Wonkette
“Members of a church in Kansas City, Ks., are protesting the secularization of Christmas by dressing like Jesus at their jobs, malls and restaurants.” (This is how they would dress regardless.) [Fox News, Blogslut]
BEST WAR EVER
Just as long as your hairnet fits over your crown of thorns, it’s fine.
The Jesus on the left played the man for a couple of years, but then in a fit of boredom he professed a desire to be bottom. Now he wishes he could take it back, which explains his glum dissatisfied expression. Meanwhile the Jesus on the right has been thinking he may have a shot with the ladies after all, because being Jesus of the Cheap Western Shirt is a fairly honorific title.
In related news, the real Jesus has no idea what’s wrong with these people. He went down to the opening of that new Pitt movie, figuring anything has got to be better than Fox News. He damned his own car before he got out of the driveway though, because it kept dying. More Nuze at Eleven.
The fashion-forward shrubbery design on that dude’s Banana Repub button-up totally takes the steam out of his crown of thorns.
Please oh please oh please, let Fred Phelps be behind this.
FreshCliches: Hahahaha… Fred Phelps *behind* anything is fairly ironic…
Wait! The reason for the season is BABY jesus. I guess they weren’t comfortable dressing up like babies, so they just decided to act like babies instead.
what if, say, instead of crowning him with thorns, they had smeared him with feces? would these idiots be walking around with poo-poo all over themselves? man I wish that had happened.
Excellent idea. Without their assuming the night shirt and spikey things it could take months to identify these people and arrange for them to be sectioned.
As for them telling Fox that they have had no adverse response, this is very likely as the street video shows people keeping a very, very long way away from them. Taken altogether, I think this whole thing could be a useful trend. Maybe Warren has it in mind for Inauguration Day.
Well, it means they have to accept the vinegar douches/sponges.
To make it really effective they should actually be crucified.
Also Kathy Griffin & Anderson Cooper will be live on CNN from Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Will Wonkette liveblog this or will we all be intoxicated to give a shit?
Goddammit! I just got back from a four day visit to KC, if only i’d stayed two more days I could have participated. O well there is always next year if teh retards can manage to survive another year.
If one of them gets caught trying to solicit a prostitute, he can just claim he thought she was Mary Magdalene.
This is hilarious, considering the only reason why Christmas is a government holiday is because it has taken on sufficient levels of secularization.
Man, you Christians get to have all the fun. Dressing up like Queen Esther as a protest against the secularization of Purim doesn’t have the same cache
At first I read, “by dressing like Jesus in their jobs at malls and restaurants.” ‘Cause they definitely look like the kind of people who make their careers out of jobs at malls and restaurants. Just not out where the customers can see them. If Jebus brought you a New York steak rare, you’d have to wonder….
Jesus on the left looks drained, he needs a meth infusion stat.
They’re kind of focusing on the wrong end of Christ’s biography, aren’t they?
I remember when talking to yourself on the street corner was a mark of crazy. With bluetooth, this is no longer the case. This takes crazy back to the streets - may god bless america.
Oh, these guys can afford restaurants?! I guess you mean Denny’s right?
Beard-guy’s beard makes me think of front-butt. Gaa!
Has anyone volunteered to take a nail gun to their hands and feet?
I like how this demonstrates the single idea these fucking loons have shrunk Christianity down to - the story of a man being beating, tortured, and killed. The end.
I mean you might imagine people obsessed with putting the reason back in the sesaon might walk around in Mary and Joseph costumes with their rented mule or ride around as Three Wise Men on camels or do some guerilla Christmas story theatre one the streets or in malls. You know, something Christmas themed, since this is the Christmas and all. But no. That wouldn’t involve enough blood and sadism.
Some day in the near future, Fundie Christmas will celebrated by sitting under a cross watching Mel Gibson’s the Passion on an endless loop while being whipped by a cat o’ nine tails, and then (hopefully) with the participants being crucified.
Shit! Eartha Kitt (who sang “Santa Baby”) has died. BabyJesus Day is as good as any to check out.
Shit! Eartha has died???!! God help us.
jagorev: That’s because their Easter costumes will cover the early years of Jesus. http://wonkette.com/404555/al-franken-will-win-minnesota-senate-seat-because-more-stupid-voters-like-him
chascates: The original Catwoman- the best!
This is actually a step up, fashion-wise, for most of these people.
Johnston said some members have gotten more elaborate with their costumes, growing beards and wearing their hair long.
Looking like Osama, in other words?
Whatever. As long as we don’t have to put the Newt back in New Year.
Anyway party on. TO-GA, TO-GA….
And hey, Christ on the left, Jeebus did not have a prison pussy!
Darehead: And it’s doubtful any of the Maries would have let him leave the hovel with dry, frizzy split ends like that as well.
Aren’t these the same dudes who found the remains of Bigfoot a few months ago?
Everything’s up-to-date in Kansas City!
chascates: Shit! Who’s going to play Catwoman in the next Batman film now?
Note to krazee Fundie morans. Jeebus WASN’T WHITE!
If he did exist, he’d was not the thin white swimmer hippie guy that is portrayed in the paintings. He’d look a lot browner and his hair would be rather curly and dark brownish.
It would so make me laugh if the “real” Jeebus looked like Preznit Barry with a beard. I would laugh till it hurt.
Jesus is scary looking!
I thought Jesus was more Godspell looking.
