TERRORIST FIST JAB  9:21 pm December 19, 2008

Santa & Bush Conspired To Elect Obama!

by Ken Layne

Merry Terrormorrisms!
Here they are, the two leaders of the Free World, exchanging a sexy “knuckle bump” under the new White House Christmas Tree. No wonder the transition to the Obama Administration is going so smoothly … these two were in on it. [White House]

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Hola wonkerados.

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chascates December 19, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Bush didn’t want to meet with Santa because it’s against his conservative principles. But when 1,000s might lose their jobs . . .

drrty martini December 19, 2008 at 9:35 pm

The caption is prosh: “exchanges knuckles with Santa…” It would have been teh funny if it would have read “fists”, though.

BillyClubb December 19, 2008 at 9:41 pm

Even Santa has taken up the terrorist fist bump, and there’s a giant elf next to Santa, laughing at his treachery. And what’s with all that terrible disco lighting in the background? This is not the Christmas I remember…

Hedley Lamar December 19, 2008 at 9:43 pm

Who’d they get to play the brown guy?

chascates December 19, 2008 at 9:44 pm

[re=203729]Hedley Lamar[/re]: Who is not even looking at Dubya.

Guppy06 December 19, 2008 at 9:44 pm

You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!

freakishlystrong December 19, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Teh Terrorsts that play together stay together….

HipHopOpotamus December 19, 2008 at 10:06 pm

It looks like Bush and the Brown guy in the back hands are ever so gently caressing one another. WHY DO YOU DENY YOUR TRUE LOVE AND TRY TO HIDE BEHIND THE DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT, GEORGIE?

ps so I can get on AC360: GAY GAY GAY.

undermedicated December 19, 2008 at 10:07 pm

Santa is muslin?

AnnieGetYourFun December 19, 2008 at 10:07 pm

What? They couldn’t afford one of those Santas who actually has a real beard? For fuck’s sake. The Alderwood Mall in Lynnwood, WA, has a Santa with a real beard.

ManchuCandidate December 19, 2008 at 10:18 pm

Looks like ED Hill (former Faux airhead who coined the fist jab) is going to get some Muslin Coal in her stocking (besides a severance check.)

p-Sludge December 19, 2008 at 10:37 pm

Christmas is lavender? I think teh geyz are in on it too.

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 10:38 pm

Knuckle bump? Bush is picking the drunk old dude’s pocket for another 700 billion to pay Goldman Sachs’ bonuses plus a new diamond chocker for Condi. Fuck the demrat recovery. First in, first out.

Canmon (the Inadequate) December 19, 2008 at 10:44 pm

[re=203733]freakishlystrong[/re]: As long as Santa doesn’t try to get as pilot license.

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 10:46 pm

[re=203755]S.Luggo[/re]: I meant, “choker”, as if I know such things even after reference to the interrogation paraphenelia available at Gitmo.

Darehead December 19, 2008 at 10:50 pm

It’s a plan to outsource 100,000 more American jobs to the North Pole.

gjdodger December 19, 2008 at 11:02 pm

What they don’t show you is right after that, Santa took off one of his big ol’ boots and hurled it at The Decider. Those size 18′s really smart.

jagorev December 19, 2008 at 11:09 pm

’03 grad and spouse buy the Spirit Shoppe:


jagorev December 19, 2008 at 11:11 pm

Christ, ignore that last comment, wrong tab

donner_froh December 19, 2008 at 11:15 pm

The newest front in the War on Christmas (TM)

Wee Mousie December 19, 2008 at 11:28 pm

It’s the Off, Off, Way-Waay-Off Broadway Production of ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas.’

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 11:31 pm

[re=203748]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Hey — I missed you!

Dubya: “All I want for Christmas is a blanket pardon.”

Santa: “I’ve got a friend who makes poison baby formu–”

Dubya: “Done. Federal contract. No bid.”


Bitter-Elitist December 19, 2008 at 11:35 pm

I’m having a weird feeling of deja vu here – I’m sure I’ve seen Dubya fist-bumping another santa in a video somewhere recently, but it was daylight.


Gin-o-saurus December 19, 2008 at 11:43 pm

Why does Jon Secada smile when the leaders of the unfree world are plotting to ruin that little girls xmas ?

lumpenprole December 19, 2008 at 11:45 pm

A second after that pic, Santa heaved both boots at him. “HO HO, YOU DOG!”

bago December 19, 2008 at 11:59 pm

[re=203751]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It’s the only way she’s ever going to get a little something black in her stockings.

