BLAGGY'S WORLD  3:31 pm December 10, 2008

Jesse Jackson Jr. Was That ‘Candidate #5′ Who Had Sex With Kristen, In Washington

by Jim Newell

Now that is one HELL of a ribbed dildoHa ha, sucks: “WASHINGTON — Federal authorities on Wednesday identified Democratic Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. of Illinois as the potential United States Senate candidate who was portrayed in court papers made public Tuesday as being the most deeply enmeshed in the alleged scheme by Gov. Rod Blagojevich to benefit from his appointment of a new senator to the seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama.” Uh oh, Daddy Jackson will have to CUT HIS NUTZ OFF now.

Just kidding, Jesse Jackson Sr. probably forced his son to get involved in this particular corruption scheme in order to earn his November allowance. Remember when Sr. cried on Obama’s election night, and you all cried because you saw Jesse Jackson Sr. crying about, uh, that black president that he never even liked? Exactly. What?:

Mr. Jackson said in an interview with ABC News that he did not know whether he was the anonymous Candidate 5 mentioned by federal prosecutors in the affidavit supporting their criminal complaint against Mr. Blagojevich. He said that the prosecutors in Chicago told him he was not a target of the criminal inquiry. But he said they had asked him to answer questions about the selection process by Mr. Blagojevich to fill the seat.

[...]

“It is impossible for someone on my behalf to have a conversation that would suggest any type of quid pro quo or any payments or offers,” Mr. Jackson said in comments broadcast by ABC News. “An impossibility to an absolute certainty.”

According to the English Language, not much breathing room stands between between “an impossibility” and “an absolute certainty.” But in politics the impossible becomes possible and absolute certainties become $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ etc.

It’s good to know that America’s Illinois Politicians get along so well. You know, how Obama apparently dislikes his NATIONAL CAMPAIGN CO-CHAIRMAN, Jesse Jackson Jr., so much that Jr. was forced to offer Blaggy a million dollars to ward off Obama’s influence. Or something. Rahm should just rat them all out, which he already did.

Officials Say Jackson Was ‘Candidate 5′ In Case [NYT]

 

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{ 42 comments }

Carrie_Okie December 10, 2008 at 3:34 pm

I am candidate 69!

BillyClubb December 10, 2008 at 3:37 pm

Jesse Jackson Sr. cried on Obama’s election night only because he was in the crowd with the unwashed masses and not on stage with Obama. “I should have never said I wanted to cut that guy’s nuts off… boo hoo.”

Delicious December 10, 2008 at 3:38 pm

Is that his Scoliosis Awareness Award?

Disinterested December 10, 2008 at 3:40 pm

I had a feeling those mysterious candidates had been numbered according to their whore diamond count.

nsps December 10, 2008 at 3:40 pm

Maybe when he said “An impossibility to an absolute certainty,” he meant that it was somewhere in the range between an impossibility and an absolute certainty that he or someone on his behalf would have a conversation that would suggest any type of quid pro quo or any payments or offers. It turns out it was closer to the absolute certainty end.

freakishlystrong December 10, 2008 at 3:40 pm

That pic..it looks like Alien VS Predator..

Manofsteel December 10, 2008 at 3:41 pm

When Jesse Jackson Sr. said Obama was disrespecting black people way back when, causing the world ended for like six seconds, it’s obvious now that by “black people,” he meant his son. Obama doesn’t care about Jesse Jackson Jr., or his enormous sense of entitlement.

nsps December 10, 2008 at 3:42 pm

[re=195920]Delicious[/re]: That was my thought.

ManchuCandidate December 10, 2008 at 3:43 pm

Be careful there Jim. Isn’t Jr a black belt in something Asian involving breaking heads and kicking ass?

Voyou Charmant December 10, 2008 at 3:45 pm

Why is it so difficult for politicians to just not be corrupt? If they aren’t corrupt because of greed/power, they are corrupt by the, apparently, sweet sweet temptation of random underage wangs/asses, or women that are not their wives.

Is it just a component of the personality that takes an interest in politics? I mean, Jesus fuck, we haven’t even had the inauguration and already the Dems are trying to show that they, just like the Republicans, can be corrupt.

ToeCramps December 10, 2008 at 3:46 pm

Wah? Hopey couldn’t help a brutha out? 500 stacks for a senate seat? That seat must vibrate, massage and satisfy all at once! Do they sell a knock off of those seats at teh Wal-mart?

Iggy Plop December 10, 2008 at 3:47 pm

JJ, Jr. has got a million to front to Blags for a Senate seat? Curious path to riches, that: son of a preacher man, shadow Senator, and national race dialogue irritant goes to the House of Representatives and starts pulling down the cash that keeps him in the five diamond whores.

hedgehog December 10, 2008 at 3:48 pm

First there was the Keating Five. Now, it’s the Jackson 5!

Woodwards Friend December 10, 2008 at 3:50 pm

Can we just get Peter Fitzgerald back? He’s apparently the only Illinois politician other than Barrack Obama who isn’t involved in some kind of horrible, horrible corruption. Plus he was right about the cockpunch that was the post-9/11 airline bailout.

