About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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87 comments

  1. chascates

    Bush didn’t want to meet with Santa because it’s against his conservative principles. But when 1,000s might lose their jobs . . .

  2. drrty martini

    The caption is prosh: “exchanges knuckles with Santa…” It would have been teh funny if it would have read “fists”, though.

  3. BillyClubb

    Even Santa has taken up the terrorist fist bump, and there’s a giant elf next to Santa, laughing at his treachery. And what’s with all that terrible disco lighting in the background? This is not the Christmas I remember…

  4. HipHopOpotamus

    It looks like Bush and the Brown guy in the back hands are ever so gently caressing one another. WHY DO YOU DENY YOUR TRUE LOVE AND TRY TO HIDE BEHIND THE DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT, GEORGIE?

    ps so I can get on AC360: GAY GAY GAY.

  5. AnnieGetYourFun

    What? They couldn’t afford one of those Santas who actually has a real beard? For fuck’s sake. The Alderwood Mall in Lynnwood, WA, has a Santa with a real beard.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    Looks like ED Hill (former Faux airhead who coined the fist jab) is going to get some Muslin Coal in her stocking (besides a severance check.)

  7. S.Luggo

    Knuckle bump? Bush is picking the drunk old dude’s pocket for another 700 billion to pay Goldman Sachs’ bonuses plus a new diamond chocker for Condi. Fuck the demrat recovery. First in, first out.

  8. S.Luggo

    [re=203755]S.Luggo[/re]: I meant, “choker”, as if I know such things even after reference to the interrogation paraphenelia available at Gitmo.

  9. gjdodger

    What they don’t show you is right after that, Santa took off one of his big ol’ boots and hurled it at The Decider. Those size 18′s really smart.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    [re=203748]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Hey — I missed you!

    Dubya: “All I want for Christmas is a blanket pardon.”

    Santa: “I’ve got a friend who makes poison baby formu–”

    Dubya: “Done. Federal contract. No bid.”

    Bump.

  11. Bitter-Elitist

    I’m having a weird feeling of deja vu here – I’m sure I’ve seen Dubya fist-bumping another santa in a video somewhere recently, but it was daylight.

    Hmmmm…

  12. Gin-o-saurus

    Why does Jon Secada smile when the leaders of the unfree world are plotting to ruin that little girls xmas ?

  13. bago

    [re=203751]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It’s the only way she’s ever going to get a little something black in her stockings.

  14. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=203772]SayItWithWookies[/re]: This past week was too ridiculous for words. Was trolling other sites for political commentary, got nothing but all these earnest fucking idealists who were like “But I thought that Obama APPROVED of gay marriage?”. OAnyway, knew I couldn’t stay away too long. No one else even TOUCHES on buttsecks, trucknutz, or anything worth discussing.

    Still pissed at Ken, but Jim’s diatribe, followed by Kev-o-tron’s misquote by Anderson Cooper was just too much to keep quiet on. Plus, I’m drunk. BTW, Kev-o, I may or may not have made out with your girlfriend a couple of nights ago. Does that make you MAD, MAD, MAD, or just mad mad mad?

  15. Delicious

    Aw yeah! This makes up for the thousands of dead civilians in Iraq and wherever brownish people are. It’s all good. Come home, Dubya. Come home.

  16. HuskyMescan

    Mad mad mad! As a leftist, I’m angry at this whole situation. CHRISTmas and the president. I’m so disgusted that I can’t even drink my soy latte or have buttseks.

    HEEENNGGGG!?

  17. WagTehGod

    Santa is so in the tank. And there’s way too much pink and purple in the background. Rick Warren would not approve.

    JAB JAB JAB … can I be on AC360 now?

  18. S.Luggo

    [re=203780]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Is “Earnest Fucking Idealists” a garage band? If so, tell me it’s next bar gig.

    No longer interested by the illusory New Age groups, “Change” and “Hope”.

  19. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=203789]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I have to admit that I was concerned about the hold that Campbell “Two Last Names is How You Get a Job at CNN” Brown had over you. BTW, emailed you at one of your email addresses, can’t remember which one right now.

