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THE FIFTH BEATLE

Rod Blagojevich’s Terrible Hair Found Guilty of Everything

After he's executed, Homer will get his hair.Here’s some courtroom sketch of that Blaggy guy, Illinois mafioso Rod Blagojevich, suffering under the burden of this incredible hair monster. Here’s a quick tip for voters on the lookout for “clean” candidates: If they have hair like this, in 2008, they are a complete fucking criminal. No exceptions. [Princess Sparkle Pony]


1:53 PM on Thu December 11 2008
By Ken Layne
3708 Views

  1. NoWireHangers says at 1:55 pm, December 11th, 2008

    It’s like that episode of The Simpsons where Homer’s evil hair transplant makes him kill. Blago’s evil hair makes him call Barry a “motherfucker” and demand bribe money.

  2. NoWireHangers says at 1:57 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Damn you, Kin! I just read your alt text.

  3. Mr Blifil says at 1:58 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Who knew his fifth grade classmates would have foreseen his dilemma so many years prior?

  4. bfstevie says at 1:59 pm, December 11th, 2008

    It’s so nice to see Princess Sparkle Pony again! Please say something mean about Bill Kristol.

  5. NewSpence says at 1:59 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Sometimes, a cliche is a cliche for a reason.

  6. Ken Layne says at 1:59 pm, December 11th, 2008

    NoWireHangers: Hahahahaha.

  7. He’s morphing into the mom on Family Circus.

  8. magic titty says at 2:00 pm, December 11th, 2008
  9. user-of-owls says at 2:04 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Wow, the artist must have been waiting for Blaggy to come along all his/her life! Look at the judge. This sketchmaster would plop the Dead Wombat Wig on Yul Brynner. If he was on trial that is. And not dead.

  10. ManchuCandidate says at 2:04 pm, December 11th, 2008

    I think Ken and NoWireHangers are onto something. I’m pretty sure Blago’s hair has a life of its own when it testifies in court it will remind me of this little sketch from a soon to be canceled TV show.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lab8BapoY14
    Go to 3:55.

  11. LongWallace says at 2:05 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Good to know, I won’t be casting my vote for George Stephanopoulos this election!!!

  12. I look forward to seeing him bald in his orange prison costume.

    I also suspect he’ll get all tattooed up there.

  13. Sussemilch says at 2:08 pm, December 11th, 2008

    It looks like that picture of the diseased black lung they scare kids with to keep them from smoking.

  14. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 2:08 pm, December 11th, 2008

    That should be hanging in the Louvre.

  15. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 2:08 pm, December 11th, 2008

    I can only imagine the poor MFA student trying to inject artistic perspective into that hair, only to scream “Aw, fuck it” and run screaming from the room.

  16. quoth teh Raven says at 2:14 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Servo: Oh man, WIN…

  17. Obviously, ROD BLAGOJEVICH needed that money to feed his hair-monster.

  18. “If they have hair like this, in 2008, they are a complete fucking criminal. No exceptions.”
    [koff]Stephen Harper[/koff]

  19. At least he waded into the legal battle wearing a helmet.

  20. Canuckledragger says at 2:20 pm, December 11th, 2008

    “Fifth Beatle???”

    That incorrigible youngster Ken Layne is fuckin’ stunned, or he’d know the REAL Fifth Beatle was Stu Sutcliffe [RIP].

    Blaggy is the second Hervé Villechaize. On stilts.

  21. No way in hell is that his hair.

    Got to be some sort of alien scalp appliance.

    I don’t trust any hair if I can’t see the roots.

  22. Canuckledragger says at 2:27 pm, December 11th, 2008

    sezme: That comment might not play in Peoria, but in Canuckistan, that’s a definite “win.”

    It’s funny because it’s true.

  23. for real, you guys, i think he’s got a luxuuuuuurious mane.

  24. Gorillionaire says at 2:35 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Everytime I see that haircut I hear in my head the theme from My Three Sons.

  25. BigBrainOnBrad says at 2:39 pm, December 11th, 2008

    When did Dennis the Menace’s father have sexual reassignment surgery and become a judge?

  26. SayItWithWookies says at 2:40 pm, December 11th, 2008

    And that courtroom artist is incredible. Now I know what happens to the people who can’t copy the picture of the mouse in the art school ad.

  27. Just think of the manscaping he can do with his new friends in the pokey:
    http://www.gigglesugar.com/394797

  28. Hairdo courtesy of The Jim Henson Company.

  29. problemwithcaring says at 2:56 pm, December 11th, 2008

    magic titty: Is “Ponch” just too obvious?

  30. Mr Blifil says at 3:09 pm, December 11th, 2008

    BigBrainOnBrad: Since Dennis got his dye job, tamed his cow lick, and was elected Governor of Illinois.

  31. villageatrois says at 3:24 pm, December 11th, 2008

    When are the lazy Trib reporters gonna effin’ interview the effin’ grievin’ widow?

  32. Ken Layne says at 4:33 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Canuckledragger: The American “Fifth Beatle” phenomenon involved whatever middle-aged radio huckster/promoter who worked on early Beatles U.S. tours and would don the awful “Beatle Wig” that was a popular novelty gift of 1965 and then start calling himself “The Fifth Beatle.” There were probably THOUSANDS of these guys, who all looked like Blaggy will look after 13 years in the slammer.

  33. Dumb Ass says at 5:00 pm, December 11th, 2008

    That is the cheapest toupee on god’s green earth. Blago needed the cash to invest in something a bit flatter.

  34. villageatrois says at 5:18 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Awww, c’mon. That’s what chia pets look like in the Winter.

  35. They should have just arrested his hair, it’s clearly the brains behind this operation.

  36. gliberal says at 6:56 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Didn’t Bridget Bardot campaign against just this sort of animal abuse?

  37. Canuckledragger says at 7:02 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Ken Layne: Dude, I am from Canuckistan, not MARS!

    I was listening to Murray The K. when you were still an impure thought in yer Daddy’s head.

  38. badmuthagoose says at 7:05 pm, December 11th, 2008

    I now have IRON-CLAD PROOF that my own governor, Republican Rick Perry, is a VILE CRIMINAL SLUG! Google him and check out his hair. His nickname is Gov. Goodhair, for real. Googling that term even sends you to his website. He’s been called that in print, by the Dallas Morning News and other big dailies in the state. For real. CRIMINAL.

  39. Canuckledragger: After last week’s Canuckistani politics thread, I was pretty sure someone around here would understand.

  40. What I hate is the way the hair is a betrayal of Blago’s ethnic heritage. A careful perusal of Serbian politicians reveal the hair always stands straight up in the front, revealing a giant forehead — think Slobo — and so it’s certain he’s somehow conked his natural hair-raising South Slavic tendencies to imitate the nerd in the back of the band bus with a name like Jonathan.

  41. astroprofeddie says at 8:13 pm, December 11th, 2008

    Napoleon Dynamite grow up to be a courtroom sketch artist. Where is the Liger?

  42. PityParty says at 2:03 am, December 12th, 2008

    “Too late. The living toupe leaped from a parapet into the inky night…”

    This is a job for Super Chicken!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQq6xfbgfXw

  43. Kwame'sLittleHelper says at 8:29 am, December 12th, 2008

    PityParty: Glad I’m not the only one who thinks of that episode when I see Blagojevich. Love it.

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