Wonkette
Man, this guy! Remember Karl Rove, the doughy, evil clown who used direct mail to make George W. Bush the permanent dictator of America? He has good news for Republicans. They are poised on the precipice of a COMEBACK, a massive and extremely awesome comeback, because they keep winning seats in the South — a region which they have historically, uh, tended to win in!
Here’s what he farted out in an opinion piece for your local right-wing paramilitary rag, The Wall Street Journal:
The first win came in Georgia, where Sen. Saxby Chambliss crushed his Democratic opponent by 15 points in a run-off election on Dec. 2. The other wins came in Louisiana congressional races on Saturday. One was in a Republican-leaning district in the state’s northwest corner. Democrats outspent the GOP three to two and still lost. In the other, Republican Anh “Joseph” Cao defeated nine-term Democrat William Jefferson in a district where John McCain received 24% of the vote.
Let’s review: If Chambliss had not won re-election against perennial loser Jim Martin, it would have been shocking — fantastically shocking, of course, and Chambliss did of course get fought to a run-off. That a Republican-leaning district in northwest Louisiana ended up going Republican is … not all that weird? And oh yes, the famously corrupt Democratic congressman who stashed $90,000, IN CASH, IN HIS FREEZER, and who has been indicted on sixteen counts of corruption has somehow, finally and amazingly, lost his seat. Republicans are well and truly poised for a miraculous flowering in the years ahead!
[M]ore than one out of five Americans eligible to vote is unregistered, meaning there are millions of unregistered Republicans. The RNC once used sophisticated “micro-targeting” to develop a list of 291,000 unregistered Texans who voted in the GOP primary or were registered Republicans in the state or community where they last lived. There were 1.3 million more likely Texas Republicans with no primary voting history. The GOP needs to take this nationwide. New ways must be found to encourage party organizations and independent efforts to focus on registration.
Sweet holy Jesus on a swizzle stick, Karl Rove suddenly cares about voter registration? Who is he, Jesse frigging Jackson? STOP THE PRESSES, KARL ROVE HEARTS ACORN.
Bottom line: Republicans are still very much screwed, indefinitely, until they figure out how to accommodate young voters, Hispanics, non-wingnuts, and people who do not live in survivalist redneck enclaves of the Deep South, which means they are screwed forever.
How the GOP Should Prepare for a Comeback [Wall Street Journal]
And people that who kan reds and rights gud as well as has Grade Twelf and kollage, the edumakated.
Yeah and his wife is Morgan Fairchild. Next!
I sure hope so but if we keep putting Dems in like the Governor of Illinois … for how long?
“because they keep winning seats in the South ”
I think he means “because they keep not hemorrhaging seats in the south”
Rove’s article never once mentions the word “competence.” Its not just that Republican’s don’t value compentence, they dismiss it. Rove and his buddies actively sought to destroy the careers of anyone in Washington capable running the country. The most exciting thing about Barry is that he actively seems to like America, and is actively interested leading the country.
Yep, Republicans can win Southern elections that are not on the normal election day, so nobody but unemployed rednecks can go vote while visiting their mommasister.
How much are Senate seats going for in the South these days?
hedgehog:
Apparently, 13 assfuckings and all the Sonic burgers you can eat.
hedgehog: Two diapers and a toe tap.
First thing they need to do is shore up Republican support in… Texas? Shrewd move Karl, nobody saw that one coming. Hey, I hear Utah’s also in need of attention. Oh and Colorodo Springs could use some love. Secure those spots, and you own the world.
shanemcgowan: That’s because they are steeped in theology. If God had been competent, he could have created the universe in 5 days and taken the entire weekend off. Instead he got caught out having to pull an all-nighter, because let’s face it, the dude’s a major fuck-up.
And don’t get me started on the multiple scourges, floods, epidemics and disasters he’s had to resort to to cover up for his own mistakes. It’s getting old, God. Really old.
How ’bout planes crashing into buildings? That motivates people to vote Republican.
Has anyone told Karl Fucking Rove that his Bubba has about a 30% approval rate? That would make the guy who put him in office (twice!) about as relevant as Kirstie Alley hawking the latest lines from Petite Sophisticates.
I for one welcome our new…uh, no I don’t.
I was wondering why Wonkette had weekend postings. That’s how I found out this is Thursday. Karl Rove put water in my alcohol or something. I can feel the sobering effects. Oh noes, undistorted view of reality coming in loud and clear! Must off to the liquor cabinet post!
That hand gesture he’s making means, “Live Long and Poop, Sir.”
Come now, if every Democrat gets indicted on multiple counts of bribery and corruption or runs against entrenched southern Republicans then it will be a big Republican year. Just look at Blagojevtich, surely this is the beginning of a trend. Karl Rove knows this, that’s why they pay him the big bucks.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Did you know Karl Rove was born on Christmas and his middle name is “Christian”? He is therefore JESUS. To counteract this, his parents named him after Karl Marx, a well known comedian.
Mr Blifil: I fully support Rove’s plan to shore up support for Republican candidates in states that already elect Republican candidates. It’s a great use of their resources.
Karl who?
When you find yourself at the edge of the precipice, it’s time to move decisively forward.
They are taking great comfort in the re-election of Sissy Saxby, whose only claim to fame is smearing a triple amputee war veteran. Yep, they’re in great shape.
bluetom00: Yaa. But a Rove by any other name still smells like shit.
