Wonkette
Eh, enough blogging for 2008. We leave you with this important image of demonic archpundit Andrew Sullivan in hobo rags at Subway, blogging about Obama as hatchlings dance the devil’s tango in a parallel dimension, THE END.
MEH
That Blingee is so wrong, but feels so right.
MOAR TRUCKNUTZ PLS
Jim, is the porn you watch in your gilded masturbatorium?
Ugh. I forgot about that picture. Sully must have raided the closet of every stoner who went to my high school in 1992. I’m sure he’s wearing a pooka-shell necklace, we just can’t see it.
And a very “Happy End Of The World” to you too, Jim.
El Bombastico: He looks like he reeks of patchouli.
Almost forgot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGhevXm9Uz8
Andrew who?
Can’t. Stop. Looking. At. That. Picture.
Who knew blogging would lead to such a glamorous lifestyle?
Happy New Year, Wonkette!
I never thought working at Subway would inspire the creative forces behind the whole “view from my window” concept. Andrew, you amaze me.
Staff must have used a shoehorn and lot of mayo to Sullivan into that chair.
Tnx 4 da laffs in 08 wonkettz!
Subways in New York have chairs? Who knew?
Next year’s gotta better.
Thanks, Jim, for the brain seizure to end 2008.
And to 2008, i say “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”
The end.
All the gayz I luv wouldn’t be caught dead in a Subway (sandwhich shop that is), let alone one that has crooked pictures on the wall and such bad paint re-touch jobs. Andrew, you’re in the closet for the other side. I know it.
Come on Mr. Newell, one more for 2008. I just sent the tip about the really lame NASA head’s equally lame attempts to keep his job.
… and to all a good night! Here’s a big midnight kiss to you, Wonkette.
It seems St. Barack of Obama is trying to tell me that mortgage rates have never been this low (click on your state)!
He’s sad because the five dollar foot-long turned out to be a sammich.
I never figured Obama for a Riverdance kind of guy.
Happy New Year, Wonketteers!
Good Riddance 2008, Cheney, Bush, Palin, Anyone Associated with The Hills, leggings, Norm Coleman and that annoying song about Kissing a Girl.
I’m hungry.
Is that what happens if you feed Barry after midnight?
Oh good, so you see that too.
El Bombastico: What — no Birks?
Thanks for keeping us sane in 08, Jim. Happy new year.
This blingee is change we can believe in.
2008 was the best year ever…FOR JOHN MCCAIN.
Wonkette, you made this year bearable. Thank you.
Make custom Glitter Graphics
Monsieur Grumpe:
Retard
shanemcgowan: He turns into Joe Lieberman. Or maybe John McCain.
This is your token Gay Spanish Jew signing out for 2008. Happy New Year Wonkette & Wonketteers!!
This time for sure!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/80089078-Mr-Grumpy-s-Dance-Party?owner=larocqueman&offset=0
glamourdammerung: Thats what happens if you get him wet.
Well, this answers the time honored “How many Messiahs can dance on a pinhead?” conundrum.
Andrew and his husband announced they were going away for a rest over the holidays. I had no idea the accommodations would be so luxurious. Room with an Ewwwww!
Bald with a beard is a look that “worked” on Folsom Street in the year 1979. It has been in question every since.
Where I’m from, that hooded thing is called a “drug rug”.
How come nobody gets Wonk’d anymore??/??
mdotsota: For the good of all humanity and maximum lulz, someone needs to create a swinging trucknutz stamp for blingee.com!!!
shanemcgowan: I thought he started shitting out Palin clan members when you got him wet.
Happy New Year Wonkette, thanks for the mammaries and the buttseks and the laughs.
Brilliant… beats his ass-scratching episode on Real Time any day. And here I thought he was operating from a manly, sun-light office staffed by cute cartoonish beagles and a cute cartoonish female assistant, calmly typing away with his laptop perched jauntily on his, well, lap with the Capitol Dome rising behind his shoulders.
Guess the Bear Look is going out of style unlike in 2003, when he wrote…
“I was flattered at first. A burly, stubbled, broad-shouldered man, who could barely keep tufts of hair from sprouting from under his T-shirt corners, leered at me across the bar. He was drunk, alas. But it was five minutes to closing and this was Provincetown in July. “You know what I think is so fucking hot about you?” he ventured. I batted my eyelashes. “Your pot-belly, man,” he went on. “It’s so fucking hot.” Then he reached over and rubbed.”
