LIZARD PEOPLE  1:15 pm December 19, 2008

Al Franken Winning (For Now!) In MN

by Sara K. Smith

This recount has been going on since before numbers were invented.Your faithful Star-Tribune has a little ticker dealy on their front page and look, Al Franken is ahead by nearly 250 votes! The Coleman v. Franken recount has been going on since when, the Carter administration or so? Are both of these people even still alive, or have they been replaced yet by Adam Sandler and a Flowbee? [Star-Tribune]

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TGY December 19, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Oh, the suspense. Killing me. Ouch. zZzzZZZz*snort*..Huh?

bago December 19, 2008 at 1:21 pm

See, you snort first so you avoid the zzzzZZzzz. Didn’t you learn anything from Wasilla?

Godot December 19, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Adam Sandler would have taken this election in a landslide.

shortsshortsshorts December 19, 2008 at 1:23 pm

I hate to say this again, but Trig can be blamed for this, somehow.

Also, there is a banner-ad under the post telling me I went to High School in Pleasanton, CA. Pleasanton sucks, other then the fact that they have a B.A.R.T. stop. So there’s that.

Lascauxcaveman December 19, 2008 at 1:23 pm

Our old buddy Nate Silver (remember Nate Silver?) is still covering this in greater detail than you’d care to imagine over at good ol’ .

AngryBlakGuy December 19, 2008 at 1:25 pm

…hahaha, you can no longer make fun of us Floridian for not knowing how to count! Thanks a lot Minnesota!

TGY December 19, 2008 at 1:26 pm

[re=203125]bago[/re]: This is one of those ‘pillage-before-burning’ things, yes? I always mess those up.

jodyleek December 19, 2008 at 1:27 pm

How’s the Flying Spaghetti Monster making out in the recount? Is he kicking Lizard People’s ass?

p-Sludge December 19, 2008 at 1:27 pm

Sandler would be the repug I guess. So Flowbee stands in for Dem? Hmm. Must be reference to Blaggy and/or Edwards …

shortsshortsshorts December 19, 2008 at 1:30 pm

[re=203137]jodyleek[/re]: For some reason the Great Godzilla/Mothrah fight is looming over your comment.

norbizness December 19, 2008 at 1:31 pm

The only thing sweeter is for Coleman to get arrested during his concession speech.

jagorev December 19, 2008 at 1:32 pm

[re=203134]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Note how in Minnesota, votes are actually being counted. So, they’re still way ahead of Florida.

katrina December 19, 2008 at 1:32 pm

Much better source:

freakishlystrong December 19, 2008 at 1:33 pm

[re=203134]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Angry, as a fellow Floridian, they CAN make fun of us for our

SayItWithWookies December 19, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Antonin Scalia will see that this nonsense is stopped — as soon as he comes up with the proper everlasting core principle to justify it.

WIDTAP December 19, 2008 at 1:33 pm

[re=203129]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Come now. We all know that is the Dublin BART stop, and the Pleasantonites just borrow it.

Serolf Divad December 19, 2008 at 1:34 pm

What few realize is that under that polyurethane “skin” they’re wearing, the judges conducting the recount are actually Lizard People!!!

shanemcgowan December 19, 2008 at 1:35 pm

[re=203143]norbizness[/re]: Or suing to overturn the results of the recount from jail.

Darehead December 19, 2008 at 1:36 pm

Being low on Ambien, I’m trying to put myself to sleep by listening to the live coverage. Not working. Too interesting. They sound so professional and earnest, and yet there are the smirks and snickers too. And Franken won the ballot that had Jesus and God all over it!

bfstevie December 19, 2008 at 1:38 pm

This is an outrage! Nobody has mentioned Campbell Brown or Bill Kristol. BTW, they would make a cute couple.

Serolf Divad December 19, 2008 at 1:40 pm

BTW: I just want to watch Bill O’Reilly throw a world-class temper tantrum. Go Al!

freakishlystrong December 19, 2008 at 1:41 pm

[re=203154]bfstevie[/re]: Couple of what???

Naked Bunny with a Whip December 19, 2008 at 1:41 pm

It would be going faster if everyone’s frozen fingers weren’t snapping off doing the recount.

lolababy December 19, 2008 at 1:43 pm

Go watch the feed. RIGHT NOW. RUN.

Because for some reason, right now, the feed is just playing some guy explaining the humor behind the pictures of freaked out kids on Santa’s lap. What?

