• May 26, 2012
LET BUTTS BE BUTTS!

December 23, 2008

Does Butts Embarrass Barack Obama?

by Jim Newell  

Butts at workNow here’s a wacky thing! The Transition team issued a release today announcing a bunch of new mid-level White House staffers (Deputy assistant director of truck nutz, etc.), and there’s a strange inconsistency with the style of the staffer bios. Each is referred to by his or her first and last names upon first mention and then last name only for every additional mention. Yet for some reason, the new deputy legal counsel, Cassandra Butts, is referred to as “Cassandra” in the additional mentions. Sexism much? “Butts” is a perfectly good Christian name! We like Butts. Buttsy! Ah ha ha, we used to have a dandy of a time back in the day, we did alright, with good ol’ Butts. So why does the Obama transition team censor her last name? Did they find some arcane, incredibly childish problem with “Butts” that bloggers would use for cheap laffs? Did they not realize that censoring “Butts” would, in fact, call more attention to their comical paranoia? There is no need to cover-up Butts. [The Page]

{ 70 comments }

Crow T. Robot December 23, 2008 at 12:03 pm

I think the cover up might be about butt’s ex.

Um…rimshot?

norbizness December 23, 2008 at 12:04 pm

Don’t ask about her brother Seymour.

And congratulations! That’s the one millionth truck nutz reference on this site! Time to bury it at sea!

Dramatist December 23, 2008 at 12:05 pm

In deference to the Rick Warren followers they wish to court, the Obama transition team did not want to see too familiar with Butts.

Lascauxcaveman December 23, 2008 at 12:08 pm

I hear that Cassandra kicks ass.

Or something like that.

Darehead December 23, 2008 at 12:09 pm

I’ll butt ya she’s never heard those jokes.
And I hope ya gave all yer newspaper delivery boys or girls a nice tip before they suspended their deliveries.

Serolf Divad December 23, 2008 at 12:10 pm

I want Washington Post writer Dan Balz to interview Butts. In fact, it would be awesome if he had a column dedicated to Butts. It could be called “Balz on Butts.”

Dramatist December 23, 2008 at 12:11 pm

The Deputy Legal Counsel’s office is full of hot air anyway.

TJBeck December 23, 2008 at 12:12 pm

We need to bring Butts out in the sunlight, and give Butts our full respect and attention. There’s no telling what could come out of Butts if we don’t treat our favorite Butts properly.

Darehead December 23, 2008 at 12:14 pm

[re=204642]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: She’s em-bare-ass-ing. Jim said so. Above.

freakishlystrong December 23, 2008 at 12:14 pm

[re=204647]Serolf Divad[/re]: WIN. Speaking of Rim shots!

BarthexDeRosa December 23, 2008 at 12:15 pm

[re=204647]Serolf Divad[/re]: Or if Balz got into a scuffle with her, the headline could read ‘Balz Smacks Butts’.

Doglessliberal December 23, 2008 at 12:16 pm

well, here she is Cassandra Q. Butts, which I am too dumb to think of a joke about right now.
http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/hearingfromyoubios

Bruno December 23, 2008 at 12:18 pm

So her name is Cassandra? I don’t get it.

SayItWithWookies December 23, 2008 at 12:19 pm

She’s going to get dragged before Congress a bunch in the next four years — the Republican propensity for probing Butts is well-known.

daisy chain December 23, 2008 at 12:22 pm

“Obama fingers Butts for Whitehouse leak. More probing to come.”

Mustang December 23, 2008 at 12:22 pm

Obama should harken back to the immortal words of Pee Wee Herman — “All my friends have big buts.”

Bruno December 23, 2008 at 12:22 pm

[re=204654]Doglessliberal[/re]:
I think she out to be like Prince or Madonna and just use a single name.

Before I decide which is the funniest name, I need to know what that ‘Q’ middle name stands for. Ideas? (Quoran maybe?)

FreshCliches December 23, 2008 at 12:23 pm

Cassandra, being who she is, predicted these comments and takes umbrage.

You’ll be hearing from her attorney, Anthony Ray Mixalot, Esq.

daisy chain December 23, 2008 at 12:23 pm

[re=204662]Bruno[/re]: Queef

Darehead December 23, 2008 at 12:25 pm

Wonkerinos: We better start being nice and friendly. Or we gonna be da enema of da Butts.

V572625694 December 23, 2008 at 12:26 pm

Then you look at her résumé and see eminent qualifications and experience. How are we going to deal with an administration that offers competence and accomplishment instead of dumb nicknames for Petroleum Club cronies in over their heads?

