• February 15, 2012

Blago, he’s good today. He set up this press conference to announce his surprise Senate pick, and here he is, dressed to the nines, punctual, grinning, even rattling off a few well-turned sentences in Mexican. He knows he’s politically outmaneuvered Harry Reid, which is perhaps the easiest achievement known to man, but still: “Blagojevich’s news conference came less than an hour after U.S. Senate Democratic leadership issued a statement saying the Senate will not seat anyone the governor chooses to fill Illinois’ vacant Senate post.” O RLY, Democratic leadership? You’re going to REFUSE this nice, experienced, elderly black gentleman a legally valid seat in the Senate? Ha ha, no you won’t!

Obviously this hilarious standoff will end with Harry Reid castrating himself and letting Rod Blagojevich become the new Senate Majority Leader. UPDATE: Aha! Illinois Rep. Bobby Rush also spoke at the presser to offer his support of Burris, and he said THIS: “I would ask you not to hang or lynch the appointee as you try to castigate the appointor.” HA HA HA, yeah c’mon Harry Reid, stop lynching black people, it’s a dick move. This will be amazing.

[YouTube, Chicago Tribune]

{ 60 comments }

Aurelio December 30, 2008 at 3:57 pm

How much fucking money did Blago get for this appointment. Inquiring minds want to know.

Vanity Smurf December 30, 2008 at 3:58 pm

End with Harry Reid castrating himself? Surely he did that a long, long time ago. Perhaps you meant symbolic castration, which apparently never gets old for Harry.

AngryBlakGuy December 30, 2008 at 3:59 pm

…lets see how far they dangle Harry!

Min December 30, 2008 at 4:03 pm

“Wonkette created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat.”

This is going to be good.

jagorev December 30, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Am I the only who is coming around to a grudging admiration for Blago?

bitchincamaro December 30, 2008 at 4:09 pm

What did he say, what did he say? I couldn’t concentrate on anything but that David Crockett hat on his head.

Monk4135 December 30, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Touche

actor212 December 30, 2008 at 4:12 pm

He knows he has them by the short hairs, and knew it all along. That’s why he’s been in no rush to resign.

SayItWithWookies December 30, 2008 at 4:13 pm

Oh, lordy — in this corner, from the bowels of the Chicago machine, it’s Godzilla the Hair Monster. And in the other corner, representing the Nevada Garden Party Alliance, Mrs. J. Alfred Prufrock.

Joey Ratz December 30, 2008 at 4:14 pm

[re=206956]jagorev[/re]: No, you’re not alone. Blago’s got his A-game on now, and it is…, um, maybe beautiful isn’t the best word for it, but it is certainly art.

4tehlulz December 30, 2008 at 4:14 pm

Actually, that’s not what Reid et al said; they said that Senator Burris will not be allowed in the caucus, making him as powerful as the Sergent-at-Arms.

Actually, the SaA can arrest people, so Burris actually will have less power.

sezme December 30, 2008 at 4:15 pm

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Chauncey Gardiner!

chascates December 30, 2008 at 4:17 pm

[re=206956]jagorev[/re]: [re=206966]Joey Ratz[/re]: It IS Illinois after all so we expect him to be crooked. And if he’s going to just ignore it and keep going you have to admire that kind of single-mindedness. It usually comes from a Repuglican but whatever.

Advocatus_Diaboli December 30, 2008 at 4:18 pm

T’aint a thing Harry can do.

Reefpilot December 30, 2008 at 4:20 pm

Maybe he’ll remember how much of a “pussy” he looked when he let “Jew” (as in Joe) Lieberman off the hook.

Did I say “Jew?” Oh, sorry, I was listening to the republican CD distributed by my main man Chip and got carried away with “parody” that’s now completely acceptable.

Quick aside… that state senator in Casino who’s always getting comped by Robert DeNiro but then totally fucks him is Harry Reid. Just making sure we’re all on the same page here.

jagorev December 30, 2008 at 4:22 pm

[re=206967]4tehlulz[/re]: Wouldn’t it be kind of beautiful if the fourth black Senator since Reconstruction, representing Illinois of all places, defected to the Republican caucus because of Harry Reid? I didn’t know Harry Reid had this much FAIL in him.

american mutt December 30, 2008 at 4:24 pm

Let’s just stop having Illinois politicians after Obama. let’s move Illinois out to sea or something.

