DISASTERS  4:00 pm January 5, 2009

Witch To Perform Obama Ritual At Inaugural Ball

by Ken Layne

What In The Hell?Noted stage demon “Michael Israel” just sent us an email announcing his performance of some atrocity at the Veterans’ Inaugural Ball! “Michael will help mark the historic event by performing his 6 foot by 4 foot portrait of the newly elected President Live in Concert in 7 minutes,” according to the bizarre spam we somehow received and tried to read, despite the fact that it’s written in Goblinese. Also, the tag line of this person doing this occult ritual is as follows: michael israel – putting the “art” in “america.” Please, Leon Panetta, put a stop to this witchcraft. [Michael Israel]

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ManchuCandidate January 5, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Will this witch turn us all into newts (not Gingrich)?

DNotApply January 5, 2009 at 4:11 pm

RIP Bob Ross. Happy trees, y’all… He could have painted a sweet afro. :(

SayItWithWookies January 5, 2009 at 4:12 pm

If it’s not on black velvet it’s not art, period. Also, Obama should have a single tear running down his cheek.

Bearbloke January 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm

What, no Native American sage-burning Medicine Men were available? Those guys are fun…

WadISay January 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Gallagher with the sledgehammer and the watermelon was about as messy, way funnier, and no black velvet was killed in the process.

shanemacgowan January 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Performing at this event will be “Kankouran West African dance company, recording artist sensation Don Juan & Trey-Song (and) World famous artist Michael Israel”

Had McCain won, he would have gotten Daddy Yankee, Ted Nugent and those guys Tom Schotz threw out of Boston.

Valerie January 5, 2009 at 4:18 pm

[re=209076]SayItWithWookies[/re]: heh, I remember that commercial (yes, I’m old). Could it also have the slogan: Give a Hoot, don’t ruin our economy, plunge us into an unjustified war, and put all your drinking buddies in positions of power!

V572625694 January 5, 2009 at 4:19 pm

Dude’s got an awesomely ugly, confused, incomprehensible Web site, replete with little spinny-GIFs I haven’t seen since Compuserve was still in business.

chascates January 5, 2009 at 4:28 pm

Palin would have insisted that Jindal do an exorcism at their inauguration so this is totally justified. Modern art should be outrageous, shocking and instantly forgettable.

PrairiePossum January 5, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Does this “performance” involve smashing a stack of Obama commemorative plates with a sledgehammer?

FreshCliches January 5, 2009 at 4:31 pm

From the blurb:

“Notes The Veterans Presidential Inaugural Ball will feature live entertainment by the Kankouran West African dance company, recording artist sensation Don Juan & Trey-Song. World famous artist Michael Israel performs his high energy Art in Concert creating 6 ft portraits “live on stage” in minutes with paint and paintbrushes flying. These history-making masterpieces will include: The Stature of Liberty, American eagle, A disabled veteran with Ms. Virginia and Ms Montana, Secretary of State Hilliary Rodham-Clinton, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, Secretary of Veterans Affairs General Eric Shinseki, Vice President Elect Joe Biden and the Final drawing of President Elect Barack Obama.”

1. – Nice to see that Lady Liberty got to her position in life because of merit and not the fact she’s a stone cold bitch.

B. – It’s not art unless the American Eagle is outfitted with a tear rolling down its cheek.

III. – I say we bid on the Shinseki portrait and send it to Rumsfeld in thanks for what he’s done.

And the final drawing of Obama? Does Mr. Israel know something we don’t?

Walter Sobchak January 5, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Goblinese = best thing I’ve read all day.

Mahousu January 5, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Hey, I’ve seen this guy on YouTube. He’s pretty good:

actor212 January 5, 2009 at 4:36 pm

What will he do with his other eight minutes of fame?

DieOnTheTurnpike January 5, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Was Mikal Gaza unavailable to do his “live on stage” art that consists of burning effigies of the eagle, clinton, gates, obama, etc?

Sassette January 5, 2009 at 4:42 pm

[re=209086]V572625694[/re]: Seriously. I dispute his claim to being an artist based solely on the unrepentant fug that is his website.

crikey_booya January 5, 2009 at 4:43 pm

Yuck! His website is gross!

I’m staying home and dancing to YouTube clips of Tay Zonday’s “Chocolate Rain” in my underwear.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 5, 2009 at 5:10 pm

Since Hillary is also going to be at the balls, don’t you mean “another witch….”

