WAR ON XMAS GIFT GUIDE  5:08 pm December 11, 2008

Big $ale On Truck Nutz At McCain-Palin HQ!

by Jim Newell

Yo bitches check out the details about this FIRESALE at McCain-Palin headquarters, according to a report from an anonymous operative in Virginia: “I just came back from the McCain-Palin regional headquarters in Arlington, VA. They are selling all of their office equipment – it was very depressing, but I did lay hands on a nice 19″ LCD screen for only $113!” More infoz after the jump!

“For the interested, the address is 1235 S Clark Street, Arlington VA. It’s right near the Crystal City metro stop; in fact, you don’t even need to go above ground to get there. You can just go through (appropriately) the mall, and when you get to the building take the elevator up to (appropriately) the 13th floor, which is not labeled as such but rather as (hilariously) the ‘M’ floor.

“There were also Blackberries on sale ($30), laptops, LCDs, flags, tables, chairs, printers, phones, etc. Makes a great christmas present!”

If you head over to terrible Arlington for this sale, please take some pixxx and send them to us, ok? Deal? And If you see Palin there, DO NOT feed her your human food.

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Hola wonkerados.

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cal December 11, 2008 at 5:12 pm

This is great news – for John McCain!

SayItWithWookies December 11, 2008 at 5:13 pm

Child-sized Louis Vuitton handbag for $25. So sad.

Merry Christen December 11, 2008 at 5:14 pm

I heard that if you ask the sales guy for the “special mechandise”, and he takes you into a back room and Willow Palin will give you a Vaseline massage with the “happy ending” for $50. For $100, Todd will “take you around the world”.

I think it’s sweet they’re saving up to buy Mom that Illinois Senate seat… or Pistol Palin her very own meth lab, either one…

Borat December 11, 2008 at 5:15 pm

And were are the silk undies? (I’m assuming the children’s sizes were purchased at a private auction of GOP party officials.

Canmon (the Inadequate) December 11, 2008 at 5:15 pm

Are they selling Bristol Palin’s engagement ring?

metropolitan December 11, 2008 at 5:18 pm

damn! sign up for todd palin’s boxer silk boxer shorts!
i’ll pay double if they have not been laundered.

hedgehog December 11, 2008 at 5:19 pm

Does Trig come with a leash?

DeLand DeLakes December 11, 2008 at 5:20 pm

Defeated Republican shit “makes a great Christmas present?” Jesus, there IS a recession goin’ on.

WadISay December 11, 2008 at 5:21 pm

If you find any “Blut und Ehre” daggers, put me down for one.

4tehlulz December 11, 2008 at 5:22 pm

[re=196945]DeLand DeLakes[/re]: Just as long as they don’t package a defeated Republican with your loot, it should be OK.

Lascauxcaveman December 11, 2008 at 5:22 pm

Geez, you people are sick!

(I like you people.)

queeraselvis v 2.0 December 11, 2008 at 5:23 pm

I’m sure they’re also clearing out the commemorative Joe the Plumber Plungers and the truckload of dickbags that were shipped to Arlington on November 5.

shortsshortsshorts December 11, 2008 at 5:23 pm

[re=196944]hedgehog[/re]: You stole my snark before I even had a chance. HOW CAN ONE EVER FORGIVE ANOTHER FOR SUCH TRAGEDY?

Trig will come with a harness and a time machine, so you can travel back in time and have him aborted.

WadISay December 11, 2008 at 5:24 pm

Also, this is not “depressing.” “Depressing” would be if they were selling off this shit to upgrade to transition team equipment.

Cape Clod December 11, 2008 at 5:25 pm

How much for the Straight Talk Express? I want to show up at a demolition derby with that beast.

Texan Bulldoggette December 11, 2008 at 5:31 pm

Wow, I’d buy a $30 Blackberry …. Oh, sorry, I already have my black Barry! (Okay, bad joke but I would buy a $30 Blackberry–that’s a good deal as long as they didn’t let Trig or Todd use it as a teether.)

