HA HA DUBYA IS 'HUNG'  4:47 pm December 19, 2008

Portraits of George and Laura Bush Unveiled

by Ken Layne

It's teevee's Cindy Williams!We were going to do some kind of comedy thing, regarding this dumb story about the National Portrait Gallery unveiling the paintings of George and Laura Bush, but why bother when the, uh, the CBS Evening News is already on the job:

A Public Hanging (Of Sorts) For The Bush Family
You’ve seen him assaulted with a shoe, but care to see President Bush “hung?”

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 119 comments }

Deepthroat December 19, 2008 at 4:49 pm

is this a trick question?

chascates December 19, 2008 at 4:49 pm

She’s holding the book upside down. He just farted.

Hamster December 19, 2008 at 4:50 pm

That painting sucks.

Hooray For Anything December 19, 2008 at 4:50 pm

You know you’re being held in low esteem whenever the major news organizations are making jokes about you being hanged.

randomsausage December 19, 2008 at 4:50 pm

laura looks thinner and perter

Deepthroat December 19, 2008 at 4:51 pm

A wealthy Texas garbage-man’s foundation came up with $40,000 for a sunlit scene of the First Lady reclined on her right elbow with a book propped on her lap.

you’re right Ken; there really is nothing more to say about this.

DeLand DeLakes December 19, 2008 at 4:51 pm

Thanks. Do you know how hard it is to clean puke out from in between computer keys?

actor212 December 19, 2008 at 4:51 pm

Every other President wore at least a tie! What a DOOSH!

I’m guessing he feels people will stick his portrait in the basement for state dinners anyway.

Neilist December 19, 2008 at 4:51 pm

Painting the First Lady after the mortician had finished was a nice touch.

But who is the chimp on the sofa?

hockeymom December 19, 2008 at 4:51 pm

Laura Bush or Betty Crocker?

Campell-on-CNN December 19, 2008 at 4:52 pm

Painting looks like the cover of one of those chaste-romance-novels-for-women-of-a-certain-age. In other words. Ugh.

Come here a minute December 19, 2008 at 4:52 pm

He looks like he’s taking a dump!

Which he just did on us for 8 years.

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 19, 2008 at 4:52 pm

Somebody needs to Blingee the hell out of Dubya’s portrait. He looks like the retarded half-brother of nekkid Burger King.

FreshCliches December 19, 2008 at 4:53 pm

That’s great, but what’s with the jpg of Betty Crocker?

When his time has come, I hope Preznit Unicorn breaks free from the inherent limitations of oil on canvas.

Like, if he took the portrait of W off the wall, laid it on the floor, and took a dump on it. It’d be performance art and a metaphor.

Rev. Juan MessyCan December 19, 2008 at 4:53 pm

EWWW! I don’t ever want to see any reference to Bush hung again – the more I try not to picture it the more disturbing the images get. (Starting with the mega-crotch of Mission Accomplished fame.)

Not enough bleach in the world to remove the taint from my brain (though perhaps 2 blunts might let me forget it for 4 hours).

I want Bush beheaded, please.

Monsieur Grumpe December 19, 2008 at 4:53 pm

All I see are dart boards.

chascates December 19, 2008 at 4:53 pm

[re=203498]Deepthroat[/re]: Garbage is HUGE here in Texas. That and hauling manure. True!!

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 19, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=203502]hockeymom[/re]: Aunt Jemima.

FreshCliches December 19, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=203502]hockeymom[/re]: Dammit.

magic titty December 19, 2008 at 4:55 pm

GWB has his best “Hey there, lil fella…ever seen a grown man naked?” pose going on in his.
I like it.

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 4:55 pm

I feel sorry for the poor bastard who has to clean the shoe prints off that portrait every evening.

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 4:58 pm

The first family wasn’t (quite) all jokes. As Mr. Bush reflected on being custodian of the presidency these last eight years, Knoller reports, tears welled in his eyes.

Wow — until I read that sentence, I didn’t think I had anything in common with Dubya.

Hamster December 19, 2008 at 4:58 pm

$160,000 for that Bush painting and $40,000 for that one that is supposedly Laura? I’m clearly not charging enough for my paintings. Some artist made $40K for about 20 hours worth of work. This is truly the last personal kick in the nuts from these dinguses.

jodyleek December 19, 2008 at 5:00 pm

Where’s Laura’s cigs?

