OUR FLOURISHING SPACE PROGRAM  3:11 pm December 12, 2008

NASA Head Trying To Keep Outer Space Secrets From Obama Transition Team

by Jim Newell

Send Trig to space!Like grimy Chicago leeches, the Obama “transition team” (AS IF) has sent review panels to every federal agency to decide which budget items need to be cut, forever, to finance the next $100 billion wave of AIG bailouts. Agencies like FEMA probably abandoned their entire offices before their transition team appointments, just to avoid the embarrassment, whereas places like NASA — which holds valuable information about quasars, space monsters, and the planets Mars and Neptune — are simply telling the transition team “YOU WOULDN’T GET IT YOU STUPIDS — PHYSICS.” Space nerds.

DO NOT STEAL MY BOBA FETT LIMITED EDITION FIGURE, LADY MONSTER:

CAPE CANAVERAL – NASA administrator Mike Griffin is not cooperating with President-elect Barack Obama’s transition team, is obstructing its efforts to get information and has told its leader that she is “not qualified” to judge his rocket program, the Orlando Sentinel has learned.

In a heated 40-minute conversation last week with Lori Garver, a former NASA associate administrator who heads the space transition team, a red-faced Griffin demanded to speak directly to Obama, according to witnesses.

Ha ha, check out how awkward things got at the book party for the “space historian:”

Tensions were on public display last week at the NASA library, as overheard by guests at a book party.

According to people who were present, Logsdon, a space historian, told a group of about 50 people he had just learned that President John F. Kennedy’s transition team had completely ignored NASA.

Griffin responded, in a loud voice, “I wish the Obama team would come and talk to me.”

Alan Ladwig, a transition team member who was at the party with Garver, shouted out: “Well, we’re here now, Mike.”

Soon after, Garver and Griffin engaged in what witnesses said was an animated conversation. Some overheard parts of it.

“Mike, I don’t understand what the problem is. We are just trying to look under the hood,” Garver said.

“If you are looking under the hood, then you are calling me a liar,” Griffin replied. “Because it means you don’t trust what I say is under the hood.

Lori Garver responded, “I bet there’s a real engine under that hood, Mike, but I needz to see for myself,” and they fucked for 50 hours.

NASA has become a transition problem for Obama [Orlando Sentinel]

 

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{ 85 comments }

hockeymom December 12, 2008 at 3:14 pm

That photo says “Hey, how YOU doin’ sweet stuff”

Min December 12, 2008 at 3:14 pm

I am reminded of my favorite NASA story:

NASA spent a million dollars to develop a pen that would write in the weightless environment of outer space.

The Soviets used a pencil.

bago December 12, 2008 at 3:15 pm

Parents. They just don’t understand.

Dildo Baggins December 12, 2008 at 3:15 pm

He’s afraid the T.T. will find out that Cheney’s from the Planet Zark and eats babies for breakfast. Of course, everyone knows this already! WTF?

FMA December 12, 2008 at 3:17 pm

OK, NASA deals with space stuff and there are aliens in space and sometimes they call foreigners aliens so therefore Barack Obama is a foreigner.

shanemcgowan December 12, 2008 at 3:17 pm

The “just trust me, I’ll tell you what you need to know” method of governing has worked so well for the last eight years.

DeLand DeLakes December 12, 2008 at 3:17 pm

[re=197647]Min[/re]: And that is why today the Soviet economy is based entirely on potatoes and dead child prostitutes. Oh wait, they are actually now better off than we are, SNAP!

dano December 12, 2008 at 3:18 pm

Mike Griffin is right. People with vaginas cannot understand the complicated space thingamajigs.

Neon Trotsky December 12, 2008 at 3:19 pm

[re=197646]hockeymom[/re]: It’s the face he makes as he’s crusin’ Daytona for chicks.

Servo December 12, 2008 at 3:20 pm

They know how to get to the other 12 Colonies of Kobol.

snideinplainsight December 12, 2008 at 3:21 pm

[re=197647]Min[/re]: I am reminded of my favorit of favorite NASA stories.

