WAR ON XMAS GIFT GUIDE  2:26 pm December 12, 2008

McCain HQ Firesale Locks Out Nice Lady

by Jim Newell

Wonkette hobo operative “Virginia” went all the way to a state called “Virginia” (??) to cash in on the McCain-Palin used junk firesale advertised here yesterday, and sends this note: “I got all the way here!! but the elevator won’t take me to floor ‘m’. I am proud of trek, but saddened by the end result. Any advice from that last tipster on how to get in?” …Stairs? Ha ha just kidding, that would be so exhausting. Poor Virginia!! Any other similar reports?

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shanemcgowan December 12, 2008 at 2:32 pm

Yes Virginia in Virgina, there is no Santa Clause.

MoodProcessor December 12, 2008 at 2:34 pm

All the blackberries were gone I bet. Nothing but BBQ sauce and silk boxers…

SayItWithWookies December 12, 2008 at 2:34 pm

She must’ve asked him a tough question during the campaign.

friendlynerd December 12, 2008 at 2:35 pm

Is it so scary to have a 13th floor? I work on the 13th floor of my firm and things are ok so far.

Borat December 12, 2008 at 2:35 pm

I still say you are more cursed if you deny the fact you are on the 13th floor by calling it 14 or in this case ‘M’

What the hell is the M for anyway? I’m sure its not for McCain, he’s not that marketing-clever.

Terry December 12, 2008 at 2:36 pm

The M button is equipped with a sensor that reads a person’s political party. Dems are locked out of the sale on principle.

The Unfairman December 12, 2008 at 2:36 pm

$500 silk boxers dipped in BBQ sauce. For Sarah.

wheelie December 12, 2008 at 2:36 pm

Go to floor 12 and walk up one flight, Virginia.

Glad to be of help.

hockeymom December 12, 2008 at 2:38 pm

Can you pick me up one of those Sarah Palin clip-on hairpieces?

cal December 12, 2008 at 2:39 pm

John McCain was also confused and frightened by all those scary buttons on the watchmacallit thing with the moving doors, you know, the up-and-down thingie, HENGHH?

sleepy December 12, 2008 at 2:39 pm

Virginia, don’t be shy, just get to carving the backwards “b” on face.

sanantonerose December 12, 2008 at 2:43 pm

M is the 13th letter of the alphabet?

*counting fingers and toes*


Servo December 12, 2008 at 2:43 pm

Ya gotta wink at the camera.

NoWireHangers December 12, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Wooooah! I was scrolling up and down over that picture and nearly passed out from dizziness. Those buttons are crazzzy.

azw88 December 12, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Those blackberrys (ies??)were the early prototypes of John McCain’s glorious invention.

But they would have been totally useless without Al Gore and his invention, the Internet.

shortsshortsshorts December 12, 2008 at 2:47 pm


slithytoves December 12, 2008 at 2:49 pm

[re=197559]shanemcgowan[/re]: Or a Santa Claus, either.

AngryBlakGuy December 12, 2008 at 2:54 pm

…pull the fire alarm and when everyone is running out steal all their shyt! Duhhhhhhhh!!!

Naked Bunny with a Whip December 12, 2008 at 2:55 pm

I assume the sale is being held on the “L”obotomy floor.

Naked Bunny with a Whip December 12, 2008 at 2:56 pm

Or perhaps “L”oser.

Naked Bunny with a Whip December 12, 2008 at 2:57 pm

Or Hanoi Hi”L”ton.

I will go back to quietly drinking in my cubicle now.

shortsshortsshorts December 12, 2008 at 2:59 pm


bago December 12, 2008 at 3:01 pm

This is clearly a context for the shenanigans of John Mc’L’ame!

dano December 12, 2008 at 3:02 pm

I hear they have lots of VHS copies of “Matlock” and “Murder She Wrote” left over from the Straight Talk Express.

Advocatus_Diaboli December 12, 2008 at 3:08 pm

Or if you’re feeling incredibly lazy, go to the fourteenth and walk down.

Deepthroat December 12, 2008 at 3:16 pm

wheelie: They still make stairs?

OffTheRecord December 12, 2008 at 3:21 pm

[re=197572]Borat[/re]: I used to work in a building with no 13th floor. At some point they had tried to renumber the floors because they realized it was dumb, but everyone from 14 up got pissy because they would all have to change their addresses and buy new envelopes and shit. Where I worked didn’t mind because we were a nonprofit so it isn’t like we really had money to buy office supplies more than a month in advance anyways, but there was a freaking lawyer uprising.

Wrongavore December 12, 2008 at 3:31 pm

what a fucking let down

clipper December 12, 2008 at 3:34 pm

I work in this building and just went up to the ‘M’ floor. The button ‘M’ button doesn’t work going up – but works going down. So, up to 14 and then down one to M only to find that the sale is over. The dude said they may have oversold things are doing inventory. If anything is left, they’ll put out info in a week or so.

Also, all the stairwell doors are locked from the stairwell, so they can only be used as exits.

rachelv December 12, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Me too, very dizzy-making picture!

Borat December 13, 2008 at 6:19 am

[re=197589]sanantonerose[/re]: OK, but 13 being M depends on where you start with 1. This building appears to have G, G1, L-star, They could have just placed a bunch of random letter floors at the bottom and stopped with 12. But no, someone wants to feel important for having a high number floor.

I really appreciate the European style of just starting with floor 0 on the ground floor.

Borat December 13, 2008 at 6:25 am

[re=198101]Borat[/re]: And why does G have 2-3 written on it? Only Mccain could occupy such a nonsensical building.

I also have an appreciation for those buildings where you type in the floor BEFORE you get in and it somehow magically delivers you to the right place using some MIT developed time/electricity saving algorithm. You could avoid programming 13 into those things and no one would be any the wiser

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