Guppy06 December 19, 2008 at 5:01 pm

Grammar Nazi would rather see George Bush hanged rather than hung (preferably “Texas style”), but wouldn’t mind seeing him burnt instead.

jagorev December 19, 2008 at 5:02 pm

What the hell is that shirt he’s wearing? Two breast-pockets and flaps? I’ve never seen that outside of ’70s cop TV shows.

I’m sorry, but that shirt is an offense to men of decency and good-will everywhere. I throw a (figurative) shoe at that shirt.

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 5:02 pm

I read book.

I Am Not Your Gary Busey December 19, 2008 at 5:02 pm

Those tits are… hypnotic. …I am under Laura’s spell. …Must invade Upper Baluchistan to prove my worth.

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 5:03 pm

George’s painting: “Flowers with still life.”

mhale0 December 19, 2008 at 5:03 pm

Weird. What’s happening in the window behind laura?
http://highof70.com/images/laura.jpg

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 5:04 pm

[re=203503]Campell-on-CNN[/re]: The symbolism of the roses in the background whose stems don’t…quite…reach the water is a little too sad.

Naked Bunny with a Whip December 19, 2008 at 5:05 pm

Gah! There’s a picture of a non-Campbell Brown newswoman on that page! I’ve been unfaithful!

anabellum December 19, 2008 at 5:06 pm

[re=203534]mhale0[/re]: genius….

Lascauxcaveman December 19, 2008 at 5:07 pm

[re=203527]Guppy06[/re]: Burnt or burned?

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 5:08 pm

[re=203534]mhale0[/re]: How much for a print?

Perrys Mollycoddler December 19, 2008 at 5:08 pm

It’s “hanged” not “hung”…is Katie Couric really on the news?! God she sucks at life.

Gleep! December 19, 2008 at 5:09 pm

[re=203503]Campell-on-CNN[/re]: Cambell! you’re back! can you please explain WHAT, THE, FUCK anderson was doing calling us the Angry Left? It made me so made I had to go and read all 30 odd pages of camments on Glenn Greenwald’s post about the Rick Warren kerfloufle- now I’m really angry-

btw is Laura supposed to be wearing a see through blouse?

mhale0 December 19, 2008 at 5:09 pm

[re=203543]S.Luggo[/re]: Free, as long as you can find the “control” and “p” keys!

facehead December 19, 2008 at 5:09 pm

Bush gets honored with a portrait at the National Portrait Gallery instead of being tried at the Hague for war crimes? Kev-O-Tron is gonna be pissed …

FreshCliches December 19, 2008 at 5:10 pm

From where I sit, the book appears to be the King James version of My Pet Goat.

Clancy_Pants December 19, 2008 at 5:10 pm

She got some saggy mammae

WadISay December 19, 2008 at 5:10 pm

The Laura artist forgot to include a couple of the new chins she’s been growing, and he kept most of the Joker lipstick on her, you know, lips.

actor212 December 19, 2008 at 5:11 pm

Bush looks like he’s taking English lessons.

“Doooooooooooo yewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wannnnnnnnnnnnnt friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies with thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?”

jagorev December 19, 2008 at 5:11 pm

[re=203503]Campell-on-CNN[/re]: Please don’t ever leave us again.

Hamster December 19, 2008 at 5:11 pm

OPEN PHOTOSHOP->FILTER->ARTISTIC->ANGLED STROKES

I A ARTIST. I CAN HAZ $160,000 PLEEZ?

Doglessliberal December 19, 2008 at 5:12 pm

re: alt text: that is TOTALLY Cindy Williams.

jagorev December 19, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=203534]mhale0[/re]: That was extremely well done. Congratulations

facehead December 19, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=203534]mhale0[/re]: That COMPLETELY creeped me out. You pull that shit again and I’ll send MAD-Kev-MAD-O-MAD-DOG-Tron over to your house to bust yer lip.

actor212 December 19, 2008 at 5:16 pm

[re=203534]mhale0[/re]: That’s definitely sellable artwork.