Darehead December 19, 2008 at 1:43 pm

[re=203147]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Commentators on the live stream said that in the case of the Senate, if the Senators dispute the validity of a vote, then they themselves can reject the “winner” and the thing goes to a re-vote.

Monsieur Grumpe December 19, 2008 at 1:46 pm

[re=203149]Serolf Divad[/re]:
That would explain the giant heat lamp over them.

Hey, counting is hard when you’re wearing mittens. What excuse does Florida have other than the extra fingers and toes they have from inbreeding.

Iggy Plop December 19, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Hey! There’s a recount widget that you can put on the blog to keep up to the minute with the recount. Wonkette! DO NOT do this!! After the yucks from the Lizard People died down, it became abundantly clear that this idiotic vote-by-vote recount was going to bore us to tears before the inevitable lawyer fight extended the pointless conclusion for even more stultifyingly dull weeks of interminable boredom. Bored, bored, do not want to hear anymore. Yawn. It’s snowing out. Scotch. Naptime.

Scarab December 19, 2008 at 1:50 pm

You know this is kinda like a Chiefs – Bengals game.
We hate both teams but we’re watching is because it’s the only game on.

ignatius_riley December 19, 2008 at 1:51 pm

Which one is the Flowbee? I’m confused.

Darehead December 19, 2008 at 1:56 pm

[re=203177]Scarab[/re]: Meloves the Al. Mehates the Norm.

robanybody December 19, 2008 at 1:59 pm

I wonder if he’ll make dick jokes from the Senate floor, as in “Screw you all, I’m a duly frickin elected Senator now, and I’ll make dick jokes when and where I please, so what did dead Dick Nixon say to Dick Cheney? You’re more of a dick than I ever was, that’s what he said. Now what was that about an auto bailout?”

Scarab December 19, 2008 at 1:59 pm

If Franken wins imagine the pressure on the other GOP senators.
If just one more of them gets caught fellating a stranger then the Dems get their 60 seats.

actor212 December 19, 2008 at 2:04 pm

Only in an SNL skit would the comedian *lose* to the corrupt politician with the banging hot beard wife.

The Unfairman December 19, 2008 at 2:05 pm

Iggy –

What’s “idiotic” about a systematically, legally defined hand recount of every vote cast? Pretty simple, less than 1% difference in votes = hand recount. Every. Ballot. At least no one is suing to stop the recount.


Coleman is Flowbee. Check the ‘do.

Miller December 19, 2008 at 2:06 pm

If Silver uses his maths and science to accurately predict the recount winner to the exact margin I will burn him as a witch and heretic.

lolababy December 19, 2008 at 2:09 pm

[re=203177]Scarab[/re]: Even more true when you take into account the rationalizing required for watching a game with teams you don’t care about, in that you try to figure out mathematically which team you should be rooting for based on how those wins or losses will ultimately help your team, or fuck up another team in your division or conference.

But then you realize it’s one fucking senate seat, and you aren’t going to the playoffs, anyway.

FreshCliches December 19, 2008 at 2:10 pm

[re=203160]Serolf Divad[/re]: That, and I’m DYING to see a bitter Coleman family, gathered around the podium in a Santorum-style meltdown.

finallyhappy December 19, 2008 at 2:12 pm

[re=203137]jodyleek[/re]: Please do not make fun of my Pastafarian Lord. Ramen!

Neilist December 19, 2008 at 2:12 pm

[re=203142]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: It’s “Mothra,” Shorts. And I have two framed Toho movie posters (Mothra and Destroy All Monsters) to provide it.

Speaking of crappy films: The Day The Earth Stood Still re-make sucks harder than the massive black hole at the center of our galaxy.

(And no, that was not a Condi Rice reference. I said “massive black hole,” not “massive black ‘ho.”)

sexytime December 19, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Suck it Norm. Now you can finally fulfill your destiny and start a deodorant brand named after you.

Honey, is that the new Flame from BK?

No, it’s my Norm Coleman.

WadISay December 19, 2008 at 2:26 pm

This brief but horrible spell of “outlook brightens for GOP” can’t be over soon enough for me.

TeddyS December 19, 2008 at 2:30 pm

By the weekend, Minnesota is expecting a high temp of zero degrees and a low of around minus sixteen. It’s too damned cold to count ballots. Let Nate take care of it.

