war on xmas gift guide

Big $ale On Truck Nutz At McCain-Palin HQ!

Yo bitches check out the details about this FIRESALE at McCain-Palin headquarters, according to a report from an anonymous operative in Virginia: “I just came back from the McCain-Palin regional headquarters in Arlington, VA. They are selling all of their office equipment – it was very depressing, but I did lay hands on a nice 19″ LCD screen for only $113!” More infoz after the jump!

“For the interested, the address is 1235 S Clark Street, Arlington VA. It’s right near the Crystal City metro stop; in fact, you don’t even need to go above ground to get there. You can just go through (appropriately) the mall, and when you get to the building take the elevator up to (appropriately) the 13th floor, which is not labeled as such but rather as (hilariously) the ‘M’ floor.

“There were also Blackberries on sale ($30), laptops, LCDs, flags, tables, chairs, printers, phones, etc. Makes a great christmas present!”

If you head over to terrible Arlington for this sale, please take some pixxx and send them to us, ok? Deal? And If you see Palin there, DO NOT feed her your human food.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. Merry Christen

    I heard that if you ask the sales guy for the “special mechandise”, and he takes you into a back room and Willow Palin will give you a Vaseline massage with the “happy ending” for $50. For $100, Todd will “take you around the world”.

    I think it’s sweet they’re saving up to buy Mom that Illinois Senate seat… or Pistol Palin her very own meth lab, either one…

  2. Borat

    And were are the silk undies? (I’m assuming the children’s sizes were purchased at a private auction of GOP party officials.

  3. metropolitan

    damn! sign up for todd palin’s boxer silk boxer shorts!
    i’ll pay double if they have not been laundered.

  4. DeLand DeLakes

    Defeated Republican shit “makes a great Christmas present?” Jesus, there IS a recession goin’ on.

  5. 4tehlulz

    [re=196945]DeLand DeLakes[/re]: Just as long as they don’t package a defeated Republican with your loot, it should be OK.

  6. queeraselvis v 2.0

    I’m sure they’re also clearing out the commemorative Joe the Plumber Plungers and the truckload of dickbags that were shipped to Arlington on November 5.

  7. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=196944]hedgehog[/re]: You stole my snark before I even had a chance. HOW CAN ONE EVER FORGIVE ANOTHER FOR SUCH TRAGEDY?

    Trig will come with a harness and a time machine, so you can travel back in time and have him aborted.

  8. WadISay

    Also, this is not “depressing.” “Depressing” would be if they were selling off this shit to upgrade to transition team equipment.

  9. Texan Bulldoggette

    Wow, I’d buy a $30 Blackberry …. Oh, sorry, I already have my black Barry! (Okay, bad joke but I would buy a $30 Blackberry–that’s a good deal as long as they didn’t let Trig or Todd use it as a teether.)

  10. SayItWithWookies

    [re=196944]hedgehog[/re]: No, it’s illegal to sell children. You sell the leash and Trig comes with it.

  11. DeLand DeLakes

    [re=196948]4tehlulz[/re]: No way, the sad dregs of the GOP are worth immeasurably less than a used Blackberry. Even if it was dropped in the toilet.

  12. metropolitan

    are mccain’s honor and dignity up for sale? or are the right wingers who he sold it to during the primaries keeping it for some other purpose?

  13. Monsieur Grumpe'

    Also available for a steal:

    2 1/2 crates of Grampers Brand adult diapers (unused)
    57 crates of adult diapers (practically unused)
    2 cases of grape flavored Viagra.
    2568 rolls of McCain/Palin 2008 embossed toilet paper

  14. Atheist Nun

    I bid on the 200-lb tub of burnt rust-colored contour blusher creme that Palin used, but, goddammit, I was outbid by a group of tranny hookers that had pooled their trick money… I guess I’ll just have to cherish the half-used tube of Preparation H she used on the bags under her eyes (an old beauty queen trick!)

  15. tunamelt

    Has anyone commented on the ad for a degree that has a rave in it? Because there’s rave on my screen.

  16. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=196987]tunamelt[/re]: Naw, Ken Layne only uses the “Yes on 8″ ads for San Francisco readers.

