AMERICAN HEROES  10:27 am December 16, 2008

Bob Ney To Flee Ungrateful Country

by Jim Newell

Former Ohio Congressman Bob Ney, famous for accepting all bribes from Jack Abramoff when he was ripping off those Indians, finished his 30-month prison sentence in August — surprise! — after 17 months in prison. He is now under “supervision” at his Columbus home. But that is no way for a man of leisure to live his life, of course! So it turns out he’s requested a passport, and received one (from a judge!), and now refuses to talk to the press. Looks like we’ve got a runner, America! YOU BOYS LIKE MEX-EE-CO? [WTOV 9]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Monsieur Grumpe December 16, 2008 at 10:34 am

He just wants a little Rush style vacation in some boy’s ass.

TaxWallStreet December 16, 2008 at 10:36 am

You know, I would be wacking it to the Bush Shoe video, but i can’t because Campell Brown is watching me.

WIDTAP December 16, 2008 at 10:37 am

Hey, he is just going back to his wig-maker for an emergency toupee repair.

BillyClubb December 16, 2008 at 10:37 am

The one-time member of Republican party leadership hasn’t ruled out a return to public life. The 18th Congressional District is believed to be a prime opportunity for a Republican victory in 2010.

So what’s he planning, exile to South America and a triumphant return in 2010? That’s so Republican.

TaxWallStreet December 16, 2008 at 10:40 am

testing, testing

PoliticalGraffiti December 16, 2008 at 10:43 am

[re=199773]TaxWallStreet[/re]: she’s got a nose job

Gopherit December 16, 2008 at 10:47 am

It’s a fair bet that he’s not planning a trip to France. The Frogs are still pissed about that whole “Freedom Fries” thing.

TGY December 16, 2008 at 10:50 am

He’s welcome to sail the seas of the world as a Man without a Country or the Count of Monte Cristo or somesuch.

pondscum December 16, 2008 at 10:51 am

He’s from the Blago school of hair design.

unprotoize December 16, 2008 at 10:58 am

OMG Jim! You quoted “Super Troopers”! +10 points for obscurity/hilarity combo!

shortsshortsshorts December 16, 2008 at 11:00 am

Perhaps the greatest advantage of politics is the ability to cheat, steal, murder, rape, imprison and what not, without any serious repercussions. This is why everyone should go into politics.

@Jim Newell: The Supertroopers reference. NEEice.

Jackie Treehorn December 16, 2008 at 11:02 am

His head is a chinchilla.

Miller December 16, 2008 at 11:03 am

I think someone from the press caught him with a “ready to fuck” look in an airport bathroom, so he concocted a “I’m just here to leave the country” story to flee any possible embarrassment.

AngryBlakGuy December 16, 2008 at 11:05 am

…I’m betting that he is going to Bangkok or Thailand or some other country with a large population of lady boys.

bearbait December 16, 2008 at 11:09 am

America…rape it or leave it.

freakishlystrong December 16, 2008 at 11:10 am

Isn’t this the same fat jackass who renamed French fries to Freedom fries?

Lascauxcaveman December 16, 2008 at 11:21 am

It’s the *hair* guy again! There’s gotta be a reason to have a rug that bad. Just can’t think what it might be?

Deepthroat December 16, 2008 at 11:27 am

AngryBlakGuy: Damn! You beat me to the pedo/Thailand reference! You stop reading my mind meow, ya hear?

Deepthroat December 16, 2008 at 11:28 am

Lascauxcaveman: brain slug

Uncle Al December 16, 2008 at 11:35 am

Wait’ll he tries to leave the country and discovers the airlines made a few changes while he was in the slammer. For one thing, a $50 surcharge for his wig.

StephanieInCA December 16, 2008 at 11:37 am

Is it too late to pull together a Ney/Blago “Hairdos of Shame” 2009 commemorative calendar? Would sell like hotcakes. Or meth.

Campbell-on-CNN December 16, 2008 at 11:55 am

[re=199841]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You can believe the rumors on Ney’s “hair” are true, but I have it on good authority that Blaggy’s hair is the real deal.

We’re still working on getting him on my show to resign. He’s leaning towards Katie at this time, however. Barbara’s still in the running, too. He’s going to have to move fast, however. At least faster than the Illinois legislature. Clock is ticking, Governor Blagojevich. We don’t pay much for a live resignation after impeachment.

Hugs n’ kisses.

8pm CNN Weeknights

AngryBlakGuy December 16, 2008 at 12:05 pm

[re=199848]Deepthroat[/re]: …its not my fault, Cambell Brown made me do it!

Murph December 16, 2008 at 12:15 pm

He speaks Pashto and Dari. Maybe he can get a job as an embedded interpreter with the up and coming Surge.

bago December 16, 2008 at 12:24 pm

See, look at that, Brown in 2 comments. What can brown do for you?

One Yield Regular December 16, 2008 at 1:04 pm

Hmm. I wonder if Mr. Freedom Fries, the Nattering Bob Ney of Negativism, has seen the light of his own ancestral origins and will be going to France.

lawrenceofthedesert December 16, 2008 at 1:07 pm

I believe that Ney and Blagojevich are getting their haircuts directly from Osama Bin Laden, which is why the CIA has him on the road for Operation Loaded Comb.

Not_So_Much December 16, 2008 at 1:35 pm

[re=199797]unprotoize[/re]: What’re you fellers talkin’ about here meow?

Mr. Herpes December 16, 2008 at 3:29 pm

He looks like something that just erupted from some guy’s chest cavity.

ducandy December 16, 2008 at 6:32 pm

Aw, geez, look, Campbell is married!

I haven’t been this disappointed since I found out Lindsey Lohan is queer.

WoundedVeteran December 16, 2008 at 7:18 pm

I say,
Bob Ney, for president.
You say,
we don’t want to play,
but in realitey,
it’s either him,
or the Palin pooch in 2012,
that is, unless we delve,
into the watery schism of, Taco Bell.
And find that republican champion,
the one who leads us to the golden arch,
and uses words like, swell,
or, even better,
makes movies with monkeys
and is the second character, and is later chosen by the republican party,
to be the savior of the holy earth,
but actually can’t piss without help.
I apologize, I am adversely affected by politics and stupidity, sans reason.

Ellen Ratner December 16, 2008 at 9:08 pm

OK all of you folks. Bob Ney works for me full time. He does commentary on many of our radio station and program clients. So, he talks to the press every day. He has taught English in Iran. I asked him to request the passport so he can help us with the most poorest of the poor in a project in Sudan. I am very liberal so stop your yapping and start looking at people as human beings. Ellen Ratner

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: