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Ann Coulter Speaks!

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Wow, this gal is a quick healer! Less than a month ago her jaw was wired shut, and here she is talking again. She says it’s good that newspapers are going bankrupt, because this is how competition works in the Free Market, and competition is good, because people want more choices rather than less, and so offering people fewer choices in print media is … awesome? Whatever, nobody ever said Ann Coulter had to make sense. [YouTube]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • cal


  • HuskyMescan

    I hate wire cutters.

  • mattbolt

    Ugh, that shrill harpy again? I’m not even watching the video because, Goddamnit, why? I know it’s just going to make me feel pissed off.

    Man, I wish every day was Anal Secks Wednesday. 12/10 NEVER FORGET.

  • God Hates Frogs

    Oh, I have heard that meth makes you twitchy and causes you to babel nonsense and vote in the wrong district. But all the excess energy makes you either do lots of sex or give irrational speeches about that of which you do not know doodley-squat.

  • Servo

    She’s really Jeremy Irons in drag.

  • Min

    I loathe her so profoundly that I cannot even be flip about it. Although I will say that she hasn’t been the same, since they dropped that house on her sister.

  • snideinplainsight

    Ann Coulter Speaks? That’s a headline?

  • Danoz

    I can see an adam’s apple.

  • snideinplainsight

    Now if the headline read, say, “Ann Coulter Thinks”, then you’d have something.

  • Darehead

    I’m glad you support the FLEA market, (M)ann. Now go there and sell yourself. Because you are one nasty bloodsucking pest in this dog eat dog world and the one place you belong is under the skin of your natural kinfolk, a Rottweil Metzgerhund BITCH.

  • MathewBrooks

    Wonkette Editors,

    How come she doesn’t get a catchy name like ‘Dracula Cunt’ and suchlike?

  • 4tehlulz

    Should have rickrolled into a “Martha Speaks” segment.

  • Alex Trebeks Girl

    one day her strap on will fall out from her skirt. i hope there will be cameras.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The jaw-wired-shut story was just a ruse. She actually spent the past month handcuffed to Boy George’s bed.

  • Larry McAwful

    I’m taking up a collection to buy Ann Coulter more cigarettes. It doesn’t appear that she’s smoking enough. More cigarettes are faster acting, right? That’s my math here, anyway.

    If we can get her up to a carton a day, I’ll call it progress. Get her to inhale cigars or pipes and then we’re really cooking.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    That was the most logical thing I have heard this morning. However, I literally just woke up. Looking at porn right now would probably be more fulfilling then Ann’s delicious rants.
    Isn’t she glorious?

  • freakishlystrong

    That was a seriously ratshit crazy rant, she must be suffering from Post That Bastard Who Wrecked the World and Republicans have Finally been Revealed as the Zeonphopic, Ignorant, Racists that They Really are Depression…(I’m on cold medicine).

  • ManchuCandidate

    Say Ann, aren’t these the same newspapers that pay to shove your column up the asses of your readers?

    Just asking.

  • Theodorick Of York

    How about a simple anagram?
    Ann Coulter = A loner cunt
    Why can’t this bitch just dry up (done)
    Die (soon)
    Go Away (not fast enough)
    How about a Quentin Tarantino snuff flick where the lovely Ann and Michael Madsen spend some quality time in a windowless basement.
    No, I don’t like her.

  • KilgoreTrout_XL

    Did you notice how when she began speaking everyone in the audience started to furiously masturbate?

  • Monsieur Grumpe&#39

    If you play that clip with the sound off and make barking noises as she moves his/her lips it’s most entertaining.

  • CrunchyKnee

    That dude creeps me out.

  • Tra

    I thought you guys weren’t going to inflict ann coulter on us ever again.

  • Darehead

    [re=196459]Larry McAwful[/re]: Great idea. Fill her with Wonder Bread, mayonnaise and Spam too. The Satannic Diet. Cgarettes and cholesterol.

    And meh-be Sarah Palin was speaking from the future when she said she reads ALL the newspapers.

  • Miller

    I’m just glad the country elected enough Democrats to fuel her creatively for the next decade. Those last few books barely had a hateful premise.

  • Mara47

    Sorry, my ears are wired shut for this bitch.

  • Hopey dont play that game

    Give this guy a break! Do you have any idea how painful it is to keep little Johnny tucked up the stink trail for days at a time?

  • mattbolt

    [re=196469]Theodorick Of York[/re]: “Simple anagrams” can be deceptive.

