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NASA Head Trying To Keep Outer Space Secrets From Obama Transition Team

Send Trig to space!Like grimy Chicago leeches, the Obama “transition team” (AS IF) has sent review panels to every federal agency to decide which budget items need to be cut, forever, to finance the next $100 billion wave of AIG bailouts. Agencies like FEMA probably abandoned their entire offices before their transition team appointments, just to avoid the embarrassment, whereas places like NASA — which holds valuable information about quasars, space monsters, and the planets Mars and Neptune — are simply telling the transition team “YOU WOULDN’T GET IT YOU STUPIDS — PHYSICS.” Space nerds.

DO NOT STEAL MY BOBA FETT LIMITED EDITION FIGURE, LADY MONSTER:

CAPE CANAVERAL – NASA administrator Mike Griffin is not cooperating with President-elect Barack Obama’s transition team, is obstructing its efforts to get information and has told its leader that she is “not qualified” to judge his rocket program, the Orlando Sentinel has learned.

In a heated 40-minute conversation last week with Lori Garver, a former NASA associate administrator who heads the space transition team, a red-faced Griffin demanded to speak directly to Obama, according to witnesses.

Ha ha, check out how awkward things got at the book party for the “space historian:”

Sponsored Video

Tensions were on public display last week at the NASA library, as overheard by guests at a book party.

According to people who were present, Logsdon, a space historian, told a group of about 50 people he had just learned that President John F. Kennedy’s transition team had completely ignored NASA.

Griffin responded, in a loud voice, “I wish the Obama team would come and talk to me.”

Alan Ladwig, a transition team member who was at the party with Garver, shouted out: “Well, we’re here now, Mike.”

Soon after, Garver and Griffin engaged in what witnesses said was an animated conversation. Some overheard parts of it.

“Mike, I don’t understand what the problem is. We are just trying to look under the hood,” Garver said.

“If you are looking under the hood, then you are calling me a liar,” Griffin replied. “Because it means you don’t trust what I say is under the hood.

Lori Garver responded, “I bet there’s a real engine under that hood, Mike, but I needz to see for myself,” and they fucked for 50 hours.

NASA has become a transition problem for Obama [Orlando Sentinel]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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85 comments

  1. Min

    I am reminded of my favorite NASA story:

    NASA spent a million dollars to develop a pen that would write in the weightless environment of outer space.

    The Soviets used a pencil.

  2. Dildo Baggins

    He’s afraid the T.T. will find out that Cheney’s from the Planet Zark and eats babies for breakfast. Of course, everyone knows this already! WTF?

  3. FMA

    OK, NASA deals with space stuff and there are aliens in space and sometimes they call foreigners aliens so therefore Barack Obama is a foreigner.

  4. shanemcgowan

    The “just trust me, I’ll tell you what you need to know” method of governing has worked so well for the last eight years.

  5. DeLand DeLakes

    [re=197647]Min[/re]: And that is why today the Soviet economy is based entirely on potatoes and dead child prostitutes. Oh wait, they are actually now better off than we are, SNAP!

  6. snideinplainsight

    [re=197647]Min[/re]: I am reminded of my favorit of favorite NASA stories.

    NASA spent a million dollars to develop a Dorito that would hold up in the rigors of a zero-g environment.

    The Soviets used a banana.

  7. Deepthroat

    I’m just impressed that them there scientologist people were able to reanimate Howdy Doody as a life-size douchebag bureaucrat!

  8. shortsshortsshorts

    DO NOT STEAL MY BOBA FETT LIMITED EDITION FIGURE, LADY MONSTER.

    That pretty much sums up the entire NASA program for the last 10 years.
    You are a fucking genius, Newell. I WANT TO SECKS YOU.

  9. Hamster

    That guy is totally chuckling at his own dorky space-sex joke he just told, “yuk,yuk,yuk,glaven” …either that or he just got back from a 3 martini lunch.

  10. MoodProcessor

    Really, they don’t want us to know how the McCain voters were victims of teh Brain Eating Slugs.
    Or that Larry Craig frequently enjoys hanging out on Uranus.

  11. Mr. Tusks

    Remember that time NASA sent a satellite to Mars and missed because they calculated the distance in meters but entered it in feet or something? I can seen why Griffin doesn’t want them coming in.

    “Mind if we look under the hood so we can see what we can sell for scrap?”

