Wonkette
Before the dawn of the Internet, people used to waste time the old-fashioned way: by playing solitaire on their shitty Windows 3.1 machines. Then Doom and Quake and The Sims and Spore came along, and time-wasting evolved into a very sophisticated and complicated activity that required thousands of dollars of expensive electronics to perform correctly. Thanks to the dude who threw a shoe at George W. Bush, the Internet has seen a flowering of incredibly simple and mindless games that would have been amazing and cutting-edge in 1996.
Take for example this turd of a game, which features a cowering Prime Minister Maliki and a voice saying something, probably in Arabic. This exact same game also available under the hilarious moniker “Sock and Awe.”
In this game, a ninja George Bush throws baseballs at you, because why not. Shoes are also involved, somehow. Prime Minister Maliki has been taken outside, beaten, and tossed in a dumpster.
Aksalser.com
Sock and Awe
Ninja Bush: Master of the Ninjit-shoe!
I’m refusing to play until i get a trucknutz-throwing game.
Thank you Sara, we need to organize a Wonkette team to fight Hillaryis44 and Joe the Forum
i highly doubt that the shoe thrower was wearing Ferragamo loafers
Fuck Solitaire. I was a minesweeper man.
Best timewaster of all was Tetris. Fucking commies and their bourgeoisie time/quarter stealing game.
Apparently the Turkish made shoe has un-precidented orders and the company needs 100 more employees to keep up with demand. Another Bush FAIL - Why couldn’t he get an American made shoe thrown at him to help US job creation? Why does Bush hate America?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/dec/22/turkey-george-bush-shoe
That’s Windows 3.11, but you already knew that. I still remember the sense of pride I had when I rewrote my autoexec.bat file so I could play Wings of Glory, which used my computer’s entire 8MB of RAM. And yes, I know I’m a geek.
Bruno: Bush hates America for her Freedoms.
ManchuCandidate: …”Free Cell” has been cause of me getting fired from no less than 3 jobs!
These aren’t realistic enough, you never get the shit beat out of you by Iraqi cops or tortured until you produce a confession and admit links to terrorists. Plus you actually get the satisfaction of clobbering Bush with a shoe. Don’t they know he’ll never get his comeuppance?
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
I scored a 14 on the first game so give me a cookie.
PoliticalGraffiti: al-Zaidi’s brand of shoe was Nunn Bush.
SayItWithWookies: …I remember my IBM 286, that had a 200mhz processor and took 10 minutes to boot!
Bruno: Too bad no one in the USA thought of this earlier, when he was still making public appearances in the US. A thrown hot dog, and the processed meat market shoots through the roof. A hurled pair of underwear, cloth mills are suddenly running 24/7. He could have stimulated the economy with a few choice appearances.
SayItWithWookies:
I recently sold my Amiga 1000 with the 500K expansion memory brick and no hard drive. Still worked great. You can sell anything on Craigslist. Geeks rule.
Until they come out on Nintendo Wii, I’m sticking with Pac Man and Combat on my Atari!!
Wake me when Powerline users start to figure out how to make their cumulative score a factor in what the world thinks of them. Then I’ll swoop in and make them feel like loozer turds with my x-treem skillz.
Monsieur Grumpe: …I’m currently trying to get my hands on a old school NES! My childhood was pretty much a blur of Zelda and Tecmo Bowl.
No more. The shoe stops here.
AngryBlakGuy: SayItWithWookies: IBM PC-XT running MS-DOS 2.x and WordPerfect from two 5.25″ floppy drives, no hard disk, 14.4 baud modem, Hercules graphics card feeding monochrome screen so you could make Lotus 1-2-3 graphs, pin-head printer.
Monsieur Grumpe: The first PC my dad brought home had a tape drive in addition to the floppy drive that the OS was on. That was very educational to use, since you could read a book or a newspaper while waiting for whatever game you were playing to load.
V572625694: Modem?! You kids today — so spoiled.
I like the ninja game. My only complaint is that I hate Sousa almost as much as I hate grunge, so it gives me a headache after a while. Just as well; I really should get back to work already.
V572625694: “IBM pc-XT running MS-DOS…etc.” Yes! Me too! Ancient, loser techno-geeks, FTW!
AngryBlakGuy:
Matell Intelevision ruled!
All night bone smokin’ and Burger Time marathons. Fear my pepper you pickle dogs!
My room mate used to video tape his games on an old VHS with a tube camera
and mail them to his brohter in CA, who wouldn’t believe high scores without
evidence.
Now, my son captures his filthy FIFA 09 goals on his Palm and emails them to
his mates.
Times really haven’t changed all that much.
SayItWithWookies: My then-company issued a world-wide purchase order that sent these dinosaurs (this is 1987) to every office. That was a $5K setup. Oh how we longed for the 286 chip!
Can we just threadjack this into a computer nostalgia string?
SayItWithWookies: …my first computer was a Tandy with a 75 meg hard drive and 3 inch floppy disc. Does that company even exist anymore?!
