GOP IN THE NEWS  1:46 pm December 26, 2008

Another Republican Politician Caught Trying To Screw Children

by Ken Layne

The new seal of the Republican Party.Here’s a fun word puzzle for this wintry Friday afternoon. Guess why this guy’s in the news today: “The former Republican assemblyman, also a former television reporter, was an outspoken advocate of tough penalties for sex offenders.” That’s right, GOP politician George “Chris” Ortloff was caught in one of those online-pedophile sting operations, trying to line up some 11-year-old ass, but ha ha the “mom” he was trying to arrange the child sexytime with was actually a New York detective. Thank you, George Pataki, for appointing this wonderful pedophile to the, uh, New York State Parole Board.

“Ortloff discussed engaging in various sexual acts with said ‘minors’ while conversing with them online and on the telephone,” states the plea agreement signed by Ortloff on Wednesday.

The months-long plans imploded for Ortloff on Oct. 13 when he was arrested by task force members. Ortloff had two vibrators, ”one for each minor,” along with lubricant and condoms when he was arrested at a Wolf Road motel, authorities said.

The evil scumsack “reached a plea deal” with prosecutors and will be sentenced in April. Meanwhile, he gets to stay home — house arrest, sure! — and can only leave now and then, if he finds a kid he really wants to fuck.

Thanks, U.S. District Senior Judge Thomas J. McAvoy, for making sure this Republican former assemblyman and parole-board member gets to hang out in the safety of his home for the next four months, and thanks to the federal prosecutors for recommending a “reduced sentence,” and also for abruptly sticking this on the Christmas Eve court calendar, with no public notice, because who would possibly care about a 61-year-old child molester loose in their neighborhood, right?

Ortloff Pleads Guilty, Charged With Online Enticement Of Minors [WPTZ]
Abrupt plea for Ortloff in child sex case [Albany Times-Union]


Hola wonkerados.

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FreshCliches December 26, 2008 at 1:49 pm

Let the record show that this is when “Ortling Off” entered the vernacular…

mullingitover December 26, 2008 at 1:53 pm

That is an excellent graphic you guys picked for this article. I give it over 9000 stars.

Kev-O-Tron December 26, 2008 at 1:54 pm

When I was eleven we had a name for mean people that screw up your mischievous plans: tattle tale.

Stupid cockblocking detective.

SayItWithWookies December 26, 2008 at 1:57 pm

I knew Republican attempts to inflict suffering on humanity while they still could were going to grow increasingly urgent over the next month — I just didn’t realize they were organized down to the local level.

tacodeluxe December 26, 2008 at 2:02 pm

[re=205725]mullingitover[/re]: Well, your mom.

Keram2 December 26, 2008 at 2:08 pm

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice, and I’ll say it again. Fuck Albany. December 26, 2008 at 2:10 pm

Condoms! How thoughtful!

I was sucking dick at 11 without Mom’s help OR internet access, thank you very much. But I had better taste(HA!) in fellas then to go after some 61yrold parole board troll.

ManchuCandidate December 26, 2008 at 2:12 pm

The passage Mark 10:13-14 sez:
“And they brought young children to Him, that He should touch them: and His disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, He was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God”

Mark 10:13-14 as interpreted by the Repubs:
“And they would bring young children to Him so that He should touch them in their danger zones: but it was detectives who pretended to be those that brought them. But as the Repub saw it before he was arrested, He was much aroused, and said unto them via IM, “Allow the little children to come unto, into and all over ME and forbid them not: for of such is the Domain of GOP.”

space stout December 26, 2008 at 2:14 pm

Dear Wonkette overlords- I am at a loss as I do not know the proper name of the month we are in, with specific regards to this touching story of humanity… Familiar with Cocktober and Blowvember, but what ever shall I call this month?

villageatrois December 26, 2008 at 2:15 pm

Maybe it was the cookies and milk the kids left for him. Entrapment!

FreshCliches December 26, 2008 at 2:18 pm

[re=205739]space stout[/re]: Dickmember

villageatrois December 26, 2008 at 2:18 pm

New verb — to ortle. As in “he ortles your daughter and spitzlers your sister.” To ortle alone is to ortle off.

Snookums December 26, 2008 at 2:21 pm

[re=205739]space stout[/re]: Clitmas season

obfuscator December 26, 2008 at 2:29 pm

GOP: Gross Old Pedophiles?

TexasCowGirl December 26, 2008 at 2:33 pm

[re=205746]obfuscator[/re]: Gay Old Pedophiles.

obfuscator December 26, 2008 at 2:40 pm

[re=205749]TexasCowGirl[/re]: They aren’t all gay, some of them are normal pedophiles… duh.

That big tent the GOP is always bragging about must feature pony rides, free ice cream, and a fucking Jonas Brothers concert every weekend.

shanemcgowan December 26, 2008 at 2:46 pm

Ortloff should have been tipped off when the “mother” told him that “I’ve got this (12 year old) thing and it’s fucking golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for fuckin’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. I can parachute me there.”

getoffmylawn December 26, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Ortie scores 84.62 on the perv-o-meter. Our distinguished panel of judges indicates he would have gotten a higher score had he chosen a classier fleabag motel.

azw88 December 26, 2008 at 3:08 pm

[re=205751]WoundedVeteran[/re]: I think folks should send this fuckin judge membership (as well as donations to their ’cause’ in NAMBLA as well as subscriptions to various hardcore sicko porn such as ‘lolita’ mags, etc. All in his name and sent to his work address.