Iggy Plop December 19, 2008 at 2:34 pm

[re=203204]The Unfairman[/re]: idiotic because it bores me. i don’t need any other reason.

facehead December 19, 2008 at 2:35 pm

[re=203167]lolababy[/re], [re=203160]Serolf Divad[/re]:


mookworthjwilson December 19, 2008 at 2:37 pm

hahahah…can you imagine having to tell your granchildren that you lost to this
and this

Monsieur Grumpe December 19, 2008 at 2:42 pm

I took the “outlook brightens for GOP” to mean that a busload of new pages had arrived at the capital.

Darehead December 19, 2008 at 2:45 pm

[re=203242]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Oh. Yeah. Like this dude’s any mo’ better –

Monsieur Grumpe December 19, 2008 at 2:47 pm

Yes! After being subjected to election commercials every half hour from Norm’s little brat telling us what great father he is, that would be sweet.

Come here a minute December 19, 2008 at 2:51 pm

“Opposed same sign.” WTF? Is that some kind of Minnesota nice thing so they don’t have to say “nay”???

I think there are cookies on the table. Mmmmmmmmmmmm…cookies.

sarcasticusername December 19, 2008 at 2:52 pm

i think this recount kerfuffle website is my new favorite internet plaything. the only reasonable conclusion to be drawn from all this: Norm Coleman is an IDIOT!

mookworthjwilson December 19, 2008 at 2:52 pm

[re=203258]Darehead[/re]: Norm Coleman was a chick????

sarcasticusername December 19, 2008 at 2:55 pm

oh and why don’t these silly people know how to vote? how hard can it be to fill in a bubble; did these people not partake in the great academic tradition of american public education, that is the #2 pencil bubble filling exam?

facehead December 19, 2008 at 2:55 pm

The live feed is pretty good. At one point they started to refer to the people representing Franken as “Team Lizard” (fur realz).

hockeymom December 19, 2008 at 2:56 pm

Get with it…Al’s running against the Blow and Go….a device actually INVENTED by Laurie Coleman.

shortsshortsshorts December 19, 2008 at 2:58 pm

[re=203284]facehead[/re]: If I had known that writing some stupid name onto a ballot would have become an incredible MEME, I probably would have been a bit more creative in the voting booth.

mookworthjwilson December 19, 2008 at 3:06 pm

[re=203285]hockeymom[/re]: i think they know that…that’s why they replaced franken with sandler and the blow and go with teh flowbee…it’s a common theme kinda thing…

actor212 December 19, 2008 at 3:18 pm

[re=203143]norbizness[/re]: With any luck, they’ll catch Steve Guttenberg squatting under the podium, too.

Thegreatbacon December 19, 2008 at 4:12 pm

Only in Minnesota would it because so outrageously dull and scandal-free (the recount, not Norm Coleman).

Gleep! December 19, 2008 at 4:56 pm

Can someone get some more pictures of Mrs Coleman? I’ve got some conservative milf fantasies to work out but am too lazy to look for em myself

Thegreatbacon December 19, 2008 at 5:13 pm

[re=203433]Thegreatbacon[/re]: Um, “become so outrageously…” I can’t type no good.

facehead December 20, 2008 at 3:39 am

[re=203287]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: If Woody would have gone straight to the police, none of this would ever have happened.

Yes, I am talking about my anthropomorphized erection.

Bruno December 20, 2008 at 12:38 pm

That Lizard People ballot was just the first indication that every quarter of MN is getting infected by the cold-blooded lizard people genes. And so far, they seem to be making more rational decisions than real people in MN. Let us express our thanks to the lizard gods!

Bearbloke December 20, 2008 at 2:12 pm

[re=203191]Scarab[/re]: Then #60 is as good as done… the whole world knows how popular anonymous cock-sucking is among self-hating Repugnican “faggots” (their preferred term, when referring to themselves or others).

Bearbloke December 20, 2008 at 2:16 pm

[re=203274]Come here a minute[/re]: Cookies and coffee and maybe some hotdish for lunch, because everyone in Minnesota is a Lutheran, including the Jews.

aleks December 21, 2008 at 2:19 pm

[re=203433]Thegreatbacon[/re]: Yeah, Coleman’s an import. Still dull though.

franken_sux_ass December 22, 2008 at 6:59 pm

Al Franken is a loser moron. He has yet to bring one intelligent issue to the table. He is trying to steal this election, and i wish he would just die and go to hell already.

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