Wonkette
In honor of the American god Jesus, who was buried in his Christmas fur suit 6,000 years ago today, let’s remember the furriest year of all. To start off the furry fun, here’s the evil half-muslin ACORN Squirrel raping teevee star Harry Smith!
Ha ha, you probably did not expect an ever scarier picture of these ACORN furries, this time practicing their love on teevee’s Richard Simmons. But here it is … it’s a Festivus Miracle!
Oh, hey, it is a Nature-Time Furry Jamboree! The band “Phish” is performing, also.
Wonkette editors Sara K. Smith and Jim Newell spoke to Tucker Carlson and Dan Abrams about their new roles at MSNBC.
It’s a little known “inside the beltway” fact that every government press conference includes a couple of furries in the back row who give free handjobs to all the reporters.
Is that John McCain? Our eyes never really recovered from this precious photograph.
WTF?
Oh, right. The only event in the world where giant foam-costume versions of the Mount Rushmore presidents aren’t the stupidest thing around is at the White House, during the annual eggroll festival. Here is the person who has officially been the President of the United States for eight long years, with his sex puppet, the Easter Monster.
Merry Christmas, America!
W’s face in that last picture is one of disgust. I think he knows how screwed up things are now and that he has played a major role in getting there. The only sad thing is that it took holding a large furry rabbits head to his to force this revelation on him. Feliz Navidad America. Happy birthday Jesus.
Thank you Ken, “Rapin’ to the Oldies” is by far one of the best alts eva!
100MM GET
Caption for the last pic:
Condi: Mr. President, we have to stop meeting like this.
On the other hand, I do believe Dubya gets most of his advice from a six-foot tall rabbit, although usually it’s invisible.
If 2008 was the year of the furries, then why won’t Ken let me out of this cage?
ohgodno, frontbutt came back!!!! my eyes my eyes! (but at least we know what Bush’s little tart is up to after Easter…down in ‘bama at a tranny circus…)ooooooooo
Oh gawd, that is some funny!
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Look, you paid to be there. And if you really wanted out, you’d use the safe word.
Is the four-fingered polar bear Rahm?
Never forget.
dear god, if only.
well i’m off to review my the state of investments and cry.
then drink. maybe I’ll just skip the “review” part.
happy holidays.
That’s not John McCain! That’s the famous furry porn actor, Heywood Jablowme!
If only we could figure out his secret identity…
A compilation of the most horrifying Wonkette posts of 2008, complete with butter-balls. You should charge people for this.
AND WHERE IS THE SNOW, LAYNE? HUH?? HEENNNGGGHHH?
Yay! A furrie post! I can use my new favorite phrase; Yiff Pile in the oval office!
My uncle always said that Richard Simmons was squirrelly. I can’t believe he was right!
Sometimes I think about that FUPA post and my day gets just a little bit brighter.
FUR
She asks me why
I’m just a furry guy
I’m furry noon and night
Fur that’s a fright
I’m furry high and low
Don’t ask me why
Don’t know
It’s not for lack of break
Like the Grateful Dead
Darling
Gimme head with fur
Long beautiful fur
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there fur
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy
Fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My fur
Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my fur
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain’t no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my…
fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My fur
I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!
Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my fur’s too short
Down to here
Down to there
Down to where
It stops by itself
They’ll be ga ga at the go go
When they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond
Brilliantined
Biblical fur
My fur’s like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah I adore it
Hallelujah Mary loved her son
Why don’t my mother love me?
fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My fur
I had successfully brain bleached my memories about Ass gut till now.
That being said, I can’t forget those SKS gams nor do I want to. If I were the poor schlub stuck in the elephant suit and I saw SKS then my trunk would be erect too.
Damn, Harry, relax…and this after practically whipping it out in front of Jennifer Aniston and asking her to measure it…
The Furries are scary,
The economy’s failin’;
But we can give thanks
There’s no President Palin.
ManchuCandidate: I’m still trying to figure out how Ass Gut ties into the two mortified Oompa Loompas. One of them is holding ass-guts hand, looking at him with this “holy shit batman” expression on his face.
The two rabbit people in the background seem to be terrified and expecting imminent death but that’s a common reaction to Oompa Loompas.
Who knew plushies fancied gay midget sex (other than the oompa loompas, I mean)?
I also notice no truck nutz on the ambulance, somebody is falling down on their photo shopping.
So how come “Lizard People” get all the love on the ballot and nobody votes for the poor Furries?
It is a well known fact that furries are biased against Lizard People.
I’m more impressed by the Rabbits hugging each other as Rupaul is strapped to a gurney…
Sarah to elephant: “So that’s your long, flexible trunk, is it? Hmm.”
“War Criminal? Why, my name happens to BE War Criminal!”
How could we ever forget ass-gut? im imagining some 80’s rock-ballad collage music right now.
WTF? Bello Nock and Washington Nationals WTO protest bobbleheads plus assorted furrys…
Walnuts needs to have more Walnuts for that to really be Walnuts
George and Harvey! Well, no wonder.
Where’s the Vilsack picture?
Happy New Year Wonketteers.
BUSH going Bunny Fucking .