nation of children

David Vitter Calling Something ‘Ass-Backwards’ Causes National Insanity

The fact that David “Diaperfuck” Vitter is leading the Senate charge against the auto bailout makes Wonkette want to give as much money as possible to the automakers. Anyway, ha, this clip is a basket of Wonders. Like a frightening tool, Vitter is shown around :40, on the Senate floor, first saying that the bailout deal is “putting the cart before the horse.” Then he hesitates, looks down in fear, and resolves to go for it: “Isn’t that… [weird facial expression] to use a common phrase… just ass-backwards?” David that is just foul!

The cut then switches to MSNBC: At 2:17, the MSNBC reporter says the “phrase” and tries to justify using it on air for 10 seconds; at 3:42, the MSNBC mean anchor lady CHASTISES the reporter for using the “phrase;” at 6:05, Norah O’Donnell appears, hopped up on lots of Xanax, and makes fun of the mean anchor lady. She giggles for 15 seconds. At 6:31 a terrifying, unrelated thing begins. Be warned.

[YouTube]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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71 comments

  1. obfuscator

    Wait until the segment right after that where he sez:

    “Come on, you guys! This bailout plan is so fucked, it’s like putting a diaper on your head and sticking a pacifier up your ass… oh my, mmmmhmm. Yessss… “

  2. robanybody

    A technical question: If your ass is backwards, does that mean you shit IN? Doesn’t sound sustainable to me, but I know there are some who can do it.

  3. stew

    When the hooker put the diaper on wrong-side out, was that “ass backwards”. There’s a lot to work with here…

  4. Uncle Al

    Is her name Contessa? Like she thinks she’s some kind of third-rate royalty? She does seem to have something up her ass…

  5. ManchuCandidate

    Vitter later added:
    “We shouldn’t just pamper the Big 3, nor just wipe away their troubles with a fiscal baby wipe. I’m pretty sure that the US Taxpayer is going to soil themselves over the cost of the bailout. How are going to keep this attitude to help these leaking car companies from spilling over to other industries? We can’t be the nanny nation and put all our businesses in Huggies…”

  6. Woodwards Friend

    So this means Vitter is supporting the bailout? I didn’t read the article but I assume ass backward = awesome to David Vitter.

  7. honkeyman

    “The Republicans will go down swinging, if they go down at all.”

    Repubs expected to tweak Vitters colon. Video at 5.

  8. azw88

    Hey, remember folks, that the DC anal sex queen was married today, so naturally ASS is at the forefront of everyone’s thoughts today!!! (I mean MORE than usual, as ASS and ASSFUCKING are top priorities in DC year-round)

  9. freakishlystrong

    [re=196031]Woodwards Friend[/re]: When you assume you make an ass out of You and Me-I just wanted another ass post I guess.

  10. S.Luggo

    BTW:
    Vitter will be opposed to the US auto bailout so long as Detroit cars aren’t required to have changing tables.

  11. FreshCliches

    “15 Billion Dollars” is the new “Apply directly to the forehead”.

    [re=196026]Uncle Al[/re]: Contessa Brewer. A WHOLE bunch of “yum” going on there. She was a local NBC affiliate anchor here before moving on up to MSNBC, and I had the opportunity to see her in a sheer black blouse with local NBC affiliate lighting, ifyannowutImean.

  12. Capitol Hillbilly

    Would it be ass backwards if two women charged with prostitution killed themselves, and their famous Senator client walked?

  13. obfuscator

    [re=196027]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “… yet the nation depends on us to tighten our waistbands and protect them from an economic explosion that would stain our nation’s underwear for a generation.”

  14. swearing_is_caring

    He said ‘ass backwards’ because ‘ass forwards’ just didn’t have the right ring to it.

  15. azw88

    I bet an aide slipped that line into his speech on a dare/double-Dare/triple-dog-dare.

    aide A:”Bet you cant make the congressman say ASS on the floor of the house!”

    Aide B: “I could but it would be wrong”

    Aide A: “I dare you!”

    aide B: “No, It is not proper decorum

    Aide a: I double-dare you, NO i TRIPLE-DOG-DARE YOU!”

    and that is how you ended up with a congressman saying the word ASS on national TV as well into the congressional record.
    And a little warm water aint removing this little tidbit from the digital ‘flagpole’. it will always be out there for all to see.. and will be used repeatedly in his opponents ads in 1-1/2 years.

  16. southernfried

    Does he not know the humorous — in a Larry Tate and Darrin Stevens kickin’ it down at the ad agency kind of way — manner in which to utter the phrase is “ack-basswards”? Slyly self-reflexive and likely to slip by mean anchor ladies, who will have to pretend — as part of a projection of on-air moral rectitude — not to know the original phrase, thereby depriving them of the basis on which to scold.

  17. Sussemilch

    Yes, it was ass-backwards. This was seen as preferable to ass-forwards, since the majority were looking forward to putting this shit behind them.

  18. thedownlows

    [re=196044]S.Luggo[/re]: I stand duly corrected. Thanks for the fetish clarification.

    diaper wearing, hooking paying, traditional marriage ruining douche will have to do.

  19. DeLand DeLakes

    Where can I find something about Vitter and diapers? His Wiki page claims that his dealings with hookers were purely vanilla.

  20. Toomush Infermashun

    She also prefers David “Vit” Shitter, although it just doesn’t make the problem go away…

  21. InsidiousTuna

    Our Wonkette already has a chatroom, full of profanity, sex, and coke-fueled rampaging hormones. And that’s just when ShortsShortsShorts is present. Stop by some time, when you’re bored at your “job”.

    http://wonkette.chatango.com

  22. gurukalehuru

    This is no snark, and I don’t claim to be a psychological expert who can read personalities from a couple of scripted minutes, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and venture a wild guess that this Contessa lady doesn’t have a lot of friends. It’s a shame, pretty lady like that.

  23. CollegeStudent

    I’m dissapointed, I just figured that Contessa’s grandmother was a Wonkette commenter because I her driving is so eco-friendly. But is she is offended by ass backwards, I don’t think she would do to well here.

  24. sarahconnor

    the term IS “bass-ackwards”… I am gay so for the mean anchor lady “Contessa” indeed. also provokes satisfying imagery of republican congressmen in diapers full of wriggling fish. uh huh.

  25. southernfried

    Hey! I just watched it — yeah, I comment about things I haven’t seen, sue me — and “The Contessa” does say “bass ackwards”! That’s the whole riff. My bad. Funny stuff.

  26. Toomush Infermashun

    But I really haven’t been paying attention to the Diaperman – is he really suggesting that, next time, the auto execs drive out to Washington, they should do it in reverse…?

  27. southernfried

    [re=196117]Toomush Infermashun[/re]: She does have the general demeanor of someone who in their off-hours likes to be vigorously bent over furniture.

  28. grevillea

    Bass ackwards? That’s fudging pathetic! Lemme guess, her gyno has to say “Now I need to draw your lady-curtains and tiptoe up the velvet hallway”?

  29. glamourdammerung

    [re=196025]FreshCliches[/re]: I do not think Vitter really gives a shit (in his diaper) if New Orleans gets repaired or not. After all, it got a lot of blacks and queers (the ones that were not in the Republican Party) to move away.

  30. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    How dare you. Sen. Vitter is just looking out for the United States. He knows very well that putting the cart before the horse or going assbackwards cost twice as much as the normal positions.

  31. Preacher

    Fuck the bailout, if it’s assbackwards or bassackwards, I’m worried about what will happen to the taint”, is it still taint? Oh, and by the way, fuck her grandmother, her taint is all dried up anyway

  32. Churchill

    Somebody buy that idiot a hooker that diapers his ass and then he will set in the corner and be quiet while adults take care of things! Why is he in the Senate, for comedy relief?

  33. Churchill

    Somebody buy that idiot a hooker so he will quietly sit in the corner and let adults take care of this!!!

  34. hockeymom

    Xanax or no, Norah is like the cool girl in high school making fun of the bass-kissing girl who desperately wants to be on homecoming court. I half expected Norah to pull a cig out of her leather jacket and blow a smoke ring at Contessa, while openly mocking her.

    Team Xanax?

  35. populucious

    Watching Republicans contort themselves into the “Government Bailing Out Big Industry is EVIL” party is like imagining the ladies at the Cadillac Ranch primly demanding abstinance for all.

  36. aleks

    I’ve been to Louisiana . . . They do most things wrong, and I’m a boob guy, but I still think I would have noticed if their asses were frontwards.

  37. S.Luggo

    [re=196243]wickedlittledoll[/re]: GOP? Blago is a Chicago Dem, which puts him in the same category as the Medicis.

    http://profile.ak.facebook.com/object2/1977/108/l9367545725_3987.jpg
    The space shuttle crew. Outer space is beyond the arrest power of the Illinois US Attorney and there is no extradition treaty with Seti 9.
    How much did NASA have to pay not to have Blago on board? In quatloos.

    “…shamed Illinois governor …”. Narrow that down, yup?

  38. PsycGirl

    So, I’m driving home from work and on NPR Senator DeMint (from SC, so you know what his party is) says that the bailout left “a bad taste in the members of Congress’ mouth”. Multiple mouths, so perhaps there’s an orgy going on?
    His reference to unions being barnacles around one’s neck shows that he is also skilled in terrible mixed metaphors.

  39. bonsai pajamas

    Taking mild offense to bad, badder, and reallly bad Louisiana jokes here. David Vitter (R) only represents about, oh, I’d say 60% of us. The rest of us never leave New Orleans where we make a living performing services for the 60% and make fun of them when they leave. And we drink.

    Oooo, you blue state punks think you’re so cool with your lattes, your wine bars, your high colonic enemas (oo-la-la), and your sex without diapers!

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