  20. facehead

    Ken,

    I’m finding it challenging to masturbate without the all-seeing eyes of Campbell Brown leering upon me. Did we do something wrong? Why did she go away? Is it possible she’s just “slipping into something more comfortable” and will be back shortly? Can we at least have Larry King?

    Truly,
    Facehead

  21. Dernyul

    Hm. Santa, Midget, President, John Edwards clapping, John Secada and a Walmart employee?

    This party kind of sucks…and that midget knows it.

  22. George of the Jungle

    I’m already missing George. Hopey won’t be nearly as much fun. When Hopey and Santa give a terrorist knuckle bump, there will be seething!

  23. 2druk2phluq

    And this was how I found out it’s a weekend. No early Wonkette post usually equals holiday or heathen party time or something.

    I’m surprised Bush didn’t spontaneously combust by touching Santa. One would think the concentrated evil would have an explosive adverse reaction when in contact with the super giving powers of teh Santa. Where is Santa’s reindeer honor guard? Was this a setup to trap Santa and send him to Guantanamo? “All your gifties are belong to us.”

    A mean person just told me Santa isn’t real. They’re lying. Faith: I has it. I hope Santa remembers the hookers. I was very good this year.

  24. Scooter

    Where the hell was that pic taken? Looks like the inside of Jeanie’s bottle. You’d think she’d be pissed, Baghdad being her hometown and all.

  25. WhatTheHeck

    Hey, that’s a cool, mind-altering Christmas scene at the White House.
    That explains a lot of his decision-making in the past, so I now have a new-found respect for this Dubya dude, doooood.
    (See that smoke hanging in the background, man). Like…

  26. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=203780]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: HAHA you couldn’t keep away, could you? And if you made out with Kevo’s ex-girlfriend, I would call that hothothot, not madmadmad.

    On a different note, IT IS A TERRORIST FIST POUND NOT A KNUCKLE BUMP CANT THE MEDIAS GET THIS RIGHT EVER? FUCK!

  27. HuskyMescan

    [re=203841]Bruno[/re]: Rightwing talking points: ” Sarah Palin’s kids are dealing with real problems like drug addiction. She’s a regular joe. Palin/Sam the Plumber 2012! “

  28. Chief Grinning Eagle

    Frank Cieciorka must have dropped dead in anticipation of that fist thing. Talk about “bumping uglies.”

  29. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    You know this picture made some on the far right heads explode. They already question Bush for expanding government, but to see him with Santa, a known member of the Red Menace, who teaches kids that they will get anything they want if they are good, must drive them to the edge. But to then see Santa and Bush exchange terrorist fist jabs. Well, now they know that 9/11 was an inside job.

    It was Santa that took out World Trade Center Six! He must have convinced Rudolph to strap on a vest of C-4 and charge into the building in exchange for 72 virgin reindeer. Allahu Akbar indeed.

  30. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Avec regrets A.A. Milne:

    George Bush was not a good man –
    He had his little ways.
    And sometimes no one spoke to him
    For days and days and days.
    And men who came across him,
    When walking in the town,
    Gave him a supercilious stare,
    Or passed with noses in the air –
    And bad George Bush stood dumbly there,
    Blushing beneath his brow.

    George Bush was not a good man,
    And no good friends had he.
    He stayed in every afternoon…
    But no one came to tea.
    And, round about December,
    The cards upon his shelf
    Which wished him lots of Christmas cheer,
    And fortune in the coming year,
    Were never from his near and dear,
    But only from himself.

    George Bush was not a good man,
    Yet had his hopes and fears.
    They’d given him no present now
    For years and years and years.
    But every year at Christmas,
    While minstrels stood about,
    Collecting tribute from the young
    For all the songs they might have sung,
    He stole away upstairs and hung
    A hopeful stocking out.

    George Bush was not a good man,
    He lived his live aloof;
    Alone he thought a message out
    While climbing up the roof.
    He wrote it down and propped it
    Against the chimney stack:
    “TO ALL AND SUNDRY – NEAR AND FAR -
    F. Christmas in particular.”
    And signed it not “President Bush.”
    But very humbly, “George.”

