Wonkette
And aren’t we going to miss this guy, Mr. Richard Cheney? Here’s your “vice” president talking about his proudest moment: Authorizing the anti-American and unconstitutional torture of terror suspect. The 9/11 attacks didn’t “change” him, they just made him more right about everything! [ABC News]
nobody has anything left to say about darth vader?
wonketeers must haz tiredz.
I like the part where there’s a pic of Bush with his hands in the air pretending they are airplanes. “Ya see, Dick, these airplanes came and flew into the buildings, and, boom.”
I’m afraid to click play. Is this like The Ring?
Headlines in Cheney’s America:
WATER BOARDING IS AWESOME.
GUANTANAMO IS TOTALLY SWEET.
THE WAR ON TERROR WILL NEVER END.
THE PRESIDENT IS NOT ONLY A KING, BUT A GAWD.
MUHAMMAD TOTALLY SUCKS BALLS AND THAT’S WHY HE NEEDS TO DIE.
CHENEY IS THE BEST MAN THAT HAS EVER LIVED, SAYS NEW YORK TIMES.
A.P. ARTICLE: MIDDLE EAST DESTROYED— AMERICAN’S WIN WAR ON TERROR.
RAT PACK TO COME BACK FROM DEAD TO RELEASE FIFTH ALBUM.
CHENEY EATS DICK, HAS ANOTHER CHENEY.
Please ignore the last one. That was a terrorist inspiration from terror land.
Trust your local Cheney.
“Mr. Vice President — why did you authorize hanging an innocent Afghan cabbie from the ceiling of an airplane hangar and letting untrained MPs beat him to death over the course of twenty days; beating and suffocating an Iraqi general without questioning him; raping a 15-year-old boy in Abu Ghraib; sending an innocent Canadian businessman to Syria to be tortured for 18 months; and systematically torturing another prisoner and so depriving him of human contact and normal amenities such as a place to sit down or a blanket to keep warm that after five years in Guantanamo Bay he was clinically psychotic even though it had never been shown that he was even an enemy combatant?”
“Maybe I care too much.”
But what does Our Campbell Brown think about Cheney?
CAMPBELL, COME BACK! WONKETTE NEEDS YOUR INPUT!
Excellent tag line, Grand Moff Cushing.
He should send the detainees a card. “Sorry, but I had to…” with a kitten swimming in a bowl of milk or something. Inside he could sign “Too bad I didn’t around to shooting you in the face! DICK”
way to not follow up a single question asshat.
SayItWithWookies: Dude, chill. Freedom is messy. Stuff happens.
Remember–if the president does it, it’s not illegal.
Heh. With my scrollwheel I can drop the comment textbos onto Campbell Brown’s head.
This is why bald men should not be elected to the highest offices in the world. Thick, luxurious hair is REQUIRED, people.
9-11 was a prime motivator?? he was inspired by a bunch of chicken-shit thugs to go out and do a bunch of chicken shit thuggish things to them.
That explains a lot. “THEY STARTED IT” sums up GWB and Cheney’s foreign policy and mental (or lack of) maturity.
Someone needs to get these fuckers an ALL I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN poster. Make them read it every day.
Based on the end of the clip, Lord Vader needs rebooting.
Cambell’s too busy trying to uncover the secret plot between Barry and Rod: if you’re searching for proof look no further than when Rod said “F*** Barry, he won’t give me more than gratitude.”
Which reminds me, where the hell was Cambell during the ramp-up to the Iraq war? Where was she when military contractors sent by the admin to spew propaganda were giving expert analysis on CNN? Where was she when they admin outed Valerie Plume? Where was she when Powell was lying to the UN?
But never mind, I’m so glad she’s keeping us safe from our future President.
Oh, did I forget the snark?
Campbell, we always loved your ad.
Please come back? Sniff
I know snark is da bomb, but for this, I got nothin but pure revulsion. I’m a godless heathen, but, I hope there’s a hell where Dick can spend eternity hanging upside down from a rope with his nostrils just barely in a bucket of boiling water with the Muslim call to prayer runing on a loop at 120 decibels and the ghosts of the Republican Guard using there fingernails to scratch his corneas until they bleed. Every 100 years there will be a day when all that happens is that the families of all the dead marines, army, navy and air force guys tell him what they think of him at once until his balls explode.
Then it starts all over again.
This continues until he begs for mercy, at which point it will not be granted.
Karmic retribution for this must include something like death by supprating ballsack.
HandsomePete: Rod Blagojevich needs for there to be more people like you.