    Sara K Smith =
    Karma’s Shit
    Hams At Risk
    I Mask Trash
    Ram a shit, k?
    Rahm: Ass Kit

  • norbizness

    Nice try, but I’m not going to push the shiny, candy-like play button in the middle of that embedded video.

  • Sussemilch

    Did they ever say how she broke her jaw?

  • villageatrois

    [re=196469]Theodorick Of York[/re]: ANN COULTER (anagram) : NOT NUCLEAR Dunno what that means. Maybe there’s a concept trying to escape from the letters.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=196487]Sussemilch[/re]: I can only assume someone hit her in it, with a 2X4, to shut her up.

  • lempha

    Wait, wait, wait. The audience is laughing! At NYU!?

    I guess she really is “nothing but an awesome fag hag.”

  • Darehead

    [re=196487]Sussemilch[/re]: I think she was sucking Rush Limbaugh’s prosthetic cock and some of the wiring got mangled up with her tonsils.

  • mattbolt

    [re=196490]villageatrois[/re]: BARACK OBAMA -> MARACA KABOB

    Sweet God, he’s Mexican AND Muslim!


    Well, yeah.

  • Kev-O-Tron

    32 comments and no ping-pong ball jokes. I’m proud of you guys!

    But seriously folks… Isn’t it fun to watch people like Coulter getting laughed out of polite society? Her “books” will forever be remembered as wingnut rantings regarded with as much respect as Readers Digest.

  • Gorillionaire

    Gratefully, youtube is blocked at my workplace.

  • Schmannity

    Walter Cronkite–The President of the Ho Chi Min Admiration Society? Why is she fighting a 90 year old man? She’s right though, it will be great when newspapers are out of business so that we can get away from fact content entirely and go all opinion all the time. Truthiness triumphs over truth. Heute Fox, Morgan the ganze Welt!

  • Mustang

    Can you guys do an anagram for revolting asexual tool pig?

  • sike101

    Oh the humanity!

  • Servo

    Act of God.

  • Theodorick Of York

    All I can come up with is……….
    Ann Coulter!

  • StephanieInCA

    You know who else is getting her jaw wired shut? Rachael Ray. Yes, Virginia, there is a satanclaus.

  • dasNeonlicht

    Facts presented by Ann Coulter:
    1) Competition is good because monopolies are bad.
    2) New York is unusual because it has more than one paper.
    3) The economy can only sustain one newspaper per city, and a few national magazines.
    3) Up until 10 years ago, there were *three TV stations*.
    4) The Internet offers *infinite competition*.

  • ella

    [re=196523]StephanieInCA[/re]: Please, let it be true. And let Pauler Deen be next.

  • dasNeonlicht

    Also: I am bad at numbering lists.

  • p-Sludge ofTheElves

    [re=196439]Servo[/re]: Some of us were absolutely convinced that she would pull off the wig and it would be Andy Kaufman.

  • Mustang

    [re=196523]StephanieInCA[/re]: I know!!!! Someone gave me one of her cookbooks. The design is BUTT ugly and confusing. There is no table of contents or index, which doesn’t matter because you wouldn’t actually want to cook any of her recipes because they suck, and she uses 5 million pounds of fat. Where does she get off writing a cookbook?? She know absolutely nothing about food. She is just a greedy media whore. I know this is off topic, but I have to warn people.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Malkin = ping pong balls
    Coulter = gratuitous mentions of his penis and tranny jokes

  • scotterl

    Greg Dulli a man for all seasons:
    “And once again the monster speaks
    Reveals his face and searches for release”

  • ivenson

    [re=196439]Servo[/re]: You lie…Jeremy Irons in drag would be sexier than Ann.

  • Godot

    [re=196524]dasNeonlicht[/re]: Yeah remember back in 1997 when it was just ABC, CBS, and NBC? Odd how all these venerable and long-standing networks like CNN, HBO, and Showtime sprang up overnight.

  • Mustang

    [re=196538]ivenson[/re]: HOT HOT HOT

  • pfft..nah

    You know, the rational decision for newspapers to make in tough times would be to cut their bat-shit columnists. Fortunately for Ann, the National Review is anything but rational. They’d probably sell off their printing presses before they cut back on the amount of kookiness.

  • trondant

    Her jaw didn’t heal – she shed it and grew a new one.

  • Shadowfax

    I thought she was dead. I thought she died while trying to alleviate her own starvation she tried to eat her own Adam’s Apple.

  • bago

    Well, snakes regularly distend and pop out their jaws when swallowing a big load.

    I apologize to anyone who just threw up.

  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=196533]ManchuCandidate[/re]: my bad. In that case…

    I can’t watch video at work but this looks like a scene from the stage version of Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

  • Schadenfried

    FYI, Crooks and Liars lands the banhammer on people who make “Mann Coulter” jokes. Takes the fun out of life.

