Guess who wants to work for Barack Obama? Everyone! And maybe in a few years, once he has nationalized the couple of industries that haven’t already been nationalized and formed a WPA for singing madrigals and puppeteers, literally every American citizen will be his employee. But for the time being, most of the THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND people who applied for jobs with the Obama administration will probably not get hired.
The Obama team only needs to fill about 8,000 jobs, so virtually nobody who submits an application will actually get a job offer. Most positions have already been promised to Tony Rezko, Rod Blagojevich, and Hussein “Barak” Noooobama’s other notorious Chicago cronies. Obama plans to stimulate the economy by paying each of these cronies a billion dollars a year, which they will spend on Buick sedans and 20,000 square-foot stucco boxes with vinyl windows and shitty oak cabinets.
Obama transition sees eye-popping 300,000 resumes [CNN]
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Most of the jobs are for terrorists anyhoos. You have a far better chance of getting a job from Barry’s “other” Presidency, Al Qaeda. Apply today.
It dwarfs the 44,000 applicants reported by a Bush transition spokeswoman to the San Francisco Chronicle just days before George W. Bush was inaugurated in January 2001.
Well sure — in Dubya’s administration, the ability to fill out an application was a strike against you.
[re=204126]shortsshortsshorts[/re]:
Problem is that it’s usually a one time contract with no chance for promotion (except as shrapnel.)
Will there be a WPA for internet porn as well?
Guess we’re gonna have to rise through the ranks of hopey’s conscription army of under-30 “community organizers” to get a paid position. I guess only the best white-folk intimidators, IED planters and librul propagandists will make it.
Dear Mr. WadISay:
We have received your recent application for the position of Lord Chamberlain and Regent. While your qualifications are impressive, we are at present focusing on other candidates who more closely meet our requirements. We wish you every success in your future endeavors.
Barak Obama
And we are not hiring a “hooded executioner”, either. Please stop sending this shit. BHO
[re=204128]ManchuCandidate[/re]: The promotion gets you 40 virgins and an eternity of milk and honey. Nothing more.
I donated $100.00 to his campaign, so I’m confident he’ll hire me. Oh yes, I’m confident.
I applied to be Secretary of Truknutz..I haven’t heard back from them.
[re=204139]freakishlystrong[/re]: I am currently going thru the nomination process for Deputy Secretary of Truknutz. I have never been thru so much hazing in my life.
I applied for 292 thousand jobs. Does that mean I’m the only one who was passed over? Bollocks.
Has the Court Jester position been filled? I applied and I’m waiting to hear back from them.
I’ve got you both ([re=204142]bryan j[/re] & [re=204139]freakishlystrong[/re]) in the tank, as I’ve been nominated for Ambassador to Truknutzistan.
I got mad babysitting skilz.
[re=204137]Serolf Divad[/re]: I gave more than that and all I got was an offer to buy a fleece jacket, a calendar and a mug- if I gave even more. I already have a gubermint job but this one requires you to be here early(while it is dark outside!!!!) and sit at a fake wood desk and write to Wonkette on your computer- if you can pretend to be doing something else.
Hope springs eternal within the human breast. Also, the larger the breast the more the hope. Stands to reason.
…I listed my qualifications as showing up late, drinking on the job, taking multiple snack breaks, roaming the internet, making inappropriate comments about female co-workers asses/breast and stealing from the supply closet. When can I start?
[re=204142]bryan j[/re]: Well bryan, one man’s hazing is another man’s truknutzing…
well, does the Wonkette Cabal have an in? I thought you’d be getting cushy positions in WH Communications Office.
Will there be a Department of Snark? I could totally be a Deputy Secretary.
Applied for unicorn whisperer.
I wonder if they’ve filled Ministry of Hobos? They’ll all be ministries cuz Nobama a Marxist!!!!1!
[re=204150]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Mom!
Al-Asqa for a Job-a?
[re=204150]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Sounds like you work in my office.
[re=204153]qwerty42[/re]: No, we’re too Angry. Grrrr. Plus, we haven’t heard from Kev-O-Tron in days. What does that mean?
On the bright side, due to the unprecedented crowds projected for the Inauguration and the lack of hygienic facilities, the administration will be filling 40,000 contract/temp positions for the coming event.
Just go on the website and click jobs, click contract, click inauguration and then search the list for “Piss Boy”…
You will be required to provide your own bucket, rubber gloves, protective clothing and a face shield for this position. Compensation is $75, plus tips.
Truck Nutz Czar?
[re=204150]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Your app has been forwarded the G Dubya Bush Presnential liberry.
[re=204148]finallyhappy[/re]: we gave a bunch, and I am thinking a Federal judgeship for my husband, at least.
[re=204145]Bostoprov[/re]: What did you do, pay off Hillarys campaign debt?
I got a reply already!
Dear Mr. McAwful:
Thank you for your interest in our organization. We are unaware of winkit.com, whatever that is, but we regret to inform you that the report on that site that the Obama administration will be hiring for a WPA puppeteer program is inaccurate. Please inform the editors of winkit.com that this position does not exist, and that we would appreciate it if they would cease to promote it.
Regards,
Valerie Jarrett
Thanks for getting my hopes up, Sara.
