and a lousy lover,vowel movement.

  202. Aaargh, this is getting so boring. Stupid Wonkette has somehow sucked much of the fun out of this thread and turned it into his/her personal whimpering meltdown.

    And that sort of thing would be fine if it did it surrounded by people who cared about it and were willing to drive it to the hospital afterward or whatever.

    Couldn’t you be crazy in an entertaining or funny way? Do you PUMAs just sit around all day coming up with lists of things you can fail at?

  203. [re=210906]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Can you please call me a whore again? It reminded me of college when the drunk girls would start screaming at each other in bars. Damn, I really miss college. What’s an old whore to do after college? *sigh*

  204. Mufftop,
    Oh Golly gee like Really? I heard your wife was IVY League, that she fucked so many guys outside against buildings that they called her IVY League.

    Multiple degrees,,,,so like two high school degrees between you?

  205. [re=210779]MurphyPUMA[/re]: LOL You are like a broke, homeless panhandler who hasn’t showered in fifty years who has internet access.

  206. [re=210915]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: “Chris Matthews is that You? Like so kewl I didn’t know you hung out on the Wonkette. So like does that mean that Seminole is carpet muncher Keith Olberman Lapdog – Rachel Maddow ????”

    No, I’m the guy pwning you. And Rachel Maddow is my secret lesbian girlfriend so I will your comments about her slide (how does Maddow jive with the whole PUMA thing? Is she some kind of Uncle Tom to you?).

    “Bwah Ha ha that was priceless. The fine ladies of Wonkette have labias made of fucking steel that even like Superman can’t bite threw em”

    Thay may be the case. But if it is, I would say it is better than the Lincoln Tunnel covered in brown and gray flags that you have between your legs. BTW, mty I suggest using a Progresso soup can as a dildo? It may be able to barely rub against your labias.

    You make it too easy. Come on, give me a challenge. You are slakcing in your trollian duties.

  207. [re=210932]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: If you weren’t such a lady, I’d challenge you to a duel and slap you in the face with my leather gloves.

  208. [re=210927]Trace[/re]: Yes, sadly, this post may finally have played itself out. It was funny while it lasted, and I’m grateful that I didn’t succumb to the chimp dance laugh of death. Another day, Pumas. Another day…

  209. [re=210924]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Not steel. Platinum darlin. Platinum pussies and don’t you forget it. And the Gopher and the Seminole and the Muffin and the Hanger and the Vowel Movement and yes me, the Lousy Lover, are following our leader Shorts…and we are off to fucking Washington to see the Wizard. Get your ass back to Kansas, Dorothy…you just ain’t growed up enough to live in the world of colors.

  210. Sorry Seminole, Its Muffins night to call you a whore or is it your Dad’s?

    “What’s an old whore to do after college? *sigh*”

    You can always go back and get a Masters in being a stupid poser bitch. I am sure you can blowjob right through. Think of it as a step up.

    Trace sure I sucked the fun out. There sure as fuck ain’t no intelligence on this blog to suck out.

  211. [re=210942]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: “Trace sure I sucked the fun out. There sure as fuck ain’t no intelligence on this blog to suck out.”

    The implication in this weaksauce “insult” is that you suck the intelligence out of OTHER places you go to?

    Well, gee, I’m shocked.

  212. Muffin top what would you know about Lincoln Tunnel? I thought Bloomberg never let the trash out of Jersey?

    Talk to Princess Caroline about it.

    what did you say Caroline?

    You know, I — uhhh, and, you know, um, you know, and, um, you know, in my own case I think, you know, it’s — eh, in our family, you know, you always think about, you know, going into politics, you know? … You know, after 9/11 I thought about, you know… And I think, you know… You know, everyday New Yorkers. And so um, you know, I think, um, uh, as well as myself, you know? … You know, all over, you know, again — and so I thought, you know, you know, umm, you know, “What can I do?” You know, I really ought to give it some thought, you know? In the future, you know? You know… You know… And, you know, while I was thinking about it just sort of, you know, in my own — you know? Saying, you know, “Why don’t you be Senator? You know, you’d be great! You know, go for it rooting for you.” You know, you know, coming up to me, you know, thought this was real so, you know, so I thought, “Well, you know…” Because, you know — But I think, you know, I… You know, public service is really, uhh, eh, you know, and, um, you know, I come at this as, you know, a mother. You know, people um, you know, um, what made America — You know, I don’t have… You know, we talk…

  213. [re=210932]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: My wife has had quite the good sex life (bet that makes you jealous). The Ivy League joke kinda would maybe make sense if I was high. You may have wanted to go with a more generic slut joke (like I did with the Lincoln Tunnel line earlier) or say that you are so loose it is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

    As for our degrees, she has a master’s degree in Computer Information Systems with a BS in Management Information Systems. She is an engineer. I have a BA in English lit with a minor in History and a BS in Management Information Systems. I work in QA. And from your posts here and the level of wit in them, I would say you got your degree from one of the Sally Struthers informercials. Tell me, was it in Gun Repair of Vetrinary Technology?

  214. [re=210942]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I already have a Master’s degree. Do you have any other suggestions? So let’s see if I can keep track of the insults you’ve used toward me:

    Fake Couture (the very idea!)
    Incest victim

    I do like how you punctuated your post on intelligence with “sure as fuck”. Gives it a tinge more authenticity, no?

  215. Lousy lover,

    Wait till you get to Washington and you see the Wizard is just a bony ass black guy behind a curtain.

    OBAMA: Uhhh. Uh, I also want to thank, uh, uh, uhhhh, theeee… uh, this, uh… Uh, eh, uh, uh, uh, ehhh, uh, uhh, uh, you know, uh, uh, uh, uh, um, uh, is, uhhhh… is, uhh, of their work, uh, uhh, uh, uh, um, uh, uh we’ve, uh. Uh, uh, I…

  216. [re=210942]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Did we get to you? I think we did. What little lulz in your comments are now gone and like any other bitter, you are now just flailing in rage and self-pitty at the feet of your betters. Wow, isn’t that kinda what happened with Hopey and Hillary? You know, I am done with this. Let’s get back to the dick, fart and you being a fatty cat lady jokes.