Come on, Wonketteers, there has to be some among us that can spare the $$ to help this judge with a late Christmas present!

sowbelly December 26, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Let’s save some time and just start investigating anyone who is “an outspoken advocate of tough penalties for sex offenders.”

Come here a minute December 26, 2008 at 3:13 pm

God bless us every one!

american mutt December 26, 2008 at 3:17 pm

[re=205758]sowbelly[/re]: Along with outspoken advocates against homos. Gay on Gay discrimination needs to stop now.

HedonismBot December 26, 2008 at 3:21 pm

What? They’ve been screwing the rest of us for eight (12? 16? 80?) years.

assistant/atlas December 26, 2008 at 3:33 pm

[re=205754]getoffmylawn[/re]: Also, he was within reach of a perfect 10, had the minors in question also been boys, since several of the European judges knocked him for this lack of perfect hypocrisy.

TeddyS December 26, 2008 at 3:38 pm

Typical Libtard loser hypocrites, bitching because the Republicans know how to get the good-looking girls and boys without having to spend hard-earned money on evil hookers.

Servo December 26, 2008 at 3:40 pm

Gives a whole new meaning to “playground politics”.

wickedlittledoll December 26, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Let me get this straight. The more “outspoken” a politician, the more intense their pedophile/homosexual urges are. Sounds about right.

cal December 26, 2008 at 4:00 pm

“Ortloff, 61, of Plattsburgh, resigned his $101,600-a-year job with the state parole board in the wake of his arrest.”

Fun fact: Being a pedophile is a high-paying career!

AngryBlakGuy December 26, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Ortloff had two vibrators, ”one for each minor”

At least he is trying to keep it sanitary!

AngryBlakGuy December 26, 2008 at 4:12 pm

…he is a pedophile, he was on the parole board and he is in the New York jurisdiction; that’ 3 strikes! He is lucky he managed to cop a plea, otherwise his azzhole would’ve been turned into hamburger meat in prison!

sanantonerose December 26, 2008 at 4:24 pm

Yes, Virgina, there is a Grand Old Pervert!

Bruno December 26, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Are there any card-carrying GOP members left who are not child molesters? All I can think of the poor Catholic children in Texas who must be raped 4 times a year by members of various groups.

I’m against capital punishment in general, but if you personally subscribe to it, and commit these crimes, well, who am I to object – you’re getting what your asking form? (Does this also indicate the unhealthy interest in ‘protecting’ the fetuses? = they like to rape them that young now?)

Then again, maybe you get one of your parole board buddies to let you off early. Even so, I’m sure the gangbangers in prison will give him what he’s got coming. And I’m thinking about that razor like device in the film ‘Seven’

MarieDeGournay December 26, 2008 at 4:47 pm

Hopefully his house will burn down during these next four months

HuskyMescan December 26, 2008 at 4:55 pm

GOP, the party of pervo pedophiles and racists.

Ortloff and Chip Saltsman can eat shit and die.

2druk2phluq December 26, 2008 at 5:12 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: I have kids you nasty motherf**ker. Do pedophiles have anything to do with party lines? Here’s one for your side of the aisle, sh*t for brains.

In a related story, this wasn’t funny even before I got pissed off. Meanwhile, some uneducated kid from the ghetto is being raped in Riker’s right now because he got caught with a joint. That’s a Christian Republican Utopia at its finest.

Bruno December 26, 2008 at 5:18 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: Well you prove the point – you’re defending this piece of shit? I hope to see you on a jury soon!

Numbat Dundee December 26, 2008 at 5:29 pm

No child left behind!

zkemeny December 26, 2008 at 5:31 pm

This isnt so bad. Now, if he had been a teenager, having consensual sex with another, slightly younger teenager, THEN they would have locked his ass up for 10 years!!,2933,280572,00.html .

But a 61yo with 11yo’s, hey, we all make mistakes.

smellyal8r December 26, 2008 at 5:33 pm

[re=205752]shanemcgowan[/re]: Very funny.

smellyal8r December 26, 2008 at 5:34 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: Puh-leeze…stop your war on Christmas. Also, the Dems are generally out of the closet in relationships or not chasing children. It’s the Rs who have all these problems (now).

Cicada December 26, 2008 at 5:38 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: Happy New Year to you too! I look forward to forcing you to get gay married and giving your hard earned tax money to programs that will make sure no white person ever gets into Harvard EVER AGAIN.


What amazes me is that someone who worked in the criminal justice system was stupid enough to get busted in one of these online predator dragnets. Didn’t Ortloff ever see “To Catch A Predator”? He deserves an ass-raping just for being a dumbshit. Oh, and for being a creepy pedophile slimeball, bu mostly for being a dumbshit.

Aurelio December 26, 2008 at 5:40 pm

“Our government,” he told the Press-Republican in January of 2006, “must do more to keep dangerous, sexually violent predators away from women and children.”–Press-Republican (NY).

Dindc December 26, 2008 at 5:40 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: [re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: Your idiocy speaks for itself – LOUDLY, yet that is not what I find distasteful… Impugning all wolves with your ID choice impugns all wolves. Therefore, I wish for you the following for the New Year:

May a pack of lobos (those lucky enough to escape Ms. Palin’s OxyContin-fueled Attack Chopper) rip your-stupid-self to shreds. Thereafter, may they puke up the filth that is the fecal matter of your flesh, and may those bloodied remains be rejected by even the dung beetles.

