Wonkette
The cranberry menace Nancy Pelosi says a government appointee should oversee the bailout of Detroit. This person will be called the “car czar,” in celebration of the Russian aristocrats who invented the American auto industry. And guess who will probably be our car czar, if Nancy Pelosi has anything to do with it? No, not Patrick Kennedy. (He will be the drug czar.)
Pelosi would like our first-ever car czar to be the reanimated woolly mammoth Paul Volcker. Volcker has been active in Democratic circles ever since Jesus, or thereabouts, and boasts a reputation for extraordinary tallness and knowing his way around a dollar. He is also like a million years old, older than John McCain even, but that doesn’t matter because he will be able to clean up this little car-industry mess very quick-like, long before he dies.
Pelosi: “car czar” could be named this week, Volcker eyed [Reuters]
“…Russian aristocrats *who*…”
magic titty: Yes, in celebration of the Russian aristocrats while invented the American auto industry. is my favorite clause of the day.
There’s already a guy who is claiming to be the ‘car-czar’ at one of those places along the auto mile in Braintree.
magic titty: Insisting on logic is so elitist.
Oh my….I am giggling violently from the cranberry menace description.
My car don’t need no stinkin’ czar. It needs a tune-up.
In the spirit of bipartisanship, Noelle Bush should be the Drug Czar (Czarina?).
Does he prefer the fronts or backs of dollars?
Terry: Czarette!
i think they are calling him a “czar” just to distance themselves as much as possible from their communist decision to put the government in charge of major industries.
will the car czar have to pay the troll toll?
Volker?… Volker. Yes, I think we rented one of those in Prague back in ‘89. Total piece of shit. No cup holders and you had to sit on your suitcase.
I’ll never eat cranberries again….
I can’t wait for the new hybrid Packards he forces them to make.
In honor of our new socialist overlords, can’t we call it a car commissar?
…”Car Czar”? Wasnt he a villain in one of the 60’s Jame Bond movies?!
I actually get this one. If the car czar is as successful as the drug czar, we’ll have cheap, easily-accessible cars all over the country in no time.
As Fed chairman, Volker was the creator of the 13.25% mortgage. I don’t see any reason why he shouldn’t have 60-mpg hybrid SUVs in the showrooms by March.
Ralph Nader. He’ll keep cars from exploding on impact.
“Car Tsar” has a much better ring to it.
dmac: It’s also appropriate since owning a low-end American car is kinda like being married to a crack whore: you can’t say a Chevy HR doesn’t have the whiff of skank!
I want to be President of Calendars for Autos.
We’re all Russian Peasants now
They should name a wheeler dealer as the Car Czar, say, Rod Blagojevich. He can sell *anything*!
Isn’t “czar” kind of early 20th century? I think in Russian history, it is “tsar”. Well, unless you mean along the lines of crime czar.
And didn’t the Russians have other titles? I mean like grand duke. With all the czars we’ll have problems. maybe some other titles would work just as well.
metropolitan: Their decision? As far as I recall, the car industry has been begging to be socialized.
Actually, I believe it was Soviet propagandists who invented the American car industry, but they certainly would have approved of the “Czar” label:
“The automobile works honestly. Long before its birth, when it is still just layers of metal and piles of drawings, it diligently murders Malayan coolies and Mexican laborers. It is born in agony! It shreds flesh, blinds eyes, eats lungs, destroys minds. At last, it rolls out of the gates into the world which, before its existence, was known as ‘bright.’ Instantly, it deprives its supposed owner of his old-fashioned peace of mind. Lilac withers, chickens and dreamers dash away in terror. The automobile laconically runs down pedestrians. It gnaws into the side of a barn or else, grinning, it flies down a slope. It can’t be blamed for anything. Its conscience is as clear as Monsieur Citroen’s conscience. It only fulfills its destiny: It is destined to wipe out the world.” - Ilya Ehrenburg, “The LIfe of the Automobile,” 1929.
Why not an Auto Autocrat?
The motion picture association has given your article an R rating for having a smoker in the picture. Please airbrush out the cigar and replace it with a bottle of ‘Mountain Pure’ Evian water or a marketable sex device if you wish to have the rating changed to PG-13.
This person will be called the “car czar.”
And in charge of the nations highways?
A tar tsar, no doubt.
If he hadn’t gotten that sweet prime time TV deal, I’d have said appoint Jay Leno as car czar. The guy knows tons about cars, and he’s demonstrated for years his ability to successfully market a sub-par product in the face of far superior competition.
Am I the only one who thinks it would be funny if Detroit moved to Afghanistan so our Car Czar could be Karzai? Maybe not.
dmac: And waaaaaaay more traffic cops.
The beatings will continue until MPG improves.
Well, if they ever decide to break up the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, I want to be the Bar Czar.
i have met this man several times and yes, his height is something to be reckoned with. car czar ability remains to be seen