Right.
Thx for the larffs, y’all. Ye madest the political season bearable, what with your Blingees and all. Now we’ve got a full 2009 schedule in store for us: World War VII, eternal hobo beans and boxcar hotels coupled round the Big Rock Candy Mountain, Eric Holder confirmation battle (aka Everything Is Still Bill Clinton’s Fault), Sen. “Landslide” Franken (DFLWTFOMGBBQ-MN), Maybe Sen. “Bullet Pointed Mausoleum at Halicarnassus” Burris (D? -IL), Sen. “Y’Know” Kennedy (Duh-NY), Blaggy’s hair, the Magic Negro campaign gimcrack, whore diamonds, and the latest meth-induced/sports-related Palin baby name hilarity to emanate from Wasilla.
Wow. Now I know what my Noo Yeerz Rez will be for 2-oh-oh-9: Find a Subway with upholstery and cute round little . . . free-standing tables! (I know, you tho’t I was going for “. . . gay bloggers.”) Here in Baltimore it’s all booths ‘n’ benches bolted to the walls, and there are no deep cushions on the furniture, probably because they would collect guns faster than crumbs or onions. Deep cushions on the patrons, oh yes — they can’t all be Jared — but that’s not where I want to sit. At least not until this recession gets much, much worse. Happy New Year, Dear ‘tteers!
Reminiscent of an old Richard Thompson song, Don’t Tempt Me:
That gorilla you’re dancing with may not have too long to live
He’s putting his hands in the wrong places — time to rearrange his face
He’s gonna dance with me instead, and I’m gonna tap-dance on his head
…Bet Sully didn’t expect this happening when he promoted The Bell Curve.
Have I lost my mind, or is Sully wearing one of those horrible Guatemalan hooded shirts? The ones that make everyone look like the creepy Social Studies teacher who tries pathetically hard to be hip and leers at his more attractive students?
gotta run to the ATM, just in case that y2k shit is maybe 9 years late…or is it 8 years.. I figure with W leaving they might unleash it for sure. In fact, ,maybe it did happen! that would explain the last 8 years.
bitchincamaro: It’s a good apocalypse this year, no?
I’ve never been more bummed about having a day off than today. I roll into my favorite happy hour spot with my laptop and fire up the wireless network and what do I find? Brilliant wonkette posts abound.
Best wishes you fucking lushes. Don’t get AIDS or make unwanted babies tonight.
Good thing Andrew already has a husband (who apparently doesn’t care that he’s let himself go) because that look wouldn’t even draw a second glance from most bears I know (let alone anyone in an AF outfit) or any customer of any Subway anywhere. What a tragic end to a British life seemingly well lived. God Save the Queen, indeed.
As to the staff at Wonkette Tower, thanks for a year of real entertainment (I don’t think I’ve ever laffed as hard as I did during the convention coverage). ‘08 ended on an awful/hopeful note. Our economy is tanking but at least it won’t be Palin/McCain taking over in January.
Happy New Year!
IceCreamEmpress: no no no. You’re spot on in that analysis. And by the way: you did very good on your social studies book report.
/leans in closer
Monsieur Grumpe: 5 whore-stars for the blingee!
those mexican/central-american coarse material tops with hoods were
never cool. never. even when people wore them…not. cool.
…unless, of course, they were accompanied by a Z of peruvian flake.
then, they were cool.
oh…and happy new year to staff and posters.
I call total BS on that being a Subway. Subway is known for it’s shitty bolted down “booths” made from melamine and acid. And Blagojevich’s dirty mouth. True story.
Unless this is that secret Subway that requires an “I’m a blogger, I need to chillax while bloggin’ ’bout my window while simultaneously eating my sammich” pass (or if your Michael Phelps), then I’m thinking the interior decor leans more toward that of, say, a luxurious airport bathroom, probably in an inconspicuous state like Minnesota. Then again, I doubt there’d be as many mini dancing Obamas in Minnesota. Probably.