Violenza December 30, 2008 at 4:25 pm

Aw, Blago’s li’l pixie face. It’s irresistable!!

jagorev December 30, 2008 at 4:26 pm

[re=206975]Reefpilot[/re]: I hope the Nevada Senator in Godfather II who ends up killing a hooker is also based on Harry Reid.

Neilist December 30, 2008 at 4:26 pm

Tar Baby jest sits der and duhnt say nuffing!

4tehlulz December 30, 2008 at 4:28 pm

[re=206978]jagorev[/re]: It would; even better, Chip Saltsman has a theme song ready for him and everything.

Bruno December 30, 2008 at 4:29 pm

Totally Off Topic and Reposted from the Magic Negro Thread –

OMFG, Chip’s ‘blog’ allows comments and even addresses this topic (”well DUH, if the LA Times said it first it must be OK to repeat”)!

These are moderated comments so you will need to be clever in getting stuff through, but time for a FAIL anyone?

http://www.chipsaltsman.com/index.cfm?Fuseaction=Blogs.View&Blog_id=cc9ca87e-21b2-4120-ba35-f4427f284f22&Label_id=&Year=&Month=

2goats December 30, 2008 at 4:31 pm

Blaggy got that audacity part down really good. I hope he got Burris to pay up front. This little contretemps is way better than all that “the economy is falling” stuff with details and stuff.

Pat Pending December 30, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Carpet-bagger.

Bruno December 30, 2008 at 4:32 pm

OK, back on topic, how much frickin’ coke does Blago do before press conferences?

And what the hell’s he doing speakin’ in Bulgarian?

AnnieGetYourFun December 30, 2008 at 4:32 pm

[re=206966]Joey Ratz[/re]: It’s like a Jackson Pollack. All fucked up at first and then you realize that there’s a really insane beauty to it. Blago, I might just start a slow clap in your honor.

jagorev December 30, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Actually, this article might make you rethink Sen. Reid:

http://www.slate.com/id/2111392/

I don’t think killing a hooker is altogether beyond him.

NoWireHangers December 30, 2008 at 4:33 pm

That Blago’s got a set of Truck Nutz the size of WALNUTS! cheeks.

shortsshortsshorts December 30, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Everytime Blago lies his hair drops farther down his face.

AnnieGetYourFun December 30, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Pollock. Knew I should have checked that.

Crazybroad December 30, 2008 at 4:34 pm

Chutzpah: (1) unmitigated effrontery or impudence; gall; (2) audacity; nerve. Synonym: Rod Blagojevich (D-IL).

Bravo, bravo.

NoWireHangers December 30, 2008 at 4:35 pm

[re=206956]jagorev[/re]: From the start I’ve kind of watched the whole Blago thing with a slight grin, a shrug, an “Oh, that’s Illinois”, and a craving for deep dish pizza.

Paco December 30, 2008 at 4:36 pm

[re=206956]jagorev[/re]: You are not alone. Just in time for the holiday season, a nice, warm, hairy serving of chutzpah! In his own way, Blagojevich is like that miraculous Hanukkah lamp that never ran out of oil — he’s the holiday gift that keeps on giving. FREE BLAGO!

facehead December 30, 2008 at 4:36 pm

Aww, I was so sure he’d appoint the president of the Hair Club For Men.

Paco December 30, 2008 at 4:37 pm

[re=206998]Crazybroad[/re]: Oy vey — you beat me to the chutzpah thing.

freakishlystrong December 30, 2008 at 4:37 pm

[re=206998]Crazybroad[/re]: The Audacity of Chutzpa..wokka…

rev_matt_y December 30, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Nice, nice move by Blago. The ball’s in your court, Reid-o. Stand on principle (stop laughing, everyone) or cave on this as you do on everything else.

facehead December 30, 2008 at 4:38 pm

[re=206996]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I thought the ancient saying was: “Everytime Blago lies a magic negro dies.”

jagorev December 30, 2008 at 4:39 pm

If Eliot Spitzer had anywhere near Blago’s balls, he’d be Vice President by now.

gjdodger December 30, 2008 at 4:42 pm

[re=206964]SayItWithWookies[/re]: He grows old, he grows old
He’s confronted by Rughead, and he folds

Robobot December 30, 2008 at 4:44 pm

[re=206956]jagorev[/re]:
Blago is a fantistic real-life troll whose balls must look like brass TRUK NUTZ. It takes fucking talent to be such a massive, unapologetic douche bag.

… Did he go to Georgetown or something?