In Jesus’ Name we pray, Amen.

DeLand DeLakes December 26, 2008 at 5:47 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: Nice troll attempt, but we repeat, it should be ALL CAPS and the fact that you spelled “faggot” correctly proves that you are in fact masturbating to a vintage Jonathan Taylor Thomas picture right now. If you really want to demonstrate a true dearth of brain cells, go for “fagot,” a’la the sage commentators YouTube.

Colander December 26, 2008 at 5:49 pm

“Ortloff discussed engaging in various sexual acts with said ‘minors’ while conversing with them online and on the telephone.”

Damn, Mariska Hargitay has gotten really good at disguising her phone voice.

kipperthegod December 26, 2008 at 6:05 pm

No Child’s Behind Left Alone. Oh, sorry, Wolf. We need to edit “Left” out of the title so as not to offend your sensihillbilities.

Kev-O-Tron December 26, 2008 at 6:06 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: What does that even mean? If you’re just trying to stir up the hornets nest you should at least make a little sense.

TeddyS December 26, 2008 at 6:07 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: Atta boy, Wolfie. Stand up for what’s right. Defend your local pedophile.

loquaciousmusic December 26, 2008 at 6:09 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: Hey guys, lay off. Maybe he’s cranky because he’s hungry.

Zipperupus December 26, 2008 at 6:15 pm

Not all Republicans are child molesters, but all child molesters are Republicans.

Kev-O-Tron December 26, 2008 at 6:25 pm

Okay okay okay. So this wolf guy aint comin’ back and it seems that Mr. Layne has departed for the day. Since this may very well be a weekend post I’m going to steer a little off topic (sorry Ken).

Here’s a link that has been getting lulz from all my friends and coworkers. It’s a long load but worth the wait.

effinHel December 26, 2008 at 6:28 pm

The GOP does have a big tent! It’s caused by them all laying in bed thinking about little children… And it’s not really that big of a tent after all.

Blue Jefferson Clinton the Cat December 26, 2008 at 6:29 pm

Ah Dickcember….. My year is now complete.

Of course imho all molesters are human trash and should die of ass cancer but, this beats hearing about the imagined crimes of Rahm and Obama any day

tsunami December 26, 2008 at 6:30 pm

geez…y’all are tough on wolf’s obvious tongue[or something]-in-cheek remark.
he’s obviously kidding in a sarcastic way that’s too subtle for you.

think about it for a second.
W.O.L.F. = Wonderfully outrageous librul faggot.
get it?

Scandalabra December 26, 2008 at 6:40 pm

Is this our topic for the weekend? If I was a transgendered citizen in Iran it would be so much easier–I could just throw a pump at a Bush effigy, and decry the Great Satan. Done.

tsunami December 26, 2008 at 7:05 pm


uh, scan…america is the land of the free. you can do those things
right here at home. probably, it’d be even more fun.
[please post the video]

Keram2 December 26, 2008 at 7:41 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: The Wolf was Andrew W.K.’s worst record.

Barack Like Me, Bitches December 26, 2008 at 7:45 pm

[re=205739]space stout[/re]: Verily, for as it is written, I say unto Thee that from henceforth on the month of Glory, within which The War On Christmas transpires, every year, Eternally in the Affairs of Men, shall be forever known as….


HuskyMescan December 26, 2008 at 7:48 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]:
Yo Wolf, this is Husk. you can kiss my ass (beep)
I ain’t interrested in you anyhow, i’m just interrested in the B-Boys
So fuck you my man.

Servo December 26, 2008 at 7:56 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]:
Ah, what’s the matter? Did you find a shirtless pic of Obama in your girlfriend’s purse on Christmas Eve? If I may, I suggest that you relieve some tension with a good whacking session to Chuck Norris films. But please, do stay for a while. We have lots to cover. You may want to think about an avatar whilst you pull you pud. We’ll be waiting.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Nice to see your comments again.

4tehlulz December 26, 2008 at 8:12 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: 4/10; you would have scored higher, but you didn’t mention buttseks.

Pedobear needs to be the new mascot for the GOP.

cal December 26, 2008 at 8:14 pm

[re=205817]effinHel[/re]: It’s more of a pup tent. Filled with a Boy Scouts.

ivenson December 26, 2008 at 8:16 pm

[re=205802]Dindc[/re]: I’ll see and raise…after the wolves puke up your shredded body, along comes Harvey Keitel in a a tuxedo, coffee cup in hand, and pisses on your leavings. Merry Xmas!

glamourdammerung December 26, 2008 at 9:21 pm

[re=205794]Numbat Dundee[/re]: No child’s behind is left.

glamourdammerung December 26, 2008 at 9:23 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: What the fuck is wrong with Republicans that makes them think that defending child rape is acceptable?

I doubt you will reply though, as most of you are cowards as well.

itgetter December 26, 2008 at 9:25 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: Now here’s an upstanding citizen requesting even-handedness from a news source with enough gravitas to be mentioned on AC 360.

Well, “The Wolf,” I did some serious news gathering (called “googling”) and found the following resources to help you in your quest to report equally on sex offenders from both parties.

Republican Sex Offenders
Democrat Sex Offenders

Now, may I humbly offer you this bag of dicks to munch on?

porno izle December 26, 2008 at 9:26 pm

What does that even mean? If you’re just trying to stir up the hornets nest you should at least make a little sense.