ARG! Campbell Brown!? why is she attacking the website along with Dick?
http://www.charlietueats.com
gaahk. His face turns such a sickly color of pink. like pepto bismal.
then red like the fires of hell.
dick saying ‘Im guilty’? No truer words dick.
Ms. Brown’s neckline is begging for a pearl necklace, yo.
FMAZ!
He will only be Prezdint Vice for a month and a few, so shut up and remember the Lizard People.
Also, thank your Gawd that Paultard people can’t win elections for or against you.
Cheney should have known better than to go to the same plastic surgeon as Greta Van Sustern.
Maybe old Buckley has the solution?
SayItWithWookies: Good point, Wookies. That Jonathan guy asked the softball question about Khaled Sheik Mohammed, and missed all the people you mentioned, as if Mohammed’s guilt justifies continuing torture of everyone, everywhere, all the time. The same logic should mean that once we got Scooter Libby, all the others in that office should be tortured, at least as a quality control measure.
The Campbell Brown ad on the side is eerily similar to the naked clown calendar website you guys featured earlier — except she’s not naked and she’s not dressed like a clown — this seems like an oversight on your part. Go back and try again.
Aww…they cut off the part where he reminded us we’ve always been at war with Eastasia.
InKnockYouUs: That sounds not so much like Bush as John Madden.
“The planes went this way, the World Trade Center went that way, and boom — ya got a 9/11.”
villageatrois: The reporter also didn’t call Cheney on his point that the CIA came to Bush with a request to use torture. In fact, it was the other way around. CIA interrogators were against coercive techniques from the beginning. Also (I can’t remember the source, but I think it was in Suskind’s The One Percent Doctrine) none of the valuable information they got out of KSM came as a result of the waterboarding — they got the best info first, then another set of goons got ahold of him, tortured him, and he told them anything they wanted to hear, much of it made up. But I guess sitting down with a terrorist and being reasonable with him doesn’t fly in our new comic-book America.
mhale0: Forget it. She’s married to some Republican. They don’t give jewelry unless they’ve been caught wearing diapers.
Oh, you thought you would win, Darth Cheney, didn’t you? But you did not anticipate Campbell Brown, veritable giantess, towering above you. Smite him, O Campbell, and I shall bring you a bull and a bias for slaughter!
Out of the corner of my eye I thought it said “CAMPBELL BROWN: NO BRAS. NO BULL.”
Who the %&*(#%* names their daughter Campbell anyway?
“The last time I saw Richard in Detroit in ‘68″
Pretty Lies.
All this is very confusing to an Australian as we have our own Campbell Brown:
http://www.foxsports.com.au/story/0,8659,23276139-23211,00.html
Could Amerimexicanada be ruined anymore by this except by a flood of moose-skin wearing, evangelist, baby-spewing illegals from Alaskistan?
Okay, maybe.
A torrent of Hollywood producers seeking the rights to the “Barry Story”, starring Lil Kim. And you mock.
If “It’s a Wonderful Life” were re-cast today, Cheney would be a shoo-in for Mr. Potter. Welcome to Cheneysville! Mercenaries, contractors, big oil fat cats and their lobbyists! Oh, it’s a wonderful life, indeed.
@ lunza: Sherman McCoy and his wife named their daughter Campbell in “The Bonfire of the Vanities.”
And if he says it enough times, idiots across the country will believe it’s true
Oh, Dick. Maybe you’re right. I care too much about you and your prescious Gitmo too. I just want to see you two kids together. Really, can’t we keep Gitmo around only for these asshats once they’re convicted of war crimes? I hear (from them) it’s cushy and resort-like!
Hard to believe in an equitable and benevolent God when a man like this still takes on air.
I am with those who condone torture in extreme circumstances and one could argue that the past eight years have been nothing but extreme circumstances, so lets get out the guide from the Dark Ages and see what ol Richie likes best
Ken, are you that hard up for Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Saturnalia holiday purchasing that you had to pimp out the whole Wonkette site to the Bullshit Girl? Her face renders the site unreadable.
Numbat Dundee: I see what you mean. The fact that the Australian Campbell Brown has just about the same breast (er, chest) size doesn’t help, either.
That’s right, we shoulda just given Khaled Sheik Mohammed some cookies, milk and a warm, snug place to stay while in U.S. custody, he’s just an innocent and Godly man, completely misunderstood by the rascist Republofascists and their warmongering ilk… DEATH TO AMERICA! DEATH TO ISRAEL!
