About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • AngryBlakGuy

    …don’t walk around Mark Penn with that stuff on, or your ass is grass!

  • JohnnyMeatworth

    I think I may buy some and mail it to Bush’s new digs in Dallas.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Ha, take that, Red China, American ingenuity will conquer the world!

    This, too:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r-M9gipm9s

  • Serolf Divad

    Great way to nail that fat chick at work you’ve been pining over.

  • facehead

    My faith in the free market is restored.

  • Serolf Divad

    Er… “pining for” I think is the expression.

  • PoliticalGraffiti

    oh perfect, now i dont have to actually has sex in the vat of grease fat from BK, i can just squirt a little on my partner and we’re practically there

  • EnBuenOra

    And all this time I’ve just been carrying a freshly flame broiled ribeye in my pocket.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    It’s lunchtime here in SF and the burger bail-out is looking more and more necessary.

  • Dramatist

    I suppose it’s better than McDonald’s scent – acne cream mixed with the tears of an exploited underpaid illegal workforce. I’m loving it.

  • Dramatist

    I think it’s a conflict of interest for Campbell Brown and this to be advertised on the same site, given Ms. Brown’s “No Bull” stance.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=201200]Serolf Divad[/re]: Many who are pining at work are pining “over.” Their creepy little eyes are peering over the walls of the cubical every five minutes.

  • stopmebeforeitypeagain

    Making book on how fast this turns into a Campbell Brown thread.

  • N8Ma

    Actually I know several people for whom this would actually work…

  • Dramatist

    [re=201203]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: Please, tell me more, and make a sizzling sound with your dirty dirty mouth.

  • Theodorick Of York

    Flame is already a huge success.
    Who wouldn’t like the scent of flame broiled meat?
    The Onion Rings Douche…not so much.

  • WIDTAP

    Sign of the new economy. Now you can smell like dead meat too.

  • Dramatist

    Thank you, Science, for making sure we can all smell like Axe Body Wash and tainted beef while we wait a little bit longer for that AIDS vaccine.

  • Cape Clod

    If you wear Flame, make sure you take along some The Bacon Double Cheeseburger condoms.

  • Vanity Smurf

    Hey, some people like to smell a man’s meat. I’m looking at you Charlie Crist.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    [re=201210]Dramatist[/re]: No, the smell of flame-broiled meat drives her wild. She just told me so.

  • N8Ma

    Come to think of it, this would probably work on me, too. I love whoppers.

  • obfuscator

    Why waste your money on that shit? We’ll all smell like flamebroiled losers in a year or so when BK Grilljockey is the best job left in our terrible economy.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    In terms of scentological revolutions, this ranks right up there with Brut. And by rank, I mean really rank.

  • Crab1

    Ladies love to smell my meat.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Unfortunately, 24 hours later it smells like the Burger King dumpster.

  • Supernatural_Delegate

    Just what i need to get Campbell Brown to stare at me for 8 hours a day…
    What’s that? Oh it’s working…

  • RobPetrified

    I wonder if that “hint of flame-broiled meat” is the same scent they use in the BK restuarants?
    The scent that suggests that the sandwiches may actually taste like…something, maybe even meat!
    (they don’t)

  • Vanity Smurf

    [re=201225]N8Ma[/re]: Size queen.

  • Dramatist

    “Fire Meets Desire” is a terrible label. Now I just think about couples making love in their beds and then the creepy giant-headed Burger King character sneaks in and sets fire to the comforter, laughing maniacally…

  • GIJoeIce

    I’ve always wanted a woman who gets sexually aroused by the smell of grease. But Mark Penn kept stealing them all.

  • obfuscator

    This stuff probably smells like the inside of the King’s headmask.

  • Dramatist

    [re=201250]GIJoeIce[/re]: But where was he putting their bodies? WHAT WAS HE DOING WITH THEIR BODIES?!!!

  • johnbpt

    If I weren’t already a vegetarian this would have sealed the deal.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    “Where’s the Beef?”

  • obfuscator

    This stuff should fly off the shelves, as all the women I know moisten instantly upon getting a whiff of a Burger King employee.

  • CuntryFirst

    You do realize fat people will eat this, right?