  217. Seminole do you have a Ph VD too?

    Aw Muffin quit cutting and pasting from resumes on

    Wow you guys are really working hard to prove you are not as dumb you sound.
    I must have gotten under your blogskin. Next you will send your transcripts

    My work is done.

  218. [re=210881]Trace[/re]: I’m for breaking with the usual policy of extreme tolerance and banning her lame ass. She’s had a bunch of opportunities to show some intelligence and have some fun, through sarcasm or whatever, but she’s just a mean snake and is stuck in one gear, Free-Floating Rage. She has nothing to say and says it badly. Even her porn is lame. This is the nightmare date that ends with screaming and then she calls you daily for seven months and shrieks psychotic accusations at you (no, SW, I’m not psychic, it was just a guess), and she leaves dead things in your mailbox and flattens your tires because the rage is like a pair of SuperGlue undies on her and she just can’t get it off. She’s creepy, she’s lame, and mostly she’s not funny. I would love to see her go away.

    Nothing personal, SW. By the way, I use a PO box.

  219. [re=210946]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Stupid, as a 54 year old depressed woman like yourself who also voted for Hillary, can’t you be nicer to these younger kids? You must have something better to do with yourself. OH and by the way I’ve been trolling the shit out of that dung you call “website” with an I.P. blocker, so I hope you know that the longer you are here, the longer I’ll be there, ruining your lives which are already pretty much brain-mush anyway.
    Fuck you, cunt.

  220. [re=210950]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Bravo! *golf clap* Bravo! That is some fine intelligence right there. Brings a tear to my whore-y eye!

  221. So, Stupid Wonkette’s clever shtick is to exaggerate the speaking habits of others. For example, I used “like” three times in what I thought was a whimsical, fun, and fancy-free fashion and so it uses it about.. what? A couple of hundred times over various boring comments as though it is somehow funny or insulting?

    I guess you’ve got to focus on the little, stupid things to try to vent your bitterness and anger. Especially when you lose on the big things. Like, you know, elections.

  222. [re=210946]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I am from Boston, my dear and would never lower myself to going to that fetid stink pit of a city called post-Rudy New York. And you assume that I want Kennedy to take Hillary’s seat when I would be more than happy to see her not get it since it is obvious there is onyl one New Yorker prepared to represent the state: The Naked Cowboy.

  223. I’m sort of sitting on the sidelines here guys – sorry. I live in a rough neighborhood. Sometimes a crackhead will pester my friends and I while we sit outside. Occasionally I snap and go ballistic. It never feels very good later.

    But Stupid Wonkette… come the fuck on. Get over yourself. I’m not going to call you names but you are coming off as VERY petty. The simple fact that you’re here shows this enormous lack of confidence or some sort of hurt ego over Ken’s post earlier. What’s the big deal? We come here for tehlulz because NEWS IS FUCKING DEPRESSING!

  224. Is it possible that Stupid Wonkette is a meta-troll? No way she/he/it actually thinks adding “like” to its posts is actually an insult to Wonkette.

  225. WTF? 476 comments? What is this? Gawker? I grew up in the South around obese women like these, and usually they go republican. What are their other options?

  226. [re=210955]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Your work is hardly done, madam. You left nary a scratch or mark upon anyone’s ego. You’re going about it all wrong.

  227. “can’t you be nicer to these younger kids?”

    Nah, stupid minds are a terrible thing to waste. I am glad Wonkette has found a place for these prison bloggers. Thank you Wonkette for creating a blog where assholes and women who are nothing more than cum receptacles can voice their political opinions that NO ONE gives a rat’s ass about except people like me who laugh at them.

  228. [re=210958]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:

    Nobody explained dynamic IP’s to them. It’s a blast to troll there at will. They just never catch on.

    I have a mental picture of the average PUMA as Bea Arthur in a muumuu, surfing on dialup.

  229. [re=210973]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Actually, about 53% of the country cares about our politica views since they voted with us. And I have been out of prison since the DNA testing proved I wasn’t the one who blinded your mom with that bukkake jizz fountain. And there you go again judging the women on this board for having a better sex life than you. Please, follwo my advice and go rub one or a hundred out. The cobwebs might be thick down there, but with some time and energy, you will be able to get through them.

  230. [re=210973]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: “Thank you Wonkette for creating a blog where assholes and women who are nothing more than cum receptacles can voice their political opinions that NO ONE gives a rat’s ass about except people like me who laugh at them.”

    Yeah, you definitely seem like you’re just getting a good laugh out of this, don’t you? You don’t at all seem like you’re having a public meltdown of crazy bitterness or anything. And we’re definitely not enjoying watching it happen. Not a bit.

    Nah, you’re just totally putting us in our place or.. whatever it is you think you’re accomplishing.

  231. “No way she/he/it actually thinks adding “like” to its posts is actually an insult to Wonkette.”

    Nope, I just came here and saw the grammar or lack thereoff and figured when in Rome…

    It’s okay Trace embrace your over usage of “like”. It’s flattering but really Don’t change for me, change because you read your posts and come to the realization that you sound like a victim of “No child Left Behind”

  232. [re=210973]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: That would be true, if it weren’t for the fact that I helped bring about your own personal version of the Apocalypse. Screaming at the wind nets you nothing. Action, however, does.

    Welcome to my creation, darling. It will hurt less if you quit resisting.

  233. [re=210973]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Are you taking questions? I have a question: why do you hate commas so much? Are they pro-Obama and therefore banned in your PUMAspeak?

  234. [re=210906]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Let’s see… you use racist language. You insult other women for being sexual beings. You are unable to say anything coherent. Posers? Really? Are you one of the cool kids from high school in 1993? Or maybe you are one of the self-centered, wasteful baby boomers that spent your life coasting on the achievements of your parents’ generation while ignoring looming problems because you didn’t want to be inconvenienced. Maybe you could quit trolling Wonkette and whining. You could go give your time to a homeless shelter or a program for abused children instead. But nope, to selfish for that! I think maybe you have some problems that need professional help. Dr Phil doesn’t count.

  235. [re=210988]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I’m right here, asshole, why don’t you pick on a bigger fish? Or are there no bigger fish then you? :(

    So sad for yoooos.