SayItWithWookies December 11, 2008 at 5:32 pm

[re=196944]hedgehog[/re]: No, it’s illegal to sell children. You sell the leash and Trig comes with it.

totoro December 11, 2008 at 5:34 pm

I want the plane. Specifically, all the thriller-jackets Palin swears were left in the “belly.”

hyperrreal December 11, 2008 at 5:37 pm

The 13th floor? What a Mavrick…

DeLand DeLakes December 11, 2008 at 5:41 pm

[re=196948]4tehlulz[/re]: No way, the sad dregs of the GOP are worth immeasurably less than a used Blackberry. Even if it was dropped in the toilet.

metropolitan December 11, 2008 at 5:42 pm

are mccain’s honor and dignity up for sale? or are the right wingers who he sold it to during the primaries keeping it for some other purpose?

anabellum December 11, 2008 at 5:44 pm

i assume the volumes of empty rhetoric have already been donated to the Fox News archive?…

Monsieur Grumpe' December 11, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Also available for a steal:

2 1/2 crates of Grampers Brand adult diapers (unused)
57 crates of adult diapers (practically unused)
2 cases of grape flavored Viagra.
2568 rolls of McCain/Palin 2008 embossed toilet paper

Atheist Nun December 11, 2008 at 5:46 pm

I bid on the 200-lb tub of burnt rust-colored contour blusher creme that Palin used, but, goddammit, I was outbid by a group of tranny hookers that had pooled their trick money… I guess I’ll just have to cherish the half-used tube of Preparation H she used on the bags under her eyes (an old beauty queen trick!)

JadedDIssonance December 11, 2008 at 5:49 pm

I totally want one of those Tire Gauges! PLZ?

shortsshortsshorts December 11, 2008 at 5:55 pm

@Monsieur Grumpe’:

David Vitter is currently B-lining it to the big sale.

tunamelt December 11, 2008 at 5:59 pm

Has anyone commented on the ad for a degree that has a rave in it? Because there’s rave on my screen.

shortsshortsshorts December 11, 2008 at 6:00 pm

[re=196987]tunamelt[/re]: Naw, Ken Layne only uses the “Yes on 8″ ads for San Francisco readers.

Josh Fruhlinger December 11, 2008 at 6:03 pm

Ha ha, if you plug that address into Google Maps, you get the following list of things located there:

AAI Corporation‎
Active Duty Fitness For Women‎ – 2 reviews
Dahn Yoga‎
Decisive Analytics‎
Delta Resources Inc‎
Gateway Sport & Health‎
General Dynamics It‎
Greenleaf’s Grille‎
Hair Tech & Nails‎
Hazard Management Solutions‎
I Robot Corporation‎
John Mccain For President‎
L-1 Identity Solutions‎
Lunarline, Inc‎
Motor Cycle Industry Council‎
Program Management Associates, Inc‎
Raytheon Co‎
Standard Parking‎

So, you got a yoga studio, a gym, a sporting goods store, a shitty suburban mall Bar and Grille, some defense contractors, a nail salon, some mysterious corporations that are probably other defense contractors and/or CIA front companies, and, of course, the shattered hopes of John McCain’s campaign. That’s Northern Virginia in a fucking nutshell right there, people.

grevillea December 11, 2008 at 6:04 pm

The Blackberrys contain a 1994 email list of possible donors, plus on speed-dial Neiman Marcus and a specialist bus-toilet-unblocker (c’mon, you think they’d give an important job like that to a FAKE plumber?)

Wavingsuzy December 11, 2008 at 6:10 pm

What….they aren’t putting the crap up on Ebay??

Gorillionaire December 11, 2008 at 6:12 pm

Hey that’s funny – not ten minutes ago my wife and I agreed to put on Nailin’ Palin as background tv for our New Year’s party.

cal December 11, 2008 at 6:22 pm

[re=196960]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Believe it or not, this is the first time I have seen the “Blackberry/Black Barry” pun. How is this possible, you ask? I have no good answer.

