Wonkette
There is a special place in Hell for hairless rat-eyed creeps who rise to fame as an emblem of all that is mediocre and shameful about our dumb country and who make careers for themselves selling digital TV converters and then start yapping about how they never really supported the people who made them a household name in the first place. We speak, of course, of the odious Joe the Plumber, who will suffer an eternity of torment at the hands of lecherous demons with forked sex organs.
Joe the Plumber, remember this douche? Which presidential candidate was it that he supported? Barack Obama, right, like everybody else in America? Oh no wait he campaigned for John McCain, for several crucial weeks at the end of the campaign, and very much enjoyed calling Obama a socialist while singing the praises of the capitalist military hero John McCain.
Now that John McCain can’t help Joe the Plunger get any more endorsements or free live pigs to fuck, we learn the truth:
Joe Wurzelbacher lashed out Tuesday at former GOP presidential nominee John McCain, the man who made Wurzelbacher famous as “Joe the Plumber.”
Wurzelbacher told conservative radio host Glenn Beck that he felt “dirty” after “being on the campaign trail and seeing some of the things that take place.”
[...] Asked why he didn’t leave McCain’s campaign if he was “appalled” by the candidate, Wurzelbacher said, “honestly, because the thought of Barack Obama as president scares me even more.”
It’s so hard, you know? Writing about this Plunger jackass only feeds his sad addiction, and yet how can you not, because he is so awful, the end.
Joe the Plumber: McCain ‘appalled me’ [Politico]
Speaking of plungers, today would be a good day to introduce Joe to the joys of ass-fucking.
Ass-clowns, keep moving!
Let he who has stuck his hand down a thousand commodes cast the first stone.
Joe the D-bag, bleeding the life out of his 15 minutes of fame.
He..he..refused to call Nobama a nigger. I felt so dirty when I realized that.
I was about to rage against the media giving this guy a platform, but I realized that no one listens to Glenn Beck, so that would have been silly.
I felt used, like a piece of meat, or some cheap, blond floozy lobbyist he picked up for a night of shallow, meaningless sex.
If Joe the Plumber is placed in the same room with Glenn Beck, is there a danger of tearing the time/space continuum?
Not only that, but he also sang the praises of Sarah Palin, saying she was the “real deal” and thinking that everyone talked shit about her solely because she actually wanted the best for America. Ha.
Clearly Joe needs to follow the one true Conservative god, Bill Kristol. Only then can he find true redemption. And if he looks under a rock he can find Jonah Goldberg, who will explain it all to him.
This site is my one-stop shop for news about classy people. Can’t we just put Plunger, Washingtonienne, Blaggy, et al, in a food processor and blend them all down into a puree of pure douchery?
I didn’t leave because, well, let’s just say a certain GILF could suck the chrome off a ball-cock. (it’s a plumbing term, people!)
Joe has this site on his bookmarks and checks it every couple hours:
http://hasobamatakenawayourgunsyet.com/
Joe has got the Bitters real bad. How does it feel Joe? Like you just puked and your lips are sewn shut? Butt muncher.
Tool.
McCain just chose the wrong demographic. A more representative mannequin would have been Homey the Convict.
Speaking of mannequins, is my suspicion correct that Chuck Todd is the leading edge of ventriloquist dummy technology?
Shorter every website covering this dipshit long past his expiration date: “I can’t believe this dumbass wants publicity! Well, let’s give it to him!”
mattbolt: Great site! I was just going to check my gun cabinet, ’cause I know the socialists want to get my AKs. And the two million rounds of ammo in my basement.
Mr Blifil: That depends. has Joe also been promoting his terrible, Hallmark-y special about a Christmas sweater in theaters before previews?
http://www.glennbeck.com/content/events/
Does that picture prove that Joe the Plumber knows Mandinka?
So, this douchenozzle would rather vote for a guy that “appalls” him and makes him feel “dirty”, than have an uppity negro in the Whitehouse? Sheesh! I can’t figure out what makes these wingnuts tick..
Has he had a vasectomy? For humanity’s sake, that’s the main thing. Especially since he seems to love Palins.