  236. The Angst of a Dozen PUMAs has awoken the Obamaton.

    Knowing that a cabal of Self-Validating, Bitter, Pudgy, Middle-Aged, White Women and their Self Loathing Sycophants (who still refuse to accept that a well run organization/movement will usually defeat a self righteous and entitled group of whiners) is suffering and cares to continue the pain warms my digital cockles.

    Oh, the tasty pain. The middle aged angst. Is this what a buffet is like?

  237. [re=210988]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: My dear, I speak a perfect Queen’s English and I can state unequivocally that from what I have seen of your oeuvre, you are in absolutely no intellectual position to judge the grammar of others. Or thoughts of others, for that matter.

    Madame thinks anyone who works at or reads Wonkette cares if the blog wins. What happened to all the entertaining trolls? Oh Tony! Oh Wolfe! Oh General what-ever-your-name was! Why have you forsaken us?

  238. [re=210998]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: You keep trying so hard to make with the insults and failing so spectacularly. You’re like a legless, rabid poodle. We keep smacking you on the back of the head, and you keep foaming and snapping at nothing but air.

  239. [re=210844]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: metrosexual? Man, I wish I could dress well, but I can’t seem to take the time… Much like you with bathing and shaving/bleaching your mustache

  240. “You could go give your time to a homeless shelter or a program for abused children instead. But nope, to selfish for that! ”

    Hey Now, I volunteer my time to needy battered people. Afterall I am posting on Wonkette you know. That should get me some community service points. I am being entertained. I don’t know what makes your blog so stupid but it really works.

  241. [re=211007]lousylover[/re]: [re=210998]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Stupid Wonkette is not only a victim of dumpster baby, but a member and advocate.
    They don’t have abortions in that small corner of *INSERT FAILED STATE HERE* that she comes from.

  242. [re=210998]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I can assure you, madam, that I am not your typical Yankee trash that lives in a split-level house in a non-descript neighborhood and hands out the goods, like you are used to. I may well be the first lady you’ve ever met in your life.

  243. [re=210998]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: What you fail to realize, which, I have to agree with NWH makes it even funnier, is that many of us here enjoy knowing we are making people like you have a bad day. The fact that you are so engaged and angry, while I eat a quesadilla and play with my progeny gives me joy.

  244. [re=210998]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: *Sings “Everyone Has AIDS.”* Did I hit a nerve when I called you out for actually being hurt by this? If I did, I am sorry. You really are scraping the bottom of the troll barrel. After the molestation, rape and AIDS comments I think you are left with Hitler/Nazi comments and you have all the punches on your “troll cliche” card. Also, for a “REAL PROGRESSIVE” it is funny how you lower yourself to the “fauxgressive” level we represent when we say mean things about your miniscule sex life, pathetic causes and your, sadly, gigantic ass.

    I am going to step out of my usual super dick mode and ask you, politely, to forgive the evil men who won the election. And, possibly, take a moment to reflect on the bag of dicks you wree supposed to start eating a couple of hours ago. Then go get me a fanta and get in the corner, bitch.

    [re=210986]Trace[/re]: No, you give her too much credit. This is just a tantrum. A long, embarassing, funny tantrum.

  245. Wow , this trolling is actually worse than when Cristian Fundamentalists shamble cluelessly into righteous attack mode. It’s embarrassing.

  246. Another top comment from The Confluence/

    Pat Johnson, on January 6th, 2009 at 3:43 pm Said:
    Snickering never loses its cache when you are 14!

    Its “cache” of what?

  247. I don’t get it. Stupid Wonkette is clearly delusional, so why doesn’t it just commit to that craziness and convince itself that Hilary is our new president? Then it would be happy and stop embarrassing itself quite so much.

    That kind of half-assed crazy is why you can’t have nice things or win elections, you know! Maybe!

  248. [re=211012]Trace[/re]: The Obamaton is impressed and his progeny confused. Why does Daddy Obamaton find “legless rabid poodle” so funny.

  249. Trace,

    Like are you always this like rhetorically ineffective or are you making like a special effort today?

    Lemme guess you go to CHUBBS right?

  250. [re=211022]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: She’s a dumpster baby, I though the coat hanger didn’t puncture the womb enough and only made her go half retard instead of full dead. Wow, color me surprised.

  251. [re=211027]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I know you’re hurting that HRCunt lost the election, but Obama’s reaching out to his opponents… He’s going to introduce a tax cut for dildos and chocolate. That should save you several thousand $$ per year.

  252. “I am going to step out of my usual super dick mode and ask you, politely,”

    Don’t do that Muffinballs. You wouldn’t have a personality otherwise.

  253. [re=211033]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: tsk, tsk. Back to using “like” in an ineffectual way? I keep giving you material to use against me and yet you flail so spectacularly.

  254. You know what the real tragedy of this is? It is only January and we have already had the lamest troll of the year. It is a shame we peaked so early.

  255. [re=211028]skutre[/re]: Ooh! That sounds fun. Can we do that tomorrow?

    [re=211033]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: CHUBBS? Never heard of it, but I hope it’s porn. You owe me, after all the boring crap we’ve had to put up with from you.

    And you’ll have to forgive any ineffectiveness on my part. Something about you just makes makes me go all limp and rubbery. Uh, rhetorically, I mean.

  256. Why seminole? You don’t know the meaning of the word “fear” – but then again like most on this blog you don’t know the meaning of most words. Well that’s not fair you all know the meaning of “like”.

  257. [re=211040]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Finally after countless posts tooling your super sizing ass you finally discover the main fascet of my personality. But don’t forget, I am also jevenile, witty and have a singing voice like Jesus met Fergie. Whiel you, have PUMA bitterness, poor at best trolling skills and unemployment to get you through the day.

  258. The DC Gossip
    Roland Burris Has Already Constructed His Terrifying Death Chamber

    Now that is what I call a blog topic. Man this is like the NY Post for blogs.
    No wonder you come here Muffin Top, I bet you think that this sure beats your job of sweeping trash at Leechmere Mall.

  259. [re=211051]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Actually, most child stars smoke crack (you know, that stuff your dad sucks dick). And, yes I made a dad joke. I am trying to play at your level but you keep lowering the standards. And last time I check, it is heroin. Heroine is the character in a story you will never be because the heroine is supposed to be smart, pretty and live in a world not a delusional as yours.