  12. Serolf Divad

    I can see him rolling up his sleeves: “Are you fucking calling me a liar? Are you saying that you can come up with something better than the Pratt & Whitney J2X? ’cause if you are I’d sure like to see it. Come on, you little punk… put up or shut up! Where’s your engine that’s more powerful and more efficient than the J2X, huh? Tell you what, show me an engine that meets design goals and is either more powerful or more efficient? What, cat go your tongue? Yeah, that’s what I thought you little pussy. You punk. You… fucking… bug. If your boss wants to see the design docs and read over the test data then you tell him to come here and speak to me personally. Until then you can just go fuck off!”

  13. Advocatus_Diaboli

    from his wiki:
    Dr. Griffin holds seven degrees, and is pursuing his eighth.

    I can haz educashuns agin pleeze?

    Jesus dude, I thought I had a problem in the degree-collecting department, but this a bit over the top.

  14. Thegreatbacon

    I’ve been told that everyone at NASA is a virgin, so maybe he just needs to get laid and loosen up a bit. It’s natural that he’s afraid of looking “under his hood” at his unused man junk, but he shouldn’t be so nervous because his mother has assured us it’s a good size.

  15. walkaway

    This is kind of like when NASA got its own “culture” booth on the Mall this summer, and while the people from Bhutan and Texas kept us entertained with food and dancers, the NASA people were like, “Look at our fifth grade science project-style exhibit and be impressed because we do IMPORTANT SCIENCE.” Instead of making things pretty and fun and entertaining and maybe getting some good PR in the process, it created the impression that they refused to condescend to the plebes by descending to our level of “making things interesting and relatable”.

  16. smashtheduck

    Give the man a break. For 8 years, as long as he included something about Uranus in each of W’s briefings, he’s been left to do as he pleased. “Hehe….he said Uranus. I am the Decider of Uranus”.

  17. dano

    Mike Griffin better watch his mouth. The way the economy is going he’s lucky to have a job at all. The last thing we can afford right now are his expensive moon and mars missions. You’d think he’d try to be nicer instead of demanding to see the guy who’s not even president yet. Sheesh.

  18. kimbongil

    Right after NASA, they should take a quick look under the hood over at McDonell Douglas, Lockheed Martin, Boeing, General Dynamics and all the other contractors bleeding us dry off the Federal nipple.

    themz were the savings at

  19. azw88

    Well, seems to me that there is a quick fix for the budget woes facing us… they can’t give over their budget, the cut the motherfucker to ZERO…. it is obviously that they DON’T need no fuckin money!

  20. monty

    [re=197670]Serolf Divad[/re]: when it said they fucked for 50 hours i thought it was a girl. my bad
    i know i hate it when my wife questions me and then i have to tune her up then we have make up sex then she tries to question me again, its a vicious circle im so confused
    c’mere bitch and ill SHOW you why im on the computer all night

  21. finallyhappy

    I work with the science people, the engineer people and the physics people(the math people, too but I don’t like to talk about them)- and there are plenty of them who have degrees as good or better than his and are smarter than him(they don’t need 8 degrees-they have given up on hitting on college students). They would be glad to take his job and let him get back to Hopkins.

    And what was the deal with NASA at Folklife- did someone put the thumbscrews to the Smithsonian????

  22. Dumb Ass

    I bet it is that crazy missile defense shield that was dreamt up by Reagan and brought back by Georgie W. cause it sounded so neat. Pow! Blast them nukes outta the sky! So Griffin really is having a little temper tantrum now that he has some adult supervision and Obama is threatening to take away his Star Wars toys.

  23. populucious

    “If you are looking under the hood, then you are calling me a liar…because it means you don’t trust what I say is under the hood.”

    Yeah, I can’t wait to throw this line out to my boss at our next meeting…and then watch how fast my ass is fired!

  24. azw88

    His resume will soon be updated to include the following changes:

    Work Experience:
    Head of NASA Dates: April 13 2005 to January 20, 2009(12:20PM)

    Career Goal: Get my head out of my ass.

  25. cakeordeath

    I was just about to forward this to my dad, until I got to the very last line. Dammit Jim, do any of your posts NOT involve the secks?!

  26. vegipowrd

    Let’s be waaaaaaay clear about this. The fuck-ups at the top of NASA may not be happy about Obama, but everyone there who knows who Boba Fett is is BEYOND jazzed.
    These are, after all, the guys who were told NOT to talk about global warming by their current bosses.

  27. donner_froh

    What kind of advanced degree qualifies someone as a “space historian”? I was thinking philosophy–studying nothingness might be close to studying space but there must be something better.

  28. trondant

    [re=197679]Servo[/re]: Win!

    Barry should threaten to replace him with Time Cube Guy if he doesn’t start sharing his toys.

  29. gurukalehuru

    Dear Barry,

    Can this weenie, Griffin, and put somebody in there who will set up Martian colonies, stat.