Wurzelbacher told conservative radio host Glenn Beck that he felt “dirty” after “being on the campaign trail and seeing some of the things that take place.”
…call me “Naive”, but how can a bag of maggot infested horse diarrhea feel any dirtier?
mattbolt: Great site! I know a number of people who are worried when President-Elect Obama will take away their guns. That site will help them out a lot. It’ll help me, too, in case I need to soothe someone’s nerves about that issue.
He’s appalled, but I’m shocked. My friends, I thought he and Juan had so much in common, what with ex-wives getting stiffed, unpaid taxes on their respective abodes, their lack of qualifications for the jobs they claimed to seek, and lying about their career plans, etc. Band o’ bros, I woulda thought.
Apparently not though. Being up to your armpits in the feces of strangers is OK, but travelin’ in style on the Straight Talk Express left him feeling “dirty?”
Making Glenn Beck my father confessor is what would make ME feel “dirty.” He’s a blot on the reputation of alcoholics everywhere, reformed or orthodox. Smug, self-satisfied, totally narcissistic and removed from anything resembling ‘reality.’
Hey, Joe & Glenn, the NEW band o’ bros.
Dear Santa
All I want for Christmas is for Joe the Plumber to swallow a homemade cocktail consisting of sleeping pills, Bacardi 151, Draino, rancid cow dung, Ammonia, engine degreaser and stale urine. Followed by him “accidently” falling into a tree mulcher!
Always
ABG!
Sammy-Joe’s head kind of resembles a potato, perhaps he could perform a special service for our nation and become Senator Bathroom Goblin’s special super-tuber.
Wurzelbacher told conservative radio host Glenn Beck that he felt “dirty” after “being on the campaign trail and seeing some of the things that take place.”
Y’know, I think I understand how he feels. After all, if you saw John McCain porking Bristol Palin while wearing a Santa suit and saying “Who’s yer daddy, bitch?” you’d need a long hot shower too.
Somehow I get the feeling the Straight Talk Express was actually The Aristocrats travelling road show.
Eventually, not even the likes of Glenn Beck will take him, and Josef der Propagandist will be doing guest columns for Stormfront.
Is Glenn Beck still happening?
“You know, I only got to spend a short amount of time with her but, you know, it was been asked if I felt any presence when I was with John McCain or Barack Obama. You know, with Sarah Palin, I don’t want to say I felt a presence but she definitely had energy[...]”
You know, it was been some oogedy-boogedy Christianist codewords being used here, you know -
I’m sure if I were in a room with John McCain, I wouldn’t want to “feel a presence” either.
Why, it’s almost as though John McCain chose as his campaign surrogates insanely vicious morons whose only interest is themselves and whose only talent is the attack. And thus does this cluster*&%&% of a campaign come to its only possible conclusion.
Now I’m off to enjoy some sweet, sweet YouTube moments of John McCain referring to Joe as a “hero.”
yeah OK http://www.wikihow.com/Suppress-the-Gag-Reflex thxbai
We speak, of course, of the odious Joe the Plumber, who will suffer an eternity of torment at the hands of lecherous demons with forked sex organs.
Oh, please. Like that’s different from any random Saturday night.
This silly ass bowling ball head freak! I guess as long as someone feeds his ego for the limelight then he’s OK. He should be scarrred of Hopey! Change his name to Joe the Dumb Ass! Anyone could have told this punk puppet that Walnuts had his hand up his ass!
Joe, you can’t throw someone under the bus if it has already been scrapped and sold.
AngryBlakGuy: You know that will be followed by “Did Obama have anything to do with Joe the Plumber’s Suicide?”.
I’m disappointed. Shouldn’t there be a metaphor involving a mode of public transportation involved, perhaps a bus?
“Some of the answers you guys are gonna receive — they appalled me, absolutely. I was angry. In fact, I wanted to get off the bus after I talked to him.”
What kind of crappy reporter tosses that line out and then doesn’t give us the details? Oh, yeah — Politico. That’s where the story starts, jackasses, not where it ends.
Again,the book this idiot wrote is one more than he’s read.
Stop wasting our time.