  260. I wonder which weirdo Stupid Wonkette actually is. Since it was that afrocity person who commented on my charming use of “like” in the comments over there, I’m gonna make the boring easy guess and say it’s her. This person’s definitely got that “like” fixation, which will surely become clever or funny any minute now.

  261. [re=211047]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I have no fear. My father raised me right. Although, I am unclear on what I am supposed to fear. Certainly not you, I hope. This whole back and forth is like playing with a special needs puppy. You know you shouldn’t torment it, but it’s just funny to watch.

  262. [re=211017]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Sweet! I got a reply and confirmation of my hypothesis. Stupid is in fact a selfish turd. Sadly, I was serious about your generation’s self-centeredness. I’m out. Wonketteers, I suggest we leave the troll alone and move on to less shit-soaked pastures. The runoff here is causing pollution.

  263. [re=211057]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Hey everyone, she tried to diss my job. Funny story, I used to work in a mall while I was in college. You know, that place you didnt get into. Anyways, there used to be this mentally handicapped guy who would hang out all day and talk to the mall workers until he got kicked out for trying to steal all the porno mags from the newstand in the mall. Speaking of whic, how is you dad doing? Yes, two posts. Two dad jokes. Redundant? Maybe. On the same lever as your jokes? I couldn’t fail that bad if I wanted.

  264. OMLord you guys are trading barbs with a PUMA. One who doesn’t know the difference between “heroin” and “heroine”. Why couldn’t they send their best and brightest? I shudder to think maybe they did.

    Anywhoozle, we should let this one slip away quietly, where s/he can enjoy some comfort eating and Hil Elected Prez Fanfic in peace. Let’s turn over the key to the fridge lock, pull up some good romantic reading on the screen, and back out of the room slowly.

  265. [re=211063]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: We would, but you’re all wusses and moderate the hell out of everything that’s said. We can take the bullshit you hand out, but you can’t take ours. It’s sad, really.

  266. “This whole back and forth is like playing with a special needs puppy. You know you shouldn’t torment it, but it’s just funny to watch.”

    You know I was thinking that when I watched you puke and then eat it again. Too many “yes we can” biscuits are bad for you. Here take a shit on the NYT, you will feel better.

  267. [re=211063]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Why? So we can be banned for actually trying to have snarky disourse, but discourse none the less? I think Gopherit already tried that and all he got to do was come on someone’s face.

    I would go over there, but knowing that any whiff of dissent is banned and erased because of the painful level of groupthink?

    Besides, you are fulfilling four months worth of tasty anguish. Besides, I am busy trying to figure out how to hook you and TtT on

  268. Stupid Wonkette: Very sad. Very mad sad angry was probably/maybe once a human being. Maybe it’s past your feeding time and you know how grumpy you can get when you haven’t eaten for a few minutes. Now go get yourself some HoHos and the TV Guide. I think Jerry’s fixin to be on soon…and he will make it allllllllll better.

  269. Wow, now how many stupid ass wonkettes can I get to devote Like 400 posts to me?

    Thanks Wonkettes. I don’t think you guys are stupid high school dropouts and date rapists, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?

  270. [re=211077]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: “You know I was thinking that when I watched you puke and then eat it again” Was that you in that wierd puke porn from Japan my friend send me? Not the one puking and then eating it. Were you the one with a jizz goggles and the clown nose? Nah, it couldn’t have been, even though they are a sumo culture, no one would want you in a porno. Liek High School or family vacations all over again. Isn’t it, Stupid?

  271. Stupid Wonkette has been commenting on one post for over 3 hours. If all of Hillary’s supporters had had that tenacity, she might have actually won the nomination.

  272. InsidiousTuna!!! I love that name. Seminole must be thrilled that you named yourself after the aroma of her favorite form of income.

  273. Wonkette:I can’t even post a reasonable argument there, they just censor everything they disagree with. They should call it the Commiefluence.

  274. [re=211084]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Yes it is. As in “you are wicked lame.” Or, “you are wicked retaaded.” Yeah, let the Southie Boston jokes come. Even though, your trailer park ass hasn’t seen the outside without the aid of the fire department, some saws and a crane in a long time.

    The fact that 400 comments have been devoted to you is impressive. Will it make mommy and daddy love you finally? Or ignore the fact your GED is covered in 57 sauce? Or the fact the that Hillary lost?

  275. [re=211100]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Okay, look, I don’t know who you are, or how long you’ve been here, or whatever. To be honest, I don’t give a shit. But you are truly annoying, and I’ll ask you to leave.


  276. [re=211063]Stupid Wonkette[/re]:
    Why don’t you guys go to the Confluence and pretend to be smart.
    Come on you can do it. Have faith in your inabilities.

    That’s the funniest thing I have heard. I’ve been censored, and just today I watched people be censored for trying to engage in a political discourse. You’ve even banned your own.

    Anything that doesn’t meet the criteria gets banned:

    1) vote Vagina
    2) black men scare me
    3) vote Vagina
    4) don’t understand how a Republic works

  277. Muffinhow did you manage to get clearance to have porn sent to you in prison?

    Is it true that it is Massachusetts State Law that Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder?

  278. [re=211098]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: My Wonkette screen name or my porn screen name? I always appreciate receiving delusional advice from the sexperts such as yourself. Like.

  279. I’m making a porno. It’s going to star this bitch and Nash McCabe, and it is going to be fucking filthy. Now who wants to lend me $5000, some meth, and a jumbo bag of cheetos?

  280. I may have to spend some time tomorrow doing more than the usual casual nailing of their site. But enough for tonight. I have to do some more important things than the PUMA’s do:

    -watch the news to see how the world really works
    -eats something for dinner a little better than Ragu while watching Wheel
    -get laid


  281. ….Engage in political discourse.

    Someone should have told you that political discourse does not usually have the word “Like” in it like 30 times in a like paragraph.

    Or consider that the PUMAS have better things to do than talk to trolls like me. Why do you think I came here? They wouldn’t give me the time of day and told me to try here.

    They said you guys were the stupid liberal blog and would keep me entertained. They were right.

    Thanks Confluence.

