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INAUGURAL TERRORISM

Local College Will Not Let Kids Rent Out Rooms For Inauguration

Going to see ObamaWe all know that Northern Virginia’s George Mason University is run by a bunch of no-fun goons who hate happiness in all of its various flavors. It’s worse than we’d imagined, however: they now hate capitalism, America’s famous system of economics. University administrators today sent out an e-mail to students threatening violent “discipline” if they rent out their dorm rooms to desperate strangers during Inauguration, a creative free-market idea that could help the University in the long run, as all students will otherwise default on their loans within several years because of Deflation. The shocking e-mail, below.

From:
Date: Fri, Dec 12, 2008 at 4:42 PM
Subject: Residence Hall Agreement Reminder
To: [redacted]@gmu.edu

Dear [redacted],

As you finish finals and the semester winds down, we hope that you found living on campus at George Mason University to be beneficial to your academic pursuits. When classes resume in January, we hope that the residence halls continue to provide a collegial, supportive environment.

The Washington, D.C. area will be in the spotlight early next year as President-elect Barack Obama is sworn into office on January 20, 2009, Inauguration Day. Many news stories since the election have documented the shortage of hotel space in the region for the expected thousands of spectators. We would like to remind you that your housing agreement permits only you to occupy the space assigned to you in the residence halls. Your Residence Hall License Agreement and Dining Service Agreement states, “The residence and dining service provided by this Agreement may not be sold, loaned, sub-let, or transferred.” For the safety of your own property and your fellow residents, do not solicit offers for your space in the residence halls. Residents who do so will be subject to disciplinary action.

Our residential communities thrive when residents understand their responsibilities. This includes adhering to the Residence Life Standards enumerated in the Guide to P.R.I.D.E.

Good luck with finals and have a relaxing winter break.

Ha ha, the students are forced to follow rules in a gay book called “Guide to P.R.I.D.E.” Don’t listen to this gay rule, kids. Make money wherever money’s to be made!


5:16 PM on Fri December 12 2008
By Jim Newell
5071 Views

  1. SayItWithWookies says at 5:24 pm, December 12th, 2008

    “GMU has already booked your rooms for the Obamas and their Secret Service detail. So remember to take your weed with you.”

  2. accidental_tourist says at 5:28 pm, December 12th, 2008

    Meh. There’s no way the “disciplinary action” could outweigh the benefits. Go for it.

  3. Deepthroat says at 5:29 pm, December 12th, 2008

    whoever wrote that redundant blather sure has a problem with redundancy.

  4. Deepthroat says at 5:32 pm, December 12th, 2008

    put a sock on the doorknob and chalk it up to a little college “experimentation.”

  5. shortsshortsshorts says at 5:37 pm, December 12th, 2008

    Dear Sir/Maam,
    I am Mr.shortsshortsshorts. an Auditor of a REALTY BANK OF THE NORTH
    INTERNATIONAL,ABUJA
    (FCT). I have the courage to Crave indulgence for
    this important business
    believing that you will never let me down
    either now or in the future. Some
    years ago, a room in D.C. opened up for the inaugeration,
    For $12M.USD (TWELVE MILLION US DOLLARS) in an account. On maturity,
    The
    bank sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no
    reply.
    After a month, The bank sent another reminder and finally his
    contract
    employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation wrote
    to inform the bank
    that he died without MAKING A WILL, and all attempts
    by the American Embassy to
    trace his next of kin was fruitless. I
    therefore, made further investigation and
    discovered that the
    beneficiary was an immigrant from Jamaica and only recently
    obtained
    American citizenship. He did not decla re any kin or relations in all
    his official documents, including his Bank deposit paper work. This
    money total
    amount$12M.USD ( TWELVE MILLION US DOLLARS)is still sitting
    in my bank as
    dormant Account. No one will ever come forward to claim
    it, and according to
    Nigerian Banking policy, after some years, the
    money will revert to the
    ownership of the igerian Government if the
    account owner is certified dead. This
    is the situation, and my proposal
    is that I am looking for a foreigner who will
    stand in as the next of
    kin to beneficiary, and OPEN a Bank Account abroad to
    facilitate the
    transfer of this money. This is simple, all you have to do is to
    OPEN
    an account anywhere in the world and send me its detail for me to
    arrange
    the proper money transfer paperwork, and facilitate the
    transfer.The money will
    then be paid into this Account for us to share
    in the ratio of 60% for me, 35 %
    for you and 5% for expenses that might
    come up during transfer process. There is
    no risk at all, and all the
    paper work for this transaction will be done by me
    using my position
    and connections in the banks in Nigeria. This business
    transaction is
    guaranteed.And the first phase of the transfer will be ($4M.USD)
    FOUR
    MILLION DOLLARS as advised by our insider in the bank.If you are
    interested in the room for, please reply immediately through my personal email sending
    the
    following details: (1) Your Full Name/Address (2) Your Private
    Telephone/fax
    Number. Please observe the utmost confidentiality, and be
    rest assured that this
    transaction would be most profitable for me because I shall require your
    assistance to invest some of my share
    in your country. I look forward to your
    earliest reply.
    Yours,
    Mr. shortsshortsshorts

  6. Oh those frat boys and their naughty “discipline.” Sounds like sexy shenanigans to me.

    Speaking of which, nice pic!

  7. Iggy Plop says at 5:39 pm, December 12th, 2008

    GMU has dorms? Who knew.

