Wonkette
The Obama camp’s internal investigation report about its contact with Blaggy’s office regarding the “fuckin’ valuable” Senate seat “thing” has been released. Written by Obama’s fancy lawyer, Greg Craig, the report comes in at a brisk 4.5 pages. No one on the Obama team, according to the Obama team report, ever discussed any sort of quid pro quo with Blaggy.
Rahm Emanuel talked to Blaggy “once or twice,” to pass on some of Obama’s preferences, and to chief of staff John Harris four times. Valerie Jarrett talked to some of these clowns but stopped eventually, because who wants to talk to clowns. David Axelrod had no conversations. And that time he was on teevee saying that Obama had been in touch with the governor regarding the Senate seat? Well, he was high or something.
Unlike the FBI crew that pulled in Blaggy, Greg Craig is not a very comical writer of official reports. This is the only vaguely amusing thing in the report:
Ms. Jarrett recalls that [Illinois SEIU head Tom] Balanoff also told her that the Governor had raised with him the question of whether the Governor might be considered as a possible candidate to head up the Department of Health and Human Services in the new administration. Mr. Balanoff told Ms. Jarrett that he told the Governor that it would never happen. Jarrett concurred.
Ha ha, because he sucks.
Transition Team Releases Review Of Contacts [Change.gov]
I knew there was nuttin to this buttsecks report! Hopey said he don’t be talkin to no bighair freaks! AND I believe Hopey cuz dats Change We can Believe In! End of comical non story!
Greg Craig?! Jesus. I don’t even know what to say. I think he and Campbell Brown are each other’s yin and yang, name-wise.
But at least they were brief in their debriefing of the briefings.
This proves that Obama is guilty of something.
This obviously is a summary, as it left out the 5 min. when Mr. Balanoff and Ms. Jarrett laughed at how retarded ROD BLAGOJEVICH is.
If there’s nothing going on then why did Rahm go to the country of Africa? Hengnn?! Hengnn?! He’s probably burning birth cirtificates as we write.
Axelrod was probably lying the first time, thinking he’d sound like an out-of-it flunky if he weren’t consulted on who’d get Hopey’s seat. Imagine his surprise when he found it you didn’t want to be on the selection committee!
I won’t believe The Blagger until I see him with his shirt off. I hear his chest hair is as supple and feathered as the hair on his head.
Oh, what do they say about the color of your eyebrow hair and what that matches?
This also proves that Axelrod is guilty of LYING TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AND ISN’T THAT THE ONE THING THEY ALL SWORE THEY WOULD NEVER DO?
What does Larry Sinclair say about all of this?
The Cold Sea: Tchk! Everyone knows that birth certificates in Africa are chiseled in stone. They never invented paper, stooped savages! That’s why Chief Korir could never present this stuff to FOX News! The baggage charges alone would have crippled the Norwegian economy!
BigIrish: Nah, that was Carter. Hopey’s gonna lie whenever he needs to. It’s in the Democratic Platform.
V572625694: I give up on using the goddam itralics.
His name’s “Balanoff”? Guilty, I say!
Did anyone else notice that this review did not include a copy of Nobama’s birth certificate? Something is up here . . .
Obama is so boring. Ugh. He’s not even shooting hoops or innocent bystanders.
Rahm Emanuel is in Africa. Robert Mugabe is in Africa. Coincidence? Great reports, you decide.
shanemcgowan: Thats “Greta reports . . .”
shanemcgowan: Hmm… Obama enjoys eating arugula… which kind of but not really rhymes with ‘Aruba’, which is where Natalie Holloway was last seen before Rahm Emanuel and David Axelrod sold her into white slavery!!
Obama says Obama is innocent. Blagojevich says Blagojevich is innocent. That’s good enough for me.
Unrelated but worth getting all worked up about: Bush pardons all criminals everywhere! Hooray! (Not really, just 19 or so small time liars and drug dealers. How did they get W to do that, anyway?) http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081223/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush_pardons
Those two make a sexy couple. Can’t you just feel the sexual tension?
Blaggy is a total bottom.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Let’s not forget that OJ is still looking for the real killer although that effort has been slowed somewhat in recent weeks.
