Wonkette
Now that it’s officially pre-2009, we can start guiltlessly recycling all the material we’ve already written into Top Ten Posts. Today’s took a surprisingly long time to compile. It seemed like a good idea to look at all the funny terms we used to describe our Political Enemies, and it turns out that phrases like “rancid shit-sack,” “vulgar fraud,” “human garbage,” and “cretin” turn up with shocking frequency around these parts. So, after the jump, a painstakingly culled collection of our favorite mean phrases we used to describe objectionable people such as Joe the Plumber, Eliot Spitzer, and of course our all-time favorite, the humanoid sewer-pipe and self-professed eternal virgin Joe Lieberman.
- George W. Bush: “Bellicose twat of a president”
- John Edwards: “Vulgar self-regarding horndog”
- Jonah Goldberg: “Fat Mexican secretary”
- Joe the Plumber: “A creepy-looking unlicensed handyman in Toledo … unappealing idiot … clown of lies … hydrocephalic … this goon … a talentless mook.”
- Joe Lieberman: “It’s like two quarter-pound stools of alien space shit crashed into a toxic waste dumpster in Stamford, Connecticut, fucked, and out came their mutilated, blood-soaked carcass of a baby rat-child, Senator Joseph Lieberman.”
- Kathryn Jean Lopez: “Mouth-breathing fart-sack”
- Sarah Palin: “Our Snowbilly Dingbat … a nine-year-old child abandoned at the Wal-Mart in some exurban Alaskan gloom-hole … a barely functioning idiot.”
- Mark Penn: “Obese incompetent swamp sow”
- Mitt Romney: “Orange-skinned dog-torturing Scientology-loving Frenchman”
- Eliot Spitzer: “Secret phone Muppet”
For Sarah Palin you forgot “Mayor Rape Kit.”
No Rick Warren? Or Dickhead Cheney?
I can’t wait to show the kids!
Fraudbot was my favorite, as in the following Jim Newell classic:
11:08 PM — “I found my own voice.” Well, at 60 years old you finally decided on a persona? High five, fraudbot.
I hope we get an all-Paultard retrospective.
It is so hard attending Quaker meetings and loving Wonkette.
Still savoring Romney “everyone’s favorite personified tumor”.
Let’s update this:
Palin out-twated Bush.
Blah-goy-a-bitch out-vulgarly self-regarded Edwards.
No one outdid Joe the Lieb or Joe the Plumb.
K-Lo still has not out-mouthed the barely breathing fart-sack Ann Coulter.
No one can torture dogs like the Mitt, unless his name sounds like a cough drop, Michael Vick.
And who Spitz better than Eliot?
God bless us, everyone!
oops, fraudbot turns out to have been a Ken Layne creation.
I like when Ken or Jim (I can’t remember which) lays it on Giuliani. One of those guys really hates Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. (But, hey, who doesn’t?)
Nothing for Karl Rove, the fraudhappy, conniving nepotastic scumbag who gives evil hydrocephalics a bad name?
They’re all darned good. But if ya axe me, the award goes to………..
(rip open the envelope)
Jim Newell, for Best Description of Joe Lieberman
“Fat Mexican secretary” Also a good description for Bill Richardson.
Welshman: Or loving one’s neighbor, and wanting, forthwith, the Children’s Treasury of Terms of Abuse, Part 2,: The Kristol Edition.
oh yes, “Rove, a twelve year old girl,”
ACORN people who tried to boost their own numbers, thereby causing a stupid shitstorm: DOUCHENOZZLES.
Stuck in my head from and old Spy:
Separated at Birth?
Cute Shaman Yoda
and
Cute Sham Mayor David Dinkins
“Obese incompetent swamp sow.” Oh, how I love you Sara K. Smith!
Many of these and many others made me giggle with delight, but if forced at gunpoint (say by a War on Christmas Christian Fundamentalist Death Squad), I would have to go with “Snowbilly” as Wonkette Abusive Nickname of 2008. Honorable mention and runner-up props to “Caribou Barbie” and to “Moosilini.”
Merry Christmas, Wonkette!
And now to do my part in helping give Bill O’Reilly a brain aneurysm:
Happy Secular Humanist, Religion Neutral, Liberal/Atheist/Marxist-Plot-to-Remove-Christianity-from-the-Public-Square Holidays to you all!
Personally, I always thought the most vile descriptor for Joe Liberman was “from Connecticut.”
*shudders*
Welshman: It would be even harder to go to Wonkette meetings and love the Quakers, I imagine.
Call me old fashioned, but my favorite Palin nickname was “Moose Clown.” Creative? Hardly. Hilariously vulgar? Not at all. But dammit, it just hit the spot.
Keram2: As one born and bred in CT, I just have to say he reflects our most charming features: the beauty of Bridgeport and the kindness of Avon, i.e. he’s one of Satan’s helpers.
for the record, “bible spice” made milk come out of my nose.