  30. Borat

    Is it because Obambi is really an alien? was he even bourne in the US&A? he is not naturally borne, but BOURNE FROM AREA 54 an he will MIND MELTING NASA

  31. Guppy06

    [re=197647]Min[/re]: And the Soviet pencils got electrically-conductive graphite dust all over their electronics in an oxygen-rich environment. Which is why NASA wanted the pens.

    Yes, I’m a killjoy.

  32. sati demise

    When his ‘rocket’ can create clean green electricity forever he can keep his job.

    NASA need a priority change. Planet Earth needs some investigatin’ and problem solvin’ first.

  33. davesnothere

    [re=197646]hockeymom[/re]: Yeah, but it also says “Please don’t tell anybody I’m from Uranus.”

  34. p-Sludge ofTheElves

    Picked by W. W must have seen the ass-hole-ism in him and it warmed his heart. A true “don’t question me” kindred power-abusing spirit.

  35. c-freak

    please pass the eye-bleach. because of this dill-weed’s photo & greta von crustrun’s – i now must read wonkette in braille. thanks alot bitches.

  36. Guppy06

    [re=197766]sati demise[/re]: If it weren’t for the space program driving miniaturization, you wouldn’t have a microcomputer small enough to sit at your desk to bitch and moan about the space program on the internets, all the while consuming excess electricity that’s probably produced by a coal-fired plant operated by people who personally club baby seals.

    In short, without NASA, you’d have less porn.

    But yeah, Griffin’s being a douchenozzle.

  37. Gopherit

    Griffin should probably avoid be arguing in favor of NASA’s efficiency given this recent announcement.
    A $400 million fuck up during a recession should cancel a program outright, especially when the bulk of that money is going
    to pay salaries of those that fucked up in the first place.

  38. trh

    donner_froh[/re]: :prepares to sound more nerd-like than is: John Logsdon is probably the top of the space historians out there (yah there’s more than one, which really is not so necessary). In the 70s he wrote The Decision to Go to the Moon: Project Apollo and the National Interest, which is a defining work on the reasons Kennedy gave his support to the moon program and why the American people were like “OH HAYZ TAKE OUR MONEYZ”. I wrote a thesis/was studying space history but decided the 6-8 years of working on my grad degree and learning history, economics, poli sci, and engineering to become a “space historian” was way too much time for the payoff. But if that would put me in the center of this drama, maybe I’ll reconsider.

  39. ZapDuff

    Hey… here’s how to resolve this stand off. Add Miles O’Brien to Lori Garver’s team. As a guy who knows everyone at KSC, JPL, Johnson, Edwards, and every other place with people on the NASA payroll… EVERYONE trusts him – and I understand he has time now for a fun gig. He KNOWS what’s under the hood… as well as how many bodies are in the trunk! As someone still alive ONLY because of stuff invented for the space program… killing NASA is mistake as dangerous as blocking stem cell research.

  40. S.Luggo

    [re=197668]Mr. Tusks[/re]: Not quite. NASA (as does most of the world) uses the pussy metric system. Its contractor designed the lander with English measurements (feet, inches, rods, imperial gallons, quatloos, etc.). But Oopsie. The contratcor forgot to do the conversion to metrics for the guidance system. (This why is the US leads the world in science education.) Mars, meet Mr. Lander.

    Moral: Another victory for outsourcing.

  41. sati demise

    [re=197789]Guppy06[/re]: If they can do that, then they can make teh clean coal.
    Just take over the existing failed project that Bush defunded and turn it oveah to NASA.
    Solar panel efficiency has somethin’ to do with space, right?
    Inner space, outer space, whats the dif?

  42. PJ

    In honor of Mike Griffin, I’m going to rent Buckaroo Banzai and some episodes of Red Dwarf.

    Then I’m going to re-enact the loss of the million-dollar toolbox in space.

    It’s a law of nature, Mikey. When you publicly fuck up not just once, but over and over, you’re fair game.

  43. BigLar

    [re=197836]S.Luggo[/re]: Yay! That was my company (Lockheed Martin) that proudly put a new crater on the surface of Mars! I have one word to chalk that impressive achievement up to: MANAGEMENT!

  44. BigLar

    [re=197694]kimbongil[/re]: Uhhh…Big Mac (McDonnell Douglas) doesn’t exist anymore. It was eaten by Boeing.