AnnieGetYourFun December 20, 2008 at 12:16 am

[re=203772]SayItWithWookies[/re]: This past week was too ridiculous for words. Was trolling other sites for political commentary, got nothing but all these earnest fucking idealists who were like “But I thought that Obama APPROVED of gay marriage?”. OAnyway, knew I couldn’t stay away too long. No one else even TOUCHES on buttsecks, trucknutz, or anything worth discussing.

Still pissed at Ken, but Jim’s diatribe, followed by Kev-o-tron’s misquote by Anderson Cooper was just too much to keep quiet on. Plus, I’m drunk. BTW, Kev-o, I may or may not have made out with your girlfriend a couple of nights ago. Does that make you MAD, MAD, MAD, or just mad mad mad?

Delicious December 20, 2008 at 12:19 am

Aw yeah! This makes up for the thousands of dead civilians in Iraq and wherever brownish people are. It’s all good. Come home, Dubya. Come home.

SayItWithWookies December 20, 2008 at 12:52 am

[re=203780]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Yeah nobody brings the funny like our Wonkette and its minions. Though I still think you just came back to keep me out of the clutches of that Campbell Brown hussy.

Oh, and in some random good news — California AG Jerry Brown changed his mind and has filed a brief supporting the overturning of Prop 8: http://pageoneq.com/news/2008/California_Attorney_General_Jerry_Brown_Nix_Pro_1219.html

HuskyMescan December 20, 2008 at 12:57 am

Mad mad mad! As a leftist, I’m angry at this whole situation. CHRISTmas and the president. I’m so disgusted that I can’t even drink my soy latte or have buttseks.


WagTehGod December 20, 2008 at 12:58 am

Santa is so in the tank. And there’s way too much pink and purple in the background. Rick Warren would not approve.

JAB JAB JAB … can I be on AC360 now?

S.Luggo December 20, 2008 at 1:37 am

[re=203780]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Is “Earnest Fucking Idealists” a garage band? If so, tell me it’s next bar gig.

No longer interested by the illusory New Age groups, “Change” and “Hope”.

AnnieGetYourFun December 20, 2008 at 1:43 am

[re=203789]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I have to admit that I was concerned about the hold that Campbell “Two Last Names is How You Get a Job at CNN” Brown had over you. BTW, emailed you at one of your email addresses, can’t remember which one right now.

facehead December 20, 2008 at 3:33 am


I’m finding it challenging to masturbate without the all-seeing eyes of Campbell Brown leering upon me. Did we do something wrong? Why did she go away? Is it possible she’s just “slipping into something more comfortable” and will be back shortly? Can we at least have Larry King?


Bruno December 20, 2008 at 4:35 am

I don’t trust any fake White Santas. Santa, like the sweet Baby Jesus, is Black.

p-Sludge December 20, 2008 at 6:18 am
Dernyul December 20, 2008 at 6:26 am

Hm. Santa, Midget, President, John Edwards clapping, John Secada and a Walmart employee?

This party kind of sucks…and that midget knows it.

George of the Jungle December 20, 2008 at 7:57 am

I’m already missing George. Hopey won’t be nearly as much fun. When Hopey and Santa give a terrorist knuckle bump, there will be seething!

2druk2phluq December 20, 2008 at 8:22 am

And this was how I found out it’s a weekend. No early Wonkette post usually equals holiday or heathen party time or something.

I’m surprised Bush didn’t spontaneously combust by touching Santa. One would think the concentrated evil would have an explosive adverse reaction when in contact with the super giving powers of teh Santa. Where is Santa’s reindeer honor guard? Was this a setup to trap Santa and send him to Guantanamo? “All your gifties are belong to us.”

A mean person just told me Santa isn’t real. They’re lying. Faith: I has it. I hope Santa remembers the hookers. I was very good this year.

Monsieur Grumpe' December 20, 2008 at 8:49 am

A Pause for Mr Clause by Arlo Guthrie.


If you just want the song skip to 5:40.

Darehead December 20, 2008 at 10:14 am

Here’s Preznit Barry-O’s Xmas present. He’s getting lei’d by 3000 children who have been forced to do patriotic deeds for the nation.


Scooter December 20, 2008 at 10:30 am

Where the hell was that pic taken? Looks like the inside of Jeanie’s bottle. You’d think she’d be pissed, Baghdad being her hometown and all.