KTHXBAI: Also “Igloo Trash” is a good one.
Some greatest hits from our beloved Joe:
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2008/12/joes-woes-life-of-americas-least.html
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2008/11/jewish-problem-not-for-mr-baruch-obama.html
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2008/11/wah-wah-joe-lieberman-sulks-then-offers.html
Thanks for your help,guys. I think I have reconciled it. My Wonkette addiction is why I must regularly attend Quaker meetings. I have more reason than most there.
Never forget Mark Penn = BOWSER!
Makeithurt: Nah, that’d be fine as long as you do it in the corner with the webcam.
When Peggington Noonington doesn’t make the list, the terrorists have won.
May they win Caribou Barbie.
Makeithurt: there are meetings?? Well sigh me up to the next one in Doha!
I am sure my reading,enjoying and commenting on Wonkette undoes my attending services, my volunteer work and anything I might possibly accomplish at my paid job- hey, that makes it a good year! And yes, Moose Clown was my favorite and really a lot better than “barely functioning idiot”
bago:
Anonymous Office Zombie:
“Caribou Barbie” is a NYT-Buzzword of 2008. Y’all are sayin’ our eds coined that one? Mazal tov.
http://www.nytimes.com/ref/weekinreview/buzzwords2008.html
Darehead: “Caribou Barbie” coined by Stephanie Miller AFAIK.
sleepy: That was the best non-Lieberman phrase. Who dubbed Jonah Goldberg “Doughy Pantload”? That was a nice one, too.
Lest we forget: “Nanookie of the North”.
these monikers make me want to puke up joy-bile.
In this time of sharing, let us now forget those names created by our fellow Wonketeers; “douchetoupee” and “Apocalypstick”
I have to say that my favorites were “Confederate Colonel Saxby Chambliss” and the brief but incisive “Tit Clown”. I still giggle when I think of that one.
I still like Northern Exposure Barbie.
how is Bill “fat scumtwat” Bennet not on this list?
http://wonkette.com/404165/oh-hey-is-it-cool-if-we-liveblog-history
Didn’t you guys once call Palin a stupid fucking cunt? No, that was me.
Personally, my favorite vitriol of the year was “Half-Breed Muslin.” The more inept the better.
I vote for Joe “Smarmy, unctuous, fecal-leaking indelible skid mark” Lieberman. A write-in candidate.
For funny, I went to the corner to see what Senor Goldberg was up to, and his xmas eve time-waster where he discusses not knowing what to “call” this decade was the most time-wastey thing I’ve read this holiday season. However, I must point out the following LIE from his post:
“Does anyone know what we’re supposed to call this decade? Is it the 2000s? The twenty-ohs? We’re coming up on the last year of it and I still have no idea. Personally, I always liked the “oughts,” as in, ‘Back in ought-six, I ate a brick of cheddar cheese in one sitting.’ ”
Oh really? Wasn’t it, in fact, a brick of MONTEREY JACK QUESO, Jonah? In the spirit of Jesus Cristo, can’t we just start telling the truth?
My personal favorite is Ken describing Joe Lieberman as a “stinking whining sanctimonious sack of death tampons and pus” and a “diarrhea diaper” in two consecutive sentences.
Calling K-Lo a ‘Mouth Breathing Fart-Sack’ was an excellent concise description of that oxygen wasting pile of ugly.
I just found out that FDR caused the Great Depression and I have to run out and buy some bug poison right away so I’m at a loss here but I just want to say that without Wonkette I would be all lashing out at my family and the fucking Yuppie neighbors and unable to commit those random acts of kindness for which I am so rightfully famous. There are however, two sad people who have slithered into our midst I notice and can we just end 2008 with a preemptive war on them now that we have the power?
I still have the rest of Hanukkah, Kwanza, Little Christmas, and Festivus to celebrate so I’m pretty Happy Holidays for awhile still but what did we used to call Vitter and Sen Craig?
Please and thank you.
I really enjoyed Sarah “Human Dumpster” Palin from a week or two ago.
For accuracy’s sake, I still think this one of Mitt Romney really works:
“the biggest tool invented since the dildo.”
What about Blago?!?!? potty-mouth mop-topped egomaniac. It’s a start.
snowbilly lady failure. summed up the entire republican campaign from the end of august on.
Wait! My favorite of the year was ‘war-mongering swamp sow’, which I believe came out sometime after Hillary Clinton suggested nuking Iran.
So, what is Tom “The Hammer” DeLay, chopped liver?
Isn’t that sorry rat bastard evil enough to make the cut simply because he hasn’t been caught butt fucking puppies LATELY?
Welshman: I can so relate. For all the time I spend on wonkette, I never find anything I can use in my Sunday School class at the United Methodist church. I mean, they’re aged 4-6 and their parents are mostly Republicans. Here in backwoods OK, even the Democrats might take issue.
From the look on his face I would guess Michelle is giving him a blow job.