- Hooray, the demon water main that plagued Bethesda with rapids of inconvenience has been fixed. It is hilariously located on River Road, which is also now re-opened. [DC Examiner]
- More tragic news of journalism layoffs: The “U” has been fired from the sign atop the USA Today building. It will now blog for the Daily Beast. [Fishbowl DC]
- There’s been an increase in juvenile DC murderers this year, some as young as 16. But are they killing at a tenth-grade level? [Washington Post]
- Nine MUSLIMS were removed from a flight to MUSLIM-dominated Florida out of National after some passengers heard them talking about airplanes, a highly suspicious, Muslim-y thing to do while on board an airplane. [WTOP]
- Today is the deadline to apply for a prime spot as a member of Obama’s Inauguration team. You will be paid with a “commemorative volunteer credential,” which will soon out-value United States currency. [DCist]
USA Today’s Symbolism Is USA Todayish
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{ 55 comments }
Muslims should be removed from ALL flights.
Along with all those JEWS.
And don’t forget the Snakes-on-the-plane handling Protestants.
Those (*&^% Irish-Catholics, too.
The result: The Janists, Buddhists, Hind-doos and I will get a bit more leg room.
The U hasn’t been fired. It was removed because the Letter U no longer can sponsor it thanks to the collapse of the Vowel Hedge Fund and the indictment of Fund Manager Y.
[re=208294]Neilist[/re]: I’m tired of all these muthafucking believers on this muthafucking plane!
But the U was holding the whole thing together! Oh, I get it. Symbolism.
[re=208294]Neilist[/re]: None of this would be necessary if we hadn’t pissed off God by learning to fly.
Have we learned nothing Daedalus? Or how about that Prometheus fellow?
I dunno about you guys, but no more flying or fire for me for the New Year.
I just flew back from a holiday trip with my family (after having a flight canceled and waiting two days at a crappy hotel), and as we were sitting by the gate, I offered my brother a Zotz candy. I said, “Remember these? They explode in your mouth.” Then I was arrested and cavity searched. Well, not really, but my brother did tell me to shut my fucking mouth because after all, times have changed. Goddamned Zotz almost got me put on the no-fly list. Hey, maybe that’s not such a bad idea…
[re=208302]rambone[/re]: Not to mention Zeus, who didn’t want us to have fire either. Just ask Prometheus!
[re=208305]slithytoves[/re]: Imagine how trying it must be for Larry Craig to fly without uttering the words “explode in [my] mouth.” It’s a wonder that he ever steps foot in an airport given all of the restrictions on his behavior.
I would really like to put some of these overly scared Americans in the middle of Dubai airport during Hajj.
No Murderer Left Behind.
New security policy at Airtrans…no talking on the airplane, dammit! The pilot is a total wuss.
[re=208308]rambone[/re]: His, and apparently everyone else’s, too.
I am going to Inaugural volunteer training- it is in a ballroom at the Convention Center. I really want that red hat – it will show up well as I move among the totally unmoving cars on the Beltway and tell people what is happening at the Inauguration that they have no chance of reaching.
Missing word police: “Muslims were removed … out of National ‘Security’….”
Airlines could probably make a killing by offering Whites-Only flights.
No Muslins! Guaranteed!
Or, No Muslins or your money back!
Convert one of the restrooms into a mile-high chapel, paint Jesus Is My Co-pilot on the side of the plane…the possibilities are endless. Charge double the usual fare and no more airline bankruptcies.
[re=208333]hobospacejungle[/re]: You know there are white Muslins, right, like that Cat Stevens fellow?
U has been depressed ever since it realized the high point of its life was getting named Time’s Person of the Year in 2006.
[re=208302]rambone[/re]: Technically, shouldn’t that be “pissed off the gods [plural; lower case] by learning how to fly”?
I mean, if you’re referencing Prometheus and Daedalus?
[Fowler's Grammar Police strike again!]
[re=208343]The Wolf[/re]: It’s like you’re not even trying anymore. Has Wolfie wost hope? Awwww….
While normally I wouldn’t let my puppy pee on the Examiner, how did Wonkette miss the article on today’s Page 9?? Jose Raul Moreno-Lopez of Tampa, Fla, started punching the ground, then took off hs shirt, exposed himself to 5 children and tried to have the sex with a tree.
