american heroes

Bob Ney To Flee Ungrateful Country

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Former Ohio Congressman Bob Ney, famous for accepting all bribes from Jack Abramoff when he was ripping off those Indians, finished his 30-month prison sentence in August — surprise! — after 17 months in prison. He is now under “supervision” at his Columbus home. But that is no way for a man of leisure to live his life, of course! So it turns out he’s requested a passport, and received one (from a judge!), and now refuses to talk to the press. Looks like we’ve got a runner, America! YOU BOYS LIKE MEX-EE-CO? [WTOV 9]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    He just wants a little Rush style vacation in some boy’s ass.

  • TaxWallStreet

    You know, I would be wacking it to the Bush Shoe video, but i can’t because Campell Brown is watching me.


    Hey, he is just going back to his wig-maker for an emergency toupee repair.

  • BillyClubb

    The one-time member of Republican party leadership hasn’t ruled out a return to public life. The 18th Congressional District is believed to be a prime opportunity for a Republican victory in 2010.

    So what’s he planning, exile to South America and a triumphant return in 2010? That’s so Republican.

  • TaxWallStreet

    testing, testing

  • PoliticalGraffiti

    [re=199773]TaxWallStreet[/re]: she’s got a nose job

  • Gopherit

    It’s a fair bet that he’s not planning a trip to France. The Frogs are still pissed about that whole “Freedom Fries” thing.

  • TGY

    He’s welcome to sail the seas of the world as a Man without a Country or the Count of Monte Cristo or somesuch.

  • pondscum

    He’s from the Blago school of hair design.

  • unprotoize

    OMG Jim! You quoted “Super Troopers”! +10 points for obscurity/hilarity combo!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Perhaps the greatest advantage of politics is the ability to cheat, steal, murder, rape, imprison and what not, without any serious repercussions. This is why everyone should go into politics.

    @Jim Newell: The Supertroopers reference. NEEice.

  • Jackie Treehorn

    His head is a chinchilla.

  • Miller

    I think someone from the press caught him with a “ready to fuck” look in an airport bathroom, so he concocted a “I’m just here to leave the country” story to flee any possible embarrassment.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I’m betting that he is going to Bangkok or Thailand or some other country with a large population of lady boys.

  • bearbait

    America…rape it or leave it.

  • freakishlystrong

    Isn’t this the same fat jackass who renamed French fries to Freedom fries?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    It’s the *hair* guy again! There’s gotta be a reason to have a rug that bad. Just can’t think what it might be?

  • Deepthroat

    AngryBlakGuy: Damn! You beat me to the pedo/Thailand reference! You stop reading my mind meow, ya hear?

  • Deepthroat

    Lascauxcaveman: brain slug

  • Uncle Al

    Wait’ll he tries to leave the country and discovers the airlines made a few changes while he was in the slammer. For one thing, a $50 surcharge for his wig.

  • StephanieInCA

    Is it too late to pull together a Ney/Blago “Hairdos of Shame” 2009 commemorative calendar? Would sell like hotcakes. Or meth.

  • Campbell-on-CNN

    [re=199841]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You can believe the rumors on Ney’s “hair” are true, but I have it on good authority that Blaggy’s hair is the real deal.

    We’re still working on getting him on my show to resign. He’s leaning towards Katie at this time, however. Barbara’s still in the running, too. He’s going to have to move fast, however. At least faster than the Illinois legislature. Clock is ticking, Governor Blagojevich. We don’t pay much for a live resignation after impeachment.

    Hugs n’ kisses.

    8pm CNN Weeknights

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=199848]Deepthroat[/re]: …its not my fault, Cambell Brown made me do it!

  • Murph

    He speaks Pashto and Dari. Maybe he can get a job as an embedded interpreter with the up and coming Surge.

  • bago

    See, look at that, Brown in 2 comments. What can brown do for you?

  • One Yield Regular

    Hmm. I wonder if Mr. Freedom Fries, the Nattering Bob Ney of Negativism, has seen the light of his own ancestral origins and will be going to France.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    I believe that Ney and Blagojevich are getting their haircuts directly from Osama Bin Laden, which is why the CIA has him on the road for Operation Loaded Comb.

  • Not_So_Much

    [re=199797]unprotoize[/re]: What’re you fellers talkin’ about here meow?

  • Mr. Herpes

    He looks like something that just erupted from some guy’s chest cavity.

  • ducandy

    Aw, geez, look, Campbell is married!

    I haven’t been this disappointed since I found out Lindsey Lohan is queer.

  • WoundedVeteran

    I say,
    Bob Ney, for president.
    You say,
    we don’t want to play,
    but in realitey,
    it’s either him,
    or the Palin pooch in 2012,
    that is, unless we delve,
    into the watery schism of, Taco Bell.
    And find that republican champion,
    the one who leads us to the golden arch,
    and uses words like, swell,
    or, even better,
    makes movies with monkeys
    and is the second character, and is later chosen by the republican party,
    to be the savior of the holy earth,
    but actually can’t piss without help.
    I apologize, I am adversely affected by politics and stupidity, sans reason.

  • Ellen Ratner

    OK all of you folks. Bob Ney works for me full time. He does commentary on many of our radio station and program clients. So, he talks to the press every day. He has taught English in Iran. I asked him to request the passport so he can help us with the most poorest of the poor in a project in Sudan. I am very liberal so stop your yapping and start looking at people as human beings. Ellen Ratner