NASA spent a million dollars to develop a Dorito that would hold up in the rigors of a zero-g environment.

The Soviets used a banana.

Deepthroat December 12, 2008 at 3:21 pm

I’m just impressed that them there scientologist people were able to reanimate Howdy Doody as a life-size douchebag bureaucrat!

shortsshortsshorts December 12, 2008 at 3:23 pm

DO NOT STEAL MY BOBA FETT LIMITED EDITION FIGURE, LADY MONSTER.

That pretty much sums up the entire NASA program for the last 10 years.
You are a fucking genius, Newell. I WANT TO SECKS YOU.

Hamster December 12, 2008 at 3:23 pm

That guy is totally chuckling at his own dorky space-sex joke he just told, “yuk,yuk,yuk,glaven” …either that or he just got back from a 3 martini lunch.

MoodProcessor December 12, 2008 at 3:24 pm

Really, they don’t want us to know how the McCain voters were victims of teh Brain Eating Slugs.
Or that Larry Craig frequently enjoys hanging out on Uranus.

Hamster December 12, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=197656]Neon Trotsky[/re]: I thought he looked familiar!

Mr. Tusks December 12, 2008 at 3:25 pm

Remember that time NASA sent a satellite to Mars and missed because they calculated the distance in meters but entered it in feet or something? I can seen why Griffin doesn’t want them coming in.

“Mind if we look under the hood so we can see what we can sell for scrap?”

snideinplainsight December 12, 2008 at 3:25 pm

And they know the secrets of Rahm Emmanual the Space Knight.

Serolf Divad December 12, 2008 at 3:25 pm

I can see him rolling up his sleeves: “Are you fucking calling me a liar? Are you saying that you can come up with something better than the Pratt & Whitney J2X? ’cause if you are I’d sure like to see it. Come on, you little punk… put up or shut up! Where’s your engine that’s more powerful and more efficient than the J2X, huh? Tell you what, show me an engine that meets design goals and is either more powerful or more efficient? What, cat go your tongue? Yeah, that’s what I thought you little pussy. You punk. You… fucking… bug. If your boss wants to see the design docs and read over the test data then you tell him to come here and speak to me personally. Until then you can just go fuck off!”

Advocatus_Diaboli December 12, 2008 at 3:26 pm

from his wiki:
Dr. Griffin holds seven degrees, and is pursuing his eighth.

I can haz educashuns agin pleeze?

Jesus dude, I thought I had a problem in the degree-collecting department, but this a bit over the top.

cal December 12, 2008 at 3:28 pm

DON’T LOOK UNDER THE HOOD!

That’s what always gets dumb teenagers killed in them horror movies.

Thegreatbacon December 12, 2008 at 3:29 pm

I’ve been told that everyone at NASA is a virgin, so maybe he just needs to get laid and loosen up a bit. It’s natural that he’s afraid of looking “under his hood” at his unused man junk, but he shouldn’t be so nervous because his mother has assured us it’s a good size.

Servo December 12, 2008 at 3:30 pm

Sounds like someone is suffering from heliopause.

sux2bu December 12, 2008 at 3:30 pm

I think it’s the guy’s Hot or Not pic…How gross is that?

walkaway December 12, 2008 at 3:31 pm

This is kind of like when NASA got its own “culture” booth on the Mall this summer, and while the people from Bhutan and Texas kept us entertained with food and dancers, the NASA people were like, “Look at our fifth grade science project-style exhibit and be impressed because we do IMPORTANT SCIENCE.” Instead of making things pretty and fun and entertaining and maybe getting some good PR in the process, it created the impression that they refused to condescend to the plebes by descending to our level of “making things interesting and relatable”.

smashtheduck December 12, 2008 at 3:32 pm

Give the man a break. For 8 years, as long as he included something about Uranus in each of W’s briefings, he’s been left to do as he pleased. “Hehe….he said Uranus. I am the Decider of Uranus”.