Throw Rove from the Tarpeian Rock. I’m sure we can persuade the Romans to rent it to us.
Zhu Bajie
Haha, Karl Rove is talking about the Republicans seizing Web 3.0, has this guy ever been on the internet? It’s run by geeky communists who vlog their podcasts into the blogosphere about how to brainwash Mexican immigrants with acorns to vote for gay America-hating democrats. Republicans are still figuring out how to dial up the AOL so they can post chain letters on the Hannity message board. Plus, every single petition they start is swamped by spam from some terrorist hate blog about truck ballz or something.
Yes, Karl, but *how* do you register all those “millions of unregistered Republicans”? Democrats did it by putting a vivacious, inspiring young black man on the ticket, which appealed to unregistered voters in their core demographics. Maybe if Republicans want to succeed, they should focus on *their* core supporters and nominate, I dunno, some pasty old white crank who fought in a war or two back in the last couple centuries.
Come back?
Isn’t that just the Repug version of a cum tummy?
Karl Robe, you say?
Speaking of portable shitters in DC…
Ain’t no scuttling like a Karl Rove scuttling ‘cuz a Karl Rove scuttling don’t stop.
NOT TO MENTION HIS MISTRESS, JEAN KIRKPATRICK
Yeah, 2 wins in Louisiana - in the illiterate, incestuous marriage parts of the state- I’m scared- I better tell David Plouffe I’m coming to a party so I can secure our Democratic candidates until the end of time. Who are the 1.3 likely texas republicans- high school drop-outs and people who have Wal mart credit cards?
They don’t need no stinkin’ voters, because they own all the guns! Right, Turdblossom?
Theodorick Of York: Cum again? Good one. Rovemakers probably aren’t so good at pulling out on time though.
Everyday I wonder what Karl Rove is thinking because he’s always right and he’s not a complete and utter failure. the line between compound and run-on sentence is blurred.
The poster boy for fat trans.
Uh…no, no, dears. The district that Cao won was New Orleans. The runoff between him and Cold Cash Jefferson was last weekend. It is in fact a big freakin’ deal, but I think it kind of got lost as Illinois is stepping on our corrupt-politician turf.
Anh “Joseph” Cao
How do you get Joseph from that? As long as people like Karl “Xenophobe” Rove have to keep Americanizing names for their bubba base, they are doomed to suffer at hands of the party of Hussein.
ella: Same way you get Bobby from Piyush?
finette: 149 more cities to destroy and the Republicans will finally have won the urban demographic.
Okay, it’s all well and good to make fun of the turd blossom because, well, why not. But please consider the possibility that while the rhetoric in which he couches his prediction is spurious the prediction itself may turn out to be correct. What did Barry and the Congrellettes inherit but the single most screwed pooch in the history of screwed pooches. I think Karl is just counting, as he always does, on the American electorate to act irrationally. If all our problems aren’t largely solved in four years it won’t matter how hard Barry has been trying and it won’t matter that he didn’t spend eight years creating this retarded mess. A big chunk of our brethren will be delighted to buy the repub slogan “they smelt it, they musta dealt it. Vote Republican for change.”
First question for Cao by the GOP elders: “So… are ya Chinese or Japanese?”
bluetom00: Hey, excellent true fax about Rove there, I will email that info to a wingnut friend of mine whose first 2 names are also Karl Christian. He’s not an evil genius, but he does have sort of a genius for fucking up. Ask him about his severe facial scars and you will hear a cautionary tale involving high-tension powerlines, hanggliding (at night) and marijuana. (True fax!)
finette: It actually isn’t that big of a deal - William Jefferson isn’t exactly an appealing Democrat. Add in the whole destroyed city thing, plus the election being held on a different day and you create a situation that really opens it up to be flipped. The turnout was incredibly poor, too. “Joseph” even acknowledged that the turnout was crucial to him winning.
Servo:
Did you mean trans fat?
Rr was that fat trannies?
norbizness: Dirty knees, look at these?
You mean Karl “Permanent Republican Majority” Rove? You mean “the economy is fine but the liberal media is so in the tank for Barry that they’re saying it’s bad Karl Rove?. Dude is more deluded than Bill Kristol
finette: And the same way all the customer service guys I talk to at Travelocity seem to be named Kevin.
On Inauguration Day we gonna carve some flank steaks from his bum and have us a barbecue.
It’ll never happen for one simple reason: Republicans are too fuckin’ fat to do groundwork. A GOP blimp here in Minnesota said it himself when we crushed the Repubs in the local legislature races: “Republicans are fat and lazy. If you weigh 300 pounds, you’re probably not knocking on a lot of doors.”
Which is why we now have our first skinny black dude president.
Theodorick Of York:
The latter.
Karl Rove must wake up at some point and realize that he was the architect of the total collapse of the Republican Party. He is like the CEO who drives his company into bankruptcy, then writes a book about how to achieve success in business. But let us pray that he never changes.
finette: NotAnEvilLobbyist: finette is right, ya’ll got the district wrong…do you really think the redneck part of the state would elect a black man?…… Lobbyist is also right, i mean ultimately it doesnt matter…Rove’s burbling notwithstanding…
Cao is as surprised as anyone that he won…personally, i’m glad he did win, it’s one less reason [however small] to be less ashamed of being from Louisiana……
not to under-cut myself too much, but it’s worth mentioning that the election rules were changed recently….there are people who thought Dollar Bill had already been re-elected….
Tryin to use teh intraweb to reach n00b Republicanz?