• February 15, 2012

'I'm your savior. God never did anything for you - but I will.'Nothing says “Christmas” like pardoning a bunch of terrible criminals — it’s like the original, fun, pre-Jesus Christmas, which the Romans called Saturnalia, in honor of beleaguered General Motors’ “different kind of car company,” Saturn. Back then, the Midwinter Holiday included such goofs as “letting slaves get it on with your wives” and “fucking said slaves in their butts, before beheading them,” and also, “emperors giving presents (severed heads) to other slaves.” It was likely very awesome. Anyway, let’s meet George W. Bush Junior’s latest bunch of dope fiends made free by Imperial Decree.

In his last round, Bush pardoned some hillbilly who poisoned a bunch of Bald Eagles, because why not? It’s just the symbol of America, after all!

This time, Bush has pardoned 20 hardened criminals, including another wonderfully symbolic shout-out to American graft & corruption: Bush pardoned a real-estate criminal!

Isaac Robert Toussie pleaded guilty to charges in two separate cases. In one, he admitted in 2001 that he had made false statements to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, pleading guilty to a count of falsifying loan documents that illegally qualified about 100 home buyers for the HUD-backed mortgages.

He and his father, Robert Toussie, were also at the center of an investigation into whether Suffolk County drastically overpaid for a land purchase, sparking lawsuits and an overhaul of the county’s land acquisition program.

Ha, fuck you, America!

Robert Toussie donated $28,500 to the Republican National Committee this year, according to Federal Election Commission filings. The pardon shocked and outraged lawmakers and homeowners, some of whom who say they were victims of the Toussies.

The other pardons went to the usual bunch of dope gangsters.

Bush pardons man involved in Suffolk real estate scam [Newsday]

{ 60 comments }

Bruno December 24, 2008 at 9:06 am

Today, we are all real estate criminals.

Bruno December 24, 2008 at 9:09 am

Dear Bush, Please pardon Iraqi Shoe Thrower, he has brought us joy for the first time in 7 years and 11 months. Bless you.

Doglessliberal December 24, 2008 at 9:10 am

Sometimes I wonder if W is stunningly clueless and blind to the impact of his actions and statements and if he really does not get the way things are perceived (because he is a rich, white child of privilege who is simply incapable of walking in another’s shoes), or if he is just constantly saying “F YOU!” to everyone.

But then I conclude he is sort of a hybrid: an evil moron.

Darehead December 24, 2008 at 9:11 am

Pardons for sale or rent,
Butts to let, 50 cents…

Delicious December 24, 2008 at 9:14 am

If you can’t steal shit, and then get your dad to buy you a pardon, then why even have an America?!

Jesus fuck!

freakishlystrong December 24, 2008 at 9:17 am

[re=205124]Doglessliberal[/re]: Yeah, I do that too, is he really that obtuse? Or is he really that big of an asshole? I think he’s a genuine sociopath, and cannot for the life of me understand the Bush apologists, (one being sadly, my own sister), the wingers are a cult.

2goats December 24, 2008 at 9:17 am

Are you implying some connection between the money and the pardon? Because that’s just wrong. Never even considered the money.

4tehlulz December 24, 2008 at 9:19 am

bu…bu…but CLINTON MARC RICH ERIC HOLDER BLARGH>>>>>>1010100110

charlesdegoal December 24, 2008 at 9:21 am

Weird list. None of my former dealers on it. I guess George never went to score on Rivington Street.

wheelie December 24, 2008 at 9:22 am

When Socialist Barry gets in, is he going to pardon Sacco & Vanzetti?

I think he should issue a blanket pardon to anyone ever mentioned in a Pete Seeger song.

Darehead December 24, 2008 at 9:27 am

Somebody’s gonna say it anyway, so: Free Leonard Peltier!

Mild Midwesterner December 24, 2008 at 9:29 am

The eagle poisoner wears a flag pin on his lapel, so there’s no reason to question his patriotism.

ManchuCandidate December 24, 2008 at 9:30 am

[re=205134]Darehead[/re]:
Free Mumia?

x111e7thst December 24, 2008 at 9:31 am

I had forgotten about Wolfram and Hart.

I Am Not Your Gary Busey December 24, 2008 at 9:37 am

Uh… I’d double check my Saturnalia sources. I never trust scholars who don’t at least wear assless chaps in their homepage photos.

http://www.milism.net/

Mr Gannon, is that you?

Darehead December 24, 2008 at 9:39 am

[re=205136]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Him too! I waited for someone else to say it. You did. Free Leonard Peltier and Mumia Abu-Jamal! And free da weed-ies too.

actor212 December 24, 2008 at 9:43 am

I swear, Martin Luther started the Reformation over shit like this.

shanemcgowan December 24, 2008 at 9:43 am

Where’s Larry Craig’s pardon?