Thank you! Tip your waitresses, try the veal!

HuskyMescan January 5, 2009 at 5:47 pm

This picture is completely heterosekkshual

napalmnacey January 5, 2009 at 5:50 pm

This douchebag wishes he was Denny Dent.

Chumley January 5, 2009 at 5:56 pm

Ah, Michael Israel, putting the “art” in “american’t stand this douche”

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 5, 2009 at 6:03 pm

[re=209134]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I cannot picture Hillary Clinton at anyone’s balls.

robanybody January 5, 2009 at 6:07 pm

Art is all in the pecs, though rippling abs can at times contribute to the semiotic and intermedial aesthetics of a work.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 5, 2009 at 6:16 pm

[re=209186]CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us[/re]: Michael Israel, on the other hand…

Kev-O-Tron January 5, 2009 at 6:51 pm

I’m heading to DC in eleven days. Anybody got a good peyote hook up? Nothing like some good strong hallucinogens when you’re in a crowd of 4 million people, surrounded by Secret Service and watching some abysmal performance art. That’s what I always said.

mhale0 January 5, 2009 at 6:59 pm

Michael Israel is a cunt. I saw the same “press release” Ken refers to, and what’s most amusing is that it cites artishard.com as the source of that fucktabulous slogan “Putting the Art in America”.

The first Israel related blog post on artishard.com is at http://www.artshard.com/blog/?p=38 , and it’s is reasonably funny. To put it lightly, they are not fans.

Kev-O-Tron January 5, 2009 at 7:04 pm

I just cruised his site. Shit, I’m from Seattle and I know shitty art when I see it. I also know shitty music when I hear it (all the time) and I can honestly say this man needs to be stuck in barrel with a gallon of acrylic paint and Casio keyboard and rolled over the Niagara in the name of “art.” Either that or he can just fuck off back to Vegas where he belongs. Who the hell would pay $500 to witness some “artist” (ahem) getting all naked and painted. Wanna see that? Come to Seattle this Friday. I’ll give you a private show for $50 and you’ll probably get laid.

anabellum January 5, 2009 at 7:30 pm

unbelievably stupid…makes me glad i don’t live in the US…

oh! that’s right, i do live in the US…at least in the sense that several thousand head of cattle can be herded into a pen meant for several hundred and then fed on a diet of horrible drugs before having a pneumatically driven bolt shot into the frontal lobe…

Colander January 5, 2009 at 8:00 pm

Will it be a Blingee?

donner_froh January 5, 2009 at 8:39 pm

[re=209218]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Usually when I pay someone who is almost naked and who rolls around in paint it is by tucking a couple of bills in her G-string.

larz January 5, 2009 at 9:35 pm

Crappy art put to music. Someone has finally out crapped Thomas Kincade. Didn’t think there were enough culture challenged morons in America to support TWO untalented wannabees. I know where those stimulus checks went…

ladymacbeth January 5, 2009 at 10:09 pm

this is like duran duran with less talent.

HedCase January 5, 2009 at 10:27 pm

Suck du Soleil is not the Change We Need

zhubajie January 6, 2009 at 9:42 am

What happened to those Peruvian shamans who cast spells for him?

Zhu Bajie

Bruno January 6, 2009 at 11:10 am

I hope they have this on a 5-second delay on live TV. He’s bound to draw Barry’s Johnston

robanybody January 6, 2009 at 12:09 pm

[re=209676]Bruno[/re]: So, Johnston is the new Johnson. On behalf of muslins, morans, and Trucknutz goblins teh world over, I think I can say you’ve made an excellent choice.

Wonder who among us will finally cut the secret publishing deal, compile the Wonkette Dictionary and rake in the mega-bucks. And will we resent her/him/it for it?

skyhorse January 6, 2009 at 4:49 pm

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Wordup January 14, 2009 at 2:41 am

She can dance with me and Wyclef at the Green Inaugural Ball. I am going to show you stiff folk how to move.

barbpa January 15, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Join the Activist Coalition of DC in McPherson Square for Inauguration fun and activism! Tell President Obama what you HOPE for and then find out how to make it happen!



Quasi September 1, 2009 at 9:29 pm

Not only is Michael, the Warlock, an ambidextrous painter, but his canvas uses Wiccan numbers to show where the colors go.

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