Vanity Smurf December 19, 2008 at 5:16 pm

[re=203535]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Nice catch. Smart painter. At first I was like, what a shitty portrait, and then I realized Pickles must have requested that it be done in the manner of the Mary Cassatt picture of a mother and two daughters that is part of the White House collection and usually hangs upstairs in the hall. Poor, poor, Pickles and her SMU Impressionism 101 memories of life before she married that turd. The pictures will live in storage forever, just like all the Nazi propaganda portraiture from the 30s; something to be reproduced in black and white in a footnote just to show they existed.

anabellum December 19, 2008 at 5:18 pm

Laura’s portrait captures the botox very nicely…

Vanity Smurf December 19, 2008 at 5:18 pm

[re=203555]Hamster[/re]: That depends. Are you related to a big donor? No dole unless you’ve got proper crony credentials.

Guppy06 December 19, 2008 at 5:19 pm

[re=203542]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Like the hanged/hung thing, dinner is burned by Joan was burnt.

magic titty December 19, 2008 at 5:20 pm

[re=203534]mhale0[/re]: And I had just forgotten.

Gleep! December 19, 2008 at 5:20 pm

wow- proofreading not my friend today- that would be “made me so mad” and 30 odd pages of comments”
apologies to any editor types out there

freakishlystrong December 19, 2008 at 5:21 pm

Laura looks a little freshly fucked right there, in a Republican sorta way..

p-Sludge December 19, 2008 at 5:22 pm

Screw portraits. The real question is: what will it be like to sit down at Disney World and see the Obama-robot addressing the masses.

Youtube current show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moytOpK0Wkk

Obama to come:
http://www.lifthill.com/news/barack-obama-to-enter-disneys-hall-of-presidents/

“The animatronic likenesses of Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush were each voiced by their real-life counterparts and Disney hopes to continue the trend with President-elect Obama. The revamped show in the magic Kingdom is expected to be complete by the Fourth of July 2009.”

freakishlystrong December 19, 2008 at 5:23 pm

And W. looks as though he’s shitting on the entire countr…oh wait….

actor212 December 19, 2008 at 5:25 pm

[re=203572]freakishlystrong[/re]: So that would mean like twenty years ago, huh?

Hooray For Anything December 19, 2008 at 5:25 pm

[re=203566]anabellum[/re]: Yet the portrait doesn’t quite capture that dead-in-the-eyes look that she has from all the painkillers and anti-depressants she gobbles down daily

mhale0 December 19, 2008 at 5:25 pm

[re=203576]freakishlystrong[/re]: Yep…
http://highof70.com/index.php/site/full_post/georgie_too/

LittlePig December 19, 2008 at 5:27 pm

Bogus. Laura’s pinkie is not sticking out all whonkerjawed as it does in real life.

SnarkNotFark December 19, 2008 at 5:28 pm

Not the first time Laura has worn a pearl necklace.
Yay, firstees on that joke!

mrpuma2u December 19, 2008 at 5:28 pm

Where is Triumph the insult comic when you need him?? “Hey Laura, that’s a really great painting, FOR ME TO POOP ON!”

Neon Trotsky December 19, 2008 at 5:30 pm

[re=203531]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/re]: The article says her portrait was done by “Aleksander Titovets” whose last name I choose to translate from Russian as “Man of the Titties”…

pat robertsons personal trainer December 19, 2008 at 5:31 pm

s.luggo: more like Flowers for Algernutz.

freakishlystrong December 19, 2008 at 5:34 pm

[re=203578]actor212[/re]: If that, and totally missionary dude…

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 5:45 pm

[re=203528]jagorev[/re]: It’s from K-Mart’s Mark Trail collection. Adapted for the office, of course. I also like how the arms and hands are photorealistic, yet the head is flat and cartoonish.

[re=203565]Vanity Smurf[/re]: I see the affect she must’ve been going for (something like this) but the painter way overdid the pink and orange tones, which look natural in the Cassatt.

Bruno December 19, 2008 at 5:53 pm

Oh this is so obvious, Bush just likes saying he is hung because everyone knows it’s really shriveled up. Hence, Iraq needed to be invaded

Advocatus_Diaboli December 19, 2008 at 6:02 pm

It looks as if w is wearing a buttoned down shirt that has two pockets, each with a flap on top?!?

WTF

Jesus Christ, 1973 called and it wants its wardrobe back.

Hooray For Anything December 19, 2008 at 6:04 pm

[re=203574]p-Sludge[/re]: I hope Disney let’s W. be W. and feature the animatronic W. speaking non-sensical gibberish. And will he be reading My Pet Goat in the display?