Mustang December 10, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Forget politics! He’s got a great future in porn.

civan93 December 10, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Is governor Ryan out of prison yet?

tiger December 10, 2008 at 3:57 pm

He’s totally hot. I’ll fuck him. Oh wait, what do i get?

magic titty December 10, 2008 at 3:58 pm

I thought black people played electric bass?

Sarjo December 10, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Seriously, this just makes me sad sad sad.

Mustang December 10, 2008 at 3:59 pm

Or, maybe as a gas station attendant. It’s hard to tell.

Vanity Smurf December 10, 2008 at 4:00 pm

Oh. How shocking. JJ Jr. Sleazy and Corrupt. Whocoodanode?

Mustang December 10, 2008 at 4:01 pm

[re=195946]tiger[/re]: Way to monetize!

freakishlystrong December 10, 2008 at 4:02 pm

[re=195946]tiger[/re]: I believe, per the post above, he’s already fucked…

unprotoize December 10, 2008 at 4:03 pm

They’re picking off the worst of the Illinois politicians from the bottom up. Daley’s days are numbered. Seriously. If I could short sell stock in the Daley empire I’d do it right now.

(For you beltwaytarians: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_M._Daley)

Doglessliberal December 10, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=195946]tiger[/re]: here’s another son, maybe you could get a package deal
http://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/July-2007/Under-the-Radar/

lazynamepicker December 10, 2008 at 4:05 pm

And to think that all the a**-kissing and self-promoting that Jr. has been doing all over the teevee wasn’t enough.

tonehedge December 10, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Why does he have Rev. Al Sharpton’s dildo on his hand?

MoonshineJoe December 10, 2008 at 4:10 pm

Wait, is he holding a gilded spinal column (a la sub-zero)? He just cold ripped some dudes neck out and then dipped it in gold? Hard-core sez eye.

obfuscator December 10, 2008 at 4:13 pm

J-Cubed has to be crapping himself right now. Rod Roddy is on tape implying that [Candidate 5] offered something “tangible” up front with a promise of fundraising aid after the appointment was made. If this goes badly, we might have another vacant seat in congress.

Larry McAwful December 10, 2008 at 4:14 pm

I understand Jesse Jackson, Jr. said, “This would have been a good day to call in gay…”

SpecialHorse December 10, 2008 at 4:16 pm

Dummy

WadISay December 10, 2008 at 4:17 pm

[re=195954]unprotoize[/re]: Do the next best thing: bet on someplace besides Chicago to get the nod from the Olympic Site Selection Committee. The only Olympic event Chicago will be hosting anytime soon will be the bribery and bumdiddling biathalon.

IslandGirlFL December 10, 2008 at 4:29 pm

I sat near JJ Sr. at Invesco. He cried then too. During Barry’s acceptance speech, ya’lls. But was it cuz he was moved or because “THAT SHOULDA BEEN ME….WAHHHHHH!”. Who knew he was such a cry-baby? Makes Hillary look stoic as hell.

God Hates Frogs December 10, 2008 at 4:42 pm

Little-known fact. Junior is an accomplished theremin player and was founder of “Colored Boy ‘n the Tidy Whiteys.” He is pictured receiving The Bronze Theremin from Timbaland.

LittlePig December 10, 2008 at 4:58 pm

[re=195932]Voyou Charmant[/re]: Please. “just like the Republicans”? Let the Dems swindle a half-trillion into something like Halliburton and we’ll talk.

bago December 10, 2008 at 5:11 pm

SPINE NUTZ! CUT-EM!

blader December 10, 2008 at 5:18 pm

JJSr cried on election night because it finally dawned on him how much it was gonna cost to have #5 installed in the senate.

sux2bu December 10, 2008 at 5:39 pm

Gentlemen, I have decided there will be, uh, no investigation. Now if you will excuse me I’ll go away.

NunnaTheSOBs December 10, 2008 at 5:46 pm

that power hungry little shit
is just like his bullshit
preacher father — so impressed
with himself that he can’t FATHOM
why others can’t see his obvious
WONDERFULNESS.
it was so transparent that AT LEAST
ONE of the reasons he was so PRO
OBAMA, was a desire to see his
perfect self in the US Senate.
if the GOPers would get past
nominating fuckups and dumbasses,
maybe those of us who LOATHE
these fake ass “candidates of the
people” would hav a real choice
in national elections.

lempha December 10, 2008 at 7:07 pm

[re=195946]tiger[/re]: I heard he’s not willing to give anyone anything except appreciation. Fuck him.

sanantonerose December 10, 2008 at 10:22 pm

It looks like a jointed, bendable brass dildo. A really long one.

zhubajie December 11, 2008 at 9:22 am

[re=195977]WadISay[/re]: You don’t think the Olympic Committee is clean, do you? Surely you know that Salt Lake and Sydney got the Games via bribery?

Zhu Bajie

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