  282. [re=211114]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: A prison barb? Come on, Stupid. In this day in age saying a guy with the word “muffintop” in his name is in prison give me more hardcore rep than I deserve. I thought I was the date rapist from your little diatribe. Not the prisoner or the whore (since we all fit into one of those 3 categories here on Wonkette. Although, I always fancied myself more of a rapscallion of cowboy warlock than any of those three options). However, I will gladly be anything other than a PUMA so it is a win for me any way you slice it.

  283. watch the news to see how the world really works
    -eats something for dinner a little better than Ragu while watching Wheel
    -get laid


    Don’t dream too big Justlen.

    Oh BTW, if you are watching CNN or MSNBC you are not really seeing how the world really works.

  284. Dear God, is this what I’ll be like when I’m a middle-aged lady? I hope that when I’m older I’ll still like to fuck, drink gin, and have the decency to smile when a younger generation takes the reigns of leadership.

  285. [re=211116]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Your act is complicated if you’re actually making fun of yourself and your compatriots (i.e. the only stupid people here). Perhaps you’re not as intellectually challenged as you seem.

  286. [re=211120]justlen[/re]: “watch the news to see how the world really works”

    Good luck on that one.

    OTOH Now that Colbert and Stewart are back some things might leak out, huh?

  287. [re=211132]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: No, but I do like NECCO wafers. Where do you work? Meth lab? Jizz-mopper? Wait, let me guess, government dole?

  288. where is everybody going? Puma’s bet me that I could engage you Wonkettes in political disgust or discourse for over two hours so far I have won. I want to break a blog record. How many posts on Wonkette will be about me….Although Muffin is good, he does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe.

  289. [re=211135]heroinmule[/re]: And with this post, I think the room is littered with dead horses and the final nail in the WIN coffin has been dropped. We win again. But, to be honest, it wasn’t that hard. Kinda like Stupid’s daddy’s johnson when he wants “special daughter time.” Oh, yes, I went there. A couple hours after she did, but the incest joke has been made.

  290. Sorry to disappoint Grendel, you have been watching too much japanimae, or smelling Seminole.
    Did you know that Gredel means cocksucker in 15th century Carolingian? Bet you did.

  291. [re=211140]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Do you need a dictionary to know what “discourse” is?

    But, to humor you, let’s discourse. I’ll even let you choose the topic, so long as it is, as you promised your PUMA buddies, political.

    It’s put up or shut up time.

    1000:1 you can do neither.

  292. [re=211146]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: As a nerd, I have to tell you it is not “japanime.” It is anime. I think you are refering to “Hentai.” Which is usually very sexually graphic, something your life has not been since Nixon’s first term I would wager.

    Also, I bet Seminole smells like roses on her worst day compare to you septic tank stench comming from all the folds and sweat pockets caused by years of bitterness, cheese fries and Steak and Shake.

  293. [re=211146]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: You haven’t won a thing. You were never even fully engaged. Whore jokes, smelly crotch jokes, and calling people stupid is a win in no one’s book. Good day to you, madam.

  294. And that, boys and girls, is what it’s like to be on a date with Stupid Wonkette. Now you know why she drinks so much White Zinfandel!

  295. Why must you insist on painting me a whore? Lord above woman! You haven’t an original thought in your head. When in doubt, go for whore jokes.

  296. [re=211154]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Actually, we get cookie. Cookies with frosting. Plus, we get the feeling of pride that can only come from picking on a douche bag like you.

  297. Seminole, Hate to break it to you but we never fucked so you don’t know my type.
    Every blog has to have a resident whore. Someone the guys disrespect and talk dirty to like the harem comment. Thumbs up Seminole, it could happen to a better blog slut than you.

    For someone who doesn’t believe my trash you sure have devoted your entire evening to responding to me. Gee, there must be a lonely ass street corner and a guy looking to break a twenty to spend two bucks somewhere in America. You heart breaker.

  298. [re=211154]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: You really are a failure at life if you haven’t figured out that penis isn’t the end all, be all of the world. I’d much rather have a gold-plated credit card. Enough with the sex. Money makes the world go ’round.

  299. [re=211154]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I’m sure the golden dildo doesn’t match up to the shit and gore encrusted dried bull penis you use to plumb your nether regions looking for some flicker of sexual desire, only to find that you are so disturbingly unattractive that you can’t manage to even excite yourself.

  300. [re=211166]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: “Seminole, Hate to break it to you but we never fucked so you don’t know my type. Every blog has to have a resident whore. Someone the guys disrespect and talk dirty to like the harem comment. Thumbs up Seminole, it could happen to a better blog slut than you.”

    Not to bust your bubble, but I never posted to Seminole before tonight. Also, she ignored my comment since it was obviously a sarcastic way of giving her props for her pwning your ass.

    If you were the progressive you claimed to be, I would think you would be chastising me over the sexist harem comment not calling her a whore for me making it. In fact, that attitude is the opposite of progressive thought. It is, in fact, something a fundamentalist conservative would do. PUMA logic foiled again.

  301. [re=211172]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Here’s the thing: Whore jokes and calling me stupid won’t insult me. At all. Neither are soft spots for me, and you can’t convince me even the tiniest bit to be worried about the strength of your comments. Pick new subjects to prod. You won’t win with those two.

  302. [re=211176]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Shiraz is for dumbasses who saw Sideways and stopped drinking Merlot but don’t actually know what’s good

  303. …We can when it is actually sarcasm and not some smuck Boston trash who drinks milk from a “cotton” and thinks he is being clever with his Bunker Hill Associates Degree.

  304. [re=211187]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: That’s it. You’ve got us. You’re better than New Englanders and Southerners. You must be from..Kansas or Oklahoma.

  305. [re=211183]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I was assuming since a professional troll would not be a lame as you are that you are a progressive PUMA nut and not someone just going this for the lols of it. And, since you and the other PUMA crashed the board at the same time, and made references to comments wonkette members made on PUMA sites, AND you have linked to PUMA sites it does not take much to figure out that you are a PUMA mad that the “fauxgressives” are wining some pointless internet vote that we honeslty could give a fuck less about.

    And you obviously give a shit considering how defensive you have gotten at points in your trolling. I will now go back to making fatty and sex jokes once again since I had to stop having fun top keep you in the game.