  45. BigLar

    Last comment: Between jobs in Sudan and Afghanistan (I know I go to the loveliest places), I attended a conference at NASA HQ (trying to put my aerospace degree to good use). I was at a Q&A session with Mike Griffin and saw him blow up at questioners who dared question the safety of HIS Ares I rocket (look up Ares I vibration/oscillation on the Google). He is a genius, but a douchenozzle and should not be in management but maybe teaching at a university where his holier than thou attitude and pissy attitude would fit in with belittling his students while he pursues his tenure. Or I’m just angry that I have to work in Afghanistan instead of a cushy job at 600 Maryland (NASA HQ).

  46. DangerousLiberal

    [re=197835]ZapDuff[/re]: So, what is the life-giving NASA spinoff? Tang, freeze dried ice cream, or space food sticks.

  47. Servo

    Aluminum FAILcon cockpit:
    Hope Waterwalker – “Does this thing go to light speed?”
    Han Griffin – “You bet yer asteroids, kid!”

    [re=197912]BigLar[/re]:
    Nice to finally have another aircraft person here.

  48. Servo

    [re=197962]DangerousLiberal[/re]:
    …or that blacks are physiologically better for space travel because of lower bone loss than whites in a µg environment.

  49. Neilist

    My favorite NASA story is how they gave a couple of two-bit politicans free rides on the Shuttle, as “payload specialists,” when said politicans should have been doing their jobs and overseeing how the Agency was running that Piece of Shit program.

    (Why, helloooo Senator Bill Nelson (D-Fl)! We were just talking about you.)

    My least favorite NASA story is how none of said two-bit politicans were on board for the final flights of Shuttlers Challenger and Columbia . . . .

  50. Neilist

    [re=198001]Neilist[/re]: make that “was on board.” The “none,” being equivalent to “not one,” taking the singular of the past tense of the verb.

    “73 seconds into the flight, and Challenger is GO! for America’s first school teacher in spa . . . .”

    “What the . . . ?!?”

    “Awwww, FUCK. I HATE when that happens.”

  51. Pop Socket

    Secret memo from Mike Griffin:

    To: NASA Staff

    Obody-nay ention-may e-thay ace-spay ip-shay at-ay Area-ay Orty-fay Ine-nay.

    Otherwise, cooperate fully with the Obama transition team.

    So say we all,
    Mike Griffin

  52. Mr Blifil

    Sounds like somebody had plans to anoint himself Emperor of Mars and is in the process of having his high bummed.

  53. someoneelse

    Or I’m just angry that I have to work in Afghanistan instead of a cushy job at 600 Maryland (NASA HQ).

    i believe the address is 300 E Street SW

    hasnt been @ 600 Maryland for over 10 years — pre dan goldin era

    wow lots of whiners in here but i do agree with the basic tenet of change — been needed for years

    o sry but one more thing — aint nasa’s job to make clean coal that is under DOE and if anyone wants things here on earth cleaned up — do it urself after all it was that stupid looking person u see every morning while shaving that screwed things up well maybe some of u r just bleaching out ur mustache

  54. 102415

    Mars! I totally forgot about the Mars stimulous program. Did it work? Are we there yet? Is there any public transportation I can take?

  55. 102415

    [re=198001]Neilist[/re]: At least Bill nelson d-fl had some balls and ran for president long enough to get the word out that the Iraq war was a lie from top to bottom. He will always be a hero to me for that alone.

  56. Barrett808

    Keith Cowing at NASA Watch has noticed Wonkette: Wonkette on NASA/Obama Flap. He says, “Yes the commentary is rude and often obscene – as are the reader’s comments. That said, this is a must-read blog inside the beltway – where first impressions and crude jokes can affect official policy faster than you might think (or want).”

    Yes, we are the invisible hand.

  57. Borat

    [re=198180]Barrett808[/re]: Comments are priceless on the NASA site:

    “This is an important blog? You must be kidding? What’s happening to this country. The level of commentary is way below a middle school policy wonk. My goodness the people who are supposed to be reporting things are idiots, and people go out of the way to read this crap? I fear for society.”

  58. Borat

    [re=198200]Borat[/re]: THEYZ MAKEING FUNZ OF WONKETE. THEY IZ BAD, WE IZ GOOD, BIG SALE ON TRUCKNUTZ

    “Usually you can tell the young ones by their poor spelling, bad grammar, willingness to engage in name calling and “X is bad, Y is good” view of the world”

  59. WIDTAP

    Such lack of trust nowadays.

    Banks say they need $750B and they will keep lending – “Trust us.”
    Automakers say they want $35B and they will fix their operations – “Trust us.”
    NASA says they want an unquestioned budget and they will fix the culture issues that caused Challenger and Columbia accidents – “Don’t look under the hood. Trust us.”

    Why can’t we ll just give our money to these people and leave them to their business?

Comments are closed.