Wonkette
Here’s CNN’s coverage of the wacky Kipling-inspired Blago press conference, in which the governor of Illinois is on cocaine, lots and lots of cocaine. And for those of you who didn’t understand our constant exclamations about Rick Sanchez’s Twitter in the liveblog, well, pay attention. It is the best possible thing to happen on cable teevee, showing crazy Internet peoples’ comments during actual news events. One of the last ones sums up the hilarity: “sundaycosmetics: Are u taking story ideas fm Twitter?” [YouTube]
But, will he fight? For his right to party? For his mane of luscious Beatlific hair?
This press conference is a fucking valuable thing.
Wonkette is for people who are bored, either because they are jobless or because they are way too smart for their jobs. Twitter is for people with egos the size of Larry King’s prostate, who are so full of self-importance that they have no freaking idea that people could care less what they are thinking and feeling every second of every day. (Unless, of course, you’re only using Twitter to FAIL someone else’s twitter…in that case, carry on…)
wow. he makes Lindsay Lohan look well-grounded.
“NUMBER 9, NUMBER 9, NUMBER 9…”
hey…what’s up with putting up then taking down the portrait gallery thread?
What happened to the Bush painting story? Homeland Security make you take it down? The painting DIDN’T show him picking his nose, oddly enough.
Word spreads fast….it seems Blecho’s already clued in to the fact CNN reporters will only notice you if you repeat yourself 3 times.
Every time I see him, I’m reminded of an aging child star all growed up and strung out on the whole pharmacopoeia.
chascates: I haz a sad. I was going to make a funny about him being hung like a Yorkie.
“It’s kind of lonely right now” Did Kipling say that too?
I will fight, I will fight, I will fight….
The next line in that song is …
Let them hear it in the night! Yes, we’ll fight! They’re listening. Let the night roar! Let the night roar, because they can hear us, they know we mean it. We’ll kill them if they come!
Of course, this was a clip of Jim Jones, in A3’s “Mao Tse Tung Said.” And now you can lay Blago’s lyrics over a beat and have country-house-techno-rap in your house, too!
Oops, and sorry for the ironic italics.
Patti and I say merry fucking Christmas and happy holidays you fucking fuckers. Thank you.
Up till now I had only read the transcript — but in watching that, he certainly looks calm and untroubled, doesn’t he?
And this may be a stab in the dark, but is there some way to reach Rick Sanchez? Like, does he have a Twitter, Facebook or MySpace account? How would I find out?
I do predict Blaggy’s stylist will become the next Joe the Plumber. Until he’s gunned down gangland-style in his barber shop by rival corrupt politicians.
Resign already, douchetoupee!
This Is Just To Fucking Say
by Milarod “Rod” Blagojevich
I have tried to sell the senate seat
that you left vacant
and which
you were probably
saving
for valerie
Forgive me
it was so fucking valuable
so golden
and I am so corrupt
Well Blagger, of course there is a good reason why they caught you on tape trying to get bribes. You were just faking it so you could try to bust someone else. Its about time we heard your side of this very plausible story. Now, please get on with selecting Barry’s replacement.
I notice he didn’t close with “God bless the state of Illinois.” No point wasting your breath, I suppose.
I am so freaking happy. My wife, who is mostly non-political and therefore has no idea who this Blogo person is, walked into the room when Blags is on the teevee and said, unprompted, “Hey, his hair looks just like yours,” and started running her fingers through my hair.
I AM SO PROUD.
Fuck Kipling.
Give me Tyrone Greene:
Dark and lonely on a winter’s night.
Kill my guv’nuh. Kill my guv’nuh.
Blago barking. Do he bite?
Kill my guv’nuh. Kill my guv’nuh.
Slip in his window. Break his neck.
Then his house I start to wreck.
Got no reason. What the heck?
Kill my guv’nuh. Kill my guv’nuh.
C-I-L-L my guv’nuh.
obfuscator: Awesome!
When I look at him I can’t help but wonder, does the carpet match the drapes?
Lascauxcaveman: YOUR HAIR IS A FUCKING VALUABLE THING. YOU DON’T JUST LET YOUR WIFE RUN HER HANDS THROUGH IT FOR NOTHING.
Rudyard Kipling also wrote: “A woman is only a woman but a good cigar is a smoke.”
Blago is so very fucking full of innocence that he is going to truth all over the media’s face. At least when his R-Kelly-clearing, Lark-driving lawyer says it’s OK.
I voted for Blago twice. It makes it hard to give my dad shit for voting for Bush twice.
Kipling, ungghhhh. What comes to mind is “rage, rage against the dying of the light”.
If he wants to have the same rights as Illinoisians — to select our own Senator, not to have our property appropriated for corrupt politicians, to honest and equal protection of the laws — then, I gotta say, “what’s in it for me? These things are fucking golden; you don’t just give ‘em away.”
Rod Blagojevich inspired the word ‘douchebag’ to grow up and become a verb.
We now have scientific video evidence of what a psychopathic Beach Boys fan looks like, and it ain’t pretty.
obfuscator: Haha amazing.
He reminds me of Otter in Animal House. Especially in the scene where he was pleading his “case” for Delta not to get kicked off campus after the Toga Party.
When they’ve got you
Dead to rights
Don’t give up
Just fight fight fight
Burma Shave.
guy’s got this serious death thing going…fight, blah blah blah, until my last breath; I am dying, I am dying, I am dying to blah blah blah…bro, get handle on the meds…
After this presser even his wig is embarrassed.
Right off the bat…I am dying…It’s kind of lonely right now…Merry Christmas. Happy holidays!