Who taught the Fundies fancy-smancy photo editing?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcpUnB0FKuk&feature=channel
ManchuCandidate: Yeah, there’s this guy who hangs around the corner of our local Macy’s with his disciples, he’s got a little PA speaker on him and one of his big lines is “Jesus wasn’t a hippie!” I told him MY Jesus was black (Ethiopian, as Meathead said on All in the Family thirty years ago), and he, for once, was at a loss for words. You should’ve seen him during the anti-H8 protest November, he was all confused, and seriously outnumbered…
RIP Eartha Kitt.
We really have a vengeful, demented God if baby Jeebus was born wearing a ring of thorns.
Very handy for roasting marshmallows, but mind the flames.
The crown of thorns didn’t come until later. At this point in the Christian season, they should be walking around wearing swaddling clothes. I think that is something like a diaper.
Sorry…..Christian calendar, not Christian season.
That guy on the right totes looks like Joe the Plumber.
If Harold Pinter and Eartha Kitt die on the same day, what does that tell you? Huh? Pause.
And their theme song:
You ain’t nuthin’ but a thorn dog
Pricking all the time…..
They both are shoplifters; I kicked them out of my store.
“Dec. 23: Wes Norris wears a wreath and a sash while making calls from his cubicle at Freightquote.com, a shipping company.”
If someone in my office came to work in this guy’s black, sequined sash and crudely woven headpiece of willow branches, I would never guess he was taking a stand for Christians’ freedom of speech.
I would assume he was batshit…or fabulous.
Merry Saturnalia, morans.
loganmo: He puts the wurzel in bacher, that one does.
These tree people can also protest the War on Arbor Day.
Waa, nuther sad. John Costelloe. Johnny Cakes. Why, why. Well, already had our death in 3’s.
Well it’s better than dressing like Santa, apparently:
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2008/12/bad-santas-psycho-sleigh-ride-to-hell.html
No so Christmasy. That’s the new Cubs hat.
What’s white and flies over the mountains? Lord Mountbatten’s shoes.
Jesus wore a crown of thorns but he also was nailed to a cross. These outfits are incomplete. FAIL.
If I remember correctly there are sheep and at least one donkey involved in the Jesus story. Are they dragging them around shopping malls, too? Or are they … don’t tell me …
A bloody crown isn’t going to get anyone laid.
…I mean, if they were wearing a placenta on their heads, it might make more sense.
Little Baby Jesus’ initials are LBJ.
Well, we lost again this year, Christmas happened, there’s no denying it.
Thwarted by thorn wearing Thom McCann employees at the mall.
Damn! That’s embarrassing.
Who’s running this liberal conspiracy anyway?
That’s some hair gel.
Its only a matter of time until someone pokes their eyes out. But Jeebus will make them see again!
Fucking idiots.
Sorry, for the lack of eloquence or point: If these guys want to put the ‘Christ’ back in Christmas, why don’t the spend their holiday in the shelters or hospitals, tending to the poor and sick, helping people who need it. Oh, I’m sorry, actually acting like Christ isn’t the point, it’s dressing up like a cartoon image of him and pretending you’re righteous.
What the hell…why is the left handed Jesus rocking an Evil Spock goatee? Wait a min…I get it. Left-handed Jesus=Evil!
Because everyone takes people dressed like mythical, religious figures TOTALLY seriously.
Bruno: As opposed to what we have now?
Also, the Kansas City Star has a totally delightful photo gallery of the dude on the left galavanting about town as Jesus:
http://www.kansascity.com/621/gallery/951921-a951858-t3.html
My fave is “Jesus Gets a Beer at the 7-11″
But why are these two guys wearing bird’s nests on their heads?
I’m confused.
I would suggest that they dress like the Christmas Jesus. Swaddling cloths and a manger backpack.
WTF — when did they switch Halloween with Christmas, and why didn’t I get the memo? This is awesome! If these sad-sacks are blasphemous enough to dress up as half-assed messiahs, the least that we can do to show our support is to start dressing up as Roman soldiers and follow them around with some nails and two-by-fours. Come on, where’s your holiday spirit?
FreshCliches: Now HERE’S phrase I never thought I’d say or type– No, Fred Phelps would have more class than this.
Madaloon: “I would suggest that they dress like the Christmas Jesus.”
Yeah, the crown of thorns is kind of an Easter thing. Maybe THEY need to learn about the meaning of Christmas before trying to rub our noses in it.
gjdodger:
The only prostitute these guys would go for is a 10 year old boy one.
They are Republicans after all!
Where’s the blood?
I have seen this xmas-season thingy creep further into the Autumn, but never saw the Hollowe’en creep into December.
Did these folks attend the Jesus Camp as kiddies?
Crown of thorns? That’s Easter, dudes. For Christmas, you should dress up in swaddling clothes, and maybe add in some afterbirth and straw from the manger, for authenticity.
If they want to crucify themselves on Easter, I’ll help. They’ll need someone to hammer in the last nail, I’m sure.
The Captain’s theory: I don’t know how many Wonketteers have visited Down Under and are familiar with the new Southern Cross Station in Melbourne, but this largely enclosed train station had a huge problem with pigeons and seagulls sitting on the lamp posts (which had nice, landing pad like flat tops) and crapping on waiting passengers. Management responded by putting rows of long, thin spikes on top of the posts to discourage the birds from landing on them.
These two fellows obviously had a problem with birds landing on their heads and crapping on their shoulders. I don’t know how their design fared, but the ones at SCS work a treat.
One of these men found Jesus in jail. Can you guess which one?