Wonkette
Well FINALLY we have a state we can make fun of here on the Wonkette because none of its fourteen (14) residents have time to read this dumb Web site — they’re all still busy staying employed, at actual jobs! (The recession, which loses velocity as it cools, has not yet crept into the snowy north.) So let’s talk some shit about North Dakota while all those lamers toil at the wheel of industry. Let’s see, uh, North Dakota is the Mexico of Canada! Also, all of its politicians are crooks, all two of them.
According to the esteemed statistical clearinghouse USA Today, North Dakota is the most corrupt state in the union. However, one arrives at this metric by dividing the number of political corruption convictions in the past ten years by the number of residents. Thus, low-population states with normal-sized governments are disproportionately “corrupt,” as evidenced by the shameful badge of corruption affixed to neighboring South Dakota and Montana. Meanwhile, the truly corrupt states (Rhode Island, anyone?) emerge a shade better, because they never bother to arrest, or god forbid convict, their political criminals. Instead, they elect them Mayor of Providence.
North Dakota tops analysis of corruption [USA Today]
Buddy Cianci! Who knew that the Family Guy would help be a primer on RI corruption?
Alaska says hello.
This shall not stand! No one from Chicago can allow this outrage to be perpetrated! What about persistent, long-term, deeply-ingrained corruption of the type that, within the local ethos, is indistinguishable from honesty?
North Dakota, gimme a fuckin’ break!
Regards,
“Hot” Rod Blago
Oooh their map of America is forming some really cool stripe shapes though. Can I get a T-shirt with that design?
i thought the formula was: the number politicians divided by the number of prostitutes in the state plus the number of public bathrooms with closing door stalls minus the number of meth labs in the state. all that to the power of attorney.
add 5 to the total if the governor a) publicly professes to hate the gays or b) publicly professes to stamp out corruption on wall street.
Even so, South Dakota is what happens when North Dakota pulls down it’s underwear.
And here we are in Illinois, not even cracking the top ten. I’m calling shenanigans on those doing the analysis at the USA Today.
Any state where a former Secretary of State was found with 800,000 grand in shoeboxes in a hotel room and yet was never convicted of a crime must forever remain near the top of any so-called “corruption list”. (Never convicted cuz he died, but whatevs, he died a clean man.)
We’re Eating More Beets!
ManchuCandidate: While mayor, Buddy Cianci sold products under his “Mayor’s Own” brand–they included olive oil and other hilarious stereotypical Italian-American goods…
I can’t believe fuckin’ Florida wasn’t on teh list..
Sara; Fargo, Alt tectz, William H. way to BE girlfriend…
So how many children has the GOP corrupted actually?
A state with about a dozen employees that has what looks to be an 18-story capitol building is corrupt? Who knew.
Small wonder when 60% of Merkans can’t even find the Dakotas on a map.
By the same token, when Bill Gates is in North Dakota, everybody in the state is, on average, a millionaire.
Sooo, as long as ur judges and prosecutors are also corrupt, you glide under the USA Today fact-finding radar?
Mmm. Smell that real America.
freakishlystrong: While ND wins in per capita corruption, Florida has by far the most Federal convictions, with 824. Second is Pennsylvania with 555. Florida is the “Wonkette Readers” of this particular competition.
Still, I think this article is an important rebuttal to all the tards who post blog comments about “corrupt Democrat states like Illinois” and need to be reminded of the four out of the top five most corrupt states–North Dakota, Alaska, Montana, Mississippi (Louisiana is Democratic, but 19th century Democratic)–that have been dominated by Republicans for some time now…
Servo: Welll after all, what would be the point?
Did anyone stop to think that in a thoroughly corrupt state, there would be ZERO prosecutions for official shenanigans, because the cops, prosecutors and judges would also be corrupt?
Just saying.
I would also like to point out that the prosecution of 1)a former governor, 2) the Vice President’s Chief of Staff, 3)Douche-King Conrad Black, and 4)the Chicago mafia likely limited the ability of the Federal Prosecutor to place other deserving individuals on trial.
Over at TPM there is a contest of sorts about this. After consideration, I do kinda think this hits the nail on the head.