  8. AngryBlakGuy says at 5:39 pm, December 12th, 2008

    …I hear Dick Cheney is renting out rooms in the Naval Observatory. The rooms come with everything except cloves of garlic, crucifixes and a excorcist; so you will have to bring your own. And if your room walls start to bleed then he will give you a 50% discount!

  9. Deepthroat says at 5:40 pm, December 12th, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: excellent formatting

  10. AngryBlakGuy says at 5:40 pm, December 12th, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: …awwwww, my bad. I didn’t mean to send that to you!

  11. shortsshortsshorts: “will never let me down”

    You’ve been Rickrolled?

  12. shortsshortsshorts says at 5:45 pm, December 12th, 2008

    cal: Sometimes it feels that way, yes.

  13. Texan Bulldoggette says at 5:47 pm, December 12th, 2008

    “do not solicit offers for your space in the residence halls.” Doesn’t say anything about not soliciting your body for a little extra dough on the side. Where’s Bob Allen; some little nubile young thing can earn them a crisp $20 bill!

  14. GMU, which is ironically also the name of the giant CCCP department store in Moscow that never had any goods (oops, that was GUM wasn’t it), is best known as the home of a flotilla of dismal scientists who write op-ed columns on the freemarket Reagonomics side of things. Stupid columns. I’m surprised at this decision. Torts! Torts! Torts!

  15. Vanity Smurf says at 5:52 pm, December 12th, 2008

    There’s something covering all the sweet undergraduate boy butt in that picture. Please remove it.

  16. HomoElectus says at 6:18 pm, December 12th, 2008

    have heard through the grapevine at my gtown university office that we will be requiring students to register all guests (max 2/person) for the inauguration… hmm dont seem to remember that stipulation being in housing contracts.

  17. rocktonsammy says at 6:18 pm, December 12th, 2008

    are there any girls in that picture?

    Fag, libtard school anyway

  18. user-of-owls says at 6:19 pm, December 12th, 2008

    As one who routinely sends out emails to whiny shites who do the ‘extra credit grovel’ at semester’s end, allow me to translate “good luck with finals” for non-Ivory-Towerians. Roughly, it means, “Go pound sand up your ass, you miserable sack of shit and who gives a flying fuck what you post on Rate-My-Professors.com. Six simple letters, douchebag: T-E-N-U-R-E. See ya at Sonic!”

    Or something like that.

  19. Vanity Smurf says at 6:27 pm, December 12th, 2008

    rocktonsammy: Somebody needs an ass-fucking.

  20. Dude, you actually *can’t* default on most student loans. Besides, by the time “several years” elapses, those kids will have greater problems, namely, staying alive in the hunter/gatherer/cannibal villages they will doubtlessly be living in.

  21. There was a national election? Why don’t my people tell me things?
    — George W.
    Casa Blanca, Rio de Mierda, Paraguay

  22. Pop Socket says at 9:18 pm, December 12th, 2008

    And if my extended family (six very distant half cousins) just happens to be in town that weekend and I put them up in my dorm room, who the fuck can say I’m renting it out? They just gave me a very generous and late bar mitzvah gift. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  23. DangerousLiberal says at 10:15 pm, December 12th, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: The. Funniest. Ever. And for 2009, also. Epic win.

  24. shortsshortsshorts: For “Nigerian” or “Nigeria” insert “AIG”. Otherwise, kudos.

  25. Mr Blifil says at 11:40 pm, December 12th, 2008

    The rules are all well and good, but what provisions are being made to allow the students to stage their epic post-Inaugural mass orgies? I mean as long as it’s limited to residents only, right?

  26. DustBowlBlues says at 12:41 am, December 13th, 2008

    This inauguration thing is turning into a political Woodstock. Wonder if attendees will be warned off the brown acid.

  27. rocktonsammy: Ask Ann Coulter.

  28. bopumofu says at 4:39 am, December 13th, 2008

    When I was going to school in Germany the African students in the dorms would sleep like seven or eight to a room (intended for a single student) and rent out the other rooms on a permanent basis to other Africans. I guess they figured the Germans couldn’t tell one African from another anyway.

  29. shortsshortsshorts says at 5:13 am, December 13th, 2008

    S.Luggo: If AIG starts sending 421’s, I will give them HUGE BAGS OF MONEY. On top of taxes, rent, “outside drug expenditures” and of course, Playstation 3, I feel charitable.

  30. brakattack says at 1:53 am, December 14th, 2008

    Same thing at AU. Housing and Dining is threatening to kick bitches off campus if they do it. But really, who would ever pay to live in a dorm if they didn’t have to?

    http://media.www.theeagleonline.com/media/storage/paper666/news/2008/11/24/News/Dorms.Apts.For.Rent.On.Jan.20-3558967.shtml

  31. FooteSteppes says at 4:29 pm, December 14th, 2008

    Is that photo from the Tufts Naked Quad Run?

  32. maxophuls says at 6:32 pm, December 14th, 2008

    slumber party!! i’ll bring the doublestufft!

  33. Vanity Smurf said “There’s something covering all the sweet undergraduate boy butt in that picture (at the top of the blog). Please remove it.”

    I agree - but be sure to remove the covering, not the pix. What a stupid school GMU must be. Especially with such nice butts and bods. Lets drive the conservative freaks nuts. And if you aren’t hot for the guys in the pix, at least you could join in on the naked run, cuz others would like to see you too, assuming u r over 18.

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