WhatTheHeck December 20, 2008 at 11:05 am

Hey, that’s a cool, mind-altering Christmas scene at the White House.
That explains a lot of his decision-making in the past, so I now have a new-found respect for this Dubya dude, doooood.
(See that smoke hanging in the background, man). Like…

shortsshortsshorts December 20, 2008 at 12:03 pm

[re=203780]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: HAHA you couldn’t keep away, could you? And if you made out with Kevo’s ex-girlfriend, I would call that hothothot, not madmadmad.


Bruno December 20, 2008 at 12:17 pm

So Trig’s future (half-)brother or nephew sister’s baby momma/granma or something, wasn’t arrested for meth, but good ol’ GOP family values oxycontin. Yes, the chemical concoction favored by Rush, so it must be more acceptable than organic weed and shrooms


HuskyMescan December 20, 2008 at 12:44 pm

[re=203841]Bruno[/re]: Rightwing talking points: ” Sarah Palin’s kids are dealing with real problems like drug addiction. She’s a regular joe. Palin/Sam the Plumber 2012! “

lawrenceofthedesert December 20, 2008 at 12:54 pm

Right after this was snapped, Santa nailed him with a boot.

p-Sludge December 20, 2008 at 12:57 pm

I bet Santa’s wearing a keffiyeh under his red commie coat.

Chief Grinning Eagle December 20, 2008 at 1:11 pm

Frank Cieciorka must have dropped dead in anticipation of that fist thing. Talk about “bumping uglies.”

herpezhilton December 20, 2008 at 1:15 pm

This was the Daily Show’s moment of Zen sometime last week.

bago December 20, 2008 at 1:27 pm

Ok, Santarchy is tonight. I need something to wear.

shortsshortsshorts December 20, 2008 at 1:31 pm

Now that CNN has legitimized Wonkette as a news source, will there be no ass fucking?

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 20, 2008 at 1:32 pm

You know this picture made some on the far right heads explode. They already question Bush for expanding government, but to see him with Santa, a known member of the Red Menace, who teaches kids that they will get anything they want if they are good, must drive them to the edge. But to then see Santa and Bush exchange terrorist fist jabs. Well, now they know that 9/11 was an inside job.

It was Santa that took out World Trade Center Six! He must have convinced Rudolph to strap on a vest of C-4 and charge into the building in exchange for 72 virgin reindeer. Allahu Akbar indeed.

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 20, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Avec regrets A.A. Milne:

George Bush was not a good man –
He had his little ways.
And sometimes no one spoke to him
For days and days and days.
And men who came across him,
When walking in the town,
Gave him a supercilious stare,
Or passed with noses in the air –
And bad George Bush stood dumbly there,
Blushing beneath his brow.

George Bush was not a good man,
And no good friends had he.
He stayed in every afternoon…
But no one came to tea.
And, round about December,
The cards upon his shelf
Which wished him lots of Christmas cheer,
And fortune in the coming year,
Were never from his near and dear,
But only from himself.

George Bush was not a good man,
Yet had his hopes and fears.
They’d given him no present now
For years and years and years.
But every year at Christmas,
While minstrels stood about,
Collecting tribute from the young
For all the songs they might have sung,
He stole away upstairs and hung
A hopeful stocking out.

George Bush was not a good man,
He lived his live aloof;
Alone he thought a message out
While climbing up the roof.
He wrote it down and propped it
Against the chimney stack:
F. Christmas in particular.”
And signed it not “President Bush.”
But very humbly, “George.”

“I want some crackers,
And I want some candy;
I think a box of chocolates
Would come in handy;
I don’t mind oranges,
I do like nuts!
And I SHOULD like a pocket-knife
That really cuts.
And, oh! Father Christmas, if you love me at all,
Bring me a big, red, india-rubber ball!”

George Bush was not a good man –
He wrote this message out,
And gat him to this room again,
Descending by the spout.
And all that night he lay there,
A prey to hopes and fears.
“I think that’s him a-coming now!”
(Anxiety bedewed his brow.)
“He’ll bring one present, anyhow –
The first I had for years.”

“Forget about the crackers,
And forget the candy;
I’m sure a box of chocolates
Would never come in handy;
I don’t like oranges,
I don’t want nuts,
And I HAVE got a pocket-knife
That almost cuts.
But, oh! Father christmas, if you love me at all,
Bring me a big, red, india-rubber ball!”