Capitol Hillbilly December 26, 2008 at 9:27 pm

[re=205787]The Wolf[/re]: Wrong on all counts, you pathetic fairy. The item about pelosi’s CoS was posted here. You must have been too busy jacking off to pictures of George Bush in his cheerleader uniform to read it.

&ou are a disgrace to the real Wolf (as portrayed by Harvey Keitel). And Howlin’ Wolf would beat your sorry cracker ass.

myheadsexploding December 26, 2008 at 9:48 pm

[re=205815]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: i love that but it needs updating… it’s pre-Palin, as evidenced by the “Alaska can come too” remark at the end. cuz now, oh no it CAN’T.

Mahousu December 26, 2008 at 9:54 pm

Here’s a link to the court papers:
(Warning: contain far more details than you probably want to know.) Ortloff does manage to summarize the new GOP in a nutshell:

Ortloff: “I ask myself… I always ask myself when I am doing something new… Is this right or wrong? Do I have a moral problem with this? And honestly I don’t have a moral problem with this because I started when I was young and you started when you were young and here we are, it didn’t ruin us, or maybe it did (laugh)…”

Anita Cocktail December 26, 2008 at 9:56 pm

[re=205800]Cicada[/re]: Yes, after a few episodes of “To Catch A Predator” anybody with a brain know DON’T GO IN THE KITCHEN FOR AN ICED TEA! (That’s where they cuff you.)

On the first day of Christmas, the GOP gave to me
One pedophile
and a partridge in a pear tree!

Warren Terror December 26, 2008 at 10:25 pm

Great. Has he had a fucking trial? Has he been found guilty? Jesus Fucking Christ on a Jumped Up Fucking Cross. Douchebags.

This is supposed to be fucking America, whether the sorespots are your political opponents or not.

Get a fucking grip and stop trying to be the fucking arbiter, fucko.

tsunami December 26, 2008 at 10:30 pm

[re=205846]Anita Cocktail[/re]:

or, perhaps…

one pedophile
and a tree-jumper in a pear tree.
[if you understand that reference]

ladymacbeth December 26, 2008 at 10:53 pm

[re=205847]Warren Terror[/re]: we have the attention span of alcoholic fleas. he went for a plea bargain. we can’t wait for the trial.

loquaciousmusic December 26, 2008 at 10:54 pm

[re=205847]Warren Terror[/re]: Dude, he showed up at a motel with vibrators, KY Jelly, and condoms. What, was he trying out a new way to jump start a car?

glamourdammerung December 26, 2008 at 10:55 pm

[re=205847]Warren Terror[/re]: Are you unable to read or just stupid? Or was the headline “Ortloff Pleads Guilty, Charged With Online Enticement Of Minors” too subtle for you? We knew the details, apparently you do not. So who is being judgemental without relying on facts, buttercup?

loquaciousmusic December 26, 2008 at 11:01 pm

[re=205851]glamourdammerung[/re]: Marry me.

gliberal December 26, 2008 at 11:04 pm

Two vibrators, one for each minor, and some lubricant. Sounds innocent enough to me. Ironically, only one person in that room ended up being boinked in the ass.

HuskyMescan December 26, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Warren Terror = The Wolf. The republican pedophile apologist with the wrong facts. Chris Hansen we need you here right now.

Mahousu December 26, 2008 at 11:19 pm

[re=205850]loquaciousmusic[/re]: One small correction: this fine product was his lube of choice.

loquaciousmusic December 27, 2008 at 12:21 am

[re=205856]Mahousu[/re]: Yes, but would a water-based lube have worked to clean the terminals?

RogueDC December 27, 2008 at 12:32 am

[re=205837]itgetter[/re]: Wow, that Democratic Sex Offenders list is great “light reading”… should be in a leaflet form, like, “Achievements of the Bush Family”. On the other hand, the Repug one will likely end up in the Oxford Library, in several leatherbound volumes.

azw88 December 27, 2008 at 12:43 am

[re=205854]gliberal[/re]: That shows that he was concerned about the health of the young girls hoo-hoos! No cross-contaminating love-juices from one girl to the other.

KenManiac December 27, 2008 at 1:14 am

No Child Left Without A Sore Behind?

trondant December 27, 2008 at 2:15 am

Ha ha, I did a quick search on “Ortloff” at the freeper site. Oddly enough, no one’s seen fit to post it. So, I guess they’re cool with it.

Zipperupus December 27, 2008 at 2:50 am

to Ortloff is human, to Madoff divine…

DoktorZoom December 27, 2008 at 3:31 am

[re=205815]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Cute video, but jeeze, China is shown as a couple of sumo wrestlers in a room with a Japanese flag? Is that animator a complete idiot, or is that a far deeper level of ironic commentary than I am able to process?

zhubajie December 27, 2008 at 3:44 am

Call the month Dick-cember!

Zhu Bajie

gurukalehuru December 27, 2008 at 5:17 am

[re=205845]Mahousu[/re]: There was some interesting stuff in them there court papers. I loved the part where he said “I am not a p—-ph–e.” Well, yes, George, you are.
Also “I know people who have gotten away with this lifestyle for generations.” There are world’s out there that we (or some of us, at any rate) know nothing about.