dano December 12, 2008 at 3:33 pm

Mike Griffin better watch his mouth. The way the economy is going he’s lucky to have a job at all. The last thing we can afford right now are his expensive moon and mars missions. You’d think he’d try to be nicer instead of demanding to see the guy who’s not even president yet. Sheesh.

kimbongil December 12, 2008 at 3:34 pm

Right after NASA, they should take a quick look under the hood over at McDonell Douglas, Lockheed Martin, Boeing, General Dynamics and all the other contractors bleeding us dry off the Federal nipple.

themz were the savings at

Servo December 12, 2008 at 3:36 pm

“Traveling through Hopeyspace ain’t like dustin’ crops, boy.”

azw88 December 12, 2008 at 3:36 pm

Well, seems to me that there is a quick fix for the budget woes facing us… they can’t give over their budget, the cut the motherfucker to ZERO…. it is obviously that they DON’T need no fuckin money!

monty December 12, 2008 at 3:38 pm

[re=197670]Serolf Divad[/re]: when it said they fucked for 50 hours i thought it was a girl. my bad
i know i hate it when my wife questions me and then i have to tune her up then we have make up sex then she tries to question me again, its a vicious circle im so confused
c’mere bitch and ill SHOW you why im on the computer all night

finallyhappy December 12, 2008 at 3:44 pm

I work with the science people, the engineer people and the physics people(the math people, too but I don’t like to talk about them)- and there are plenty of them who have degrees as good or better than his and are smarter than him(they don’t need 8 degrees-they have given up on hitting on college students). They would be glad to take his job and let him get back to Hopkins.

And what was the deal with NASA at Folklife- did someone put the thumbscrews to the Smithsonian????

Dumb Ass December 12, 2008 at 3:45 pm

I bet it is that crazy missile defense shield that was dreamt up by Reagan and brought back by Georgie W. cause it sounded so neat. Pow! Blast them nukes outta the sky! So Griffin really is having a little temper tantrum now that he has some adult supervision and Obama is threatening to take away his Star Wars toys.

populucious December 12, 2008 at 3:46 pm

“If you are looking under the hood, then you are calling me a liar…because it means you don’t trust what I say is under the hood.”

Yeah, I can’t wait to throw this line out to my boss at our next meeting…and then watch how fast my ass is fired!

azw88 December 12, 2008 at 3:51 pm

His resume will soon be updated to include the following changes:

Work Experience:
Head of NASA Dates: April 13 2005 to January 20, 2009(12:20PM)

Career Goal: Get my head out of my ass.

tiger December 12, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Someone oughta throttle that idiotic nerd who is nicely living off of MY money. Fuckface.

cakeordeath December 12, 2008 at 3:54 pm

I was just about to forward this to my dad, until I got to the very last line. Dammit Jim, do any of your posts NOT involve the secks?!

Hopey dont play that game December 12, 2008 at 3:54 pm

He was just cranky because he ran out of Admiral Ackbar cereal that morning.

cakeordeath December 12, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=197658]Servo[/re]: No, I think they must know that Dubya is the Final Cylon.

vegipowrd December 12, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Let’s be waaaaaaay clear about this. The fuck-ups at the top of NASA may not be happy about Obama, but everyone there who knows who Boba Fett is is BEYOND jazzed.
These are, after all, the guys who were told NOT to talk about global warming by their current bosses.

donner_froh December 12, 2008 at 3:58 pm

What kind of advanced degree qualifies someone as a “space historian”? I was thinking philosophy–studying nothingness might be close to studying space but there must be something better.

trondant December 12, 2008 at 3:58 pm

[re=197679]Servo[/re]: Win!

Barry should threaten to replace him with Time Cube Guy if he doesn’t start sharing his toys.

gurukalehuru December 12, 2008 at 4:00 pm

Dear Barry,

Can this weenie, Griffin, and put somebody in there who will set up Martian colonies, stat.