  17. Josh Fruhlinger

    Ha ha, if you plug that address into Google Maps, you get the following list of things located there:

    AAI Corporation‎
    Active Duty Fitness For Women‎ – 2 reviews
    Dahn Yoga‎
    Decisive Analytics‎
    Delta Resources Inc‎
    Gateway Sport & Health‎
    General Dynamics It‎
    Greenleaf’s Grille‎
    Hair Tech & Nails‎
    Hazard Management Solutions‎
    I Robot Corporation‎
    John Mccain For President‎
    L-1 Identity Solutions‎
    Lunarline, Inc‎
    Motor Cycle Industry Council‎
    Program Management Associates, Inc‎
    Raytheon Co‎
    Standard Parking‎

    So, you got a yoga studio, a gym, a sporting goods store, a shitty suburban mall Bar and Grille, some defense contractors, a nail salon, some mysterious corporations that are probably other defense contractors and/or CIA front companies, and, of course, the shattered hopes of John McCain’s campaign. That’s Northern Virginia in a fucking nutshell right there, people.

  18. grevillea

    The Blackberrys contain a 1994 email list of possible donors, plus on speed-dial Neiman Marcus and a specialist bus-toilet-unblocker (c’mon, you think they’d give an important job like that to a FAKE plumber?)

  19. Gorillionaire

    Hey that’s funny – not ten minutes ago my wife and I agreed to put on Nailin’ Palin as background tv for our New Year’s party.

  20. cal

    [re=196960]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Believe it or not, this is the first time I have seen the “Blackberry/Black Barry” pun. How is this possible, you ask? I have no good answer.

    But thank you for bringing it to my attention. You have just improved my cultural literacy 100%!

  21. Borat

    I always wondered if it was worse to live on a properly described 13th Floor, or if you are doubly cursed if you call the floor 14 (or in this case M).

  22. Borat

    [re=197009]cal[/re]: my first time too (I like the idea of the BlackBarry). Maybe this is some kind of manchurian trick – get us all to become addicted to the Blackberry, then when the BlackBarry comes along, we have no choice but to vote for him.

    In anycase, has he been stripped of the presidential blackberry yet.

  23. answerbird

    [re=197034]CaliforniaMike[/re]: No know that Sarah is running anymore the first person to take Trig can have the Alaskan Senate seat. He would make a good door stop.

  24. OffTheRecord

    Seriously, does anyone know how to properly get the republican germs off of a BlackBerry? Cause $30 bucks is a steal.

  25. DoctorCulturae

    [re=197059]OffTheRecord[/re]: The only sure fire way I know is for Prez-elect Hopiness to bless it.

  26. Borat

    So what ever happened to all that great Golf gear and presents for their blogger losers who were paid to tow the party line? I suppose all that walked of somehere? (I suggest the Wasilla Everything for $1 shop)

  27. Georgia Burning

    [re=197001]Wavingsuzy[/re]: Probably kicked off for too much negative feedback. Also repugs confuse Paypal with an escort service and consequently expect too much from the UPS man

  28. AnglRdr

    I cannot fathom the porn that is on the Blackberry’s.

    I can, however, fathom the porn I wanna make with Black Barry…


  29. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=197009]cal[/re]: Here’s a phrase that I’m sure is accurate both ways ‘the darker the berry/Barry, the sweeter the juice.’

  30. shortsshortsshorts

    Sometimes you eat the Truck NUTZ, and sometimes the Truck NUTS eat you.
    I’ll wait for mankind to tell me otherwise, and stuff. ER THINGS, if you prefer.

  31. Jukesgrrl

    [re=196991]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: No, any Northern Virginia nutshell has to have a Korean restaurant.

    [re=197123]Captain Swing[/re]: Yeah, they have one sweated on by Joe the Pretend Plumber. But it feels dirty.

  32. 2druk2phluq

    The contents of the last toilet snaked by Joe Wurflefukker: $.25
    John McCain sweat rag: $2
    Actual tampons used by Sarah Palin: Priceless (relax, they’re still frozen, as is everything the ice queen touches)

  33. Mr Blifil

    Shit! I already bought my Ball Washer full price, because I believed in the change McCain was not going to bring.

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