PsycGirl December 24, 2008 at 9:49 am

“He and his father, Robert Toussie, were also at the center of an investigation into whether Suffolk County drastically overpaid for a land purchase, sparking lawsuits and an overhaul of the county’s land acquisition program.”
I swear when I first read that, I saw “spanking lawsuits”. Must be all that Butts going around.

MarieDeGournay December 24, 2008 at 9:50 am

Mithras the Sun Lord shall burn the darkness of this adminstration away.

shanemcgowan December 24, 2008 at 9:50 am

While he’s at it, he should pardon Ed “NJWeedman” Forchion. NJWeedman is a true visionary. njweedman.com

finallyhappy December 24, 2008 at 9:53 am

[re=205137]x111e7thst[/re]: An Angel fan? here? Any FireFly fans? Any original Trekkers?

shanemcgowan December 24, 2008 at 9:53 am

that’s http://njweedman.com/ My typing skills are deteriorating.

J. December 24, 2008 at 9:59 am

$28,500?! That’s bargain basement pardoning. The Clintons at least held out for $107,000 to $200,000 per pardon (see Edgar & Vonna Jo Gregory and Almon Glenn Braswell & Carlos Vignali).

SwanSwanH December 24, 2008 at 9:59 am

No, not him! Give us Barabbas!

snideinplainsight December 24, 2008 at 10:00 am

The real blessing here is that Bush cannot pardon people who haven’t been charged yet (or, if he tried, which he might, someone should just tell him “it doesn’t work that way”). Some part of me wonders if federal prosecutors might have done the math on this already and are holding back cases until a new administration -

Riotting December 24, 2008 at 10:00 am

[re=205154]finallyhappy[/re]: Not a Trekker, and never seen much of Angel, but LOVE FireFly and Buffy (Buffy the most… sorry :P )

heroinmule December 24, 2008 at 10:03 am

Wow, the RNC has become a real cheap date. Clinton won’t even talk to you for less than $50K.

Canmon (the Inadequate) December 24, 2008 at 10:07 am

[re=205158]snideinplainsight[/re]: Yes he can. Ford pardoned Nixon even though he hadn’t been charged. Carter gave blanket pardons to Vietnam draft dodgers whether they had been charged or not.

Mr Blifil December 24, 2008 at 10:07 am

Something tells me we won’t be hearing much about Denise Rich at the Eric Holder confirmation hearings…

gjdodger December 24, 2008 at 10:08 am

[re=205123]Bruno[/re]: Pardon me, boy;
I’m just the cat who chucked his new shoes!

Serolf Divad December 24, 2008 at 10:09 am

[re=205156]J.[/re]:

Yeah, but $28,500 was more than McCain raised during the entire presidential campaign season. You’ve got to adjust your metric to take into account how unloved the GOP is right now.

WadISay December 24, 2008 at 10:10 am

Bush should pardon OJ Simpson, so he will have somebody to golf with.

Mr Blifil December 24, 2008 at 10:11 am

[re=205140]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/re]: That’s the only kind of “scholar” Wonkette can possibly use. Feature, not a bug.

MrAgro December 24, 2008 at 10:13 am

Oh man, this kind of action on behalf of people with that kind of architecture. We are finally living a real-life version of Robocop.

finallyhappy December 24, 2008 at 10:13 am

[re=205159]Riotting[/re]: Me, too. I loved Buffy- saw every episode- not so much Angel. I only found Firefly this year but now own the series and Serenity. I am perhaps not the oldest fan- or maybe I am.

BitterDwarf December 24, 2008 at 10:17 am

[re=205154]finallyhappy[/re]: Huge fan of all things Whedon… not so much on the Star-Trek. I got all excited when I saw the Wolfram & Hart picture, though. Dr. Horrible DVD in the mail, and whatnot. Uh …buttsex.

snideinplainsight December 24, 2008 at 10:17 am

[re=205162]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Yeah but Bush or one of his cronies would have to be knowledgeable about history, or say Wikipedia, to actually figure that out.

Doglessliberal December 24, 2008 at 10:20 am

[re=205130]2goats[/re]: Of course! Clearly no connection to the money. Just out of the goodness of W’s heart did he decide this poor, wrongly-accused man should have the burden lifted from his shoulders.