Bruno December 27, 2008 at 5:37 am

Off topic, but its the weekend so ehh,

Palin’s calendar is ‘doing well’ on Amazon. Suggest a FAIL through Amazon’s review system? There are far too many 5/5 and positive things to say.

Well, maybe that isn’t too far off topic, she is a republican who abuses children (buy does not molest them, as far as I know)

Bruno December 27, 2008 at 5:39 am

[re=205874]Bruno[/re]: If any of you are in with Peta, and can seed the idea there, maybe they can take care of the dirty work for us

Anita Cocktail December 27, 2008 at 8:58 am

[re=205848]tsunami[/re]: Urban Dictionary to the rescue. Good one.

davesnothere December 27, 2008 at 11:28 am

No childbehind for leftists.

Larry McAwful December 27, 2008 at 11:42 am

[re=205836]glamourdammerung[/re]: Republicans don’t defend child rape. They just defend child rapists. As long as the rapists are Republicans too. Which they usually are.

Chief Grinning Eagle December 27, 2008 at 12:32 pm

He was playing choo choo train. He just had to have a little tender behind.

Why not two?

gurukalehuru December 27, 2008 at 1:57 pm

Perps pix available on Google images. Chubby child molester cheeks. Check.

facehead December 27, 2008 at 2:05 pm

OT, but this is cute. New terrorist group, and their acronym is M.I.L.F. :

HuskyMescan December 27, 2008 at 2:35 pm

They are no match against Tyrannical Radical Underground Corporate Nationalist Unified Terrorist Zionists.

finallyhappy December 27, 2008 at 3:01 pm

[re=205897]HuskyMescan[/re]: I am a member of that group but let me digress- where is Bristol Palin’s baby?? Does she have a longer gestation than normal women?

FreshCliches December 27, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Where is Bristol’s baby? Tweaking it up in utero. Gotta get everything just right before the grand entrance.

HuskyMescan December 27, 2008 at 4:12 pm

[re=205898]finallyhappy[/re]: I heard her gestation was delayed because of the election.

2druk2phluq December 27, 2008 at 4:53 pm

Incidentally, wingnuts don’t deserve the creative talents of their betters. Some people may have noticed a similarity to a Katt Williams line. The explanation is more complicated than what it describes. I just wanted to say it.

This probably sounds completely insane to anybody who didn’t notice what I’m talking about. Happy New Year anyway.

President Beeblebrox December 27, 2008 at 5:22 pm

Instead of jerking off to a calendar with pre-drill baby drilled holes and candid shots of Sarah Palin exterminating wolves, perhaps you’d enjoy another Palin bio with an infinitely recursive title, to wit:

God, Prayer, and Sarah Palin: Sarah Palin and The Power of Prayer: The Power of Prayer and Sarah Palin

“We know Sarah Palin, John McCain’s vice-presidential choice for 2008, is a former Wasilla High School basketball star, ex-beauty queen, and one-time journalist. But her life has also been blessed with abundant faith. Her faith is based on a personal relationship with God, and prayer. This book examines the power of prayer in Sarah’s life and provides inspiration for all.”

Plus they have a special: for only $37.99 you can get the Recursive Palin Bio along with Sarah Palin: A New Kind of Leader by Joe Hilley AND Sarah: How a Hockey Mom Turned the Political Establishment Upside Down by Kaylene Johnson

Who needs tranny porn to beat off to when you have this many Palin books available?

Scandalabra December 27, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Way off-topic, but I finally got the Obama plate thingamajig in the mail, the one that my family is going to cherish as an heirloom for generations, for only $17.95. Thing is the size of a butter plate and comes with the cheesiest display stand imaginable. God bless america the land i luv…

Bruno December 27, 2008 at 5:57 pm

[re=205904]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Well, I guess SnowBilly can have an answer now for what books she goes readin, also.

StephanieInCA December 27, 2008 at 7:02 pm

I’d rather sodomize one of those insipid shitting Charmin bear cubs.

finallyhappy December 27, 2008 at 7:34 pm

[re=205905]Scandalabra[/re]: No way-I need to look at the local merchandise here in DC. I haven’t been to any tourist gift shops in a while and it is possible with all the gentrification of Downtown DC the stores where tour buses stopped are gone. I’ll have to check the stock on the souvenir trucks scattered around Constitution and Independence Avenues. I was tempted by the coin set Montel is advertising- but I think I’ll paste a picture of Obama on a quarter and be done with it. I did buy a T-shirt with Obama’s picture that says just says President.

HedonismBot December 27, 2008 at 7:52 pm

[re=205904]President Beeblebrox[/re]: In what respect, Charlie? Charlie, in what respect? Respect, Charlie, in what? What in, Charlie, respect what? What respect, Charlie, what in?

HedonismBot December 27, 2008 at 7:58 pm

[re=205911]HedonismBot[/re]: Charlie, what is respect??

Scandalabra December 27, 2008 at 8:15 pm

[re=205910]finallyhappy[/re]: I was upstate NY this weekend and this giddy Korean woman who owns a hip-hop toggery in some little hick town was very happy with the sales figures on 3XX Obama Tshirts, both the silkscreened styles with the hope message, and the faux-grommet version with the white house and obama circle logo worked into the design. Woman said Obama had saved her wretched little business from the devastation caused by the collapse of the meth trade in her town.

Flaming O December 27, 2008 at 8:19 pm

R-E-S-P-E-C-T; find out what it means to me, Charlie.

