Wonkette
- UCLA economists expect the recession to get nastier before it gets better. Maybe in 2010 things will look up. [Los Angeles Times]
- The Chicago factory workers who proved that enough bad publicity really can change the world reached a settlement with their former employer after Bank of America agreed to loan Republic Windows & Doors over $1 million. (JPMorgan Chase also threw in some cash.) [AP]
- Hey, good news about the recession! It’s decreasing our dependence on terrible fossil fuels, because nobody needs gas to get to work anymore. [Wall Street Journal]
- Children from the People’s Republics of Taxachusetts and Lake Wobegon perform very well in math and science tests against children from Asian countries. [New York Times]
- Foreclosures are expected to skyrocket next year, as more people lose their jobs and foreclosure moratoriums expire. [Bloomberg]
- Wow, that Blagojevich investigation — the last phase of it, anyway — moved fast! Feds started listening in on him in late October, and kablooey, here we are in December with the Illinois governor getting arrested. [ABC News]
Minnesota….cold, but smart.
In other news from Lake Wobegone, the FBI is getting ever closer to our esteemed Senator, Norm Coleman.
More good news about the recession: All those rejections you’re getting? It ain’t personal. For once.
“Children from the People’s Republics of Taxachusetts and Lake Wobegon perform very well in math and science tests against children from Asian countries.”
That’s because in Taxachusetts, children have to bury their shame that their parents relationship is a fraud because gays are allowed to marry, so they lose themselves in the spiritually empty world of mathematics. It’s sad.
I honestly think the economy will start it’s upward movement in spring, with tax refunds and the infrastructure projects.
Bah, fuckin’ Kazahkstan is better than the States at math. It’s all that potassium and clean prostitutes. Wa-wa-wee-wa.
We don’t need math in real America.
The Revolution will not be televised; however, it will be sponsored by Bank of America and JP Morgan.
The NYT sure knows how to spin an article. The US did decidedly mediocre in both math and science, but the article doesn’t mention the laundry list of countries that ranked better, just that “scores improved!” “the stats are flawed anyways!” “if Massachusetts were a country, it’d do pretty well!”
In an incredible coincidence, “kablooey” is actually Serbian for “motherfucker”.
Sara, can you please predict the market movements today. You were got it perfectly yesterday and I need some money NOW
Then, let’s have Minnesota’s 4th graders do the Senate vote recount. Maybe this election will finally be over!
Sneaky sneaky Wonkette! That ‘Blago” link to ABC News was really placed there to lead us to the “Butt-foquing Teens” story on ABC. I’m not kidding. Halfway down on the right is the link to THAT story. Hillarious. Even funnier are the 100 or so comments therein.
mattbolt: Well, we did worse in math than Kazakhstan and Latvia, but the same as Lithuania. WHAT MORE CAN YOU EXPECT?
Scores in 23 other countries were significantly lower. = +1
mattbolt: Did it mention that without the communists in MA and MN, the US would be scoring as well as The Sudan?
We won’t need a “workers” revolution. At the rate Wall St keeps flopping, we’ll be all equally in the shitter by the end of 09. Yay!
Boo for me though. I thought my Pitchfork/Torch/Rock/Guillotine Emporium was going to make it.
Before the States start patting themselves on the head and slapping the “My kid is an honor student at More Science High” bumper stickers on their American made rust mobiles consider this. The numbers are rigged. Minnesota and Massachusetts are known for having good school systems. I’d like to see the results if Mississippi was thrown in the mix.
I’m looking at the data now. In quite a few Middle Eastern countries, girls beat boys in math. Guess the Muslim Barbie says “I love math!”
It’s not surprising to me about the variations within the US edumakatshun system.
What I mostly think about when I hear the names of Colleges from (mostly) Red States?
Football, basketball, party school, vomit, girls gone wild and Playboy College Issue.
What I mostly think about when I hear the names of Colleges from (mostly) Blue States?
Expensive, good job/career oriented, way too serious and the Playboy College Issue.
Please tell this Canada City ignoramus that he’s wrong…
90% of our knowledge of the universe was discovered in the last 40 years. Sadly, the unrelenting efforts of Jeebus, Inc. through NCLB, that information, along with art, has taken a back seat to more pressing concerns like…”under God”.
The denial of art and science will certainly seal our fate.
Servo: Of course. NCLB means no child “left behind.” As in unraptured.
Dreckster: and what’s with that photo on the buttsecks article? it doesn’t look like she’s gettin it up the bummy
in case the article moves
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=6428003&page=1
ManchuCandidate: You are not wrong. But, we still don’t want Harper.
There is not enough sex in the Blago scandal!! Someone and his wife saying FUCK YOU, FUCK THEM, and calling the Future King of America a MOTHERFUCKER on the phone is NOT SEX, It is just foreplay!
Dickcember must not be allowed to die, people!! The National Enquirer is our only hope, perhaps they can dig up some offers for buttsecks in exchange for the senate “seat”.
Dreckster: Oh God, there are some precious comments on that article. Awesome.
Now I’ll go ahead and get fired when my internet history is reviewed.
Dreckster: Yeah, all teh buttsecks is because social morals are easing (heh, insert greased chute reference here). I’m sure this has nothing to do with a decade or so of “vows of abstinence,” immediately after which it was declared that teh oralz and teh buttsecks don’t count. Heck, people should at least be happy that it’s still boy-girl buttsecks.
It’s amazing what teenagers will do when something is painted as “naughty,” “exciting” and “only something Republican members of Congress do.” Make it boring by mentioning condoms, lube and muscle relaxation in sex ed class and they’ll probably go back to simply pursuing alcohol poisoning again.
azw88: ohgod. Don’t even THINK that. I can’t imagine what kind of troll would have sex with that man.
pondscum: based on transcripts of his wife’s calls, it is obviously someone that says FUCK very often!
Q: What do the numbers 1492 and 1776 have in common?
A: They’re adjoining rooms in American hotels!*
___________________
*This joke is not applicable to Minnesota and Massachusetts hotels.
I toast the Chicago factory workers with a couple of lines from “Working Girl”:
“Power to the people.”
“The little people.”
I don’t want to live in a country where people are good at math and science. Do you KNOW any of those people? Plus I don’t even believe in calculus.
Why do we continue to shut out the believers in Intelligent Math? Moral relativists have too much pull. X is not a variable to everyone. Teach the controversy!
Larry McAwful: ]
Hee hee.
I don’t trust bruins.
Mustang:
Don’t believe in Calculus? You take that back or I’ll divide you into an infinate amount of pieces!
Guppy06: Make it boring by mentioning condoms, lube and muscle relaxation in sex ed class and they’ll probably go back to simply pursuing alcohol poisoning again.
As God (and Seagrams) intended!
I woke up this morning and gave Senator Mitch McConnell a piece of my mind about that auto bailout, reminding him that his party now represents nothing more than racists and conspiracy theorists.
So when the bailout finally passes tomorrow you can all thank me for whipping ol’ Mitch into shape.
Or more likely I’ll be in jail for threatening a US America senator. Well, fuck.