Wonkette = nerds?!!!!?
sevenrepeat: i still have a working atari–with pong even.
space invaders is my favorite though. because of the music.
We need to get back to the basics: Ecodriving!
AngryBlakGuy:
Heh. Radio Shack still exists.
BTW. The Commodore 64 KICKED ASS.
Monsieur Grumpe: I still have an old Mac SE (20 Mb hard drive! W00t!) that I can’t bear to part with because of the awesome shareware version of “Risk” that someone gave me back in 1989. (And tetris and crystal quest…)
AngryBlakGuy: It has become one of our happiest Xmas traditions in my family to break out the NES for extended Super Mario and Duck Hunt tournaments during Christmas break. Some of the other games still work, too. Long about mid January, I pack it up for another eleven months of storage and nobody misses it.
V572625694: I hope Sara’s in a better mood than she was in earlier — ’cause I’m having flashbacks to my first computer gig — programming a voice synthesizer on a MicroVAX II way back in ‘86. It’s amazing that computers have advanced so much since then and that voice synthesizers still sound just as crappy as they did 22 years ago.
qwerty42: Fuck Ecodriving, what we need are some good old fashioned Christmas TruckNUTZ.
I don’t think Powerline would accept this challenge. They’ll probably challenge us to see who could write more thank-yous to Pres. Bush.
V572625694:
Already happened.
SKS, you opened up Pandora’s box of geeky.
“Heh. Radio Shack still exists.” That’s my planned retirement/post-crash employer you’re heh-ing there, ManchuCandidate
V572625694: …when the 386 came out, it was like the second coming of Christ! The only reason I went to school was because they bought 20 of them for my computer class. Nothing is crazier than a class full of teens blasting the shyt out of each other in Quake or Duke Nukem death match!
And as far as threadjacking,SKS opened the door the second she mentioned “Doom” & “Quake”!
Lascauxcaveman: …you gotta blow on the cartridges!!!
AngryBlakGuy: Zelda! Never finished the second world. Damn Ironknuckles.
SayItWithWookies: Was that a with a DecTalk box? I worked on one of those too. And I still use a VAX every day.
…and by far the single most addictive game ever created is “Mario Kart” for the SNES! I cant even count the number of fist fights that game was at the center of.
How has nobody else brought up the fact that Wolfenstein is not listed before Doom? JUSTICE PEOPLE. And what about Leisure Suit Larry?
THESE ARE LEGITIMATE CONCERNS PEOPLE.
What am I bid for a well-worn copy of Gödel, Escher, Bach…?
shortsshortsshorts: And Myst.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen a baseball game (yeah, I’m not much of a fan.) Do they really have ninjas in them? I mean, I’m sure they do in Japan, but I’m talking about the American version.
BwanaJim: Hell yeah — a DECTalk 2000, I think. I so hated its diction that I came up with a library of words using its phonemic alphabet, complete with accents and inflection. At our last demo for our Navy clients, they thought we’d thrown away the synthesizer and had just taped a human voice. So it can be done — it just isn’t.
Monsieur Grumpe:
An Amiga? Remember Video Toasters?
Doglessliberal: I would gladly have run him down with my Ford F-150 had your scenario any viability.
V572625694, shortsshortsshorts:
I have one word for you both: Zork.
Yes, I could go on, but I have to baste the virtual turkey in my virtual oven for nine hours.
I’m waiting for the game where you get to play George Bush’s hand and you have to try to slap Misty May-Treanor girating butt.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/08/09/article-0-0237E35600000578-961_468×541.jpg
facehead: 14!? Either you’re really good or my aim totally sucks. Or maybe I get so enraged while trying to throw the shoe that I’m just out of control. I need to concentrate my rage.
Servo:
I remember. Video Toaster was too expensive at the time.
Anyone every use the Timex Sinclair? Static electricity turned mine into an ashtray.
I still love Centipede and Frogger. Namco Museum Games, baby yeah!
Ah, the quake. Single handedly responsible for getting a number of people my age into programming. I work with a dev that will port quake to a platform before actually working on said platform.
Nothing beats the satisfaction of turning McCain, Rove, Thompson, and Gramm into fiery meteors on my modern air combat sim. Fleeing like terrified rodents when my Russian Su-27 sends R-27 missiles straight towards their puckered sphincters at Mach 4. Peggy gets 500 kg bombs dropped on her head while she taxis.
OK, can I play Power Computers o’ the Past too? I used to buy kit-form North Star Horizons to sell and after a couple of thousand solder connections had systems with a 4Mhz 8-bit Z80, 2 S-100 16kb memory cards and 2 single-sided Shugart 50-some-odd kbyte drives. After a while I saw that CPM was starting to look big so I spent several hundred dollars on an assembly-language version of the OS and was rewarded with an A> prompt after about a week’s effort. Big game as I recall was text-only Adventure (”open mailbox”). I used to fix teletypes for my day job and watched as little electonic-gizmo boxes came out to take over more and more of the logical functions. One day the teletypes went away too. I was sad.
sanantonerose: I was fond of ‘Joust’, myself.