    “I want some crackers,
    And I want some candy;
    I think a box of chocolates
    Would come in handy;
    I don’t mind oranges,
    I do like nuts!
    And I SHOULD like a pocket-knife
    That really cuts.
    And, oh! Father Christmas, if you love me at all,
    Bring me a big, red, india-rubber ball!”

    George Bush was not a good man –
    He wrote this message out,
    And gat him to this room again,
    Descending by the spout.
    And all that night he lay there,
    A prey to hopes and fears.
    “I think that’s him a-coming now!”
    (Anxiety bedewed his brow.)
    “He’ll bring one present, anyhow –
    The first I had for years.”

    “Forget about the crackers,
    And forget the candy;
    I’m sure a box of chocolates
    Would never come in handy;
    I don’t like oranges,
    I don’t want nuts,
    And I HAVE got a pocket-knife
    That almost cuts.
    But, oh! Father christmas, if you love me at all,
    Bring me a big, red, india-rubber ball!”

    George Bush was not a good man,
    Next morning when the sun
    Rose up to tell a waiting world
    That Christmas had begun,
    And people seized their stockings,
    And opened them with glee,
    And crackers, toys and games appeared,
    And lips with sticky sweets were smeared,
    George Bush said grimly: “As I feared,
    Nothing again for me!”

    “I did want crackers,
    And I did want candy;
    I know a box of chocolates
    Would come in handy;
    I do love oranges,
    I did want nuts!
    And, oh! if Father Christmas, had loved me at all,
    He would have brought a big, red,
    india-rubber ball!”

    George Bush stood by the window,
    And frowned to see below
    The happy bands of boys and girls
    All playing in the snow.
    A while he stood there watching,
    And envying them all …
    When through the window big and red
    There hurtled by his decider head,
    And bounced and fell upon the bed,
    An india-rubber ball!

    AND, OH, FATHER CHRISTMAS,
    MY BLESSINGS ON YOU FALL
    FOR BRINGING HIM
    A BIG, RED,
    INDIA-RUBBER
    BALL!

  31. Bruno

    [re=203867]Bruno[/re]: for once Bush is linked to job creation!

    “Baydan has received orders for 300,000 pairs of the shoes since the attack, more than four times the number his company sold each year since the model was introduced in 1999. The company plans to employ 100 more staff to meet demand”

  32. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=203857]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: There will alwaysbe ass fucking. No one knows that better than ol’ silver Coop. ANAL! ANAL! ANAL!

  33. FreshCliches

    [re=203728]BillyClubb[/re]: Yeah, thanks. Now I hear “I Will Survive” while I look at the photo.

  34. shortsshortsshorts

    Jesus was black. Santa is therefore black too. Good for Obama, but what about the bitter whitey?
    BUY DEADMOU5′ ALBUM NOW OR BE BANISHED TO HELL, with Santa.

    [re=203859]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Just remember, Obama is going to be FAR WORSE then Bush, and stuffs. Think about the Rick Warren move. WE HAVE TO CRUCIFY HIM BEFORE HE CRUCIFIES US!!!!11!!~!!!!!

    Terrifying.

  35. Custer'

    Bush is just practicing the fist/terrorist jab so he has it down pat when he hands over the reigns to Hopey on Jan 20. Hopey, on the other hand (ha), plans to return the gesture but miss thereby giving little georgie a shiner he won’t soon forget. The Iraqi media will applaud. Good times, good times.

  36. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=203884]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Yeah, but I don’t know any Arabic poetry. Of course, by next Ramadan, our forced Koran studies should take care of that.

  37. stopmebeforeitypeagain

    [re=203766]donner_froh[/re]: If this is the War Against Christmas, then where are the WMDs?

    Also. That dude in the back row looks like Malcolm X. How’d HE get past the SS?

    First the shoes and now this. These take-a-bullet-for-the-Prez guys are sure lame-ducking it, for sure.

