• May 26, 2012
SOCIETY PAGES

December 10, 2008

The Washingtonienne Gets Married

by Sara K. Smith  

Sexy necklace.Ha ha, we promised you more news from the Annals of Anal today, and here we have it, the blessed nuptials of the Washingtonienne! This young lady, Jessica Cutler, was briefly famous for keeping a blog about all the gentlemen in Washington she had dirty sex with. She got a book deal (whee!) and a lawsuit (boo!) and then she met some guy in a bar and she married him, early this week, wearing a “tasteful grey suit.” Mazel tov, kids! (Also note that Gawker’s sole and soon-to-be-gone female writer appears to be getting work from the Observer, which is nice.) [New York Observer]

{ 44 comments }

PeteJayhawk v2.0 December 10, 2008 at 9:00 am

Any day that features the hallowed Wonkette ass-fucking tag is a good day in my book.

kudzu December 10, 2008 at 9:01 am

I should have sent the happy couple some Truck Nutz for their enjoyment. I’m so sad I didn’t but, then again, I’m not.

mattbolt December 10, 2008 at 9:07 am

“Shut up, Charles! What are you telling her?” “He doesn’t know what you should and shouldn’t say in front of reporters,” she added as an aside.

Oh, wow! Being catty to your husband on your wedding day! This shit’s gonna end up on the People’s Court in like, a month.

mattbolt December 10, 2008 at 9:10 am

So, if you’re the guy… do you read the book? Do you REALLY want to think of all the pink-faced, greasy bureaucrats who’ve been there before on your honeymoon with your blushing bride?

Serolf Divad December 10, 2008 at 9:12 am

I want to make fun of her and the people who boinked her but… God, I would so hit that!

loganmo December 10, 2008 at 9:12 am

Is she eating a Julie’s empanada in that pic in the Observer article?

pattycake December 10, 2008 at 9:13 am

“You know what to do, right?” one of his buddies asked Mr. Rubio, clapping him on the back. “I’ll have to teach him,” said Ms. Cutler, with deadpan wit.
Whip them early, whip them well and they’ll stay whipped. Hang on to this one, Jessica. He’s a gem.

mattbolt December 10, 2008 at 9:13 am

Can today be WONKETTE LIVE & UNCUT day, where every post features cleavage and butthumping? When Jim wakes up can he make a post that has those 60s go-go girls in bikinis dancing as the picture, and write a 5-page erotic Bill Krisol/Peggy Noonan fan fiction?

rmontcal December 10, 2008 at 9:13 am

Decolletage…

Monsieur Grumpe' December 10, 2008 at 9:18 am

“The cake was brought out, a fleshtone affair in the shape of a derriere, with “to have and to hold” inscripted across each cheek.”

Butt cake?

BarthexDeRosa December 10, 2008 at 9:20 am

[re=195343]mattbolt[/re]:Something tells me dudeman don’t care.

hedgehog December 10, 2008 at 9:21 am

Offering KY Jelly as a wedding favor was a nice touch.

friendlynerd December 10, 2008 at 9:29 am

[re=195355]hedgehog[/re]:
I’m pretty sure it was the base for the cake frosting.

Pop Socket December 10, 2008 at 9:30 am

The original Washingtonienne blog only lasted 13 days? I’ve had my blog for three years and it has never had any ass-fucking in it.

kimbongil December 10, 2008 at 9:30 am

I think I recognize those tits

Mahousu December 10, 2008 at 9:32 am

So, she’s married a bankruptcy lawyer. Jessica’s nothing if not practical. Sooner or later, she’ll need him.

TGY December 10, 2008 at 9:32 am

Mazel boff!

Mr Blifil December 10, 2008 at 9:42 am

I heard she had to work really hard on her “gape” in preparation for the wedding photographer.

Botswana Meat Commission FC December 10, 2008 at 9:44 am

Still a great book cover, even if Miz C doesn’t really do it for me.

Kingbee December 10, 2008 at 9:44 am

Congrats to Jessica! Since I’m always surfing for prurient material, it was her story that got me reading Wonkette — for which I’ll always be grateful. Congrats to Wonkette, too, for continuing to concentrate on prurient material, which keeps me coming back for more. Ha, ha! “Coming” Prurient, again.

