Wonkette
Former DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe loved Hillary Clinton so much that when she was obviously and definitively losing in her bid for President, he helpfully appeared on many television news shows drinking rum and cracking wise about how she was a shoe-in, she’d win this thing in a walk, blah blah blah. Basically Terry McAuliffe turned Hillary’s tragic downward spiral into a punchline for larfs on MSNBC. Now he will turn that same brand of trenchant political humor on himself as he launches his doomed bid for governor of the great state of Virginia, in which he has apparently lived for many years.
McAuliffe announced his candidacy in a video he sent to supporters (not us, waah). Aw, look at him, all sober and stuff! Question: If he’s lived in Virginia for 20 years, why does he sound like he’s from Skokie? (Answer: he grew up in Syracuse, a known hell-pit of bad accents.)
Anyway, this should be fun. He cares about “jabs,” and our “ecannamy,” and he’ll be running against a known Moran. Terry McAuliffe will employ every former Clinton staffer alive, including Patti Solis Doyle, so his campaign will be broke by March, and then Howard Wolfson will have to start giving a lot of interviews about how much he loves The Format. Secretary of State Clinton will have all of Virginia nuked.
McAuliffe Declares Bid for Governor [Washington Post]
He’s staring into my soul. And making me dizzy with the swivel pan.
Does this count as legitimate politics across the Moat?
Bad (Bacardi) Rum and Jimmy Buffet CDs for everyone!
Lucky us.
I fucking hate that picture. The Rum makes my stomach queasy and that awful Bermuda shirt makes Buffet songs play in my head. I hate Buffet. Is there no peace on a Monday morning?
(This gov race is going to be fucking fantastic!)
Virginia has my sympathies.
I’m pretty sure Wonkette iz the king of Ter Mac jokey jokez, AMIRITE?
yo yo yo MAC IZ BAK
I thought Terry McAuliffe was a corrupt, lunatic lying sack-o’-shit, but he has a sincere look on his face and he enunciates so clearly, so obviously I was mistaken.
Creating attack ads targeting Terry would be a joy to work on. The hardest part would be deciding which material out of the wealth of clips makes the final cut.
I can’t wait until former Governor Macacca anounces he’s going to mount his comeback. That’ll make the race even more entertaining than a bum fight. Sorry, it will make it a bum fight.
Clintards will undoubtedly roam this earth for at least another 40 years.
I would vote for anyone whose campaign posters included a picture of the candidate holding up a bottle of Jim Beam to the camera.
McAuliffe needs Billy Mays to do the pitch for him. I prefer Billy’s thick and luscious beard to Terry’s teary and glistening eyes.
For the record, I am officially jealous of Virginia for having Terry in the gov’s race. At least he’s better than Tennessee’s pair of assclowns, Michelle Bachmann with a Southern Drawl or Buttfucker McGoober, both of whom will be attempting to run Tennessee into the ground in ‘10.
Patti Solis Doyle makes me giggle.
I was happy for the Commonwealth the day we went for Webb, and then proud on the day we chose Obama. If we elect this fool, I might have to wear a bag over my head. I am hoping there are enough rational and sane people here to see through his remarkable facade of BS.
I’ve grown to love you, Sara, and love this post, but I am contractually bound to say: IT’S “SHOO-IN” NOT “SHOE-IN” GODDAMMIT! Thank you for your time.
queeraselvis v 2.0: I spent three days on the Alabama-Tennessee border last year and I will never go back. It is crazy down there. This old lady privately complained to me about mixed-race couples. Obama ‘08 bitch! How you like them half-breed apples?
Back to Mac… He kind of looks like a cross between Gary Busey and Willem Defoe. weird.
Serolf Divad: Agreed.
Well if you count Puerto Rico’s votes and ignore the caucuses then McAuliffe is sure to win!
Kev-O-Tron:
Once you go whiskey, there’s no going back to rum. My stomach doesn’t have a problem with it, but way my tastebuds do “Cupfull of sugar-flavored alcohol, Guv’nor?” No thanks.
Running for Governor of Virginia on which side?
Yet another grain of sand on the beach of reasons why I need to get out of the Commonwealth as fast as humanly possible.
HuskyMescan:
Have you FUCKING SEEN the new Billy Mays ad for the slider grill that cooks five little hamburgers at once? Move over Truck Nutz!