  306. [re=211187]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Actually, I drink my milk from a plastic bottle. I do “pahk” my “cah” in “hahvahd yahd” if it would make your “wicked retahded” ass happy. And, I got my degrees from a tier one research school thank you. After I first flunked out of USC for drinking too much and doing too many drugs. Please, give me some credit. I am giving you the came courtesy.

  307. Grendel,

    It is all in the tannins. I drink Riesling too. Whoa sideways, no that comment has poser all over it. It is the sort of comment one makes when you don’t know shit about wine, but you are glad that someone made a movie about wine snobs so you can make it kewl not to know shit about wine.

    I pegged you guys right. Liberal posers who use film references to satiate your ignorance.

    Grendel you do know that you are not suppose to drink from the spit bowl or fuck fat steakhouse waitstaff right?

  308. AnglRDR lets make a wager, go to the CONFLUENCE and have some discourse. I will give you time to get your dictionary and meet you over there. You can bring along Seminole for immoral support. I bet I can stay on without getting kicked off longer than you can. Whoever stays the longest wins. If you win I leave the Wonkette forever. You loos,e I stay here every fucking day until your mouth is drier than the cum on Seminoles thong.

    How many are in?

  309. I can’t even do this anymore. The level of idiocy come out of this one has devolved way too quickly. I’ll take my new whore jokes and go home.

  310. [re=211204]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Am I the onyl one that thinks cum stained thongs are hot? I mean, they are thongs. Which are awesome alone. And they have come stains on it, which mean the chick is down to fuck. Well, they are hot compapred the skid marked granny panties you rock 7 days a week.

  311. Come on Angldr,

    Seminole is losing money every moment she stays here and men may start raping women who actually have a career not kneeling down.

  312. [re=211204]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Uuuuuh I would love to have discourse with your dry ass vadge, but your moderator is just a tad ban-happy.

  313. [re=211204]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I’m on THE CONFLUENCE’S front page because I blew all your goddamn minds with my word-magick.

    I hate you about ten times more than I normally would just because you love the word “CONFLUENCE” so much. Are you shitting me? CONFLUENCE? Blog title? What? Was that buried somewhere in a Grisham book that one of you retards read the first two chapters of before getting distracted by Dancing With The Stars? Get a fucking job already because I am not psyched about paying taxes for your nursing home.

  314. [re=211216]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Muffinmuncher is not an insult. It either mean I like to give oral sex to women (which I do) or I like to eat a tasty baked good (which, again, I do like). Now, if you are down to “if you say so” responses, then it is time give into the fail and shame you are filled with that I mentioned at the start of this little flame war and go home. Otherwise, the next step is “You’re rubber and I’m glue” comments and I would really hope even you are above those.

  315. Oompa Loompa, Doopity dee
    If you are wise, you’ll listen to me
    Oompa Loompa Doopity do
    I’ve got a thoughtful lesson for you

    What do you get when your vadge is your brain?
    Bitching and moaning that none know your pain?
    Just ’cause you lost doesn’t mean it’s not fair
    Shut up, and grow a PAIR
    (in a nah-on-sexist sense)

    Oompa Loompa Doopity dah
    If you stop fighting, you will go far
    You will use your cabinet post to…
    Help the Oompa Loompa Doopity Do!

  316. Well the key is your actually have to say something on the Confluence worth substance. You can’t go other sounding like a bunch of “like” using illiterates.

    I went to Harvard, I can walk the walk. Can you Wonkettes? Junior College is underrrated right. So prove it. I mean seriously you really think this is a blog that someone would take seriously? Let alone a political blog? This place is a joke and you are obsessed with some PUMA bitches that are classes ahead of you –age wise and intelligence wise. Yet Angldr backed off from the challenge because you bitches can’t write anything without sounding like trust fund hacks.

  317. Again, you say “bitches” like it is a bad think.

    And I have never set foot on a junior college campus in my life. Sadly, I don’t have a trust fund, either, so your powers of perception are about as strong as your vocabulary.

  318. [re=211231]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: “I mean seriously you really think this is a blog that someone would take seriously? Let alone a political blog?”

    Of course not, dear. No one takes this blog seriously. Not one single person, including the people who work at Wonkette. That is what people have been trying to tell you in various ways for many, many entertaining hours.

  319. Christ, Stupid Wonkette is still here throwing a hissy fit? And still fixated on that “like” thing, I see.

    He/she has been here how long now and still hasn’t thought up anything clever? I suppose that’s our fault somehow, though. Or Barry’s. Who knows?

  320. [re=211231]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Why is it that every troll is a mad scientist/political savant/ninja/space man/Harvard grad once they are out of jokes? And calling the Wonkette a joke is like calling a game a waste of time. That is the point of it. We come here to make jokes, act like idiots and be snarky because dumbasses such as yourself take yourselves waaaaay too seriously. And, unlike most, a lot of us here have real, grown up stressful jobs and or graduate work that we want to step away from and just be immature. You claim to be smarter than everyone here, and that Confluence is filled with such intelligent and enlightened people but yet you, nor anyone there gets that this is a humor blog. Hell, in the terms and conditions it says we have to be snarky. Which, I am violating by breaking this down to you. So in closing, Truck Nutz to you and have a good night.

  321. Is that why they call you Wonkettes because you are like some Willy Wonka loving liberal cult?

    Okay Can I play?


    What hapens to a campaign when it plays the race card?
    Obamabots ACCUSED OTHERS OF race baiting from the very start
    How is that unifying American politics?
    When call anyone against Obama an uneducated hick?
    Take a look at yourselves
    Naive little Obama elves.


  322. [re=210946]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Muffin top what would you know about Lincoln Tunnel? I thought Bloomberg never let the trash out of Jersey?

    Hahaha doesn’t Darrrrragh Murphy live in New Jersey according to her own admission?


  323. [re=211238]Trace[/re]: It is our fault. According tot he Confluence, Barry has been too busy causing rapes and being an evil black. We must, for once, accept our responsibility in this and see that we are the reason why Stupid sucks so bad.

  324. Ah, well. It seems Stupid is never going to grow a sense of humor or start to have fun with this, and it’s starting to harsh the general mellow here, too, so I guess I’m off to other posts to waste time on.