But thank you for bringing it to my attention. You have just improved my cultural literacy 100%!

Borat December 11, 2008 at 6:52 pm

I always wondered if it was worse to live on a properly described 13th Floor, or if you are doubly cursed if you call the floor 14 (or in this case M).

Borat December 11, 2008 at 6:55 pm

[re=197009]cal[/re]: my first time too (I like the idea of the BlackBarry). Maybe this is some kind of manchurian trick – get us all to become addicted to the Blackberry, then when the BlackBarry comes along, we have no choice but to vote for him.

In anycase, has he been stripped of the presidential blackberry yet.

rocktonsammy December 11, 2008 at 6:59 pm

Was Blago selling anything over there?

CaliforniaMike December 11, 2008 at 7:10 pm

Are they putting McCain’s Senate seat up for sale, or is that offer only good in Illinois?

answerbird December 11, 2008 at 7:36 pm

[re=197034]CaliforniaMike[/re]: No know that Sarah is running anymore the first person to take Trig can have the Alaskan Senate seat. He would make a good door stop.

OffTheRecord December 11, 2008 at 7:53 pm

Seriously, does anyone know how to properly get the republican germs off of a BlackBerry? Cause $30 bucks is a steal.

DoctorCulturae December 11, 2008 at 8:02 pm

[re=197059]OffTheRecord[/re]: The only sure fire way I know is for Prez-elect Hopiness to bless it.

Borat December 11, 2008 at 8:05 pm

So what ever happened to all that great Golf gear and presents for their blogger losers who were paid to tow the party line? I suppose all that walked of somehere? (I suggest the Wasilla Everything for $1 shop)

Georgia Burning December 11, 2008 at 8:48 pm

[re=197001]Wavingsuzy[/re]: Probably kicked off for too much negative feedback. Also repugs confuse Paypal with an escort service and consequently expect too much from the UPS man

AnglRdr December 11, 2008 at 9:37 pm

I cannot fathom the porn that is on the Blackberry’s.

I can, however, fathom the porn I wanna make with Black Barry…


wickedlittledoll December 11, 2008 at 10:17 pm

I hear they also have some of Palin’s fave field-dressing outfits!

Texan Bulldoggette December 11, 2008 at 10:23 pm

[re=197009]cal[/re]: Here’s a phrase that I’m sure is accurate both ways ‘the darker the berry/Barry, the sweeter the juice.’

shortsshortsshorts December 12, 2008 at 12:54 am

Sometimes you eat the Truck NUTZ, and sometimes the Truck NUTS eat you.
I’ll wait for mankind to tell me otherwise, and stuff. ER THINGS, if you prefer.

Captain Swing December 12, 2008 at 1:19 am

Do they haz polo shirts?

Jukesgrrl December 12, 2008 at 2:14 am

[re=196991]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: No, any Northern Virginia nutshell has to have a Korean restaurant.

[re=197123]Captain Swing[/re]: Yeah, they have one sweated on by Joe the Pretend Plumber. But it feels dirty.

2druk2phluq December 12, 2008 at 8:14 am

The contents of the last toilet snaked by Joe Wurflefukker: $.25
John McCain sweat rag: $2
Actual tampons used by Sarah Palin: Priceless (relax, they’re still frozen, as is everything the ice queen touches)

Mr Blifil December 12, 2008 at 11:16 am

Shit! I already bought my Ball Washer full price, because I believed in the change McCain was not going to bring.

Mr Blifil December 12, 2008 at 11:17 am

[re=197004]Gorillionaire[/re]: Check my profile to send invitation…

GDTRFB December 12, 2008 at 11:30 am

[re=196991]Josh Fruhlinger[/re]: “I Robot” is actually Will Smith’s Lobbying Firm.

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