  • Anita Cocktail

    Oh, the shame that she and I went to the same law school…
    Except it’s a pretty good law school.
    But still — if the admissions committee decided that both she and I deserved admittance, does that mean that we have something in common?
    Because I don’t want to have anything in common with her.

  • mattbolt

    Half of these comments would be considered libel and open to a defamation lawsuit in many countries. Thankfully, anything which can be identified as parody, no matter how obscene, is protected under US freedom of speech. Ann Coulter licks his own taint. GOD BLESS AMERICA

  • Fivetree

    The succubus must have awesome powers indeed to be able to open up her screeching yap just a month after having it wired shut. However, no power in the cosmos will ever be able to open the locked down mind – as small as it is.

  • Mr Blifil

    Even if there were footage of Ann busting out some serious gymnastic contortionism involving throwing her legs behind her head and shoving her crotch precariously close to her own face, I wouldn’t press play.

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=196584]bago[/re]: Only Ann doesn’t swallow. She prefers to spit it back directly into the face of her unwitting victims.

  • bago

    [re=196638]Mr Blifil[/re]: A semen spitting cobra. I hadn’t considered the possibilities.

  • MarieDeGournay

    We need to hire some mythological Greek warriors to deal with this harpy once and for all.

  • Theodorick Of York

    Priceless! I salute you!

    And that’s a lotta taint to lick, considering it runs from his penis, up his back along where a human’s spine would be, over the top of his head and down his face, terminating at his asshole.

    Now, why again was his asshole wired shut?

  • jodyleek

    Ann Coulter’s mouth is still wired shut. She’s just talking out her ass again.

  • DeLand DeLakes

    [re=196447]MathewBrooks[/re]: Because no one who has every seen Coulter’s cunt has lived to tell the tale, or report on what type of fangs it has?

  • bago

    Ramesh Ponnuru would disagree, but he’s just talking shit anyways.

  • whatever_dc

    [re=196532]Mustang[/re]: i LOVE paula dean because she reminds me of southern people i know and am related to but she absolutely is an idiot and you’re right about how all her recipes have like 12 sticks of butter per person in them! and in her defense she did produce two hunka hunka burnin love sons one of whom i would swear is gayer than elton john! woof!

    i do despise rachel ray tho!

  • whatever_dc

    [re=196561]pfft..nah[/re]: actually the national review fired mr. coulter’s ass after his comment about bombing afghanistan back to the middle ages and converting them all to christianity. even the national review has some standards!

  • whatever_dc

    last year mr. coulter did his weekly collumn about the death of his father and i honestly thought to myself: ohmygods!!! satan is dead!!!

    this is my favorite “let’s make fun of ann coulter” piece courtesy of salon:

  • Pizzuti

    Nice lisp!

    I love how her hair is always luxuriously swooped to one side like a 1960s pinup.

  • bailoutstudentloans

    that’s not a lisp. That’s sibilance on the crappy microphone. Good lord, can’t you focus your hate on Ann alone?

  • Kev-O-Tron

    Since no trolls jumped into this thread as is usually the case with posts about Coulter or Malkin I’ll leave the troll comment next….

  • Kev-O-Tron

    Boy you libruls sure are “tolerant” of other people! “Ann Coulter licks his own taint” Stay classy. After your muslim Brobama is voted in you’ll all be singing a different tune. I’m almost over my monthly minutes with my AOL account and I’m completely out of Shiner Bock so I’ll keep this short:

    America: love it or leave it hippies!

  • heathenish

    i really don’t like her at all,
    but i bet she’s on some kinda pain killers, (not that she ever make any sense any way), but now she’ll probably end up with an habit and get busted (like rush did)and that will be kind of fun too

  • greensprout

    For fucks sake, with all the material this deluded idiot gives us, the best some people can still do is “haw haw she’s a dood”? FAIL

  • Custerwolf

    [re=196487]Sussemilch[/re]: I believe Blifil has your answer:
    “…some serious gymnastic contortionism involving throwing her legs behind her head and shoving her crotch precariously close to her own face…..”

  • iraqilaqi

    Let’s take up a collection and buy that poor woman
    something other than that ugly black dress she appears to
    wear 24 hours a day.

  • comicbookguy

    [re=196487]Sussemilch[/re]: In the interest of maintaining the intellectual level of these proceedings, I’m going to say she broke her jaw going down on the Malkinator.

    [re=196465]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Please no images of teh Coultergeist shoving anything up anyones asses.