Guy quotes the wrong Kipling poem, was supposed to say,
When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plain,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Just roll to your rifle
And blow out your brains
And go to your Gawd like a soldier
His taxi circles the Graybar Hotel and he doesn’t know he’s checking in…
He looks like the smart Stooge, just doesn’t act like him. The fucking fuck should just fucking resign already.
Props to Obfuscator on the William Carlos Williams parody!
The fuck is up with this elf with the dead polecat strapped to his head quoting Kipling? Where’s the governor of Illinois? FUCK this shit I got from Sherry Johnston has me crunk!
I have two words for Hot Rod - snuff film, baby. Same goes for Todd Palin and Levi Johnson. Oof.
Look, I am going to take the moderate position on this issue, on the one hand Hot rod is right, we should ALL respect his right to due process and give him his day in court before we pass judgement. On the other had the Wonkette is correct in stating that he was high on cocaine, a LOT of cocaine.
PS: Civicholiday, could you PLEASE leave Larry Kings prostate out of this, PLEASE. In fact leave Larry Kings prostate out of anything else you want to blog about. please? ok? can’t handle it. please.
jagorev: No, no, you misunderstand. I love my wife. It’s a good thing when she runs her fingers through my hair.
I hate to be serious, but none of youse guys know nothing about Blago except what youse saw on tv or what was sourced from the Trib, what has had a hardon for this guy for about 800,000,000 years. Want a shoulder to cry on? Piss off.
I will lose. I will lose. I will lose. They don’t allow rugs in the can either unless you convince them it’s your pet kitty.
He oughta just take the rest of his life off and have himself played by Gary Cole.
Baretta beat that murder charge a couple years ago and I’m sure he will beat this as well. Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
If only we had a gargantuan tevee lady to cut through Blago’s dishonesty …. alas you have scared her away
http://lh5.ggpht.com/_OxzQBoqvcSY/SUnIyuLt1aI/AAAAAAAAA-g/ZLsnAZV8qO8/Blagojevich-American-Gangster–50676.jpg
I’m surprised that even the politically astute readers of this site have bought into the MSM story so unquestioningly. Blagojevich is boorish, and his reputed statements are coarse, but if they are crimes, every politician of any consequence—certainly including Obama—is a criminal, as such wheeling and dealing of political power is going on behind the scenes every day.
Fitzgerald has convicted Blagojevich in the public’s eye before even an indictment has been brought. (E.g., “The breadth of corruption laid out in these charges is staggering”; “The conduct would make Lincoln roll over in his grave,” and—repeated three times, for emphasis, was “appalling”).
Illinois Rules of Professional Conduct 3.6 and 3.8 prevent prosecutors from making public comments about the character of an accused, or that would likely result in the public condemnation of the accused. Disgraced former Durham County, North Carolina D.A. Mike Nifong was disbarred last year for, among other reasons, prejudicial pretrial public comments he made about 3 Duke University students he accused of rape. What terrible ethics violation did Nifong commit? Nifong said that he was “confident that a rape occurred,” and he called the players “a bunch of hooligans” whose “daddies could buy them expensive lawyers.”
The reason for, and timing of, Fitzgerald’s power move is the real subject of intrigue.
Gah! That poem was used in Bridget Jones II when Bridget is in a Thai prison! Somebody’s been doing a little light reading..?
Obfuscator: well done!
Question: Who invented that strategy? Actually, it’s the only one a guilty perp has available to him. My first memory is of Agnew, who had his shyster out front proclaiming innocence and a resolve to fight at the very moment he was plotting a plea deal with the DA. There should always be a disclaimer whenever an attorney for the accused speaks to the press. After all, every other sort of conflict of interest is supposed to be spelled out. “The attorney, or liar on hire by the creep, will now try and pollute the jury pool” should do it.
On the road to Mandalay
They never heard of pay-to-play
We shall go and lunch today
And let the bail just fly away!
This is the first time I heard him speak I think. I had expected more a sinister Serbian Dr. Evil type of voice but instead I get a whiney strung out public (self) servant
Not only will he fight, he will prevail. There’s no way this assclown is outta there by Jan 21.
He must have a lulu of a replacement in mind. I’m gonna go with Imelda Marcos. Or Jeri Ryan.
WideStance: Winner.
It bears comment however that few Wonkette readers qualify as astute. More like “ass toot.”
WideStance: PFitz basically came out and drew an evil mustache on a picture of Blago’s face. If PFitz was worth a damn he would’ve frogmarched Rove & Cheney out of the White House, not just li’l Scooty Scoot. Asinine and egotistical? Sure. Illegal? Maybe. Out of the ordinary? Not by a longshot. Let’s see the trial, I want to see all of the Special Prosecutor’s evidence before I poach the pelt.
It’s a lot less fun if he’s kind of human. Damn.
effinHel: “PS: Civicholiday, could you PLEASE leave Larry Kings prostate out of this, PLEASE. In fact leave Larry Kings prostate out of anything else you want to blog about. please? ok? can’t handle it. please.”
Sorry, wonkette is not for those with weak stomachs. One must learn to deal with prostate, assfucking, dick, and all manner of inappropriate jokes.
HedonismBot: “Douchetoupee” is the best new word of 2008. Congrats!
Purple Tide: Interesting theory, but if you’re damning Fitzgerald for only getting the asshole VP’s chief of staff instead of the asshole himself, you’re setting the bar pretty high. YWideStance may have a point about Fitz crossing the line on prejudicial pretrial comments, but Blago is no schoolboy. And I have to wonder about the motives of anyone on Wonkette shilling for the good governor.
MilwaukeeKent: Thank you. This is the Kipling for all seasons, but especially for Blago.
At around 1:50 when he started started talking about “the most powerful ally there is,” I was absolutely certain he was going to say Jesus Christ.
Blago embodies the phrase “bat-shit crazy”