KevoTron: Glad to see your avatar has settled itself out. This year. Cheers, bro.
tsunami: I concur. Just looking at those things made me break out in a rash-fest with no end in site. Poor, poor Sully… he’ll prolly be ringing in the new year with a rash ring around his neck. HIYO!
bitchincamaro: No. The avatar will continue to change. I don’t know why. Wherever I log on it switches up. Weird. Cheers to you as well. I’m going to go throw up on the bar now.
I think he is meeting Jarrod there to check how loose his pants have gotten.
Before I get my big drink on, Happy New Years to everyone!
Let 2009 in. It may not be as funny as 2008, but it can’t suck as much either.
Now wear in my Vodka and bong.
The children were snuggled all tight in their beds.
While visions of Obama-elves danced in their heads.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night!
It’s midnight over here and the fireworks are going off.
Happy New Year, my fellow Wonketteers.
Andrew in the armchair, whipping up another batch of that sweet salty seductive secret sauce. Here’s to 2008, the Year of Snark. Is this the peak, the apogee, the utmost height of scathingly cynical social commentary? Will Hopebama “change” the ballgame, fire the crooked umps, and start testing for steroids? Or is the Snark-machine just getting warmed up? If Blagojevich is any sign, we are in for a helluva 2009!!
HAPPY CHRISTIAN CALENDER NEW YEAR YOU FUCKING JESUS FREAKS.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Go Lionel Hutz! Go Wonketteers! Go 2008! It can’t go soon enough.
Hugs and kisses to all and to all a good night. and where’s my bourbon?
*holds envelope to head*
The stock market in 2008, and myself tonight.
*rips envelope*
Things that can be described as “tanked”
(Hey-oooo!)
It is the sickest Blingee ever. In other words, congratulations.
Gotta catch a nap before rocking the proverbial “it” all night.
Goin out with the Sulster, alright!
I’m no longer Husky, maybe in 09, I’ll be LeanBeaner.
Are you sure that’s not Chris Elliott?
‘Eers, I’m just glad that what Hunter Thompson wrote way back in 1972 B.C. didn’t come true this year…
“This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves; finally just lay back and say it — that we are really just a nation of 220 million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody… ”
How I wish he were around to see the last bitter dregs of Nixon’s Southern Strategy manifest themselves in a bass-playing buffoon Baptist preacher/governor/diet guru, plastihaired Muppet ex-governor, ex-Watergate lawyer/actor/Senator, thrice-married terror-panderer, and, well, that McCain/Palin hybrid. Maybe Utah/Idaho/Alaska will be the Southern Strategy of the 21st century.
OK, hitting the bottle a little early tonight…
Happy New Year, mates - stay safe
Hello. I’m Bearbloke, and I’m a Wonkaholic.
I just got this from the AP and felt compelled - nay COMMANDED, to share:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iTphIQPg4pWotzxzULuowb8BYqmQD95E1DHO0
Groß Gott! It’s just barely 6pm and we’re almost out of Aquavit…. but b’for I dash off fer s’more booooz: Happy whatever, you hobo hippies…
President Beeblebrox: The Bear look is always ‘out of style’ when that douche Sullivan does it…
smellyal8r: Even if he didn’t have the HIV, I still wouldn’t fuck ‘im with *your* dick on a gold-plated dare… ain’t enough boooze to make that pussy pretty….
I’m seriously disturbed by the Obamatronic animated elfs dancing a funky jig on Sully’s bald pate. This year is so fucking over. Later losers.
Happy 2009, all.
Bearbloke: Judging by what Alaska schools seem to produce, I’d say the graduates of these “correspondence GEDs” are the equivalent of high school dropouts from the contiguous 48.
Happy New Year to all.
Megadittoes to what you all said.
My New Years Res is to build more guitars this year (one per month), sell as many paintings on eBay, and make a functional website to abet all that shit. So hopefully, you’ll all be seeing less of me. I’ll come back to whore my website ala Miller ’til Ken bans me.
(You all can hope, anyway.)
Happy new year, motherfuckers!
why does the black man always have be dancing like a fool? this evil white man who goes by the uber white name of andrew sullivan, is probably typing “dance n***er dance!” i guess that’s for hating the gays or something.
nah just kidding, i love little barack dancing like carlton banks, especially because he actually dances like that as evidenced by his multiple embarrassing appearances on ellen (probably the only person who could make him look like an awesome dancer).
aha! from the seeds I sold as a child!