The D December 30, 2008 at 4:54 pm

Jagorev:

If Spitzer had Blago’s balls…

1) He would have paid off the prosecution… with hookers.
2) Ashley Dupre would have been burst apart like a bratwurst in a microwave.
3) Bernie Madoff would be incoming Sec’y of the Treasury
4) Willam H. Macy would be able to look forward to an Oscar winning turn as “Spitzer”

Blue_in_VA December 30, 2008 at 4:58 pm

As soon as I saw Blago’s first post-Fitzgerald press conference, he reminded me of someone and it’s been bugging me that I can’t think of who. Then I see this wonderful performance today and it finally hit me: Ronald Reagan. Anyone else see it? The voice, the way he moves his head, even his face a bit. If he had an upsweep in his hairline, it’d be perfect.

Maus December 30, 2008 at 5:00 pm

Fuck Burris for even participating in this charade.

Of course, why spend months fundraising for Blago if you don’t expect a little payoff.

S.Luggo December 30, 2008 at 5:07 pm

[re=206981]Violenza[/re]: I feel like mussing his hair and giving him a dog bisquit.

[re=207039]Maus[/re]: Blago has yet to realize that US Senators don’t have commutation powers.

donner_froh December 30, 2008 at 5:08 pm

Roland Burris is an archetypal old school South side ward committeeman who is taking a step down in power and prestige in the old Ninth Ward by accepting the Senate seat.

elfranko December 30, 2008 at 5:19 pm

also – Ronald II and Ronalda? Ronald, you’re too dumb to be a senator. next…!

sarcasticusername December 30, 2008 at 5:22 pm

@jagorev: absolutely not. this guy is a special breed of crazy, it’s hard not to be impressed.

hockeymom December 30, 2008 at 5:31 pm

Jon Scott, FOX News, on the Blago appointment and Burris:

“How will he avoid the smell of the taint.”

polichi December 30, 2008 at 5:32 pm

Why does Roland Burris sound like he OD’d on vicodin 20 min ago? This man is going to have a stroke any second…maybe once that occurs in the next week Jackson Jr. will get he senate seat he paid hella money for? Or maybe free vicodin for everyone? Both?

rocktonsammy December 30, 2008 at 5:50 pm

Balls would have been appointing himself to the senate.

Blago has access to better Chicago laywers as the Gov.

And cash.

shortsshortsshorts December 30, 2008 at 5:50 pm

Roland Burris is not black. I don’t care if he looks like that.

Bruno December 30, 2008 at 6:29 pm

[re=207037]Blue_in_VA[/re]: I first thought Blago was just a coke fiend. While this still may be true, I read somewhere that Blago was a boxer growing up (no, I don’t have the patience to find a source).

It seems like when he goes into press conferences (at least the two I’ve seen) he bounces around like a boxer. I just don’t know which boxer he best represents, but it sure ain’t Mohammed Ali.

mookworthjwilson December 30, 2008 at 7:44 pm

For the sake of everyone, I sincerely hope Ill Sec. of State Jesse White refuses to certify this and any other appointments made by Governor Batshit Crazy.

Chet Kincaid December 30, 2008 at 8:18 pm

What video wizardry is this? Jethro Bodine, business-attired and in his right mind, introducing Deacon Frye as the next Senator from Illinois?

WIDTAP December 30, 2008 at 9:19 pm

Man I am so confused. I thought Barack was supposed to assuage white guilt.

S.Luggo December 30, 2008 at 9:19 pm

“U.S. Senate Democratic leadership”
And ain’t that a contradiction in terms?

TGY December 30, 2008 at 9:22 pm

It’s like a duel of wits between unarmed opponents.

Bearbloke December 30, 2008 at 9:29 pm

[re=207094]rocktonsammy[/re]: Agree! – if ‘Perfect Hair Forever’ Blago really *did* have swingin’ TRUKNUTZ he woulda claimed that Senate seat on Nov 5, like I would’ve if I were an unpopular sitting Governor with a get-outta-jail-card like this one. As for gramps Burris – well, nice black men seldom get to be nice OLD black men by bein’ this stooooopid…. talk about grabbing that career-ending poisoned chalice with both hands! If he were still razor-sharp & twice as cold, he’d infiltrate Blago’s team while droppin’ a dime to Rahm ‘The Enforcer’ Emanuel, in exchange for a taint-free Senate seat or at least a nice comfy Under-Sec gig that he won’t have to defend in 2 years.

Kotter December 30, 2008 at 11:26 pm

And if Burris is somehow seated, if anyone knows how to lose a Senate race in Illinois with a (D) next to their name, it’s probably him. The man hasn’t won anything of any importance in the past eighteen years.

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