‘Change’ $39.95 Into This Tacky Golden Plate

  war on xmas gift guide

Pure class.Well isn’t this beautiful? No? Right, it’s a design disaster. Maybe Photoshop should require an Operator’s License with annual testing. That would create jobs! Anyway, here is your latest Wonkette War On Xmas gift suggestion, this terrible fucking plate, which looks like it should be the hubcap of a blinged-out compact car with those gay rims that inexplicably stick out from the little tires, and maybe an Old Spice air freshener in the shape of a pine tree with a picture of Tupac or the Pope or somebody. $39.95, for this piece of shit. Get it for some insufferable Obamatard you secretly loathe, and shame them into displaying it, forever. [Obama Collector Plates]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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70 comments

  1. Noodle Salad

    Straight from the Blagojevich Mint. It’s marked up 400% and requires a corporate board seat for his wife, too. Check the “Motherfucker” seal on the back to make sure it’s genuine.

  2. shortsshortsshorts

    If ever stuck in a hotel in North Hollywood on the 12th floor, this plate would be excellent to drop to the ground while tripping acid.
    Not that I’ve ever done that.

  3. azw88

    Is that plate dishwasher-safe?? Hope so, it would be soo cool to eat my Christmas SPAM off of Barak’s smiling face! And his image would eventually fade, becoming whiter and whiter, just as so many in the African American community have feared he would!

  4. Serolf Divad

    WTF! You wait until after I buy the 36 piece dinning set and 17 piece serving set to tell me these are tacky?! Couldn’t you have posted this writeup last Tuesday?

  5. Sean O

    ..so I shouldn’t have ordered 12?

    I’m going to market it as LQQK SHEPARD FAIREY SIGNED ABORTION PLATE and make thousands of dollars.

  6. NoWireHangers

    And those are the plates that are made of lead right? So I can’t even eat my hobo beans off the damn thing.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    I especially like how it says “Seal of the President of the United States” over something that is clearly not the presidential seal. In fact, it’s the background from the other plate on that page with a transparent White House instead of a transparent Praying Hopey. I think it needs a chip in it like those Hallmark cards that plays “God Bless America” every time you take a forkfull of food off of it.

  8. mattbolt

    Commemorative Plate Designer Photoshop Tutorial

    1) Insert Obama picture onto plate picture
    2) Right click layer -> “Blending Options” -> Turn on everything
    3) “Filter” -> Turn on everything

    CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ART, YOU ARTIST

  9. KilgoreTrout_XL

    Oh wow it’s beautiful. If there wasn’t such a staggering amount of lead in each and every raw material used to produce that plate I would probably eat uncooked cans of spam on it, which is all I can afford, until I retire.

  10. Hans_Christian_Henderson

    Actually the more I think about it the more it should
    have a picture of a seal in the middle of it.

    Since they have the pool, they could have a seal and a dog.

  11. rmontcal

    [re=194720]mattbolt[/re]: Was this Cara A. Bolen’s first attempt at art that didn’t involve a Crayon 72 pack or those smelly markers?

  12. tunamelt

    You need to see the shit they’re selling on Broadway in downtown Los Angeles. Barack Obama bandanas, hoodies, etc.

    It’s like he’s Tupac.

  13. mattbolt

    Good thing I’m one of those trillionaire Liberal Elites you keep hearing about! I shall use these petty trifles as frisbees, to throw to my prize-winning purebred Afghan hounds and also the exquisite exotic wildlife I keep on my vast estate/ranch/abortionarium. I shall laugh a hearty guffaw watching these hope-filled plates shatter in the mouth of the zebra, while George Soros lights my communist Cuban cigar using a handful of burning AIG shares.

  14. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=194727]BarthexDeRosa[/re]: Hahaha your city is so dumb that they named their streets after letters and states.
    What is wrong with you people?

  15. azw88

    [re=194735]tunamelt[/re]: Not COMPLETELY like Tupac, not yet anyway. And that is why Barry needs to stay out of Las Vegas, lest he get caught up in some political version of the east coast-west coast rap rivalry. Illinois guv Rod Blog already threw down the gauntlet by calling Barry a motherfucker….

  16. Hamster

    [re=194737]mattbolt[/re]: LOL …god I wish I could work from home, I would totally be drunk and high too!

  17. freakishlystrong

    I need to get one for my wingnut sister cuz it’ll prove to her he’s a ‘murican and will also cause her pain and suffering.

  18. mookworthjwilson

    You can give them as gifts to your Republican relatives/coworkers/neighbors and tell them to eat shit off of them.

  19. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=194749]BarthexDeRosa[/re]: Excellent point.
    I retract that previous comment. Any city that knows the alphabet and possesses the ability to count in sequence deserves various coveted prizes.