[re=208336]jagorev[/re]: “You know there are white Muslins, right, like that Cat Stevens fellow?”
Cat Stevens isn’t white, he’s bearded. That’s a separate ethnic group, right?
I obviously didn’t think the whole thing through. That’s for the marketing guys. Wouldn’t want some blonde, blue-eyed Albanian getting on board and screaming “I’m a fucking Muslin motherfuckers! Your security will not save you now!”
Who knows, maybe Muslins will pay extra for flights devoid of Christians. I know I would.
AirTrans going to wish they’d asked how many of the Muslins were lawyer Muslins before they gave them the boot. They’ll be serving Tortes per Stirpes to the whole dang fambly.
Whenever I try to find the “safest place” on a plane when boarding, I try to remember where Jack was sitting in the first episode of Lost, season 1. But then I remember that 1) we’re not flying over the ocean, 2) there is no mysterious island presence that wants to keep me alive, and 3) if the plane goes down, you’re fucked either way, so hahaha at illusions of safety.
Chuckie’s husband has declared that he would walk out of that flight in protest. I said I would too, but we’d certainly be put on a list forever. You know, for being scared of flying with racists.
[re=208343]The Wolf[/re]: Welcome to the United States.
Now learn English.
[re=208343]The Wolf[/re]: Now we have to put up with the wit of laid-off morning radio jocks? When, oh when, will this miserable economy relent in tormenting us?
[re=208302]rambone[/re]: Please do not forget Icarus! my goodness.
I can understand those Muslins having a hard time figuring out the safest place to sit
because, Good Lorud — whatever seats they choose, there will be Muslins sitting there!!!!
Just nine?? And what about the Armenians who snuck on bosrd? They’re almost like arabs.
[re=208343]The Wolf[/re]: Jebus I get a headache just reading your comments. You seem to struggle with things like syntax, structure and creating a cogent argument. It’s okay if you want to come here and stir up trouble. Really, you’re not going to offend anyone but you come off as incredibly stupid.
[re=208396]The Wolf[/re]: aye aye aye….. Listen guy: I’ve trolled Malkin’s site for the laughs and I “get” what it is you’re after. But please know that nobody here cares if you call me (or them) a cocksucker. It’s really quite funny that you would come to satirical blog with the notion that you’re going to somehow upset anyone. And yes, I do occasionally suck cock but I don’t do animals. sorry.
Editors? I can haz banning session soon?
[re=208399]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: He’s certainly no Barbara Billingsley, is he?
[re=208385]Mustang[/re]: Okay, that was funny. Score.
[re=208400]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Christ he’s not even Eddie Haskell. I picture him as some lonely frat boy at WSU wearing some stupid backwards baseball cap and playing grabass with his buddies in a cramped dorm room. The room is probably adorned with stolen bar swag and cheap bongs. He is fat and pimply. They are discussing the merits of bad, modern pop music and talking about how much ass they get.
[re=208396]The Wolf[/re]: You should have a comma between “blow me” and “cocksucker,” e.g., “Blow me, cocksucker.”
Otherwise it could be Pirate-speak or something: “Arrrrrrgh, Jimbo! Blow me cocksuckers!”
(“Cocksucker” being Ye Olde English for the upper top foresail sheet brace, or something . . . .)
I think the letter U is running away with the numeral 2.
(oh, ferpetessake, it’s an old reference to Negativland, ok?)
[re=208405]Neilist[/re]: Argh! Blow me cocksucker and finger me dyke, or walk the plank landlover!
All this talk about private parts is getting me excited. Calm down everyone, this is just the democrats trying to divide us. As long as we all know we are here for a single purpose: to prevent any Muzzie from flying again, we can all be friends. This is all part of N0bama’s strategy to implement the fairness doctrine and divide our Grand Old Party forever. We must not forget we are good friends here, and good friends make the best lovers.
[re=208402]Neilist[/re]: I loves me the grammar discussions! [masturbating furiously]
[re=208411]The Wolf[/re]: And where exactly are you taking Neilist’s point?