Virginia, don’t be foolish. Why waste money on an election, when you can have an old-fashion drink off like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Last man standing is your new Governor. Think about it. California and Minnesota have elections, and look at their governors.
TGY: I think he’s running for governor of Communist Virginia. The Real Virginia doesn’t have much use for rum drinkers.
Will he be the Governor of Communist Northern Virginia or the Real Virginia. My hope is neither.
OMG he is so from Chicago and therefore a Corrupt Magic Negro like Barry. Probably a Socialist too. He went to college, too, so he is an elitist.
Anonymous Office Zombie: Rum is for amateurs. The pros (us) drink Whiskey. I prefer Jameson. or Maker’s Mark. or Black Velvet. or, fuckit i drink Old Crow who am I kidding.
BeRightBack: To Sara’s defense, the term did officially change to SHOE-IN on one fine day in Iraq.
The fuck is up with that affected accent? Doesn’t that only work when there isn’t twenty years’ worth video footage of you talking your elitist New York ass off?
Kev-O-Tron:
Maker’s Mark is my new fave of the moment. I tried Knob Creek recently. It was ok, but it’s no Maker’s Mark.
Old Crow… now that brings me back to the college party days, when I used to challenge myself to hunt down and bring the worst brands with the best names like Ancient Age and Old Fitzgerald. Of course, I ended up being the only one who would touch the stuff, but those were the days of quantity, not quality.
Anonymous Office Zombie: Yes, but what would the English navy do without rum? It would have to fall back on sodomy and the lash, neither of which suffice except possibly for furries. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: Fuck. Yeah.
Anonymous Office Zombie: I would reccomend Bookers Bourbon (fucking strong) or Dallewhinie (not sure I’m spelling that right). Although I do drink Old Crow I really like Irish Whisky and Scotch. Last weekend a bartender friend made me an Irish Coffee with a $30 glass of Middleton’s. yum. Okay back to snark now.
Why did that parrot head bring the rum to an MSNBC interview? <—weak snark, sorry.
When did he pick up a bad case of bobbleheaditis?
Having graduated Niles East in Skokie, I am a fivemost authority on denasal A’s, the hallmark of Skokie (and all of Chicago’s North Side) speech. Good ears, Smith! But it’s the A’s, not the O’s, that are redolent of the Skokie twang — “ayafter,” for example. Terry’s are indeed denasal, though not to the extreme that made the Skokie announcement of my name, “Larry Rand,” an extended squeal and turned my family name into two syllables (roughly “Ray-and”). My best friend’s mom could make “David, take out the garbage” into an aria (atonal, but operatic nevertheless). Swapping out Kaine to the DNC and Terry-o to the governor’s manse is change to which I might say, “Yes, we cay-an!” But I’m in enough trouble in Skokie for writing a blues song about it years ago, so I must demur.
AOZ & KOT: It has been 18 years, but I remember Old Forester as worthy of consideration.
Anonymous Office Zombie: My favorite Terry McCaulliffe clip is the one where he draws obvious parallels between Obama and Christopher Columbus. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPK3_uQbG6I.
DCStaffer: NOT NoVa. I want us to secede and the rest of VA can have him.
Terry should get the southwest Virgina vote.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Wroj0FLvzs
Anyone but Terry McAuliffe for anything.
TGY: Sodomy and the lash is not just for furries.
He looks like Jimmy Buffett’s clothes had a baby with Rik Mayall from The Young Ones and Drop Dead Fred.
Kev-O-Tron: “How you like them half-breed apples?”
They cross-breed apples now? I thought it was only muslin.
How many morans they got running for governor over there?
Unless Terry’s full name happens to be McAuliffeberg, I’m pretty sure he’s not from Skokie.
BigIrish: Patti Solis Doyle makes me burn. Yummy!
Not Louisiana? Drinking rum from the bottle is as good a qualification as any!
Lester
Kev-O-Tron: It’s true that Mt. Gay is the best, Meyer’s next, but the worst is the white Baroca rum they sell in drive-throughs in Ohio. Bacardi mamahuhu.
Zhu Bajie
TGY: The Royal Navy probably goes for the BLACK Jamaica rum, not the crappy substitutes the US has. Plus, I’m assured that Scots appreciate good rum, as well their own whiskey.
Anyway, the way things go in the US go now, soon you will be importing the Chinese Baijiu! The cheapest half pint I’ve ever bought was 20 US cents. Go for Red Star, 55% alcohol.
Zhu Bajie