  20. finallyhappy

    I could buy a set for that price at one of the “gift” stores where DC vendors get their stuff. I’m going to check out the “farmers market” over by Gallaudet for these or a suitable copy.

  21. PsycGirl

    [re=194755]freakishlystrong[/re]: Tell her it will be a collector’s item after the truth is revealed about his birth certificate and he is forcibly dethroned.

  22. Sussemilch

    No one would ever eat off one of those, which is too bad. Kids everywhere would have fun rolling peas over his eyes and giving him a giant mashed potato afro.

  23. Trinkett

    I love this thing! Ima get one and display it next to my JFK memorial plate. I used to have a drinking glass with a list, in gold paint, of all the amazing JFK/Lincoln coincidences, but I broke it, drinking.

  24. wheelie

    Ad slogans:

    – “Serve Your President – Every Time You Eat Dinner”

    – “Because You’ve Wanted to Lick his Face For So Long”

    – “Made somewhere in Asia – And so is the Plate!”

  25. Thegreatbacon

    It’s the twenty-first century — they could have at least given him hologram eyes that follow you around the room as if to say “I came from a broken home and became president. What are you doing with your life?” I might have bought that to help me wallow in my shame and disappointment.

  26. problemwithcaring

    [re=194736]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Cheap plates and getting named after 3rd world babies aside; could we skip the DC airport/inner city school naming ceremonies and go straight to the official government holiday, face on money, sides of mountains, marble statues, etc. I mean, liberals have waited so long and one really should strike while a Federal judge has yet to okay a wire-tap.

  27. Thegreatbacon

    [re=194783]wheelie[/re]: My vote is for “Made somewhere in Asia – And so is the plate!” Awesome.

  28. groove

    I’ve seen commercials for these things on teevee and I always ask myself, “Who the fuck buys these things?” Because, for real, who the FUCK buys them? /boggle

  29. Woodwards Friend

    I really want the Franklin Mint to bring back the Civil War chess set except instead of the Union and the Confedracy, it’s the Hilltards (Confederate Gray because…you know…they hate black people) and the Hopey Birgade (Union Blue because Obama freed the slaves). Beautifully hand crafted in fine pewter…there’s Mark Penn as a bishop eating a chili dog.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhGByPJii5Q

  30. populucious

    One of the sad effects of this year’s election is that it transformed my once sane common sense liberal mom into a complete talk radio addcited facist lunatic, and not even a Hilltard lunatic, which would have made some sort of weird estrogenal sense, but a full on “I voted for McCain because he was the least pussy of the lot” wackadoo. (The children are pondering some sort of intervention, but we’re at a loss, really)

    Anyhoo, my sister tells me that when the ads first appeared on the teevee shilling these plates mommy LOST IT. He’s not even President yet! How DARE the Franklin Mint besmirch it’s heretofore sterling reputation with such disgusting pandering to a man who is NOT EVEN PRESIDENT YET! As the coup de grace she told my sister that if Jammacan had been elected, they wouldn’t be shilling decorative plates for him before he was inaugurated, to which my sister had to agree. Who the hell would buy one, except apparently my Mom?

    Oh, when will this long national nightmare of division end?

  31. mookworthjwilson

    [re=194849]populucious[/re]: Seriously, who voted for John McCain that can actually eat solid food? I mean the old and the yokels are both toothless.

  32. Mara47

    [re=194885]problemwithcaring[/re]: Wow. How many of those would you need for a good mesquite grill backyard BBQ party? Pretty expensive. How Republican.

  33. Mara47

    Let’s tell Sarah Palin these are the new dishes for state dinners at the White House so she can get all populist up in Alaska’s ass about what a load Democrats are for accusing *her* of spending too much on her image. And then we can all laugh at how out of touch she is and stuff. Remember? Like the good old days?

  34. PsycGirl

    [re=194796]groove[/re]: Possibly the same people who buy those precious little figurine things advertised in Parade magazine and in those newspaper (remember those?) inserts with the Sunday coupons on them. And maybe the two-polyester-caftans-for-$32 clothing that is seen therein also.

  35. ToeCramps

    Oooh! I want a Hopey plate! I want a Hopey dish set, tea set, teflon pot set, easy bake oven, snow cone maker and a Hopey pictured washcloth set!

    Oh, you wasn’t asking me what I want for Christmas?

  36. Hans_Christian_Henderson

    OK.

    I’ll go first.

    I bought this little tiny wallets and then
    another time I bought those necklace extender
    things.

    And I don’t even wear necklaces. They just sort
    of intrigued me.

  37. HuddledMass

    [re=194947]PsycGirl[/re]: “Possibly the same people who buy those precious little figurine things advertised in Parade magazine…”

    Oh, snap! You mean my in-laws!

    If they were not deceased I would so get them this plate … thing.

Comments are closed.