  38. sadderbutnowiser

    The lady next to Santa looks like the one who is such a scream in all the mockumentaries by whats-his-name, like “Spinal Tap,” “Best in Show,” and “A Mighty Wind.” Do you think they managed to get W into a mockumentary by telling him it would be an honor to him and his lega…lega … can’t quite type that … cy…

  39. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=203889]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I have some drunken Arabic poetry for you:
    Now,
    With the sad rain
    Drenching my sad face,
    I dream of a ladder of dust,
    Collected from hunched backs
    And hands clinging onto knees,
    To mount to highest heaven,
    For Ass fucking, nothing more,
    Like a dirty Sanchez in a lost
    winter crevasse.

  40. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=203897]SayItWithWookies[/re]: We must fight this Angel. This Angel of love. The Angel of Love has called us to the glory of his altar. For Allah and stuffs. Darkness stirs up hymns and songs, Its joy pervades the water, trees and clouds. Let us dream now, for this is our night of love. Let us stand along the Nile—- where moonlight, lustrous as a baby’s skin, floods the green bank beyond its water and its shade.
    Let us play as it plays, kissing the roses and the dew. Fuck you all (hypothetically). Merry Hanukkah.

  41. Darehead

    [re=203897]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “When Santa crosses over the border….”

    Oh God, where’s homeland security when you need them????
    Worse than Barney. You have my word.

  42. Come here a minute

    In other news, Dick Fucking Cheney says his “highest moment in the last eight years” was 9/11/01.

    Now that W is on his way out, can we go back to insisting it was an inside job. Heerz yer pr00f!!1!!!

    Either that or the guy is an asshole.

  43. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=203925]Come here a minute[/re]: Of course 9/11 was Cheney’s high point. Cheney thrives on carnage, Tiger. He consumes, infests, destroys, lives off the death and destruction of other species.

    I thought the interesting part of the interview was when he stated that on Christmas eight years ago he was visited by three spirits. The middle spirit revealed under its robes two spectral children named Ignorance and Scooter Libby. He liked them so much that he shot the middle spirit in the face and took the two children in to help him as Vice President.

  44. wheelie

    [re=203925]Come here a minute[/re]: His favorite president of the last 40 years is Gerald Ford. Enough said.

  45. Darehead

    [re=203922]rocktonsammy[/re]: Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good, which is an ethical distinction Republicans and Chicago Democrats are incapable of. Also Santa crosses borders and gives treats to all, but only the ones made in his own factory. Jesus fed the masses with one fish, hated materialism and .

    ANSWER: Both Santa and Jesus are socialists.

  46. ifthethunderdontgetya"

    Show that you really care about the ones you love.

    Give the gift of TruckNutz™ this Holiday Season.
    ~

  47. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=203935]Darehead[/re]: “Hated materialism and ” … and? …and?

    What else did Jesus Marx hate?

    He also cured the lepers for free or something, which smacks of socialised health care.

  48. p-Sludge

    Speaking of Walnuts, one of the newest products offered by LivingNutz is their mouth-watering Tahitian Vanilla Bean Coconut Creme. The word on the street is that it’s so good, couples are skipping the foreplay and heading right for the Tahitian Vanilla Bean Coconut Cream walnuts!
    http://www.naturalnews.com/024858.html

  49. Darehead

    [re=203938]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Yeah I was thinkin’ ’bout correctin’ (wait, why am I writin’ with no g’s like Sarah P…)

    Corrected: *”Jesus fed the masses with one fish and hated materialism.”

    Yeah, and Che worked with lepers too. There ya go. It all adds up.

  50. Mr Blifil

    [re=203938]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Cured the lepers for free? Yeah, as long as they promised everlasting spiritual fidelity to his father the Sky Fairy.

    How little you know what Jesus expected from the flock in return. Why the fuck do you think his posse, and the rest of the Jews, let Pilate set Barrabas free? Even then Jesus was well known for his ability to make people going about their daily lives feel guilty as hell. There’s been a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth since he was offed, but not even the most devout believers ever say they really miss the guy and can’t wait for him to come back. He’s definitely a congenital sad sack.

  51. Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=203943]Mr Blifil[/re]: Being Jewish, I actually know very little of the whole story other than what I see on teevee every Christmas and Easter. I was just trying to make a funny.

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