Galaga beeches, Galaga!
Hmmm … think I’ll take me a break and play some video games. Thanks for the suggestion!
Also, I am amazed at the number of geeks that read Wonkette …
Dragon’s Lair.
Ok motherfuckers, I’m going ballz to the wallz here and laying ALL MY FUCKING CARDS ON THE TABLE!!!!
Anyone remember “Hunting the Mugwump” On Commodore 64?
Word to your mutha.
I used to play Leisure Suit Larry on an XT with an amber monitor, but all the colors looked the same.
Geek is chic here at Wonkette! I might not understand all the technical hollabaloo but I do love myself a large monitor….
The home machine: Tandy Color Computer with a cassette tape drive; serial printer with Selectric-style “golf ball” print head.
Work? TRS-80 (with 8 inch floppy drives muthafuckaaahs!)
I then “graduated” to a 286 with a full-size (2 drive bays) 144Mb SCSI hard drive. $600 for 144Mb, running MS-DOS 3.
“Early adopter” here; this is why my diet consists of hobo beans.
ZombieRichardFeynman: Speaking of text-only games, what the heck was the name of that imitation D&D game that was almost text-only? I remember when they finally added the cheap-ass 8-bit graphics. Nothing like the thrill of opening a chest and reading “You found the golden chalice” pause-load-load-load and then seeing a poorly rendered yellow cup. But I can’t remember the name of the damn thing — it sounded like a brand of washing machine or toothpaste — not at all D&D-ish.
shit man, I still waste most of my day playing solitaire. Old school.
SayItWithWookies: 386SX. Used to groan when swapping big programs on and off the hard drive.
I couldn’t tell whether it was taking a dump or, uh, “having sex with itself”.
Hard to tell something — like a 386 SX — to go f*ck itself when it doesn’t have genitalia. Do shoes have genitalia? Does Bush have genitalia? Does Bush have sex with itself anyway? Does Bush have sex with shoes?
Questions, questions. Inquiring minds want to know.
SayItWithWookies: Dungeon Master, maybe? A few years after my North Star dealer days I got an Amiga for my kids. I liked getting my wizards powerful enough to kill worms with one lightning bolt (so we could eat them!?). The kids were too scared to play the game directly so they hovered over my shoulders as we explored the dungeon.
And here’s some of the cream of the old technology too. Down at the office one of the systems I supported was a 14.4kbit modem feeding a Digital Equipment PDP-10 mini-computer acting as a Time Division Multiplexer. The individual lines were 300bps going to feed stock quotes and financial reports from Bloomberg to banks and such. When the computer crashed I’d have to toggle 32 paddle switches to the 1 or 0 state, hit enter; repeat till I loaded all 50 or 60 “words” as the bootstrap. A few years ago I met the man who wrote the PDP-10 OS. He used to come into my general store out in the wilds of Eastern Oregon and we’d geek-reminisce.
bitchincamaro: You could have saved Detroit!
ZombieRichardFeynman: Ultima. Had to search around on Wikipedia, but finally found it.
Rush: I broke level 100 on Galaga once. I don’t know what to do with my life now. I saw someone make it to level 128, which is the last level in the game, so I suppose I could do that, but if I did, then I’d really have nothing to live for.
I’m so spoiled now. I play WOW pretty much exclusivly, but I also pretend trogs are rethuglicans. They’re short, white, hairy, thugish, stupid, and scratch themselves. Love siccing my voidwalker on them.
I BUYZ ME 1ST COMPUTERS AT WALMARTS LAST YEAR, IT IS THE ONE IN WHITE AND IT INCLUDESING FREE AOLS DISCETTE.
I ONLY WANTS THE WHITE COMPUTER CAUSE IT IS NORMAL COLOR - YOU CANNT TRUST THE BLACKS OR YELLOW OR ARAB COMPUTERS - THEY MAY BE EVIL TERRIST MACHINE TO STEAL YOUR MONEY AND SENT TO COMMY SOCALISTS IN YEMEN
SayItWithWookies: It’s not geeky until you modify the command.com file in the original DOS to create rude messages on command line typos. Double points if the victim discovers the hack when he then formats a system disk for a customer.
Ah fun times back in the day. Why I remember when they invented dirt….
SayItWithWookies: Oh yeah, sonny. Try creating an audio file player on a 1Mhz Apple IIe…padding out the latch loop with three No-ops.
Why before we had dirt, there was just rocks. Then Larry, it was always Larry with the crazy ideas, said “Hey! Nothing grows in rocks. What we need is some dirt….”
And now here it goes with some bushy phrases.
http://suchabush.com
Can you guys sign the petition?
:)) the games about the presidents of the USA are always funny. you can check this Barack Obama dress up game ! check the look of Obama in the superman suit !!!
http://www.dressup9x.com/game/588/Dress-up-Obama-.html