war on xmas gift guide

McCain HQ Firesale Locks Out Nice Lady

Wonkette hobo operative “Virginia” went all the way to a state called “Virginia” (??) to cash in on the McCain-Palin used junk firesale advertised here yesterday, and sends this note: “I got all the way here!! but the elevator won’t take me to floor ‘m’. I am proud of trek, but saddened by the end result. Any advice from that last tipster on how to get in?” …Stairs? Ha ha just kidding, that would be so exhausting. Poor Virginia!! Any other similar reports?

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

32 comments

  1. friendlynerd

    Is it so scary to have a 13th floor? I work on the 13th floor of my firm and things are ok so far.

  2. Borat

    I still say you are more cursed if you deny the fact you are on the 13th floor by calling it 14 or in this case ‘M’

    What the hell is the M for anyway? I’m sure its not for McCain, he’s not that marketing-clever.

  3. Terry

    The M button is equipped with a sensor that reads a person’s political party. Dems are locked out of the sale on principle.

  4. cal

    John McCain was also confused and frightened by all those scary buttons on the watchmacallit thing with the moving doors, you know, the up-and-down thingie, HENGHH?

  5. NoWireHangers

    Wooooah! I was scrolling up and down over that picture and nearly passed out from dizziness. Those buttons are crazzzy.

  6. azw88

    Those blackberrys (ies??)were the early prototypes of John McCain’s glorious invention.

    But they would have been totally useless without Al Gore and his invention, the Internet.

  7. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=197589]sanantonerose[/re]: AND L IS THE 12th LETTER IN THE ALPHABET THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THIS PARTICULAR BUILDING.

  8. dano

    I hear they have lots of VHS copies of “Matlock” and “Murder She Wrote” left over from the Straight Talk Express.

  9. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=197576]wheelie[/re]:
    Or if you’re feeling incredibly lazy, go to the fourteenth and walk down.

  10. OffTheRecord

    [re=197572]Borat[/re]: I used to work in a building with no 13th floor. At some point they had tried to renumber the floors because they realized it was dumb, but everyone from 14 up got pissy because they would all have to change their addresses and buy new envelopes and shit. Where I worked didn’t mind because we were a nonprofit so it isn’t like we really had money to buy office supplies more than a month in advance anyways, but there was a freaking lawyer uprising.

  11. clipper

    I work in this building and just went up to the ‘M’ floor. The button ‘M’ button doesn’t work going up – but works going down. So, up to 14 and then down one to M only to find that the sale is over. The dude said they may have oversold things are doing inventory. If anything is left, they’ll put out info in a week or so.

    Also, all the stairwell doors are locked from the stairwell, so they can only be used as exits.

  12. Borat

    [re=197589]sanantonerose[/re]: OK, but 13 being M depends on where you start with 1. This building appears to have G, G1, L-star, They could have just placed a bunch of random letter floors at the bottom and stopped with 12. But no, someone wants to feel important for having a high number floor.

    I really appreciate the European style of just starting with floor 0 on the ground floor.

  13. Borat

    [re=198101]Borat[/re]: And why does G have 2-3 written on it? Only Mccain could occupy such a nonsensical building.

    I also have an appreciation for those buildings where you type in the floor BEFORE you get in and it somehow magically delivers you to the right place using some MIT developed time/electricity saving algorithm. You could avoid programming 13 into those things and no one would be any the wiser

Comments are closed.