Bruno December 27, 2008 at 8:31 pm

[re=205905]Scandalabra[/re]: It is now clear what separates winners and losers in the Hobo economy. Winners get to sell decorative plates. Losers are stuck with calendars and pray guides. May god bless all Hobos. Amen, also

Bearbloke December 27, 2008 at 8:36 pm

[re=205898]finallyhappy[/re]: The “Bristol pregnancy” storyline was canceled due to the inability of the target demographic (51% of the US voting populous) to sufficiently suspend disbelief… but the new “White trash druggie grandma” storyline is a huge hit!

Scandalabra December 27, 2008 at 8:59 pm

[re=205915]Bruno[/re]: I’m setting up a little shop down by the freight train depot. We’ll serve a little Hope Stew for you before you hop a freight to nowhere. It’ll stick to your ribs hoboes! Lounge music and bossa nova on your way out sexies!

cal December 27, 2008 at 9:53 pm

[re=205899]FreshCliches[/re]: And where oh where are the big Bristol/Levi nuptials? Wasn’t that supposed to be the wedding of the century?

Bearbloke December 27, 2008 at 10:40 pm

[re=205918]cal[/re]: The “Levi” character has been… ah… temporarily written into the background, as we scriptwriters say – until/unless the suits at RNC decide to renew the actor’s contract. In either case, we’re covering our bases by working on a four-year story arc that can bring us up to the Fall 2012 Sweeps-season, *but* still leave us room to ditch the “Levi” character (meth-lab explosion, aerial wolf-hunting mishap, sunken fishing-boat, etc) if contract negotiations don’t work out. However, we still haven’t decided whether to close the “Bristol pregnancy” storyline with an out-of-wedlock birth, an alien abduction, or one of those “Dallas”-style dream-sequence cop-outs… STAY TUNED!

Servo December 27, 2008 at 10:49 pm

I think a “Moldavian Massacre” is more appropriate for the Palin clan.

Paul Tardy December 27, 2008 at 10:51 pm

On The Media did a story about people being seriously busted for having the wrong kind of Manga in their collections. Compare the treatment of the comic book kiddie porn, with the real thing.

Porn’s Fine Lines
December 26, 2008
If no children were harmed in the making, is it still kiddie porn? Cartoon defender Charles Brownstein says it’s a danger to artistic freedom to criminalize lines on paper, but child-safety advocate Mary Leary says allowing explicit drawings of children presents a threat to the safety of real-life kids.

Also amusing is that the British internet watch doggie decided that it is now Ok to view the Scorpion Virgin Killer album cover on Wikipeidia because so many people were looking at it after they banned it that they decided it was more better to let people view it, so they would stop viewing it.

Dreadful Gate December 27, 2008 at 11:43 pm

[re=205739]space stout[/re]: Mighty Dickcember!

wickedlittledoll December 28, 2008 at 1:06 am
Colander December 28, 2008 at 1:52 am

[re=205893]gurukalehuru[/re]: Well, how squirrels store nuts for the winter…

AnnieGetYourFun December 28, 2008 at 2:01 am

[re=205922]Dreadful Gate[/re]: Dickcember seems about right, actually. Bravo.

Also, hey, Kevotron? Inaguration party? Yes?

AnnieGetYourFun December 28, 2008 at 2:03 am

Fuck. Inauguration. Motherfucker spelling fucker bitch.

Guppy06 December 28, 2008 at 9:30 am

[re=205921]Paul Tardy[/re]: I dunno, I’ve read a little lolicon and shota and I’m still not feeling very Republican.

FreshCliches December 28, 2008 at 10:01 am

[re=205918]cal[/re]: Bristol/Levi nuptials? You bought that? A mere campaign/publicity ploy for the great unwashed who believe that everything in life ends like a Disney movie. The people of the land. The salt of the earth. The Real Americans.

You know, morons.

Nigerian Business Executive December 28, 2008 at 10:27 am

[re=205919]Bearbloke[/re]: I would like to see the “Levi” character in a spin off on HBO so there can be lots of, y’know, nudity and realistic sex scenes. Can you make that happen for me? Make the characters gay too. Or at least bi.

bitchincamaro December 28, 2008 at 11:35 am

What’s the big deal? I was ate before I was seven.

cal December 28, 2008 at 11:41 am

[re=205919]Bearbloke[/re]: Win.

I’m waiting for Sarah Palin to step out of the shower (in a towel, natch) and realize her candidacy was all a dream.

Servo December 28, 2008 at 12:16 pm

[re=205933]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]:
Gratuitous sex isn’t as fun to mock as dysfunction. I’d like to see the bi-polar/schizo sister emerge to revenge the church conspirators who forced her into seclusion. “And…ACTION!”

Nigerian Business Executive December 28, 2008 at 1:13 pm

[re=205937]Servo[/re]: I don’t want to mock gratuitous sex, just enjoy it. However, there may be a compromise. A bondage scene involving Levi and The First Dude. “And … ACTION!”

Bearbloke December 28, 2008 at 1:45 pm

[re=205935]cal[/re]: I can neither confirm nor deny any upcoming plot point…

oldguy December 28, 2008 at 1:46 pm

Geez, Bristol’s due date was the 18th of DickCheneyMember

and now I’ve got little bits of vomit in my mouth for typing that.

Levi will depart from the cast in a heroic attempt to save his mother after the Russians (they’re just down the street) sabotage the Meth mine.