George Bush was not a good man,
Next morning when the sun
Rose up to tell a waiting world
That Christmas had begun,
And people seized their stockings,
And opened them with glee,
And crackers, toys and games appeared,
And lips with sticky sweets were smeared,
George Bush said grimly: “As I feared,
Nothing again for me!”

“I did want crackers,
And I did want candy;
I know a box of chocolates
Would come in handy;
I do love oranges,
I did want nuts!
And, oh! if Father Christmas, had loved me at all,
He would have brought a big, red,
india-rubber ball!”

George Bush stood by the window,
And frowned to see below
The happy bands of boys and girls
All playing in the snow.
A while he stood there watching,
And envying them all …
When through the window big and red
There hurtled by his decider head,
And bounced and fell upon the bed,
An india-rubber ball!


Bruno December 20, 2008 at 2:40 pm

[re=203775]lumpenprole[/re]: Were Santa’s boots the infamous brown, Turkish-made and thick-soled ‘Model 271′. That’s footwear I can believe in:


HipHopOpotamus December 20, 2008 at 2:51 pm

[re=203763]jagorev[/re]: I KNOW OF THAT PLACE! I feel special.

Bruno December 20, 2008 at 3:05 pm

[re=203867]Bruno[/re]: for once Bush is linked to job creation!

“Baydan has received orders for 300,000 pairs of the shoes since the attack, more than four times the number his company sold each year since the model was introduced in 1999. The company plans to employ 100 more staff to meet demand”

Servo December 20, 2008 at 4:21 pm

I’d like to see the young lady fist-bump King George in the TruckNutz.

Nigerian Business Executive December 20, 2008 at 5:49 pm

[re=203857]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: There will alwaysbe ass fucking. No one knows that better than ol’ silver Coop. ANAL! ANAL! ANAL!

FreshCliches December 20, 2008 at 6:00 pm

[re=203728]BillyClubb[/re]: Yeah, thanks. Now I hear “I Will Survive” while I look at the photo.

Barrett808 December 20, 2008 at 6:03 pm

A sweet balm to ease the pain of the last Bush days:

Sock and Awe

wickedlittledoll December 20, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Look who’s doing a little terrorist fist jab now…

shortsshortsshorts December 20, 2008 at 8:37 pm

Jesus was black. Santa is therefore black too. Good for Obama, but what about the bitter whitey?

[re=203859]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Just remember, Obama is going to be FAR WORSE then Bush, and stuffs. Think about the Rick Warren move. WE HAVE TO CRUCIFY HIM BEFORE HE CRUCIFIES US!!!!11!!~!!!!!


Custer' December 20, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Bush is just practicing the fist/terrorist jab so he has it down pat when he hands over the reigns to Hopey on Jan 20. Hopey, on the other hand (ha), plans to return the gesture but miss thereby giving little georgie a shiner he won’t soon forget. The Iraqi media will applaud. Good times, good times.

gliberal December 20, 2008 at 9:51 pm

Insert knuckle bump/knuckle head joke here.

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 20, 2008 at 11:06 pm

[re=203884]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yeah, but I don’t know any Arabic poetry. Of course, by next Ramadan, our forced Koran studies should take care of that.

stopmebeforeitypeagain December 21, 2008 at 12:09 am

[re=203766]donner_froh[/re]: If this is the War Against Christmas, then where are the WMDs?

Also. That dude in the back row looks like Malcolm X. How’d HE get past the SS?

First the shoes and now this. These take-a-bullet-for-the-Prez guys are sure lame-ducking it, for sure.

sadderbutnowiser December 21, 2008 at 12:26 am

The lady next to Santa looks like the one who is such a scream in all the mockumentaries by whats-his-name, like “Spinal Tap,” “Best in Show,” and “A Mighty Wind.” Do you think they managed to get W into a mockumentary by telling him it would be an honor to him and his lega…lega … can’t quite type that … cy…

shortsshortsshorts December 21, 2008 at 3:33 am

[re=203889]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I have some drunken Arabic poetry for you:
With the sad rain
Drenching my sad face,
I dream of a ladder of dust,
Collected from hunched backs
And hands clinging onto knees,
To mount to highest heaven,
For Ass fucking, nothing more,
Like a dirty Sanchez in a lost
winter crevasse.

