Throughout 2008 we have relied on our beloved Detroit Free Press for exactly two things: transcripts of former mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s fantastically erotic text messages, and blow-by-blow chronicles of the downfall of our once-proud American auto industry. Now the noble Freep and the other Detroit paper, The Detroit News, must fire some people and scale back their home delivery days because of the DEATH OF PRINT.
So sad, this tragic tubercular waning of a once-proud American enterprise! The good news is that the Free Press and News will not be laying off any newsroom staff — so they say — so the people they let go will probably be, hmm, the people who print the papers that will only be delivered three days a week now? Fortunately, all those laid-off press operators will be able to find work…uh….not building cars! They can be New Media Web Masters instead, or start writing porn for cell phones. It’s a growth industry.
Union: Detroit Papers Plan Job Cuts, Less Delivery [ClickOnDetroit]
Detroit Free Press and News redirect staff, resources to digital delivery of news [Detroit Free Press]
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Coinciding perfectly with the death of American literacy. Working as intended.
Poor Detroit. Soon they’ll be seeking some kind of Robert Mugabe-esque leader who will drive inflation to the sky and put cholera in the drinking water. This will be the case when the bailout fails to be issued and American cars simultaneously explode, around the world, causing lawsuits that last forever. Detroit will then be sold to Canada for 25 cents and a pack of Lucky Strikes.
The end.
Why does Detroit need a newspaper when it has Campbell Brown at 8pm weeknights on CNN. Does Detroit want bull and bias?
Best meeting ever: had some guy pitch for an investment in his cellphone porn business
That’s too bad. Well, more viewers for CNN and Campell Brown (who is slowly taking over your whole web site I see). Can’t even scroll away from her! AUGH!
With all the unemployed hobos, Michigan will soon have to move to the South.
This would be a great opportunity for kids in 30s style clothing screaming “Extra! Extra! Hear all about it! Kwame Text Message! Baby! I’m! Hot! For! You! I want to! Stick! My Big Stick in you vajayjay!”
Does Campbell Brown realize how many Wonkette commenters will now stalk her for sex, revenge, and/or food?
Can a humongous Campbell Brown float in the next Thanksgiving Day parade?
Print media is getting pretty thin alright. Even in prosperous Seattle, (where we recycle every newsprint molecule because we’re so green and holy) the Seattle Times has just laid off their 130-year-old “Rock Critic” (no huge loss, in that case) and their Art Critic (didn’t know they had one). The Seattle Post-Intelligencer has been little but a skeleton editorial staff for years, all ads, printing and distribution being done by the Times.
Maybe I can help. I just got an email from Makoff Investments. They’re looking for more capital so they can make more people rich RICH RICH!!!!!1! They told me I’ll start seeing dividends if I can get five more people to invest. This could be just what the Detriot Free Press needs.
I heard they were previously invested with a fugitive Nigerian general, but that didn’t work out so well. But Makoff’s an American, so this can’t fail.
well this means there won’t be any jobs as newspaper boys in the New Depression. What goes next? selling apples? shining shoes (darn, that’s already gone). well, there will always be prostitution to fall back on. for some anyway. the rest get eaten by rats.
[re=200060]Hoffmann[/re]: If you’re using Firefox, you can go to the menu at the top of the page and select View -> Page Style -> No Style and it makes Campbell and a lot of the formatting go away. You have to scroll down a bit farther to get to the comments, but you also get all those missing Reply tags and larger avatars.
Other browsers may have similar options.
[re=200050]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Her name is Sharon McPhail.
Who needs home delivery? All they have to do is deliver one copy to each unemployment office in Detroit and let the hobos fight over the crossword puzzle.
[re=200069]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: I think that ad demonstrates that Campbell doesn’t understand Wonkette’s readers very well at all. Or maybe she understands us very well, and she’s cooler than any of us ever thought.
So, ah… you think I have a shot with her? I better start following her around, just in case I do. You gotta put yourself out there.
Wow, Detroit will indeed have the Robocop dystopian future…
But without Robocop. We are so fucked.
[re=200099]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Perhaps someday her Mayoral dreams will come true, and Detroit will be saved unilaterally with her new name, Sharon McWin.
Indeed. I am very much going to miss saying and writing Freep. Is this momentous for any other reason? Did Campbell Brown use to work for them?
I better start following her around, just in case I do.
I’m pretty sure she wants you to. I can see it in her lovely brown (?) eyes.
Let’s see, the paper is going bankrupt, the Big 3 is bankrupt, and the football team could be the first team in decades to go 0-16. Maybe the entire city should just be bailed out?
Has anyone else noticed the recent glut of Amway commercials on the tee vee?
Suggested new slogan: “Amway: We’re all Michigan has left”
Or Nuked,
Looks like the JOA (Joint Operating Agreementfrom back during ol Ronnie Regan’s time) has finally killed what’s left of newspapers in Detroit.
It locked them into keeping the Detroit News around for decades while it slowly pulled the Free Press under like an anchor chained around its neck.
The Free Press has circulation of about 200,000 more (per day) during the week than the News. On Sundays only the Free Press prints. If that right wing rag was allowed to go under the Free press would have the circulation and ad revenue to keep up daily publication.
I wish the righties at the News would just give it up and admit the market has spoken. It chose not to buy that shitty republican rag.
Market principles only applies to others I guess…assholes
Detroit Free Press? It’s no wonder they’re going out of business, giving it away for free for years like that.
Me, I’m looking forward to a news free world. I’ll sleep better when we’re all reading the daily on-line “news” reports that will soon be written by paid staffers for all the government agencies that realize that without daily newspapers, they can tell the public whatever the hell they want. Who’s gonna check?
[re=200217]AngryAtheist[/re]: Actually when the JOA started, it was the News who got the raw end of the deal. My understanding is that their daily circulation was higher but has suffered greatly when they lost Sundays. Whatever the case, it’s sad to think of another major metro paper going down.
[re=200289]Mr. Herpes[/re]: it pretty much worked for the current administration.
I used to delivery the “News” on my Huffy. Back then, they published 8 editions per week, requiring a Saturday morning and evening delivery. Too many kids got robbed on the evening “bulldog” run; it was the first of the cutbacks.
During a drive to sign up more home delivery customers, I scored top honors at my station and was awarded the option of a case of off-brand soda pop or a 6″ hunting knife. I chose the knife. Good times!
[re=200325]Zombie Coleman Young[/re]: What killed the News’s circulation was that the JOA made the Freep Press a morning-only paper, and the News an afternoon-only paper. Morning papers sell better.
At least we’ve still got the Michigan Citizen (for all your angry black news needs) and the Metro Times (for all your angry white news, and call girl advertisment, needs). As long as they’re printing, nobody’s parakeet will have to crap on the floor of its cage.
How are we going to continue to get our daily fix of schadenfreude when Detroit collapses in on itself and forms a black hole?
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