Borat December 12, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Is it because Obambi is really an alien? was he even bourne in the US&A? he is not naturally borne, but BOURNE FROM AREA 54 an he will MIND MELTING NASA

Guppy06 December 12, 2008 at 4:06 pm

[re=197647]Min[/re]: And the Soviet pencils got electrically-conductive graphite dust all over their electronics in an oxygen-rich environment. Which is why NASA wanted the pens.

Yes, I’m a killjoy.

choinski December 12, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Alt text: TIRGS IN SPAAAAACE!

choinski December 12, 2008 at 4:07 pm

GAH! TRIGS in Spaaaaaace……ah, forget it.

sati demise December 12, 2008 at 4:11 pm

When his ‘rocket’ can create clean green electricity forever he can keep his job.

NASA need a priority change. Planet Earth needs some investigatin’ and problem solvin’ first.

davesnothere December 12, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=197646]hockeymom[/re]: Yeah, but it also says “Please don’t tell anybody I’m from Uranus.”

sati demise December 12, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=197750]Borat[/re]: ‘xactly. Where are those space alien bodies hidden?

p-Sludge ofTheElves December 12, 2008 at 4:15 pm

Picked by W. W must have seen the ass-hole-ism in him and it warmed his heart. A true “don’t question me” kindred power-abusing spirit.

c-freak December 12, 2008 at 4:21 pm

please pass the eye-bleach. because of this dill-weed’s photo & greta von crustrun’s – i now must read wonkette in braille. thanks alot bitches.

Guppy06 December 12, 2008 at 4:24 pm

[re=197766]sati demise[/re]: If it weren’t for the space program driving miniaturization, you wouldn’t have a microcomputer small enough to sit at your desk to bitch and moan about the space program on the internets, all the while consuming excess electricity that’s probably produced by a coal-fired plant operated by people who personally club baby seals.

In short, without NASA, you’d have less porn.

But yeah, Griffin’s being a douchenozzle.

dotdotdotdotdot December 12, 2008 at 4:34 pm

NO PROPS TO THE DOTS FOR SUBMITTING THIS STORY?? Jim Newell I will destroy you forever!

Gopherit December 12, 2008 at 4:35 pm

[re=197756]Guppy06[/re]: Geeky win, but a win nonetheless

Gopherit December 12, 2008 at 4:48 pm

Griffin should probably avoid be arguing in favor of NASA’s efficiency given this recent announcement.
A $400 million fuck up during a recession should cancel a program outright, especially when the bulk of that money is going
to pay salaries of those that fucked up in the first place.

trh December 12, 2008 at 4:54 pm

donner_froh[/re]: :prepares to sound more nerd-like than is: John Logsdon is probably the top of the space historians out there (yah there’s more than one, which really is not so necessary). In the 70s he wrote The Decision to Go to the Moon: Project Apollo and the National Interest, which is a defining work on the reasons Kennedy gave his support to the moon program and why the American people were like “OH HAYZ TAKE OUR MONEYZ”. I wrote a thesis/was studying space history but decided the 6-8 years of working on my grad degree and learning history, economics, poli sci, and engineering to become a “space historian” was way too much time for the payoff. But if that would put me in the center of this drama, maybe I’ll reconsider.

ZapDuff December 12, 2008 at 4:58 pm

Hey… here’s how to resolve this stand off. Add Miles O’Brien to Lori Garver’s team. As a guy who knows everyone at KSC, JPL, Johnson, Edwards, and every other place with people on the NASA payroll… EVERYONE trusts him – and I understand he has time now for a fun gig. He KNOWS what’s under the hood… as well as how many bodies are in the trunk! As someone still alive ONLY because of stuff invented for the space program… killing NASA is mistake as dangerous as blocking stem cell research.

S.Luggo December 12, 2008 at 4:59 pm

[re=197668]Mr. Tusks[/re]: Not quite. NASA (as does most of the world) uses the pussy metric system. Its contractor designed the lander with English measurements (feet, inches, rods, imperial gallons, quatloos, etc.). But Oopsie. The contratcor forgot to do the conversion to metrics for the guidance system. (This why is the US leads the world in science education.) Mars, meet Mr. Lander.