Maus December 19, 2008 at 6:05 pm

[re=203500]actor212[/re]: He gives fratboys their bad name and will not only take that legacy to the grave, but be *proud* of it at the same time.

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 6:08 pm

[re=203533]S.Luggo[/re]: Lilies with Bulb.

[re=203603]SayItWithWookies[/re]: effect. Oops.

SnarkNotFark December 19, 2008 at 6:13 pm

[re=203618]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Plus, the pleats at the cuffs on the sleeves are completely uncalled for.

okthen December 19, 2008 at 6:15 pm

The Laura portrait looks nothing like her. The real Laura has smaller eyes, lower forehead, more of a double chin; generally a rounder face and thicker body. This painting looks like a Thomas Kinkaid job.
I’d like to see how Lucian Freud would handle these portraits (no nudity though).

2druk2phluq December 19, 2008 at 6:29 pm

The death grin isn’t even visible, much less hideous enough.

Custer' December 19, 2008 at 6:53 pm

‘Hung’ is used correctly since it’s placement on a wall, or from a rope, is not the point here. It refers to his manhood. Jees

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 7:24 pm

[re=203503]Campell-on-CNN[/re]: Alright — consider yourself outted. The real Campbell can at least spell her own name.

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 7:53 pm

[re=203623]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Dim, we must assume.

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 8:03 pm

[re=203683]S.Luggo[/re]: Probably woulda had more impact if I had spelled “outed” correctly though. And noticed the misspelling of Campbell sooner.

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 8:08 pm

[re=203683]S.Luggo[/re]: Aargh. Not paying attention to what you’re responding to. Going to run off for a while before I make more of a hash of my comments.

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 8:18 pm

[re=203591]pat robertsons personal trainer[/re]: Except no dramatic arc.

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 8:21 pm

[re=203502]hockeymom[/re]: Donna Reed.

sowbelly December 19, 2008 at 8:30 pm

*titter*

murality December 19, 2008 at 8:31 pm

Hey, I’m wearing a button down shirt with two button down breast pockets right now, so leave off, eh?

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 8:51 pm

[re=203704]murality[/re]: Point taken.
A flap pocket on your shirt is essential to avoid jabbing yourself in the eye with the glass stem of your crack pipe should you go head-over-heels on your mountain bike at someplace like, to pick at random, you know, like, Camp David for example, also.

Warren Terror December 19, 2008 at 9:16 pm

The art of portraiture has been dead lo these many centuries.

gliberal December 19, 2008 at 9:27 pm

I think I see Cheney behind the couch.

Deepthroat December 19, 2008 at 9:35 pm

[re=203560]facehead[/re]: yeah, what he said.

Studge December 19, 2008 at 9:51 pm

Well, they got her tits about right.

Hedley Lamar December 19, 2008 at 9:55 pm

The black velvet really makes the blue in W’s cowboy shirt pop, dontcha think?

Hedley Lamar December 19, 2008 at 9:56 pm

Also, Laura his her highbeams on. He used the small, pointy brush for that.

OzoneTom December 19, 2008 at 10:04 pm

The gestalt of Laura’s portrait reminds me of Cher’s late mother’s in that really excellent “Emma” adaptation “Clueless” by Amy Heckerling.

gliberal December 19, 2008 at 11:01 pm

And a free signed lithograph to the parents of the kid she killed drunk driving.

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 11:04 pm

[re=203738]Studge[/re]: “They”? You are suffering from diplopia. Focus on what you grab for.

S.Luggo December 19, 2008 at 11:26 pm

[re=203759]gliberal[/re]: With a engraved sconce of the police report.

But putting that in the print would be mean. Teenage accident. Plus she’ll never reach her husband’s body count in Iraq no matter how wildly she drives. Hope.

RobPetrified December 19, 2008 at 11:29 pm

[re=203505]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:
He is.
And Lauras breasts haven’t looked that perky since she blew that football hero under the high school bleachers.

lumpenprole December 19, 2008 at 11:55 pm

Cheney’s portrait is way better. It’s a video tape that kills you after you watch it.

S.Luggo December 20, 2008 at 12:24 am

[re=203778]lumpenprole[/re]: Way.