Yup, I’d do Campbell Brown…
plowman: So the alternatives are to give someone milk and cookies or torture them. Bit of a bummer if you don’t like milk and cookies.
Why don’t we just give Dick Cheney milk and cookies spiked with anthrax - that should even it out.
plowman: Which one? (refer above)
Soup! She’s named after soup! Soup is good food!
plowman: ps. How would you “do” her? I’ve tried scrolling down but her genitalia refuse to appear.
All that happens is that the comments box goes all Taliban on her face.
plowman: Al Qaeda thanks you for reacting exactly as they hoped and making American democracy about as attractive as that practiced in places like Egypt.
Dogs of Democracy
http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/74718/
when the old dog
and the young dog
plot together for a spree
you can best bet
we’ll all get wet
they’ll be running fast and free
singing a bone sweet bone
bone sweet bone
singing it loud and long
bone sweet bone
bone sweet bone
money ain’t never wrong
Scary ending, but the inadvertant edit at the beginning is even scarier — cuts off the “vice” and starts with “President Cheney.” Eep!
Numbat Dundee: I’ve tried scrolling down but her genitalia refuse to appear.
You have to get her drunk first.
Simple, I’d do BOTH Campbells with milk and cookies in a warm, snug place but if that doesn’t work out then I’d break out the waterboard! And when you don’t have genitalia that waterboard is about as much fun as you can have without some Islamic court somewhere issuing another damn fatwa calling for your death, that’s gets so monotonous…
4tehlulz: Hmmm, has Egypt elected a black guy to be their president too? Wow, then they can be proud of their system as well!
There was a vice preznit named Dick
Who made citizens shit a huge brick
He cowed us, you see
From dark secrecy
By the size of his gigantic prick
plowman: I am not sure why you seem to think there is no middle area between “milk and cookies” and “anal rape with objects while playing Britney Spears at loud volumes”.
Snark vacuum.
Because of this prick Zxhaini, KSM has a great chance of earning a walk for 9-11. Even if chronically hungover, the bottom of the 2nd year class at John Marshall in Des Moines (no offense intended) could spring him because of this torture shit.
What a fucking moron.
Let me tell you a little story about a man named Dick
An old warmonger, thought his ass was slick
Then one day while he’s sitting on his tush
Karl Rove sends him a bumbling Bush.
Well the first thing you know old Dick has a plan
I need a useful idiot, ‘W’ is my man
I lets find a political party, just corrupt as it can be
That’s when he called the RNC.
Now the last 8 years have kind of been a joke.
We had a budget surplus, that went up in smoke.
We’re a pariah among nations, a loose cannon on deck
So Dick grabs a lawyer and shoots him in the neck.
That’s our story, it explains our sorry fate
We’d like to toss ‘em out, the Constitution makes us wait.
On January 20th, Hopey will be Prez!
He’ll take the oath of Office on the Koran with a Fez.
So what will become of our dear ol’ Dick?
A war crimes trial? Oh he’s much to slick.
They’ll build the bastard monuments, stick his name on schools
That’s what we get for being a pack of fools.
Everyone is talking about Campbell Brown! They want us libtards to stop watching Keith Olbermann and watch her fine converted-to-Judaism ass!
But srsly, we should say something about Dick Cheney. Should I post the “stuff and mount you like a jackalope and call you a two legged deer” quote again?
plowman: Egypt elect a black guy? That ship has already sailed, my friend. Now they got the guy who looks like an aging Samoan wrestler.
When that ‘grandparents’ photo was making the public rounds two or three years back, and the child’s mother’s devoted female partner was not welcomed to appear in it, that taught me the last thing I needed to know about Cheney’s “toughness.”
plowman: It’s called the quality of mercy, and we’re supposed to be better than that. Idiot.
The new definition of being a Dick.
WIDTAP: When he’s gone, we’ll miss our Dick. He’ll have taken it with him.
sayitwithwookies - thanks.
I’ll stop watching Keith Olbermann, if I get to look up Campbell Brown’s dress every quarter hour!
lunza: I am guessing the name came after a doobie and a couple of cans of chicken noodle. Yup, that’s a night to remember.
Wikipedia says Campbell Brown’s full name is actually Alma Dale Campbell Brown. “Brown explains her name by stating “Alma Dale” was her grandmother’s name, while “Campbell” was her mother’s birth surname.”
I’d probably chop off everything before “Campbell,” too.
Wow. Having typed that three times, the word has lost all meaning. Campbell. Camp. Bell. campbellcampbellcampbell.
Sassette: If I am banned again, I shant not be campbellcampbellcampbell upon return.