Servo December 28, 2008 at 1:47 pm

[re=205938]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]:
Don’t forget to include the various equestrian implements. “Ya gotta beat him like a rented mule! And…ACTION!”

Bearbloke December 28, 2008 at 2:11 pm

[re=205940]oldguy[/re]: Isn’t that how they got rid of the 4th Lassie?

Nigerian Business Executive December 28, 2008 at 2:47 pm

[re=205941]Servo[/re]: Plus, there’s potential for an innovative use for moose antlers. “And…ACTION! OUCH!”

The Neoskeptic December 28, 2008 at 3:47 pm

[re=205739]space stout[/re]: Decumber

Bruno December 28, 2008 at 3:50 pm

[re=205933]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Some Hollywood writer type needs to get to work on this “Wasilla-billy: the serial” property ASAP. All it will take is someone to reach Bristol in time & offer to buy her input as a “consultant” for $1m. Ah, that’s probably too much, make it, $100k, a lifetime supply of meth and an illegally built house from bribes on some lake in Alaska that no one cares about. Negotiation will probably be easier if you make her cry that Levi won’t show up to the shotgun wedding (in case she doesn’t already know). Or tell her she isn’t really preggers (republicans are easy to fool about telling them some story is reality)

Bruno December 28, 2008 at 5:04 pm

The braindead wackjobs from Team Sarah are out in full force promoting the starbursts from the calendar:

Joey Ratz December 28, 2008 at 5:17 pm

[re=205945]The Neoskeptic[/re]: Douchember, dammit!

[re=205947]Bruno[/re]: For some reason, they didn’t care too much for this piece of, um, something:

Bruno December 28, 2008 at 5:31 pm

[re=205948]Joey Ratz[/re]: Sold!

“Although we elected a woman over 30-years ago, poor Mrs Thatcher was not a patch on the saintly Palin. The Governor of Alaska could beat her in any contest: fist fight, colouring competition, mud-wresting (Anchorage rules) or beauty pageant. “

HuskyMescan December 28, 2008 at 5:36 pm

[re=205948]Joey Ratz[/re]: Oh wow. i wasn’t expecting to throw up inside my mouth just now.

Scandalabra December 28, 2008 at 6:07 pm

At least America’s ‘tard Trig will have a nephew to play with who is only 8 months younger than him. ew. In Wasilla, this is as common as rape.

Bruno December 28, 2008 at 6:36 pm

[re=205952]Scandalabra[/re]: Don’t you mean brother and 10 months?

Servo December 28, 2008 at 6:56 pm

Play what? Bobbing for hushpuppies in the Fry Boy?

rocktonsammy December 28, 2008 at 7:49 pm

no child’s behind left or left behind

S.Luggo December 28, 2008 at 8:41 pm

Subpoena Mother Teresa, Tinkerbelle, Jane Bennet, Margo Chandler, Princess Leah and Eleanor Roosevelt.
— Ed Genson

S.Luggo December 28, 2008 at 9:03 pm

You missed the point.
“The former Republican assemblyman, also a former television reporter, was an outspoken advocate of tough penalties for sex offenders.”
Even Satan can quote scripture.
Luke 4:1-13

S.Luggo December 28, 2008 at 10:00 pm

Meh. Snall town, Albany news.

The Republican Party gives you better, “Barack, the Magic Negro”.;_ylt=AtMay2oJZ1bR7nnrb2TgmwDZn414

Mr Blifil December 28, 2008 at 10:40 pm

People need to relax. The dude arranged for lubricants and condoms after all.

villageatrois December 28, 2008 at 11:22 pm

I’m sorry, but I gotta say it: Ten days have passed since I pointed out that Bristol is late on her delivery date.

I won’t say anything else until next weekend. Them Palins have some calendar problems!

KTHXBAI December 29, 2008 at 12:09 am

I’m confused. He’s a Republican, but I just read it was two little GIRLS.

davesnothere December 29, 2008 at 1:24 am

[re=205965]villageatrois[/re]: Trig is Bristol’s kid.

Mr Blifil December 29, 2008 at 8:25 am

[re=205965]villageatrois[/re]: I feel your pain. I just want to know which of the sled dogs gets to eat the placenta.

JDHART December 29, 2008 at 9:30 am

Ahh, the Family Values Party strikes again.

actor212 December 29, 2008 at 12:31 pm

How’d you like to be this guy’s paperboy?

actor212 December 29, 2008 at 2:39 pm

[re=206130]The Wolf[/re]: Um, right. That’s why Barney Frank was investigated not only by the House…and tone down your language, pal.

chascates December 29, 2008 at 2:56 pm

This has gotten over 16,000 views! Is that because of Repugs trying to see if they were mentioned or the trolls trying to think of something to say in defense of the Repugs?

dean888 December 29, 2008 at 3:15 pm

How come this guy is seen as a hypocrite republican and not a hypocrite deviant? How come someone that professes to be religious and turns out to be gay is a hypocrite right-winger and not a hypocrite homo? we are defined by what we do, not what we say. What I mean by that is that he was never a republican, he used that position to deflect any attentions to his deviancy, it’s not a rare tactic and he’s not right-wing, never was. It’s is deluded and sophomoric to think otherwise.

actor212 December 29, 2008 at 3:48 pm

[re=206222]dean888[/re]: Um, dean, don’t you think you answered your own question?

If we are defined by what we do, then a homosexual having sex with another man is, by your own definition, not hypocritical. That same man chiding gay men for being gay, tho, IS hypocritical.

tiger December 29, 2008 at 4:14 pm

What’s a “faggot”?

Min December 29, 2008 at 4:16 pm


Republican representative exposed as a rampant woman chaser! National GOP party leaders in state of complete shock!

robanybody December 29, 2008 at 4:18 pm

[re=206222]dean888[/re]: Ortloff is a perv and, significantly, a Republican, as they usually are. He used his party to put himself in a position of power because the Repub party supports his kind of extremist, over the top moral hypocrisy. The Dem party would never accept a toad with social policies like this guy’s, which are central to Ortloff’s perv status.

So, fact: Republicanism attracts Little Boy Pervs. Wait, let me explain.

We all know Little Boy Pervs tend to be Repubs. We know it’s true. So why is that? I suggest it’s because Repubs are overly moralistic, often overly black and white in their thinking, and tend to have more intensely repressed attitudes toward sex, homosexuality, perversions of various kinds, you name it–the screwed up ones tend to be more screwed up than Dems with similar conflicts. Freud coined the term “reaction formation” to describe conflicted behavior like Ortloff’s, acting publicly in one direction while harboring (and sometimes acting on) opposite impulses. Wikipedia does a decent job of describing this trait:

This moral rigidity is a fundamental part of present-day Republicanism, which is why you get flag-pin obsession, Support our Troops bumper stickers on Ford Expeditions and Hummers (a Repub vehicle if there ever was one), anti-gay laws, anti-minority laws, Screw the Poor laws, and environmental rape that includes cutesy governors OKAYING the slaughter of wolves from helicopters, and on and on ad pukeatum.

Larry Craig was a crusader for punishing pervs like himself. So was this guy. We’ve seen it over and over, including in the hordes of “religious leaders,” most, if not all of them proud, card-carrying Republicans. It’s just a fact that Little Boy Pervs tend to be Repubs. Live with it. Your party has more pervs because Republican politics are more conducive to conflicted perv thinking. Sorry. If you don’t like it, work to change the policies and a lot of them will go away. Maybe they’ll gravitate toward the Fundy church power structures. The Fundies have lots of experience with this issue, so they can handle it.

actor212: How would you like to be Herr Wolf’s paperboy? Talk about scary.

Truculent December 29, 2008 at 4:23 pm

[re=205739]space stout[/re]: Dick-cember, obviously

glamourdammerung December 29, 2008 at 4:58 pm

[re=206130]The Wolf[/re]: Actually, you were indeed defending a would-be child rapist (or at best trying to state that being Pelosi’s chief of staff was somehow worse than trying to rape children). So, could you answer me and tell me how in the world you think it is acceptable in any way whatsoever instead cursing out your betters?

glamourdammerung December 29, 2008 at 5:00 pm

[re=206130]The Wolf[/re]: Better yet, find us a “democrat cocksucking faggot” from the two decades.

Lemur December 29, 2008 at 6:25 pm

[re=206293]robanybody[/re]: Agree and second that comment. Awesome :)

Bearbloke December 29, 2008 at 7:19 pm

FLASH UPDATE!: The suits at RNC have decided to go with the “Out-of-Wedlock-Birth/Bristol-as-unwed-mother” storyline. The idea is to use the high drama to attract the increasing “poor-but-proud” white trash audience, and present “Bristol” as an upstanding White Christian young mother who has the strength, dignity and Maverick-ness™ to steer clear of the non-White Socialist Liberals who want to force Communist ‘Welfare’ down her (and by extension, white-trash America’s) throat. SO STAY TUNED!

populucious December 29, 2008 at 8:00 pm

[re=205750]obfuscator[/re]: I hear Michael Jackson’s place is for sale.

getoffmylawn December 30, 2008 at 2:58 pm

Fellow travelers, Ortie gets to spend glorious time in adseg while still getting a NY state pension.
We know where the party’s gonna be in whatever pen he winds up in.

shortsshortsshorts December 30, 2008 at 6:29 pm

[re=207086]The Wolf[/re]: Fuck you. You fucking hypocritical assfuck.
Frank at least came out of the closet, unlike most of your friends, most likely.

Kev-O-Tron December 30, 2008 at 6:34 pm

[re=207139]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: this fucking guy. He’s pretty weak tea when it comes to trolls. It takes much more than that to wind up the wonkette crowd.

bago December 30, 2008 at 6:36 pm

So what exactly is a hypocritical assfuck? One done in church?

Kev-O-Tron December 30, 2008 at 6:46 pm

[re=207149]bago[/re]: I’ve said this before: think of Rick Santorum banging his son and calling it “opposition research” or something. Or don’t think of that at all. yes that’s probably best.

HuskyMescan December 30, 2008 at 7:55 pm

Hahaha..wonkettites brought out the real troll in wolfy. One could do the same for racist apologists. I can get them to say n*gger pretty quick. And that’s alot of cocksucking references from wolfy. I sense some man-child issues.

shortsshortsshorts December 30, 2008 at 8:35 pm

[re=207220]HuskyMescan[/re]: I definitely see the man-child love.
NAMBLA would be proud of [re=207086]The Wolf[/re]:

Bruno December 31, 2008 at 6:27 am

So let me understand, I’m too drunk on butt luvin to go back and read the posts, this Wolf character is gay like us? Or he secretly likes children?

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