Moral: Another victory for outsourcing.

Accordion-o-rama December 12, 2008 at 5:18 pm

[re=197647]Min[/re]: You’re right up there with the recent politician who mocked the government for spending money to research fruit-flies, in France. Who was that idiot, again?

http://www.snopes.com/business/genius/spacepen.asp

sati demise December 12, 2008 at 5:32 pm

[re=197789]Guppy06[/re]: If they can do that, then they can make teh clean coal.
Just take over the existing failed project that Bush defunded and turn it oveah to NASA.
Solar panel efficiency has somethin’ to do with space, right?
Inner space, outer space, whats the dif?

Min December 12, 2008 at 5:42 pm

[re=197756]Guppy06[/re]: Not at all.

PJ December 12, 2008 at 5:44 pm

In honor of Mike Griffin, I’m going to rent Buckaroo Banzai and some episodes of Red Dwarf.

Then I’m going to re-enact the loss of the million-dollar toolbox in space.

It’s a law of nature, Mikey. When you publicly fuck up not just once, but over and over, you’re fair game.

BigLar December 12, 2008 at 5:46 pm

[re=197836]S.Luggo[/re]: Yay! That was my company (Lockheed Martin) that proudly put a new crater on the surface of Mars! I have one word to chalk that impressive achievement up to: MANAGEMENT!

BigLar December 12, 2008 at 5:47 pm

[re=197694]kimbongil[/re]: Uhhh…Big Mac (McDonnell Douglas) doesn’t exist anymore. It was eaten by Boeing.

BigLar December 12, 2008 at 5:53 pm

Last comment: Between jobs in Sudan and Afghanistan (I know I go to the loveliest places), I attended a conference at NASA HQ (trying to put my aerospace degree to good use). I was at a Q&A session with Mike Griffin and saw him blow up at questioners who dared question the safety of HIS Ares I rocket (look up Ares I vibration/oscillation on the Google). He is a genius, but a douchenozzle and should not be in management but maybe teaching at a university where his holier than thou attitude and pissy attitude would fit in with belittling his students while he pursues his tenure. Or I’m just angry that I have to work in Afghanistan instead of a cushy job at 600 Maryland (NASA HQ).

DangerousLiberal December 12, 2008 at 6:57 pm

[re=197835]ZapDuff[/re]: So, what is the life-giving NASA spinoff? Tang, freeze dried ice cream, or space food sticks.

Servo December 12, 2008 at 7:13 pm

Aluminum FAILcon cockpit:
Hope Waterwalker – “Does this thing go to light speed?”
Han Griffin – “You bet yer asteroids, kid!”

[re=197912]BigLar[/re]:
Nice to finally have another aircraft person here.

S.Luggo December 12, 2008 at 7:42 pm

[re=197912]BigLar[/re]: Griffin had a hemorrhoid attack because the Obamites have recommended that his legacy Space Chimps project be to axed. And who could blame him?
http://www.trailersforall.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/space-chimps-poster.jpg

Also, Griffy is royally pissed that the Transition Team wants to see the NASA training tape, “Mars Needs Women.” It’s so damn lonely at the top.

Servo December 12, 2008 at 7:57 pm

[re=197962]DangerousLiberal[/re]:
…or that blacks are physiologically better for space travel because of lower bone loss than whites in a µg environment.

Neilist December 12, 2008 at 8:16 pm

My favorite NASA story is how they gave a couple of two-bit politicans free rides on the Shuttle, as “payload specialists,” when said politicans should have been doing their jobs and overseeing how the Agency was running that Piece of Shit program.

(Why, helloooo Senator Bill Nelson (D-Fl)! We were just talking about you.)

My least favorite NASA story is how none of said two-bit politicans were on board for the final flights of Shuttlers Challenger and Columbia . . . .