Adios boys. Off to Juarez in the morn. Wish me luck.
OK, Dare I Head my own 2008 awards? Here goes.
I would like to nominate Jim Newell for his courageous service in the War Against Paultards.
I would like to nominate ShortsShortsShorts for Miss Congeniality in the War Against Paultards.
I would like to nominate.NoWireHangers: for Best Comment of 2008. (You know which “disturbing” one…)
There is something fundamentally wrong in doing New Year’s Eve on a 5 second delay, CNN.
I see CNN is doing the Burris Mausoleum story now.
It’s one of the top stories. Cute - 2008 ends with CNN stealing a Wonkette news story. A sign of things to come?
Happy New Year 2009
I just chose to not be snarky. Happy new years motherfuckers!
Charles Barkley is having an AMAZING new year right now.
Blow Jobs all around!
Happy New…uh, Fears. Uh-huh.
Happ… (Sound of Wonketteer hitting the floor, face-first)
I was shocked -SHOCKED! that y’all were through with “Tio Taco” Gonzales by 6:30. You should hear some of the shizzle going around Austin about that poltroon…
I could go all anal on gonzo, but I’m enjoying the alcoholic bliss a lil too mush.
Happy New Year, muthafuckas!
Let’s hope 2009 brings a plethora of gonzo (not Gonzo) porn, sports-theme named Palin spawn, and big-haired crooked Serbian politicians (cf. Slobodan Milosevic, Radovan Karadzic).
Wonkette, I wanna slip you a roofie in your drink and go all Nailin’ Paylin on you!
Urh….
And *just* for our very own shortsshortsshorts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vu8hwvvmEhc
In the spirit(s) of the season I feel I must render props to all of you fierce and brainy Wonketeers. Your razor-sharp literary wit and genuine patriotism have provided me with many evenings of laugh-out-loud hilarity and I ‘preciate it so damned much. *sniff*
Ah, New Years. The only time of year when the rest of the planet is as drunk as we are every night.
Happy New Year, only three more years until the world ends!
How fucking sweet is it that we shall soon be saying “buh-bye” to all that.
And memories like these.
“Happy New Year” is really culturally insensitive (towards Jews, who have their own new year), so I propose to start greeting people with “Happy New Time!”
Discuss.
Gingah: Hah — it’s nice to know that even in Scotland, half the audience drops out after the first verse.
Happy 2009, Wonkette and its various hordes of snarky goodness. I keep worrying that the next few years will be some sort of sarcasm-free fireside singalong — but then Dubya and Dick and company have nineteen days, nine hours and twenty-eight minutes left to give us the real surprise, so I relax a little. This is gonna be fun.
facehead: Indeed. And I think the best way to get in the Happy New Time spirit is to watch videos of the Election Night pandemonium in D.C. here, wherein 144,000 Wonketeers, DuPont Circle gheys, and Howard/GWU/American U students swarm the streets of Chocolate City to take back the city from George McBush.
http://www.youtube.com/user/generaljdp
I think I saw a couple of unicorns in there.
wheelie: It’s Newell’s fault for not putting a tag on the story like ** WORLD EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT WONKETTE **
Happy New Year to Wonkette and all the Wonketteers. I couldn’t have gotten through this rotten year without you.
*tunes up to cry*
I love you! I love you all!!
*singing Auld Lang Syne, fade to black*
I’ve been out watching stuff blow up for New Years.
Did I miss anything? Any Republican caught in a bathroom with a kid yet?
Bearbloke: Well that’s a relief. I was so concerned that the soon possible son-in-law of SnowBilly’s daughter, father to Tripp, and semi-father of Trig might not be edumacated enuff to get a ‘correspondence’ GED. If he really gets has act together, 6 colleges in 5 years!
Well, so much for 2008. Let’s hope things take a turn for the better now the new year is upon us.
Wonkette Girl, You’ll still be my Valentine in 2009.
To my fellow Wonketteers, Happy New Year and dancing blingees to you all…
allainjules: Où est Monsieur ‘opey?
hockeymom: win!