“Cassandra Q. Butts is an advisor to the Obama campaign on domestic policy and has been a long-time friend of and advisor to Senator Obama since they were classmates at Harvard Law School. She is the Senior Vice President for Domestic Policy at the Center for American Progress.* Prior to joining CAP, she was a senior advisor to Rep. Richard A. Gephardt (D-MO) and served as the policy director on his 2004 presidential campaign, which included formulating a universal health care plan. In her seven years of work for Rep. Gephardt during his tenure as the House Democratic Leader, Butts was a principal advisor on matters involving the judiciary, financial services, and information technology. She provided counsel and strategic advice to the Democratic Leader on a range of issues including the 1998 presidential impeachment and legislation related to the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, including drafting the groundbreaking September 11th Victim Compensation Fund of 2001. Butts most recently served as a senior advisor to Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) in 2004-2005. Previously, Butts was an Assistant Counsel for the NAACP Legal Defense & Educational Fund, where she worked on civil rights policy and litigated voting rights and school desegregation cases. She also served as Legislative Counsel to Sen. Harris L. Wofford (D-PA). Butts also served as an international election observer to the Zimbabwe parliamentary elections in 2000. She is a graduate of Harvard Law School and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.”

JohnnyMeatworth December 23, 2008 at 12:28 pm

[re=204634]norbizness[/re]: yeah, now is the time to move forward to “TruckButz”

Darehead December 23, 2008 at 12:30 pm

[re=204667]V572625694[/re]: They woulda been a nice presidential team. Gofart Butts. Butts Gofart? Still possible.

Bruno December 23, 2008 at 12:30 pm

[re=204664]FreshCliches[/re]: When did her lawyer lose his Knighthood, or is he embarassed to use it in the Americas?

SayItWithWookies December 23, 2008 at 12:32 pm

[re=204667]V572625694[/re]: Which goes to show that Obama’s got more smarts in his Butts than Dubya’s got in his whole administration.

Doglessliberal December 23, 2008 at 12:32 pm

[re=204667]V572625694[/re]: plus, she is gorgeous

charlesdegoal December 23, 2008 at 12:33 pm

So what do you make of the Ms. in all references to Ms. McCormick Lelyveld? No one else deserves as Mr. or Ms. They also all have single last names. Coincidence? I think not.

V572625694 December 23, 2008 at 12:36 pm

[re=204676]Doglessliberal[/re]: Like our Hopey himself.

obfuscator December 23, 2008 at 12:36 pm

[re=204658]SayItWithWookies[/re]: If she’s ever caught up in a White House cover up and indicted by the Feds, we can only hope for the NY Post headline “Fitzy Fingers Butts”.

Holden Caulfield December 23, 2008 at 12:38 pm

Imagine being the person who went through 300,000 resumes to choose the best Butts.

Darehead December 23, 2008 at 12:38 pm

[re=204675]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Well to be fair, we never got to see Bush’s butts. His minions all had their heads so far inside them, the view was obscured.

Doglessliberal December 23, 2008 at 12:41 pm

[re=204678]V572625694[/re]: The HOTT Administration

Harvey Birdman December 23, 2008 at 12:42 pm

A true Team of Rivals would feature Santorum and Butts.

shanemcgowan December 23, 2008 at 12:43 pm

I’m reminded of the way that my local newscaster announced the resignation of President Ford’s Secretary of Agriculture: “Earl’s gone, no ifs, ands, or Butz.”

Kingbee December 23, 2008 at 12:46 pm

Cassandra — one of the Butts sisters. Bertha was one of the other sisters — troglodytes.

Scaggsvillain December 23, 2008 at 12:47 pm

Little-known story:

Former All-Pro Washington Redskin great, Dave Butz, is not enshrined in the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio, because of institutionalized Butz/Butts discrimination.

The 1980s Defensive End said that the NFL Commissioner had offered a place for him, but only if he agreed to be referred to simply as Mr Dave.

Deepthroat December 23, 2008 at 12:52 pm

Crow T. Robot: the comments should have been closed off after that one! well played sir.

ZombieRichardFeynman December 23, 2008 at 12:55 pm

Well, at least they won’t be receiving quite so many prank calls from Bart Simpson down at Moe’s. I think he’ll be otherwise occupied.

loganmo December 23, 2008 at 12:56 pm

Eh-lots of free time there Newell, huh?

Doglessliberal December 23, 2008 at 12:56 pm

Ooh, do you think she goes by “Sandy”?