Riotting December 24, 2008 at 10:22 am

[re=205172]finallyhappy[/re]: Well, I’m only 18, so I’m actually one of the younger Buffy ones (got into it while it was leaving popularity).
As for Firefly, i know the series better than I do the movie, because I saw the movie then bought the series and got into it. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen Serenity since so I don’t remember it well and don’t know the complete back story. Have you heard about Joss Whedon’s new thing, “Dollhouse”? Features Eliza Dushku (Faith in Buffy) and is futuristic and stuff. I’m hoping we get atleast TWO seasons before this one gets the axe. I’m pumped, so I check out http://www.dollverse.com/ every now and again.. Usually times like this when Wonkette is being slow :P

Riotting December 24, 2008 at 10:25 am

[re=205175]BitterDwarf[/re]: I would not have noticed the Angel reference had someone not pointed it out. But now i get it and am laughing… hard… seriously.

PerhapsSo December 24, 2008 at 10:30 am

The attorneys at Wolfram & Hart are all working for DOJ now, no?

finallyhappy December 24, 2008 at 10:39 am

[re=205175]BitterDwarf[/re]: yeah, I’d – what do you younguns say- hit that(Nathan)!

BitterDwarf December 24, 2008 at 10:39 am

[re=205183]PerhapsSo[/re]: Yeah, they all passed the “god, guns and teh gayz” question and DOJ scooped them right up…

finallyhappy December 24, 2008 at 10:42 am

[re=205180]Riotting[/re]: Yes, I have – I think Whedon is great and I hope the show will stay around for a while- but network TV being what it is…..

Miller December 24, 2008 at 10:44 am

Oh course Bush had to pardon this guy, I mean he only admitted to committing all the crimes he was charged with, pleaded guilty to everything he was charged with, and received the proper sentence for all the crimes he confessed and plead guilty to. Clearly a travesty of justice that needed to be overturned. Maybe Leonard Peltier’s family needs to make some donations to the RNC.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

V572625694 December 24, 2008 at 10:51 am

[re=205158]snideinplainsight[/re]: [re=205162]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: Bush the First pardoned Casper Wineberger and his tribe for Iran/Contra in advance of their being charged with anything. Also.

Mr Blifil December 24, 2008 at 10:55 am

[re=205201]V572625694[/re]: I think Weinberger et al. received their pardons on the eve of their trial commencing. So clearly the charges had been leveled.

suchsweetthunder December 24, 2008 at 11:27 am

Dearest Wonkette:

Be it against all stalwartness in my constitution to risk assailing Providence on this eve of deliverance, but compelled I find myself to ponder: “Why in the hell is Wonkette the only ‘news source’(no offense intended) that’s picked up this story. I mean, Seriously? Seriously?”

Thoust fellow readers, I beg thee blessed seasonal indiscretions and that thou never shall acquire teh Herp in the dawning virginal anum.

Yours truly in solidarity,

Such Sweet Thunder

PerhapsSo December 24, 2008 at 11:41 am

[re=205190]BitterDwarf[/re]: I was thinking more about torture, actually.

BobLoblawLawBlog December 24, 2008 at 1:00 pm

[re=205129]freakishlystrong[/re]: I read an interesting article when he was first elected that said that, linguistically speaking, he speaks like a sociopath (all his gaffes occur when he’s talking about peaceful things; when speaking aggressively he suddenly can do so blunder-free).

As far as this story goes…meh, I can’t say I’m surprised by any outgoing president ever abusing the pardons to help people who’ve fucked over the poor. Wake me if he pardons that kid from Utah who fucked up the land auction.

Joey Ratz December 24, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Wolfram and Hart? Wasn’t one of them mauled by a white tiger?

p-Sludge December 24, 2008 at 5:32 pm

[re=205172]finallyhappy[/re]: I started smelling something foul in Buffy Season 6 and had to stop. Luckly Angel started getting really good about then.

mcfrady December 24, 2008 at 6:14 pm

what an asshole!

wickedlittledoll December 24, 2008 at 6:31 pm

Name me one thing Bush has not completely f-ed up.
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/

Bruno December 24, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Aurelio December 24, 2008 at 10:15 pm

[re=205380]Bruno[/re]: Dubya the Indian-giver. There was old Toussie-Woussie all happy and everything and then WHAM-O! He is un-pardoned. This mind-fuck is another example of Bush administration torture policy. It is a crime against subhumanity, in the form of crooked real estate developers.

I bet they did this at Gitmo too: “We’re gonna let you out today. You’re free to go. Pack your Koran and stuff. Aren’tcha happy?….. No, wait! Oops, we changed our minds. Get back in your dog kennel!”

Come here a minute December 24, 2008 at 10:39 pm

I call no take-backs!!

TGY December 25, 2008 at 7:52 am

That’s 28,000 rupees of pure patriotism there.

cakeordeath December 28, 2008 at 1:07 am

Oh, Ken, masterful use of alt-text and shame on me for knowing exactly which episode it’s from.

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