SayItWithWookies December 21, 2008 at 3:35 am

Oh my — here’s what they were lisening to that evening. I’m not sure about it — it’s either worse than the Barney video or else I should just get a lobotomy and stop thinking about it.

shortsshortsshorts December 21, 2008 at 3:54 am

[re=203897]SayItWithWookies[/re]: We must fight this Angel. This Angel of love. The Angel of Love has called us to the glory of his altar. For Allah and stuffs. Darkness stirs up hymns and songs, Its joy pervades the water, trees and clouds. Let us dream now, for this is our night of love. Let us stand along the Nile—- where moonlight, lustrous as a baby’s skin, floods the green bank beyond its water and its shade.
Let us play as it plays, kissing the roses and the dew. Fuck you all (hypothetically). Merry Hanukkah.

Darehead December 21, 2008 at 4:21 am

[re=203897]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “When Santa crosses over the border….”

Oh God, where’s homeland security when you need them????
Worse than Barney. You have my word.

Darehead December 21, 2008 at 4:24 am

[re=203884]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: And if you really want to do it ass-backwards, try LANA.

rocktonsammy December 21, 2008 at 5:06 pm

Santa is a conservative?


Come here a minute December 21, 2008 at 6:52 pm

In other news, Dick Fucking Cheney says his “highest moment in the last eight years” was 9/11/01.

Now that W is on his way out, can we go back to insisting it was an inside job. Heerz yer pr00f!!1!!!

Either that or the guy is an asshole.

Servo December 21, 2008 at 7:21 pm

It’s Christmas at Prince World.
“When ducks fry.”

Lionel Hutz Esq. December 21, 2008 at 7:24 pm

[re=203925]Come here a minute[/re]: Of course 9/11 was Cheney’s high point. Cheney thrives on carnage, Tiger. He consumes, infests, destroys, lives off the death and destruction of other species.

I thought the interesting part of the interview was when he stated that on Christmas eight years ago he was visited by three spirits. The middle spirit revealed under its robes two spectral children named Ignorance and Scooter Libby. He liked them so much that he shot the middle spirit in the face and took the two children in to help him as Vice President.

wheelie December 21, 2008 at 7:55 pm

[re=203925]Come here a minute[/re]: His favorite president of the last 40 years is Gerald Ford. Enough said.

Darehead December 21, 2008 at 8:17 pm

[re=203922]rocktonsammy[/re]: Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good, which is an ethical distinction Republicans and Chicago Democrats are incapable of. Also Santa crosses borders and gives treats to all, but only the ones made in his own factory. Jesus fed the masses with one fish, hated materialism and .

ANSWER: Both Santa and Jesus are socialists.

ifthethunderdontgetya" December 21, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Show that you really care about the ones you love.

Give the gift of TruckNutz™ this Holiday Season.

Street Organizer December 21, 2008 at 9:51 pm

…but when will they bump pussies

Nigerian Business Executive December 21, 2008 at 9:59 pm

[re=203935]Darehead[/re]: “Hated materialism and ” … and? …and?

What else did Jesus Marx hate?

He also cured the lepers for free or something, which smacks of socialised health care.

p-Sludge December 21, 2008 at 10:05 pm

Speaking of Walnuts, one of the newest products offered by LivingNutz is their mouth-watering Tahitian Vanilla Bean Coconut Creme. The word on the street is that it’s so good, couples are skipping the foreplay and heading right for the Tahitian Vanilla Bean Coconut Cream walnuts!

Darehead December 21, 2008 at 10:16 pm

[re=203938]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Yeah I was thinkin’ ’bout correctin’ (wait, why am I writin’ with no g’s like Sarah P…)

Corrected: *”Jesus fed the masses with one fish and hated materialism.”

Yeah, and Che worked with lepers too. There ya go. It all adds up.

Mr Blifil December 21, 2008 at 11:05 pm

[re=203938]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Cured the lepers for free? Yeah, as long as they promised everlasting spiritual fidelity to his father the Sky Fairy.

How little you know what Jesus expected from the flock in return. Why the fuck do you think his posse, and the rest of the Jews, let Pilate set Barrabas free? Even then Jesus was well known for his ability to make people going about their daily lives feel guilty as hell. There’s been a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth since he was offed, but not even the most devout believers ever say they really miss the guy and can’t wait for him to come back. He’s definitely a congenital sad sack.

Nigerian Business Executive December 22, 2008 at 12:22 am

[re=203943]Mr Blifil[/re]: Being Jewish, I actually know very little of the whole story other than what I see on teevee every Christmas and Easter. I was just trying to make a funny.

Kev-O-Tron December 22, 2008 at 5:23 pm

[re=203780]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Oh, she dumped my ass so I guess that makes me… hot hot hot?

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