Darehead: A radical vasectomy is in order. Surgical tools: Hamilton Beach electric knife (your grandma has one, from the sixties), lots of towels, bullet (and cartridge, heh heh) to bite on, etc.
Well things are going well over at Joe the Blog, if you want to invade:
http://www.secureourdream.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=1
Note they are very strict and it seems better to play the conservative wingnut who has good intentions but no logic. If you make the saner ones think they associate with crazies, they will slip into insanity themselves
I like that Joe sets up this disappointment by pretending he had this really intense policy discussion with McCain and that’s why he fell out of live with Johnny. I don’t know what’s funnier the thought of McCain explaining the bailout and Joe getting increasingly mad because he couldn’t understand, or Joe getting mad because McCain didn’t understand and was rambling about nonsense.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
POST ELECTION THOUGHTS WITH JOE THE PLUMBER:
BREAKING:
JOE THE PLUMBER IS TOTALLY WANTING A HAM SANDWICH.
—END TRANSMISSION—
Good work, Glenn Beck. Even Fox had the sense to give up on this guy.
DangerousLiberal: Haha! And don’t forget to waterboard him while he’s getting the deluxe dangerous liberal nutectomy!
Glenn Who? Hey, Joe is going to milk the media any way he can-McCain and his people were morans for bringing this nothing to the public eye and giving him a forum so they deserve whateer he is dishing out.
mattbolt: My favorite part of that site is that it has an RSS feed, so you can be immediately updated as soon as Obama takes our guns away.
Is that really a picture of Joe the Plumber? It looks more like Britney Spears.
How do people like Glenn Beck and Joe the Plumber avoid getting beat the fuck up?
Voyou Charmant: To be fair, I caused Glenn’s ass-surgery to be botched through the power of prayer.
Ok, McCain has redeemed himself somewhat in my mind.
Perhaps Joe should watch this video in which he attempted to lecture the interviewer about “principles”. Because I am almost sure that biting the hand that sort of fed you is a principles fail.
http://wonkette.com/404138/rick-sanchez-joe-the-plumber-yell-at-each-other-for-six-minutes#more-404138
ToeCramps: This silly ass bowling ball head freak!
Careful. Some of us miss our hair.
Darehead: Baby number six will be named Wrench.
Joe the whore is just lookin’ for ways to monetize his relationship with his adoring public.
I want to move to Joe the Plumber’s home town, eat an enormous amount of Indian food, and clod my toilet with a monster dump just so I can make this asshole plunge it for me. Afterward I’ll pay him “Sonny Corleone” style by peeling off a few bills onto the ground.
This congenital moran is just bucking for a one-way ticket to Gitmo, amirite?
Think it was McCain’s hilarious gorilla joke that so offended his tender ears? On behalf of all gorillas?
AngryBlakGuy: There’s really very little ill effect from drinking human urine, whether it’s stale or fresh squeezed. I’d suggest removing it from the cocktail, unless it’s just there for the flavor.
That Bald Britney has a better side.
http://www.mymasha.com/h/1/index.htm
Poor joe the bag-of-dicks. He’s so PUBLICLY confused and unsure of his meal tickets. You’d think you know like WORKING would help his financial situation-that getting rich thing he bitched about-but no, more interviews. He really IS searching for that American Dream…Which makes him a bigger, balder douchewipe.
MrAgro: OK now I know Mr. Beck has a big ass stack of Judy Garland records stashed somewhere and has always longed to be a drama club fag, but could never get cast.
“The Christmas Sweater is an exciting and compelling piece of theatre. Filled with warmth and humor, The Christmas Sweater tells the story of real people as they come to terms with tragedy, family, redemption, love and the power of faith.
The production will be presented as a “Living Movie,” including impressive cinematic animation projections created expressly for this production. The vibrant musical score, which includes traditional Christmas carols, gospel hymns and original songs, underscores Glenn’s telling of the tale, sets the various scenes and punctuates dramatic moments throughout.
The Christmas Sweater is, quite simply, a good story well told. ”
I’m dying to know the provenance of those “original songs.” Pleeze, pleeze, let it turn out to be Glenn who wrote them. Pleeze.
Joe’s been sniffing the urinal cake again.
