WORDS AS CHEWABLE OBJECTS  10:16 am December 18, 2008

Behold The Alaskan Hope Bear

by Sara K. Smith

Upgrade to Hope.We have finally solved a great mystery here at Wonkette International Headquarters! We kept seeing these insane commercials on the teevee, with Beyoncé encouraging us to upgrade to digital cable while she writhed around in golden garbs and held a menacing trinket in her teeth reading “UPGRADE.” Since when, we asked, did Beyoncé care about anything as prosaic as technology? It turns out this digital cable commercial is just a rehash of an actual song about materialistic things, which we would have known if we ever hung out with youngsters.

Anyway! Somebody sent us a link to this funny Hope Bear photo on Barack Obama’s Flickr account. It, too, is holding something in its teeth, the end. [Barack Obama's Flickr page]

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 41 comments }

AngryBlakGuy December 18, 2008 at 10:21 am

…I’d hit it! Of course I’m talking about Beyonce, you pervs!

freakishlystrong December 18, 2008 at 10:24 am

I can read teh tags again! Cuz they’re hilarious! Though “Threatdown” might’ve applied here as well, just sayin’.

dannygutters December 18, 2008 at 10:27 am

Feist has no power over bears, They’re godless killing machines.

AngryBlakGuy December 18, 2008 at 10:31 am

…personally I think this guy would have made a better “mouth model” than the bear.

actor212 December 18, 2008 at 10:31 am

The bear is better looking in the bathing suit…

rmontcal December 18, 2008 at 10:33 am

I love that Beyonce “Upgrade” song.

Jesus_Christ_Resurrected December 18, 2008 at 10:35 am

That commercial would be so much better if they spelled it right, and by right i mean “UPGRAYEDD.” The second D stands for a double-dose of pimpin.

facehead December 18, 2008 at 10:36 am

This gives new meaning to the phrase “hope boner.”

The Neoskeptic December 18, 2008 at 10:38 am

still the #1 threat

SayItWithWookies December 18, 2008 at 10:41 am

[re=201925]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Yeah, Larry Craig’s got dibs on the bear.

azw88 December 18, 2008 at 10:46 am

Looks like the Wonkette has gotten an Upgrade of its own, NO MORE CAMPBELL BROWN!

(or is that a downgrade?)

Miller December 18, 2008 at 10:47 am

If only Governor Palin could have shot this bear from a helicopter before the election, we might have been spared our new Muslim nightmare. As long as the bear lives, Obama is invincible.

http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

magic titty December 18, 2008 at 10:48 am

Which one is the Hope bear?

Borat December 18, 2008 at 10:49 am

I never would have thought Beyoncé would follow in the footsteps of Joe The Non-plumber. That guy IS visionary

azw88 December 18, 2008 at 10:53 am

[re=201950]magic titty[/re]: One is the Hope bear, the other is “I HOPE I find her BARE in my bed tonight”

Luke Warm December 18, 2008 at 10:55 am

The bear symbolizes Sarah Palin.

shortsshortsshorts December 18, 2008 at 11:01 am

Upgrade Hope?
NOT POSSIBLE WITH MY OFFICE’S I.T. GUY.
That lazy cretin.

Cape Clod December 18, 2008 at 11:06 am

[re=201937]Jesus_Christ_Resurrected[/re]: I’m thinking about an UPGRAYEDD because I’m tired of the crappy service I get from my KAY-BOWL company.

Godot December 18, 2008 at 11:09 am

[re=201953]Borat[/re]: She’s not, really. Beyonce’s commercial has nothing to do with the digital TV changeover, she’s just shilling for some cable company. Joe the Plunger is more like “YA GOTS TA UPGRAYYYD YER TEEVEE, SO THE SOCIALISTS DON’T SPREAD YER WELTH EROUND BY MAKIN YA MISS YER STORIEZ!!”