Doglessliberal December 23, 2008 at 12:58 pm

Oh, and the new head of the Presidential Council on Fitness is Maurice Cheeks.

wheelie December 23, 2008 at 12:59 pm

[re=204667]V572625694[/re]: So Butts served Dick for seven years?

jagorev December 23, 2008 at 1:00 pm

[re=204633]Crow T. Robot[/re]: More like rimjob, amirite?

Scaggsvillain December 23, 2008 at 1:01 pm

[re=204704]Doglessliberal[/re]:

Yes and her favorite cocktail is a Sex on the Beach.

S.Luggo December 23, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Penetrating, Jim.

Anonymous Office Zombie December 23, 2008 at 1:17 pm

[re=204669]JohnnyMeatworth[/re]:
I am surprised the Ford-150 crowd has not invented this yet.

At some future date TRUCK BUTTZ morans will break ranks with their TRUCK NUTZ bretheren, and both tribes will duke it out via cartoons of Calvin pissing on each others totems of stupidity. Huzzah!

4tehlulz December 23, 2008 at 1:18 pm

I LIKE CASSANDRA BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE

villageatrois December 23, 2008 at 1:21 pm

[re=204698]Deepthroat[/re]: Sorry to hear about your recent health problem.

The name problem she has is with “Cassandra”. Not a good choice for someone who has made her career in being an “advisor”.

skroocap December 23, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Is this another crack … in the glass ceiling?

Sorry. That’s all I got.

CivicHoliday December 23, 2008 at 1:34 pm

It’s threads like this that make me proud to be an American.

4tehlulz December 23, 2008 at 1:37 pm

[re=204730]villageatrois[/re]: She’s done pretty well, considering that no one’s listened to her.

DangerousLiberal December 23, 2008 at 1:40 pm

No Sir-Mix-A-Lot tie in? WTF?

For you kids out there: “I like big butts and I cannot lie….” Geez, this lame shit just writes itself (although other fun puns are very fun, also).

Mild Midwesterner December 23, 2008 at 1:42 pm

I don’t think they want to remind voters that Obama’s a smoker. That is all.

Mull_Man December 23, 2008 at 2:06 pm

oh, if only she’d married the co-founder of partygaming.com, Anurag Dikshit, then should would be Cassandra Dikshit-Butts.

actor212 December 23, 2008 at 2:12 pm

If she steps out in two weeks at night, does that mean that Butts gets mooned?

TJBeck December 23, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Heh. Her name has “ASS” in it.

Keram2 December 23, 2008 at 2:36 pm

[re=204728]4tehlulz[/re]: [re=204748]DangerousLiberal[/re]: You guys had to go there.

[re=204797]TJBeck[/re]: FTW!

ella December 23, 2008 at 3:47 pm

[re=204689]shanemcgowan[/re]: No loose shoes, either.

tonehedge December 23, 2008 at 3:54 pm

I’d hit that.

Bowdoin December 23, 2008 at 3:59 pm

I swear there is, or was, a manager of the local water department of that same last name, and his front one is, Harry. And a long time agho there was this family with the unfortunate last name “Dick.” That’s a last name. The wife should’ve never married the guy, her given name being Anita and all …

El Bombastico December 23, 2008 at 5:02 pm

I assure you that under the new administration, no one will be making fun of your name, Mr. Glasscock.

facehead December 23, 2008 at 5:23 pm

I knew this dude once, “Vagina McFarley” … what a crazy last name.

josereyes.theroof December 23, 2008 at 8:57 pm

Reminds of the story of the Louisiana State professor who attempted to order a New England Patriots jersey with one of her former student’s names on it. The NFL site rejected the order. The man’s name? Gay.

& more recent vintage, the aborted Gay-Love front-court in Memphis. Traded Kevin Love to Minnesota, so Rudy Gay walks alone.

CanadianBacon December 23, 2008 at 11:33 pm

HEADS UP BUTTS

TGY December 24, 2008 at 12:17 am

I’m sure Barry stands fully behind Butts.

Darehead December 24, 2008 at 12:33 am

Kiss and rub butts.

DangerousLiberal December 24, 2008 at 12:53 am

[re=204902]Bowdoin[/re]: I used to work with a guy named Richard Weed. He insisted on being called Dick. Go figure.

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Scooter December 24, 2008 at 3:57 am

Yep, when a mid-level White House staffer walks in with a little bitty waist and a round thing in your face . . . well, ya get sprung!! Ya wanna blow your top because they say that she never stops. The transition team tries to warn me but that Cassie grrrrl makes me so horny . . .

facehead December 24, 2008 at 4:27 am

[re=205093]Anonymous3[/re]: LOL!

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