You can talk shit all you want, but we got oil & all the nukes. Suck on that, you poor jobless people. We will be modestly chuckling over our plates of lutefisk, while the rest of you will be living in Thunderdome. And, with our new corruption rating, our cool factor just went up. We’re right above…well, no other state comes to mind.
WadISay: Thank you for dressing up this discussion with perspective.
Juice-IL: My husband told us that story at dinner- he is from 2 or 3 generations of Chicagoans(Chicagans?). He said that when you paid your DMV registration you wrote a check to that guy- by name. My son asked why with all that money was the guy found in a crummy little hotel room- my son is clearly understanding that a real Chicago politician would be found in a big hotel room with hookers.
I don’t care what any “poll” says, D.C. is the most corrupt District in the U.S.
Bigger Government = Less Corrupt.
The ghost of Ronald Reagan weeps tonight, and this makes me feel all
inside.
Otis: You want Snowbilly to hafta come over (?) there and whup your ass? Keep talkin’…
WadISay: Statistics are wonderful things. Did you hear the one about the three statisticians who go duck hunting? They’re sitting together in their duck blind when a duck flies overhead. The first statisticians takes aim and — boom! — misses his target high. The second statistician then lifts his shotgun and — boom! — misses low. The third statistician exclaims, “We got him!”
Otis:
“You can talk shit all you want, but we got oil & all the nukes”
Making you strategic target 001.
SayItWithWookies: Lol, you said it re; 18 story state capitol.
And speaking for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, how many state senators do we have to have stuffing hot bribes into her bra on tape before we can play with the big boys?
finallyhappy: The guy was from Vienna, IL in waaay Southern Illinois, so the hotel room was probably a step up for him. They also found about 50 cased of whiskey in that apartment, so at least he knew how to have a good time.
The people who put this ‘research’ out better pray to whatever god they believe in that Nate Silver isn’t from North Dakota. Because if he is, and he gets wind of this methodological travesty, he will nerd-stomp a mudhole in someone’s head.
SayItWithWookies: Yah..and as an added bonus we have the perenally? orange Crist fucking up the works even more.
Here in NYC, the ultimate symbol of world-class corruption, the Tweed Courthouse, has been lovingly restored and turned into the HQ of the Dept. of Education.
That’s all I got.
grevillea: I apologize for my improperly placed smiley screwing up your comment (and mine).
I’m sure yours was brilliant.
Roschach test: What do you see in the “Corruption belt” of dark blue stretching from PA down to LA? A sideways doggy, an old lady sitting down, Blagojevich’s taint?
Can I get an analysis of which state is the most anal-sexiest? That seems more appropriate for Wonkette.
What is corruption in North Dakota anyway? “I did not have sex with that cow, nor with the cute one standing next to her.”
I thought it was just “Dakota”.
Neon Trotsky: I do believe Buddy’s primary “Mayor’s Own” product is the marinara sauce. And I am not ashamed to admit I have a half-dozen jars of it at home.
It makes me proud that the same mayor which illegally arrested people and used them as human ashtrays in his living room can also make a decent base for a pasta sauce.
Lascauxcaveman: Why Smiley gonna eat scorpion???
North Dakota is Minnesota nice minus the nice. glad I left.
OK, I’ll do the dammed lot count.
mattbolt: Palin skidmark.
Mentioning North Dakota reminded me of a question: since Michelle Obama will be a Democratic First Lady, does that qualify her as The Black Hilz?
Don’t forget the First Law of Journalism: 80 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
problemwithcaring:
That smell is sugar beets rotting in the fields. Someone forgot to pick them… again.
YES. Louisiana FTW. And if we had an industrial strength hair dryer, we’d melt Alaska and reclaim #2, dammit.
shortsshortsshorts: Hey shortpants, I got a “pole” for ya! Ohh Zing. Ouch!
North Dakota should move to Canada. There, I said it. Anyone got a problem with that?
SayItWithWookies: Hey, that joke was in an episode of West Wing.
Clearly it’s actually statistics which are the hobgoblins of little minds.