If I were Blaggy right now, I would be very, very scared of Rahm Emanuel.
Look at that frakkin’ guy. Blaggy looks like Grimace next to him. Blaggy gon’ get effed up. Not today. But someday.
shanemcgowan: All it takes is a walletful of those Zimbabwe $500m notes and you’ve bought up GM and Citibank.
“Once or twice”?
That’s some prosecutorial precision right there, I tells ya.
Nothing to really contribute, just that if a movie were ever made about Blaggy, I’d probably cast Sean Astin as him.
Here’s what Blaggy will look like after 2 years in prison:
http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2008/07/21/karadzic-arrested.html
Kev-O-Tron: OJ’s chances of finding the real killer might have been actually enhanced by going to prison.
Since that’s where the murderers are kept and that.
Nothing wrong?? What about that “beefcake” photo from his lost Hawaian vacation?
Oh so the Obama team has the same internal inspection team that Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld had, huh? Wow, I feel so much better that the ones who could’ve been guilty found out that, wow, they didnothing wrong. Just like Bush.
Fuck Barack Obama. Lying assed homophobe. Somebody give me a shoe.
Makeithurt: Was that sarcasm or just thinly veiled Nobamism? Teh horrah!
I saw Obama’s beach photo- what more proof of his team’s honesty do I need?
If I ever become Emperor, I will issue an edict that no one can be named “Greg Craig.” People could be named “Greg” or “Craig,” but NOT “Greg Craig.”
I still want to hear Fitzgerald’s taps on the phone conversations between Libby and Cheney. Rewind the tape back a few months. This Blagojevich stuff is really awfully tame. I want to hear something really treasonable. They appoint judges, too you know. Who fusses about that process?
Long Dong Silver?
Aurelio: And no one’s middle name is Hussein. And no one’s last name is Butts,
Best of all, Team Obama can recycle the executive summary repeatedly during the next few years: After a thorough inquiry, there’s no stink on us, case closed.
finallyhappy: That was a very effective stimulus package.
Everyone know Obama has nothing to hide:
http://www.tmz.com/2008/12/22/barack-hard-abs/
Darehead: I think we could get rid of the “Jessica”s and “Tiffany”s too.
Blaggy will be found in a park with a gun in his hand and a suicide note…right? Right?
Good enough for me!
It’s all Mad-Sad-Blag’s fault.
Aurelio: What if I were named Craig Greg? What then?
Or what about Craig Greg Butts?
Every administration needs an Evil-Dick-Cheney-Karl-Rove-Don-Rumsfeld character and Rahm Emanuel is it for the Big-O.
meh. if this is the best scandal we can look forward to for the next 4-8-a million years, i’m tots voting republican next time.
slick7: except for the fact that Evil-Dick-Cheney-Karl-Rove-Don-Rumsfeld are seriously lacking in the man-boobs / shirt off dept.
smellyal8r: “with a gun in his hand and a suicide note” Yew effin’ kiddin me, Mr. Smellyator? Fake suicides are fer effin’ pussies! Not the Chicaguh Way.
The Blags will be found, on a SUNDAY MORNIN’ (important!) with his little Italian Beatle boots stickin’ out of a sewer pipe. And he will be found by an OFF-DUTY COP (important!). Church attendance will be at an all-time record on that day, and lots of family pitchers will be taken by various aldermen, US Congress members, and sundry Prominents to prove it. WGN and NBC Channel 5 will be running weekend features on church attendance, and will inadvertently interview many of the Prominents. I don’t bet much, but I’d look fer this kinda stuff around St. Valentine’s Day.
Oh yeah, as the weak-kneed sissies on Wonkette say, “just saying’”.
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Mission Accomplished
This is amazing stuff without the aid of time travel Obama is able to tarnish his oath of office before he takes it. Its the sort of thing that would make me proud to be an American. If I was one.
Kev-O-Tron: See, and here I thought he got himself arrested and convicted because he knew the killer was in San Quentin.
You know, kinda like that show “Prison Break” on Fox, he set himself up.
Godot: But he has to also wear the hobbit feet, because who knows, Blago’s feet could really look like that.
Bruno: Thinking about that makes me shudder for Martin Scorsese’s significant other.