Wasn’t Joe the what’s it one of the dirty things that took place? So he grosses himself out, is that it? Deep.
AngryBlakGuy: Have you ever written a screenplay for torture-porn? ‘Cuz I think you’ve got the imagination for it.
Help-Has anyone ever had Bell’s Palsy? How long can I expect to look like the Phantom of the Opera?
Glenn Beck was one of the so called “authors” whose books were found in the house (maybe trailer–it would be logical) of the God avenging redneck in Tenn. who went into the Unitarian church and started shooting. It being Tennessee, he at least had the brains to know it was the best place to take out all the liberals at once. Beck had said that the way to deal with liberals was kill them. Absofuckinglutely a true story. I heard in on Bill Moyer’s show–doesn’t get any more factual than that, people.
I can’t imagine the slime quotient when those two got together. I will feel tons better, however, if they’re caught in a men’s bathroom making out. I’m thinking more than making out, but I’m not going to go there. I need to be esp. good so the almightly will heal me. Don’t tell Jesus where I’m hanging out.
We all knew he needed to look up the word “principles” in the dictionary.
actor212: IOKIYAFD*
It’s Ok If You’re a Famewhore Douchebag
DustBowlBlues: Help-Has anyone ever had Bell’s Palsy? How long can I expect to look like the Phantom of the Opera?
A few weeks, depending on how old you are. I suggest you milk it for all the sympathy and favors you can manage in the meantime.
Mr Blifil: Delilah’s been plugging Glenn’s book of the same title, so you know the music has to be by Glenn’s boyfriend, Jim Brickman.
Oh for the love of (name your deity). This is utter silliness and I feel dirty just commenting on it (but it feels so good to bash this knucklehead). “I’m just like every other American…” HA! Not quite buddy…at least not the Americans I hang out with. You’re a class A jack-off and a shameless opportunist. Grow some integrity and pride pal, and then maybe we’ll give you the time of day. Oh yea, and while you’re at it, get at least a 5th grade education and stop saying stupid things like “well i was scared of Obama more”. Scared?! Seriously?! Is he hiding in your closet or something?
Bacardis 151 is really nasty shit but it’s still too good for the “plumber.” I’d give him some rancid slivovitz, homemade by a Bosnian serb war criminal and diluted with goatpiss instead.
dano: I give you the WIN on this one.
PsycGirl: A few weeks? Fuck. I’m so myopic I bump into walls and I can’t wear the contact lens in my worst eye. This really, really sucks. For voting for Hopey although I live in a redneck village, do you think Obama might consider healing me?’Cuz I know he could do it, in spite for the sorta’ conservative cabinet he’s picked.
Mr Blifil: Sadly, I know the music person for this. The songs are, unfortunately, not by Beck. (But maybe they are inspired by him!)
I try to save his soul by asking useful questions like: “You still working for that douchebag?”
And: “You DO know that he’s an asshole, right?”
http://www.secureourdream.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=14
They bitch and moan about the “Liberal” media and then call the Fairness Doctrine unconstitutional.
Good story but I’m pretty sure the pigs Joe fucks aren’t live.
Another man made him “feel dirty”, huh? Well, the boys a Republican, why should that be surprising. I’m glad Glenn caught up with him before he headed over to Larry Craigs to snake his crapper.
That’s liable to be a big job.
When stupidity is bliss, who needs ignorance?
THE INNER PAULTARD IS RELEASED. Joe the Plumber couldn’t fight it, and NEITHER SHOULD YOU!!!!11!!
Just an FYI to the folks out there…came across this open letter to jtp:
Hello Joe, Just thought i’d drop a line and let you know that we’ve netted (net = the amount of money after expenses…look it up in your Webster’s Dictionary) Yes, Netted around $150,000 on “Joe the Plumber” t-shirts, sweat shirts, coffee mugs, etc. since McCain’s people coined the term. Now that orders have fallen off, we’re out of the “Joe the Plumber” business.
We were thinking of offering you a percentage (look up Percentage in your Webster’s Dictionary if now sure what it is) of the money, but we know you have your principles and would never accept it. Thanks for being you Joe! Merry Christmas, JaxPublishing