disasters

Witch To Perform Obama Ritual At Inaugural Ball

What In The Hell?Noted stage demon “Michael Israel” just sent us an email announcing his performance of some atrocity at the Veterans’ Inaugural Ball! “Michael will help mark the historic event by performing his 6 foot by 4 foot portrait of the newly elected President Live in Concert in 7 minutes,” according to the bizarre spam we somehow received and tried to read, despite the fact that it’s written in Goblinese. Also, the tag line of this person doing this occult ritual is as follows: michael israel – putting the “art” in “america.” Please, Leon Panetta, put a stop to this witchcraft. [Michael Israel]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

40 comments

  1. SayItWithWookies

    If it’s not on black velvet it’s not art, period. Also, Obama should have a single tear running down his cheek.

  2. WadISay

    Gallagher with the sledgehammer and the watermelon was about as messy, way funnier, and no black velvet was killed in the process.

  3. shanemacgowan

    Performing at this event will be “Kankouran West African dance company, recording artist sensation Don Juan & Trey-Song (and) World famous artist Michael Israel”

    Had McCain won, he would have gotten Daddy Yankee, Ted Nugent and those guys Tom Schotz threw out of Boston.

  4. Valerie

    [re=209076]SayItWithWookies[/re]: heh, I remember that commercial (yes, I’m old). Could it also have the slogan: Give a Hoot, don’t ruin our economy, plunge us into an unjustified war, and put all your drinking buddies in positions of power!

  5. V572625694

    Dude’s got an awesomely ugly, confused, incomprehensible Web site, replete with little spinny-GIFs I haven’t seen since Compuserve was still in business.

  6. chascates

    Palin would have insisted that Jindal do an exorcism at their inauguration so this is totally justified. Modern art should be outrageous, shocking and instantly forgettable.

  7. PrairiePossum

    Does this “performance” involve smashing a stack of Obama commemorative plates with a sledgehammer?

  8. FreshCliches

    From the blurb:

    “Notes The Veterans Presidential Inaugural Ball will feature live entertainment by the Kankouran West African dance company, recording artist sensation Don Juan & Trey-Song. World famous artist Michael Israel performs his high energy Art in Concert creating 6 ft portraits “live on stage” in minutes with paint and paintbrushes flying. These history-making masterpieces will include: The Stature of Liberty, American eagle, A disabled veteran with Ms. Virginia and Ms Montana, Secretary of State Hilliary Rodham-Clinton, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, Secretary of Veterans Affairs General Eric Shinseki, Vice President Elect Joe Biden and the Final drawing of President Elect Barack Obama.”

    1. – Nice to see that Lady Liberty got to her position in life because of merit and not the fact she’s a stone cold bitch.

    B. – It’s not art unless the American Eagle is outfitted with a tear rolling down its cheek.

    III. – I say we bid on the Shinseki portrait and send it to Rumsfeld in thanks for what he’s done.

    And the final drawing of Obama? Does Mr. Israel know something we don’t?

  9. DieOnTheTurnpike

    Was Mikal Gaza unavailable to do his “live on stage” art that consists of burning effigies of the eagle, clinton, gates, obama, etc?

  10. Sassette

    [re=209086]V572625694[/re]: Seriously. I dispute his claim to being an artist based solely on the unrepentant fug that is his website.

  11. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Since Hillary is also going to be at the balls, don’t you mean “another witch….”

    Thank you! Tip your waitresses, try the veal!

  12. CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=209134]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I cannot picture Hillary Clinton at anyone’s balls.

  13. robanybody

    Art is all in the pecs, though rippling abs can at times contribute to the semiotic and intermedial aesthetics of a work.

  14. Kev-O-Tron

    I’m heading to DC in eleven days. Anybody got a good peyote hook up? Nothing like some good strong hallucinogens when you’re in a crowd of 4 million people, surrounded by Secret Service and watching some abysmal performance art. That’s what I always said.

  15. mhale0

    Michael Israel is a cunt. I saw the same “press release” Ken refers to, and what’s most amusing is that it cites artishard.com as the source of that fucktabulous slogan “Putting the Art in America”.

    The first Israel related blog post on artishard.com is at http://www.artshard.com/blog/?p=38 , and it’s is reasonably funny. To put it lightly, they are not fans.

  16. Kev-O-Tron

    I just cruised his site. Shit, I’m from Seattle and I know shitty art when I see it. I also know shitty music when I hear it (all the time) and I can honestly say this man needs to be stuck in barrel with a gallon of acrylic paint and Casio keyboard and rolled over the Niagara in the name of “art.” Either that or he can just fuck off back to Vegas where he belongs. Who the hell would pay $500 to witness some “artist” (ahem) getting all naked and painted. Wanna see that? Come to Seattle this Friday. I’ll give you a private show for $50 and you’ll probably get laid.

  17. anabellum

    unbelievably stupid…makes me glad i don’t live in the US…

    oh! that’s right, i do live in the US…at least in the sense that several thousand head of cattle can be herded into a pen meant for several hundred and then fed on a diet of horrible drugs before having a pneumatically driven bolt shot into the frontal lobe…

  18. donner_froh

    [re=209218]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Usually when I pay someone who is almost naked and who rolls around in paint it is by tucking a couple of bills in her G-string.

  19. larz

    Crappy art put to music. Someone has finally out crapped Thomas Kincade. Didn’t think there were enough culture challenged morons in America to support TWO untalented wannabees. I know where those stimulus checks went…

  20. robanybody

    [re=209676]Bruno[/re]: So, Johnston is the new Johnson. On behalf of muslins, morans, and Trucknutz goblins teh world over, I think I can say you’ve made an excellent choice.

    Wonder who among us will finally cut the secret publishing deal, compile the Wonkette Dictionary and rake in the mega-bucks. And will we resent her/him/it for it?

  21. skyhorse

    If you have worked on the Obama campaign, support Barrack Obama in his run to the
    White House, or if you simply want to offer your thoughts to the man who will lead
    America for the next four years, this is your last chance to have your letter
    included in the new book Letters to President Obama.

    Skyhorse Publishing will go to press at the end of January, and this handsome
    hardcover book will be in stores in April. If you want to be part of history and
    share your feeling with the world by writing an open letter to our new president, go
    to http://www.letterstopresidentobama.com and submit your letter right away. Yes You Can!

  22. Wordup

    She can dance with me and Wyclef at the Green Inaugural Ball. I am going to show you stiff folk how to move.

  23. Quasi

    Not only is Michael, the Warlock, an ambidextrous painter, but his canvas uses Wiccan numbers to show where the colors go.

Comments are closed.