Toonces: You’re right! If only I had kept some–bet you could make some sweet ca$h on the e-bay with that…
queeraselvis v 2.0: I think LA should be #1 myself.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Absolutely, in sheer scope and entertainment value, nothing can touch LA corruption. It’s an accepted part of life right up there with stifling humidity. Poor David Vitter was just showing appreciation for his heritage.
expatinOz: We may have gotten it from the same source, since I never ever watched that show. A fact that was lost on my coworker who insisted on telling me the plot of every single fucking episode as soon as I crawled into the office. Not that I’m plotting revenge or anything…
This all came about after the Paultards moved in.
http://wonkette.com/365812/ron-pauls-glamorous-new-home-in-north-dakota
Juice-IL: The only guy that did get in trouble from Paul Powell’s $800,000 was Frank Lorenz, a long-time friend of Powell’s that found the money in a closet.
Juice-IL: It was the St. Nicholas Hotel, which was barely a step up from an outhouse.
finallyhappy: That’s correct! I remember my father making out checks to “Charles F. Carpentier”. He was the REPUBLICAN Secretary of State that started the practice.
But Powell’s money, which was all $100 bills came from lobbyists. The way it worked was that a bill was introduced in the legislature known as a “fetcher”. A fetcher was a bill designed to fetch all the lobbyists from Chicago to Springfield.
The classic example of a fetcher is this: A bill is written to change the gauge of all the railroads in Illinois from the standard gauge of 4′8.5″ to 5′ even. All the RR lobbyists come downstate & pass out the 100s & the bill dies in committee.
That’s where Powell’s money came from.
“Meanwhile, the truly corrupt states (Rhode Island, anyone?) emerge a shade better, because they never bother to arrest, or god forbid convict, their political criminals. Instead, they elect them Mayor of Providence.”
Hey, you leave Buddy alone! I might be a NY’er now, but I still love the tiny state that I grew up in. Corruption aside (and mafia goodies galore!), Cianci did a lot of good for the state, so we… kind of looked the other way. AND he makes a delightful marinara sauce!!!
http://www.onlyinrhodeisland.com/maownmasa16.html
This is utter boo-hockey. My state impeached the first five governors until the jerks in DC threatened to turn us back into a territory if we didn’t knock that shit off. Gov. Alfalfa Bill Murray called up the National Guard, declared war on Texas and lined ‘em up on one side of the Red River with Texas guns on the other side. In the 1970s, five county commissioners were indicted and another 70 turned themselves in. And in Little Dixie, when the snotty federal prosecutors (as serious as Fitz, but not nearly as wonky-hot) shut down a vote buying scheme. One vote for a pint of whiskey or $5.00.
Like my daddy explained, “If those old boys can’t take care of theirselves, how you gonna’ expect ‘em to run a whole state?”
So those Norsky wheat farmers can just go back into their caves and hibernate through their wrath-of-God winter.
They have to call it North/South Dakota because plain “Dakota” is the name of half of all third-graders in America today.
Unindicted Co-Conspirator: Oh yeah, good historic details. Sadly, the tawdry hotels and massage enterprises on Jefferson St. have been turned into State buildings. A footnote on “fetcher” — often a fetcher would be a proposed bill that would propose a costly burden on a female-dominated occupation, like social work or teaching. And then, all the babes would come to Springfield to literally work their asses off to defeat it. Equal Rights Amendment was the classic fetcher, and stayed in the legislature for years.
Another footnote on Paul Powell, a lot of the cash was collected from his many employees (Secy of State) in once-monthly “flower fund” campaigns enforced by their office managers. A former neighbor in extreme Southern Illinois told me that when he got back from WWII, he sold all his stuff and borrowed from friends and relatives to amass $500 to buy a State job from Powell. The neighbor’s comment was, “best money I ever spent”. He built most of his house with supplies he brought home from work.
Illinois may not have the convictions to beat out Top Dakota, but we certainly have the culture. Once, at a Council meeting, a business owner complained that City workers spread trash all over her alley, while the dock of the restaurant next door was always clean and neat. The answer: “Lady, the restaurant owner tapes $10 bills to her garbage and sets out whiskey on the holidays. What do you expect for nothing?”
villageatrois:” “Lady, the restaurant owner tapes $10 bills to her garbage and sets out whiskey on the holidays. What do you expect for nothing?”
Win!
There is no doubt there is corruption in North Dakota, it is just that like other states everyone sees it but the ones doing the corruption are also in charge of those who might investigate the corruption. You might consider looking at http://www.northdecoder.com or http://www.iwofndadvocates.com/blog and see what people are really seeing about corruption in this politically corrupt state.