WadISay December 18, 2008 at 11:09 am

I bet I have watched that Beyonce commercial a million times, and until I read this post I had no freaking clue what it was about, other than torsos and groins.

Servo December 18, 2008 at 11:11 am

Beyoncé is too corporate for my standards. Pass.

MoonshineJoe December 18, 2008 at 11:15 am

Barry needs to cut some of that BS defense spending and just get some of these: http://www.bruddabear.com/photo/BearCavalry.jpg

With hope in their mouth, our bear cavalry will spread change and freedom through the land. They will also straight maul any muslin terrorists who mess with our hope.

Enturbulate December 18, 2008 at 11:18 am

Those fukkin’ commercials drive me insane! And not in teh good way. Beyonce is a just more talent-free proof that almost anything can be force fed to Merkins. Next she’s going to act. UGH. I wish her all the success of post-Gigli Jennifer Lopez. UGH.

I may need medication. What’s a good online Paraguayan pharmacy?

Enturbulate December 18, 2008 at 11:21 am

Did I mention, UGH?

sanantonerose December 18, 2008 at 11:23 am

Is that what the Beyonce commercial is about?

Huh.

actor212 December 18, 2008 at 11:32 am

[re=201980]MoonshineJoe[/re]: They didn’t help The Golden Compass much at the box office…

actor212 December 18, 2008 at 11:33 am

[re=201984]Enturbulate[/re]: She was already in “Dreamgirls”. She was pretty good, but she played to her type, a diva, so….

2druk2phluq December 18, 2008 at 11:33 am

That’s Sarah Palin on one fine morning. The image is her lascivious way of saying she wants to perform oral upgrades all down in the hopeful pants. The experienced say the feeling is not unpleasant, if somewhat intimidating (with all the teeth and what not). As we all know she looks a little better after she puts-her-face-on/accentuates-her-makeup-tattoos.

elburrito December 18, 2008 at 11:35 am

That’s the bear of outdated ideology choking on racial transcendence.

An American in Toronto December 18, 2008 at 11:36 am

It says “Not Available in Your Country” when I click on the link. Admit it, there is no Beyonce. It’s a tutorial about the invasion of the US into Canada to steal our tasty Universal Heathcare and cheap maple syrup.

The Neoskeptic December 18, 2008 at 11:37 am

[re=201995]elburrito[/re]: after the bear ate the pony in slavery?

FMA December 18, 2008 at 11:38 am

[re=201937]Jesus_Christ_Resurrected[/re]: You see, a pimp’s love is very different from that of a square.

WhatTheHeck December 18, 2008 at 11:52 am

Nobody tells Beyoncé to “take her dirty, damn paws off of me.”

elburrito December 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm

Suck on some Obama-style hope, Russia!

thefrontpage December 18, 2008 at 12:10 pm

Those ads are just awful. Awful. Terrible, too.

hobospacejungle December 18, 2008 at 12:51 pm

So I guess everyone has forgotten Beyoncé’s awesomeness in one of them Austin Powers movies, huh?

She was smokin’. I ain’t never heard of her before then and found her most delightful, if not the new black Audrey Hepburn.

But you don’t f**k the acting skillz, amirite?

S.Luggo December 18, 2008 at 1:23 pm

I like watching the jingly round things on her dress. I’m talking about Campbell Brown.

ellie December 18, 2008 at 1:25 pm

I hate that Beyonce commercial. I hit mute and turn away when it comes on.

Godot December 18, 2008 at 3:02 pm

[re=202119]hobospacejungle[/re]: Any goodwill she had left from Austin Powers was used up when she made “All the Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)”.

Kev-O-Tron December 18, 2008 at 3:39 pm

I have immense respect for Beyonce. Not because she’s a talented performer (fuck that) but because she’s teaching the youngsters that it’s cool to wear slutty clothes. Thanks sweetie!

Kev-O-Tron December 18, 2008 at 3:40 pm

[re=201975]WadISay[/re]: Hey, really isn’t everything about “torsos and groins”?

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