S.Luggo December 20, 2008 at 12:30 am

[re=203778]lumpenprole[/re]: Plus the background screaming of Abu Ghraib prisoners adds a certain piquant insouciance to Cheney’s video.

jasonelias December 20, 2008 at 12:56 am

That Bush portrait is too good, it makes him look like he has a conscience.

BerkeleyFarm December 20, 2008 at 2:07 am

Laura should take a hint from the painter and pick a new shade of lipstick. The super-dark stuff I see in all the recent pix makes her look like the Joker (Cesar Romero vintage).

Dindc December 20, 2008 at 5:53 am

This is not an original… I saw this painting for sale at the San Jose Flea Market back in 1983. Intrigued by its grotesqueness, I inquired about its provenance, only to be informed by the vendor (hawker) that said “painting” had been acquired at a garage sale in nearby Cupertino.

I regret not inquiring further.

Vartan84 December 20, 2008 at 9:19 am

I like Laura’s, it is graceful or some junk..
I hate W’s. Eww what a disgrace to add to the presidential portrait gallery. It looks like they painted the inside of a doctor’s waiting room (FILING CABINET AS A BACKGROUND?! That must be a presidential first! Maybe to show where the real good intelligence was hidden all along?), added a nice flowering plant for color, and then cut out Bush’s face from a magazine and pasted it on the painted body. Seriously, it is like the worst painting (of a President, this year) ever.

A Geek Tragedy December 20, 2008 at 10:37 am

[re=203544]Perrys Mollycoddler[/re]: “Meat is hung; men are hanged” “Yes. We will hang him. Then he will be hung”: Terry Pratchett , one or other of those books of his, from memory

DoctorCulturae December 20, 2008 at 11:56 am

Some enterprising chap or chapstress should take the painting and reproduce it so it adheres to the bottom of a toilet bowl. After repeated “usage” and flushings the picture should waste away, biodegradably of course. Perhaps with the line printed below: Thanks for the memories, thinking of you.

P.T.T. December 20, 2008 at 12:13 pm

Yes, of course this is a terrible painting. But it’s a veritable Vermeer compared with the Allen family portrait. CLICK ON THIS LINK IF YOU DARE.

http://wonkette.com/198490/george-allens-family-portrait

lumpenprole December 20, 2008 at 1:21 pm

[re=203785]S.Luggo[/re]:
Videodrome Renditions around the world!

Servo December 20, 2008 at 5:21 pm

George’s portrait is done on black velvet, Laura’s is a paint-by-number job. You can both at Family Dollar for $8.99.
For those that appreciate REAL art:
http://www.artrenewal.org/

GreyPanter December 21, 2008 at 4:59 pm

That is truly a remarkable likeness of Laura Bush.

nominally deciduous December 21, 2008 at 6:58 pm

[re=203771]RobPetrified[/re]: I was hoping that I wasn’t the only one who looked on the First Lady with lust in my heart (where is Jimmy Carter these days anyway?).

Servo December 21, 2008 at 7:15 pm

What’s with the pirate shirt?

Servo December 21, 2008 at 7:54 pm

…and did he use Danny Kaye as a model?

Uncle Al December 21, 2008 at 10:25 pm

[re=203534]mhale0[/re]: Just hilarious. Thank you.

sanantonerose December 22, 2008 at 6:53 am

[re=203533]S.Luggo[/re]: I was gonna offer up trompe l’oeil.

And Laura’s eyes are simply not slitty enough.

Scaggsvillain December 22, 2008 at 8:03 am

Laura is fer sher no Campbell Brown, but she is, without a doubt the hottest 1st Lady in the past 100 years. At least. Who’s hotter? Tell me. Only one that comes close, IMO, is Jackie-O and she falls significantly short.

Servo December 22, 2008 at 8:52 am

[re=203976]Scaggsvillain[/re]:
Huh!?

Scaggsvillain December 22, 2008 at 10:06 am

[re=203983]Servo[/re]:

Cannot come up with anyone hotter. Duly noted.

Cord December 22, 2008 at 12:41 pm

[re=203976]Scaggsvillain[/re]: Hot while they were first lady or hot in the past? Hillary had some hotness in the past: http://blogs.salon.com/0002007/images/hillaryrodhamat19.jpg , but then she became a working hippie and she left it all behind. I agree Jackie-O falls short (she just had money and money but style & a hairdresser). Helen Taft was a hottie too. I’m just jokin though. The Office of the First Lady is effin disgraceful and unhot.

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