Neilist December 12, 2008 at 8:23 pm

[re=198001]Neilist[/re]: make that “was on board.” The “none,” being equivalent to “not one,” taking the singular of the past tense of the verb.

“73 seconds into the flight, and Challenger is GO! for America’s first school teacher in spa . . . .”

“What the . . . ?!?”

“Awwww, FUCK. I HATE when that happens.”

Sabre_Justice December 12, 2008 at 8:42 pm

No intelligent life out there either.

wickedlittledoll December 12, 2008 at 9:15 pm

Do they do one-way missions?
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/

Pop Socket December 12, 2008 at 9:42 pm

Secret memo from Mike Griffin:

To: NASA Staff

Obody-nay ention-may e-thay ace-spay ip-shay at-ay Area-ay Orty-fay Ine-nay.

Otherwise, cooperate fully with the Obama transition team.

So say we all,
Mike Griffin

S.Luggo December 12, 2008 at 11:28 pm

[re=198025]Pop Socket[/re]:
Staff reply:
Eck-chay tic-atay or-fay Ingons-Klay.

Mr Blifil December 12, 2008 at 11:36 pm

Sounds like somebody had plans to anoint himself Emperor of Mars and is in the process of having his high bummed.

someoneelse December 13, 2008 at 9:25 pm

Or I’m just angry that I have to work in Afghanistan instead of a cushy job at 600 Maryland (NASA HQ).

i believe the address is 300 E Street SW

hasnt been @ 600 Maryland for over 10 years — pre dan goldin era

wow lots of whiners in here but i do agree with the basic tenet of change — been needed for years

o sry but one more thing — aint nasa’s job to make clean coal that is under DOE and if anyone wants things here on earth cleaned up — do it urself after all it was that stupid looking person u see every morning while shaving that screwed things up well maybe some of u r just bleaching out ur mustache

102415 December 13, 2008 at 9:27 pm

Mars! I totally forgot about the Mars stimulous program. Did it work? Are we there yet? Is there any public transportation I can take?

102415 December 13, 2008 at 9:37 pm

[re=198001]Neilist[/re]: At least Bill nelson d-fl had some balls and ran for president long enough to get the word out that the Iraq war was a lie from top to bottom. He will always be a hero to me for that alone.

Barrett808 December 13, 2008 at 10:03 pm

Keith Cowing at NASA Watch has noticed Wonkette: Wonkette on NASA/Obama Flap. He says, “Yes the commentary is rude and often obscene – as are the reader’s comments. That said, this is a must-read blog inside the beltway – where first impressions and crude jokes can affect official policy faster than you might think (or want).”

Yes, we are the invisible hand.

Borat December 14, 2008 at 5:20 am

[re=198180]Barrett808[/re]: Comments are priceless on the NASA site:

“This is an important blog? You must be kidding? What’s happening to this country. The level of commentary is way below a middle school policy wonk. My goodness the people who are supposed to be reporting things are idiots, and people go out of the way to read this crap? I fear for society.”

Borat December 14, 2008 at 10:08 am

[re=198200]Borat[/re]: THEYZ MAKEING FUNZ OF WONKETE. THEY IZ BAD, WE IZ GOOD, BIG SALE ON TRUCKNUTZ

“Usually you can tell the young ones by their poor spelling, bad grammar, willingness to engage in name calling and “X is bad, Y is good” view of the world”

Borat December 14, 2008 at 10:14 am

[re=198215]Borat[/re]: be sure you make your first NASA Quote polite. Then you can go CRAZY

WIDTAP December 15, 2008 at 11:59 am

Such lack of trust nowadays.

Banks say they need $750B and they will keep lending – “Trust us.”
Automakers say they want $35B and they will fix their operations – “Trust us.”
NASA says they want an unquestioned budget and they will fix the culture issues that caused Challenger and Columbia accidents – “Don’t look under the hood. Trust us.”

Why can’t we ll just give our money to these people and leave them to their business?

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