    I guess that means Stupid won.. uh.. somehow. Or something. I don’t know. I’m not the Harvard grad doing the social experiment having a laugh, etc.

    Now that you’ve done whatever it is you’ve done here, Hilary is one step closer to being our next president.

  325. Agl, so you guys really are stupid empty-headed cum wats

    So why the fuck would I vote for you for best liberal blog? Now how can I vote for you? You guys don’t stand for SHIT. you are not liberals even, well you may be but you write like stupid ass kids. I am a libertarian you stupid fuckers and you are having this battle about best blogs.You spent all night responding to me because you think I am a PUMA and you are obsessed with proving something.

    I voted for Red State then went to Confluence to see what the fuck the bruja was about and saw this war. No contest you guys are fucking idiots and PUMA is wondering why you are kicking their ass and it is simple.
    There are more stupid fucking liberals in than world than pathogens on a NY subway pole. That is why you are winning but you guys are some boring ass mutha fuckers.

  326. [re=211250]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Oh, you got us good. Congratulations…I guess. I guess if we weren’t boring, you wouldn’t have spent the last few hours trolling us.

  327. [re=211250]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: Finally some humour! Now that was funny!

    By the way, “[y]ou spent all night responding to me because you think I am a PUMA and you are obsessed with proving something.”

    I believe the real reason you got any attention at all, other than that you scream for it, is that you make excellent fodder. Thanks for the giggles! kthxbai! <3 <3 <3

  328. Seriously, 647 comments? I can’t possibly read all this–keeping up with this thread isn’t an innocent pastime, it’s a job. And the only one I read was the last one posted (while I was wating for my own space to come up) from something called stupid wonkette. Is that for real, or just one of the editors making fun of us?

  329. WTF is “bruja?”

    And why is your stank so hauntingly familiar, Stupid Wonkette? It’s because you’ve trolled here before, isn’t it?

  330. Muffin,

    You are using the word snarky like it is going out of style.

    “nor anyone there gets that this is a humor blog.”

    It is not a humor blog because you guys are about as funny as dick dipped in honey in a bee hive.

    “Hell, in the terms and conditions it says we have to be snarky.”

    It said be snary, not try to be snarky and fail.

    Geeze PUMA was all in a panty knot and I don’t see why because you guys are fucking losers who work 9-5, or when ever her beeper goes off in Seminoles case and think you are a humor blog.

    Now that is the funniest fucking thing I have heard all night.

  331. [re=211255]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]:
    God bless you. You get my $$$ for saying the truth about these PUMAs. Fodder is right.

  332. Don’t sugarcoat it Nigerian Business Man (i.e. drug smuggler)

    The real reason I stole the show tonight is that these Wonkette bloggers or whatever are about as fun to read as Crime and Punishment in Braille and needed something to do.

    My god what other awards are you up for? Most disillusioned posters?

    Best Blog slut (seminole)
    Best Blog to Lose Your Command of The English Language
    Blog with the word fuck in it the most times?
    Best Blog where people think their shit doesn’t stink but it reeks.

  333. [re=211259]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: What can I say? I like the word snark. I like syaing it. I like typing it. snark.

    And a dick covered in honey and stuck into a bee hive is funny…as long as it isn’t your dick in the hive.

    And you burned us good. We poor, delusional souls that have 9-5 jobs during a recession. Yeah, that is such a dig.

    No, the funniest thing tonight is how you have all of a sudden turned into a completely different troll than the one I first met. It is heartbreaking. Or sociopathic. Or pathetic. I’ll let the room decide.

  334. anglrdr,

    My apologies you must work for someone else in a shit job. No wonder you come here after work.
    Correspondence courses never pay off.

  335. I am the same troll Muffin you are just like most liberals — a Dimocrat.

    Muffin you actually deserve better than this but I bet your guidance counselor told you the same thing at some point in your life.

  336. [re=211263]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: I didn’t sugarcoat it. I’m not sure you actually know what “sugarcoat” means by the way you’ve used it here.

    This is been such a lovely evening, but now I must go read both Crime and Punishment and War and Peace in braille, after which I may go watch my lichens grow.

  337. I wouldn’t know from correspondence courses, and my job is in the public sector, so I get the opportunity on a daily basis to do much good for my fellow man. It is both interesting and rewarding.

    Too bad about my lack of trust fund, though, because I’d do it for free if I could afford it.

  338. [re=209956]Woodwards Friend[/re]: I was going to try to scan all these posts (at least, until Leverage comes on) but didn’t get beyond “unfuckable hedgehog.”

    Sweet Jesus, what an image. A sweet lady at church sent me a thank you gift–a batch of her deelicious peanut butter topped ritz crackers dipped in milk chocolate–for the candied yams I always make extra of at holidays and take to her. (Yes, I live in Mayberry RFD, thank you very much.) I’ve scarfed a half dozen and barely squeezed into my jammies but with the phrase, unfuckable hedgehog in my head, I won’t be able to eat anymore of them. For at least an hour or two.

  339. Nigerian I love crytogamic botany.

    Angl you deserve better too. Making 40K must suck.

    Shit Hannity and Colmes is on I goota go but I am here for fucking life now. You guys are fucking liberal idiots and I love it. I am going to put a link on my blog to yours under Blogs to beat up on stupid people.

  340. I couldn’t bring myself to watch the whole thing, but from the bit I saw, I’m pretty sure she is the daughter of the crazy lady in the red tee shirt who mumbled to McCain until she finally sputtered that she didn’t trust Obama because he was an A-rab.

    Wonder what the holidays were like in that family.

  341. [re=210017]paolaccio[/re]: wonkette 8,449? Are you shitting me? We are either a might band of like-minded, politically savvy activists or a bunch of pathetic nitwits who like to fuck with meaningless contests for no purpose other than to piss off people like this sad lady, the unfuckable hedgehog. That, btw, is my new diet mantra.

  342. [re=210022]Hart88[/re]: You started a whole new craze on wonkette yet you won’t admit you’re Gary Hart? I caucused for you when I lived in Seattle. Have the decency to own up to your identity, at least for me.

  343. [re=210509]Hart88[/re]: I think the problem is that PumaPAC requires to file in an electronic format. It’s kind of like that post I read earlier about someone asking where they can sign up for a URL.