  • nolo

    If you haven’t gone to the website, don’t. I did, and I’ll never have sex again.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    Nice to see (hear) the d-bag Isaac Hayes got some work.

  • Dr. Spaceman

    Warning: Product may attract horseflies, coyotes and bears. Discontinue use if traveling to remote regions of New Guinea, Fiji or Sumatra. Burger King and its parent corporation, Burger King Holdings Corporation, disclaim all liability for victims of cannibalism in survival situations.

  • WIDTAP

    So if I wear this while my wife dresses up in an Arby’s employee outfit is there some sort of super sexual gratification, or does that only come if there is a clown in a yellow outfit in the room watching us do it?

  • Borat

    So if Burger King goes under for this stupidity, please don’t tell me we have to bail them out, millions of jobs rely on the Kang, it will lead us into the next great depression, yawn, etc.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Also doubles as a vegan repellant.

  • Borat

    [re=201309]Borat[/re]: I can’t even figure out which is more marketing gone stupid. This or SUVs.

    I know maybe we should have W. study the data for a couple months

  • StephanieInCA

    Mmmm. Meaty.

  • CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    You can use it to hunt for the rare K-Lo. Much like deer hunters use female deer pee to attract the bucks.

  • Larry McAwful

    Wear that stuff and you’ll get a lot of pussy. Specifically you’ll get tabbies, calicos, Persians, Siamese, Manx, tortoise shells…

  • TGY

    Many men make hamburgers with their armpits, after all.

  • greensprout

    [re=201281]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Ain’t he already in the big Burger King in the sky?

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=201280]nolo[/re]: OH. MY. GOD. The barely draped King is possibly the most disturbing thing I’ve seen in weeks.

  • Warren Terror

    So, you spray it on your Whopper, right?

  • Guppy06

    How about a Sonic’s scent that smells of jailbait on wheels? I’d buy that.

    The Chick-Fil-A scent would probably smell like Utah.

    Anyway, how about bringing back the cheap-o video game dealy where you get to stalk people in a freakish Mardi Gras mask?

  • Borat

    What is a Ricky’s retailers, where I can pick up the limited edition? Oh forget it, I don’t want to ever know

  • actor212

    Flame…because when I go out on a date, I want my woman to be thinking about short-order chefs and acne.

  • gjdodger

    I’m marketing a new Campbell Brown spray. “Bias meets De Bull.” I gotta do something, after I got beat to the punch on Hope on a Rope.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=201348]Guppy06[/re]: I rather imagine the Chick-Fil-A scent smells like dirty wet socks left in a pile to moulder for about a month. In other words, like Waco.

  • nolo

    [re=201345]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Yeh, I told you not to go there . . .

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=201397]nolo[/re]: I admit, I was lulled into complacency, caught off guard by the roaring fire, the strawberry, the flickering candles. And then, that horrible horrible thing appeared.

  • aleks

    [re=201367]gjdodger[/re]: I don’t think the Secret Service will be amused by that phrase.

  • aleks

    I like to think my meat already smells sexier than the King’s.

  • bitchincamaro

    Meh. I’d rather wear that than P-Diddy’s “I Am King”. What next, “He Has Risen” by Tupac?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=201222]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Win.
    [re=201193]JohnnyMeatworth[/re]: Besides Barney and his bitch, Kay Bailey Hutchison and all the Mekscan trash pickers and teenage zombies for 50 miles will salivate over your presidential gift, also.

  • S.Luggo

    Q: Will the maker of TruckNutz follow Burger King’s lead? Just tossing this idea out there for some serious discussion.

  • fupduk

    If they’d had this stuff when I was a kid maybe the dog would have played with me

  • schvitzatura

    Eau de Food Service Workin’ Roomie, circa 1993…I’ll pass…

  • Captain Swing

    [re=201280]nolo[/re]: I know, I know, you warned me not to go there, but I have this awful habit of ignoring good advice.

    So, Lily of the Dumpster will attract women like flies, or just flies, or werewolves perhaps, or… I don’t care to imagine the kind of female who might actually be aroused by this er… tasteful frangrance, but I strongly doubt I’d survive the encounter.

    We Wonketteers are a tolerant and broad minded bunch, but this is seriously warped.

  • hemlockecho

    I’m holding out for a perfume with the scent of pan-seared tofu.