[re=204165]madtowngooner[/re]: I think Kev-O-Tron has been disappeared by … well someone. But I thought only Ken, Sara, Jim and Intern Juli would be getting the admin jobs. the Wonkette commentariat would probably join Kev-O-Tron.
I was told that the incoming administration has no plans for an undersecretary for the War on Christmas, no Department of RickRolling, no branch of the FDA in charge of non-medicinal marijuana, or even a Special Advisor in Charge of Telling Evangelicals to F*ck Off. Who knew my entire skill set would be so undervalued.
Nationalized jobs are fucking valuable things. You just don’t give them away for nothing.
[re=204172]qwerty42[/re]: Personally, I think Kev-O’s real name is Ed Anger and he’s been looking for work ever since the WWW folded.
So I went searching for Obama jobs and got on the Change website. It seems that you can apply for appointments in the Obama administration online. Who knew it was that easy to get the ball rolling?
[re=204173]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You’ll need to adjust: instead of undersecretary for the War on Christmas, think a DoD slot which allows you to pick over reports suggesting a pre-emptive strike against Christmas and its fifth column inside our country. Done right, it could be a veritable Spanish Inquisition; vast powers could come to the one who does this. Be flexible!
[re=204178]qwerty42[/re]: You know, that sleigh could easily be adapted to carry agents of biological warfare…
[re=204182]SayItWithWookies[/re]: See! that wasn’t so hard.
[re=204178]qwerty42[/re]: Why stop at the undersecretary for the War on Christmas? Obviously, we’ll need a whole new governmental agency to investigate who is and who isn’t a real American. Michelle Bachmann will obviously head the department, but we’ll need plenty of investigators to go undercover in places like San Francisco and New York to check up on everybody.
[re=204173]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Perhaps their will be an opening at State in the Department of Sarcastic Treaty Preparation.
[re=204182]SayItWithWookies[/re]: What should we expect from a man who breaks into houses and steals cookies? Anybody who’s looked at where his “gifts” come from has to realize, Santa is a Chicom.
With that in mind, can we we wait?
I say we put Sarah Palin in charge of the military campaign to De-Yuleify the polar region. After all, she can see Santas workshop from her house.
[re=204184]Hooray For Anything[/re]: hmmmmmmmm …. there might be something to that. suppose the first effort is a volunteer one: sending reports on “suspicious incidents” to local/state/federal agencies: police, fire dept, weather bureau, federal reserve, whatever … then someone will need to “get this organized”, so a large new agency is proposed. Ms Bachmann would be perfect to head it. And yes, lots of undercover investigators will be needed for SF and NYC and so many other places (I am told Caribbean islands are a significant unacknowledged menace, as are Italy and the Côte d’Azur). This could be big.
[re=204203]qwerty42[/re]: Don’t forget Black Ops, people to monitor both phone calls and web sites (obviously people who read Wonkette would all be highly suspicous personages) as well as water boarders. You can’t tell who’s what without waterboarding. That’s where the Department of Snark will come in because snarkiness is unAmerican.
[re=204150]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You didn’t list “telling sexist jokes around the water cooler,” so they have likely found a more qualified applicant who did.
I feel that my past 2 years as an Unofficial Obama Operative On Teh Internets will give me the edge in getting hired…
I specialized in:
• Ruthless Mocking And Vicious Character Assassination Of All Political Competitors Of Barack Obama
• Psychological Operations On Various Republican Dullards In Online Forums, Specialty: Hillbilly Ridicule
• Covert Pro-Obama Propaganda Via Animated Gifs And Photoshop Memes
• Master’s Degree In Logic Twisting And Unreasonable Conundrums
I’d like a corner office with a window, thanks.
See, here’s where Affirmative Action comes into play. It’s actually quite good for everyone.
Harvard has maybe that many aps, every year. But they only grant maybe a hundred. So to all the rest, they send out apologies: “Sorry, we cannot use you in our frosh class. Affirmative Action, you know.”
So everyone feels better for themselves, because if it wasn’t for them queue-barging minorities, they’d be in! It wasn’t them, it was the gumint! Even minorities don’t think too closely on the alibi.
Crap. Nothing good left except a couple used Senate seats. I hear you have to apply at the local offices.
I got a job with the Search Team that will look for Bernie Madoff’s hidden accounts. I’ll be wintering in the Caymans, then it’s off to Zurich. Eat your hearts out Wonketeers.
Looks like they filled personal trainer already:
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
Can I get a job if I promise to be someone’s bitch? And I mean that in every possible demeaning way. Oh yeah, bring it on, I’m waiting.
I would like to apply to be Michelle’s understudy for when she’s out of town doing First Lady shit. I’m sure Barry will need someone to do er, wifey type stuff when she’s not there.
Besides, the Wonkette commenters are vetted out of the process when we “joke” about fucking all of the gays in the military in public domain, and wonder exactly how many critters have crawled out of Sarah Palin’s warm beaver.
Caliph of rejection of résumés.
Look upon my works,
Ye Hopies, and despair,
Tra-La-la-tiree,
No deposit, no return,
Cook County, it is me.
— Blago
[re=204466]S.Luggo[/re]: Trig? Is that you?
[re=204150]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: You’re young and you’ve got your health. What you want with a job?
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