  344. Thank you Stupid Wonkette. I have not laughed that hard in a long time, tears are running down my face. Do you really think you won? The commentators here could vaporize you if they wanted, you were played. Good show Mighty Wonketters

  345. You bra-burning fat fuck
    you aren’t ENTITLED
    to anything.
    Try more SALADS and more
    SANITY — no wonder
    Super Bitch lost — with
    the menopausal lunatic
    vote, and the “I’m flat
    ass broke but I’m white”
    vote, and little else, she
    was doomed.

  346. [re=211281]Stupid Wonkette[/re]:

    A piece of advice: I’ve been trolling this site for ages. Whatever you do be very, very careful. DO NOT keep any of your passwords or any personal information stored on your computer – in your web browser, outlook, AOL mail, anything. They will get you.

    They’ve repeatedly hacked me. Repeatedly. When they hack you, they hack your life, credit cards, user IDs, email accounts, mortgage information, country club memberships, frequent flyer accounts, EVERYTHING. The first time it cost my almost my entire 401k plan, but I got it back when I complained.

    Get a clean computer if you want before you to come here, stock it full of Anti-virus sofware firewalls. Constently delete your My Documents folder – it gets fuller than you think. Then, try to pretend you’re one of them. Then every now and then, you might get a little piece of personal information to hunt them down and kill them like the dogs they are.

  347. THAT’S jenni4hillary? Dear Lord. To anyone who’s been following the PUMA PAC over the past few months this video pretty much explains everything.

  348. [re=211314]Bruno[/re]: Also, make certain you press alt-f4 to post instead of hitting submit (the window closes, but everything posts). And hit F8 when your computer starts and go through reformatting. Every week, unplug your hard drive from your motherboard for a half hour, then change around the connection with your other devices. If you have any questions, ask a man for help.

    I’ve been here for months, and nobody suspects a thing. Nobama!

  349. I want a bigger cut, and you must e-mail me with 500 words or less why I shouldn’t tell the Feds about your global Paultard conspiracy.

    That was a lot of fun. You editor people should do that more often.

  350. I don’t think you’re grasping the ENORMITY of this situation. A LARGE part of her is very concerned that B. hussain didn’t have an IMMEASURABLE vetting process. While not HUMONGOUS, it was pretty SUBSTANTIAL. She paid a HEFTY price for all of this, becoming a HUGE supporter of McPalin.

    How’s that for caring? Not one fat joke, as requested.

  351. sorry no offense but STFU everyone please this is really stupid and really REALLY BORING and please no offense ‘wonkette troll’ but i’ve had a really horrible month and you are not at all helping. or even at all amusing.

    no offense.

  352. [re=210776]Blue Jefferson Clinton the Cat[/re]: Christ, that’s an ugly cat. I’m sure it’s loveable and sweet and does funny cute things, but…that is one. ugly. cat.

  353. No, I fail the challenge and am not funny enough to transcend the basic fat joke.

    FAT FATTY!!!

    I also like stopping the video where she has her eyes closed and looks drunk. But then I always liked that fascist B. Husein.

  354. [re=210402]Baconbits[/re]: OT, but at this point, debating the PUMAs undefinable reason for existing, a note on the difference in a republic and democracy.

    A few years after the Bronze Age, when I was at the Univ. of Oklahoma as a pot-smoking student, I saw a bumper sticker I had never seen before nor since.

    “America is a republic, not a democracy. Keep it that way.”

    I think I might adopt it as a signature line. It’s pedantic enough to have graced William F. Buckley’s Model T, had he been a visiting professor.

    Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming, laughing at PUMAs. Because the more we laugh, the twistier their knickers get.

  355. [re=211231]Stupid Wonkette[/re]: What’s the obsession with insulting people reading the page. Just go back to reading Drudge, why waste your time if you hate this site?

  356. Jan 6, 2009 Never Forget!

    The day the PUMAs were introduced to Wonkette. That shitty site will turn into dust in the next few months so savor this moment. And we will remain, rude, snarky, and buttsexxier than evah.

  357. I forgot to mention… LOOOOVE that seasickness-inducing camera work. Really helps when your camera loves the subject as much as this one.

  358. Is she gone?

    Thanks Husky Mescan for volunteering to take one for the team. It would have been grim and raspy, but you were up for it. If she actually calls you, Faberge made a condom encrusted with tiny diamonds. We could help you borrow it from the Smithsonian.

    Thanks Seminole in Dior, also! You took credit for doing all of us in all of our diverse/perverse ways, and were not adverse even in reverse… sniff, sniff — sorry, I’m choked up… no one has done so many of us so tirelessly, since… Bill C Himself.

    At this moment, Wonkette is outscoring the Effluents by 4:1. Comics Curmudgeon leads #2 by 2.5:1.

  359. Why do the Clintons draw in fat, insecure, clingy women? It’s as though they have a magnet. I want someone to unravel this mystery for me.

  360. this mythical beast is actually the level 4 boss in grand theft walrus. if you can defeat her you acquire her magical ability of inducing night terrors and delerium tremens.

    can’t sleep/bitterz will eat me
    can’t sleep/bitterz will eat me

  361. [re=211423]WendyK[/re]: Fat magnet — well, that’s a good question to ask Alton Brown. AB knows why fat attracts tears, and serves as a solvent for bitter flavors, and repeals healing balms of all sorts.

    Goo Teats.

  362. “Are you funny enough to avoid the really obvious, mean/tragic joke here and somehow transcend basic fat jokes?”

    Probably not: The cameraman seems to be struggling between the forces of gravity and inertia.

  363. There’s a pretty good theory over at Rumproast that this “Stupid Wonkette” troll is actually the Confluence moderator myiq2xu (the one with the clown face avatar), posting under another name. After being exposed to myiq2xu’s fucknuttery over at Balloon-Juice during the Democratic primaries the trolling here certainly matched his style. It’s also typical of that hypocritical faux-feminist to call women he disagrees with “whores” and “cum receptacles” like he did in this thread. Deep down that fucker is as sexist as they come.

    So congratulations to all the people who engaged that PUMA troll. You weren’t just slapping down one of their foot soldiers, it seems like you were beating up a part of the management.

    Kudos to all.

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