ManchuCandidate December 10, 2008 at 9:45 am

[re=195344]Serolf Divad[/re]:
Triple input hit that.

V572625694 December 10, 2008 at 9:52 am

[re=195384]ManchuCandidate[/re]: [re=195382]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: [re=195344]Serolf Divad[/re]: It’s that slightly Asian cast to the eyes and cheekbones. Oh, and the hard nipples.

norbizness December 10, 2008 at 9:57 am

Saying this person is a Z-list celebrity denigrates other Z-list celebrities like Adrian Zmed and Pia Zadora, so we’re going to have to go to another alphabet.

hedgehog December 10, 2008 at 10:04 am

It is just SO hard to find a good anal bleacher these days. But it’s de rigueur if you don’t want Prince Charming to be put off by an unsightly backdoor on your fairy-tale wedding night.

honkeyman December 10, 2008 at 10:07 am

What is WRONG with you people?

dano December 10, 2008 at 10:14 am

[re=195344]Serolf Divad[/re]: Agreed. I’d be all about a long weekend of doing awful and unprintable things to and with Jessica Cutler. Having said that, I’d probably tire of her quickly. I feel kinda sorry for the poor schmuck that she’s going to take to the cleaners in a few years, but it’s not like he hasn’t heard about her past.

thefrontpage December 10, 2008 at 10:21 am

Experience says there’s lots to like with this particular woman, but…there’s some doubt about how long this particular union will last, for various reasons. Jessica’s a beautiful woman, but there’s many factors to all people—-and to all relationships. Just how long will this marriage last, is what some folks are wondering.

Guppy06 December 10, 2008 at 10:53 am

[re=195427]thefrontpage[/re]: Depends on whether or not the husband remembers that a gentleman liquors up a girl before commencing with the ass-fucking.

Pop Socket December 10, 2008 at 10:54 am

[re=195427]thefrontpage[/re]: If it makes it to New Years Day, I’m out of the running in that pool.

ToeCramps December 10, 2008 at 10:57 am

Another “tell all” from another insider 1/2 whore diamond snake charmer. Why do all these viagra poppin retards opt to hump the whore of the day knowing these gals are ready to do book deals? I’m waiting for the 55 statemens who boinked her on the same night to write a “tell all” fax about how they survived and avoided falling into this whore’s fiery abyss.

finallyhappy December 10, 2008 at 11:12 am

I hope he dips himself in bleach first- or not.

PoliticalGraffiti December 10, 2008 at 11:56 am

that’s a cute bra

PsycGirl December 10, 2008 at 12:00 pm

[re=195361]Pop Socket[/re]: It is a source of mild sorrow that she got caught so quickly. That blog could have provided months of great entertainment.

RabidHamster December 10, 2008 at 12:01 pm

[re=195407]honkeyman[/re]: We’re elitists. The assfucking crème de la crème. Oh wait, that’s what’s RIGHT about us.

MathewBrooks December 10, 2008 at 12:09 pm

may her honeymoon be filled with ass fucking and gin.

No Mommy!! IT BURNS!!! December 10, 2008 at 12:14 pm

I always knew the Capitol Building was surrounded by a bunch of boobs! BADA BING!! Thanks, thanks, I’m here all week, don’t forget to tip your waitress.

facehead December 10, 2008 at 12:17 pm

Has a major era in this history of anal ended? Or has it just begun …

One more taint Obama needs to avoid.

Carson December 10, 2008 at 12:58 pm

Is it true that the wedding video will be posted on the Astroglide web site?

bago December 10, 2008 at 1:02 pm

Well, he aint quite a senator and he aint quite a president, so…

Accordion-o-rama December 10, 2008 at 1:03 pm

I was thinking this story could use the “In the pooper” tag, but then realize the same was true of every other story today.

Accordion-o-rama December 10, 2008 at 1:03 pm

“realized” grrrr

PsycGirl December 10, 2008 at 1:14 pm

From her blog “A man who tries to fuck you in the ass when you’re sober does not love you”.
From the story “They made us buy a bottle”.
Someone’s looking out for her.

Carson December 10, 2008 at 1:24 pm

““A man who tries to fuck you in the ass when you’re sober does not love you”.

I think that was also on the wedding invitation.

MoonshineJoe December 10, 2008 at 2:30 pm

At least she’ll have a great retort when asked when she is having kids…

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