I’m not understanding the issue. We’re talking about a vp candidate who shoots wolves (the wolf?) from helicopters, a real vp who shoots lawyers in the face, a pres who invades a country based on “bad intel”, and the righteous religious right is constantly buggering some kids or seeking teh oral and buttsecks in some public place…and someone is worried bout flying with some muslins? Great Googly Moogly… i’m scared of flying with politicians and Christians. I’ll take my chances on the all-muslin flight, please.
teh wolf haz healthcare
[re=208428]The Wolf[/re]: For the last time, just because you tasted shit on a guy’s cock doesn’t make him gay.
Is having the wolfie cocksucking cocksuckers cocksucking suggestions sort of like a foot tap in the airport? must be all that licking himself.
sheeeet. suck one cock and everyone calls you names
and if you have to google teh, you probably are on the wrong site.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/02/AR2009010202047.html?hpid=topnews
Jan. 2, 2009
“Bush Condemns Hamas in Radio Address”
******
What a silly bunt.
[re=208439]S.Luggo[/re]: Bush still does a radio address? Is this due to the excessive number of AM-radio listening members of his base?
Query: does the Muslin god use his hands to hold the airplane up, even if Peggy Noonan is on board? Is on board the same as ennui? Oui? les aristocrates à lanterne! chop chop! Now there were some terrorists. . . .
[re=208445]Bruno[/re]: Nope, it’s because he still has a crystal radio. Dick Cheney told him not to get sucked into leftist free-sex hippie “so-called” science, such as that proclaiming the usefulness of transistors and alternating current. Damn them bee-bop jazz beatniks and their Jesus-hating satanic ways. What’s next? Circuit boards? Evolution? Pennicilin? Shit.
[re=208465]Neilist[/re]: grammar! [masturbating furiously]
[re=208437]mylesfromnowhere[/re]: “cocksucker” is to “The Wolf” as “Smurf” is to “Smurf”
Sorry, Neilist, for not reading all previous comments before posting.
Anyway, re the hyphen in cock-sucker, I vote no. Hyphens slow things down. There are times, of course, when it must be separated into two words. In those cases, a comma is usually appropriate. As in, “Johnny didn’t realize that his date was a transvestite until she put his hand down her panties and said ‘That’s a cock, sucker.’”
So, it’s now “South America Today.” O.K.
[re=208458]S.Luggo[/re]:
Vacuum tubes and huge fuckin’ tuning caps are state-of-the-art to them.
[re=208489]The Wolf[/re]:
Since you so desire to be the resident expert on cocksucking:
In the name of God, St. Michael , and St. George, I give you the right to suck cocks and do part to us butt sex.
[re=208465]Neilist[/re]: My understanding is the cocksucker would be one word. It’s a compound noun, like dickhead. However, when used to describe certain members of Congress you must use a hyphen, as in cock-sucking Republican. That is to distinguish the fact that the word “cock” modifies the word “suck” and not the word “Republican.”
But I’m a little murky on it, I admit.
[re=208500]daisy chain[/re]: [re=208481]gurukalehuru[/re]: [re=208466]rambone[/re]: As always, I am impressed by the amount of time, intellectual energy, and sheer intelligence that my Wonkette.com colleagues are willing to devote to such an important topic.
In my view, such a critical inquiry should be prefaced by Winston Churchill’s observation to Sir Edward Marsh: “I am in revolt about your hypens. One must regard the hypen as a blemish to be avoided wherever possible.”
[Winnie, after all, was one of "us": An expert on gin, sodomy and revolting behavior in general.]
According to Fowler’s Modern English Usage (2nd ed. 1965, not the lame “Americanized” 4th ed.): “The primary function of the hypen is to indicate that two or more words are to be read together as a single word with its own meaning.”
I defer to you, my esteemed colleagues: Does any Wonketteer seriously contend that “cock” and “sucker” NEEDS a hypen to indicate that they are to be read together? I think not . . . .
“Cock” and “sucking,” however, pose a slightly more complicated problem, given that one definition of “sucking” is “not yet weaned”/”very young.” Admittedly, in a GOP administration, that might be less of a problem. But we have a responsibility to think of the future.
Further, there is the issue of whether “sucking” in this context is a gerund or a participle. But I am reluctant to address that issue, given that risk that Rambone may wear a hole in his foreskin.
What’s with all the mavricky-Muslin-cock-sucking talk?
I now understand the Library of Congress’s interest in Wonkette. Where else will future etomoligists discover the final removal of the hyphen from this word?
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