Do you know how many tourists there are in America? That’s right, fifteen hundred billion and seven. Shortly before Inauguration Day, they will pile en masse into dreadful charter buses and ride to Washington D.C., where they will down in heaps of savage man-eating rats while toasting the swearing-in of our first black president.
City officials expect TEN THOUSAND CHARTER BUSES to come to D.C., which means there will be no space on roads for actual cars, and no space on sidewalks for pedestrians. Basically every flat surface in the city will be covered with tourists, and charter buses. Residents are expected to lose their fucking minds at all the miserable inconvenience visited on them by intruding yokels, who are expected to take up all the spaces on Metro trains to get to the inauguration. These tourists may also overtax the sewage system, sending great geysers of human waste into the brisk January air, as well as consume all available oxygen within a 50-mile radius.
Where Do You Park 10,000 Charter Buses?
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“These tourists may also overtax the sewage system, sending great geysers of human waste into the brisk January air, as well as consume all available oxygen within a 50-mile radius.”
Heh, we thought Gingko fruit was bad?
Further
This sounds like a job for Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo.
Fuckity fuck fuck…. I knew this was a bad idea…at least I have open bars (no moneys to pay for booze however.)
SKS- Good job spelling inauguration – I’ve been fucking it up all month.
And the great geysers will instantly freeze into pillars of hope.
Aint nothing like a well crafted Muslin Socialist Communist ACORN plot to take down DeeCee. Barry, you sly devil.
I’m gonna start selling Official Inauguration Day Tourist Beating Sticks in front of the Verizon Center. I could make a tidy sum. And then lose it all when I’m mugged by the hordes of hideous interlopers. It’s bad enough when people come in from Virginia.
Arlington National Cemetary? Why do these Barack Busses hate our fallen heroes?
Looks like Hopey is going to have to stretch out the loaves and fishes rations.
Should be as much fun as a stampede during the Hajj in Mecca. Like a Long Island Wal*Mart times one million.
Oh, and with the crashing economy many of those tourists won’t have the money to return home!
D.C. will become one gigantic Hooverville, and the gubmint will be paralyzed because it takes too long to step over all those tourists sleeping in the streets and sidewalks.
Ah, the future looks so bright!
Seems like a convenient time to round up and destroy every deparate libtard in the United States. Just sayin’…
Do these people have the approriate papers? Since we have become a communist dictatorship, the Military Police are very careful about travel documents these days. (but a few kopecks slipped into the hands of the MPs usually get you through.
Our driveway could probably fit two buses, if they aren’t too long. $1,000 per day per bus.
Oh, and the restroom’s locked. Sorry.
…well on the bright side, if everyone is in D.C. then that means all their stuff is unguarded!
long live china bus! obvi how im getting to barry’s big party.
To those of you in DC: I reckon its time you fraternize with these yokels and impregnate their women. and sodimize their men
Sara, you’re still at O’hare, right?, going back and forth in that trippy tunnel.
Well, after the cerimonial tossing out of the fuckin’ Rethugs should make a little room, no?
“Finding a big piece of tarmac to park buses isn’t the main issue,” Tangherlini said. “Getting people from that chunk of pavement to where they want to be — that’s where the big issue is going to be.”
So folks — you might have to hoof it in from Fredericksburg or Winchester — just remember to bring a couple days’ supply of food and water. Or at least some Sterno so you can cook the frozen corpses of your less fortunate fellow tourists.
[re=194482]WadISay[/re]: That’s right. Hey, it plays Gershwin tunes!
And somewhere in that massive sea of Hopetards will be small group of god fearing morans praying for a snowstorm to freeze the heathens, an assassin’s bullet for Barry and young boy to them to molest.
Why the fuck do you even NEED to be in DC? You won’t be able to see or hear shit, you’ll be herded like Tokyo subway passengers intro crammed public spaces where smelly hippy will prod at your orifices in the freezing cold for hours, you won’t be contributing anything to the event and you’ll be getting nothing out of it. Meanwhile, on TV, the view and the sound are top-quality, hurray for modern technology.
My shitty campus newspaper is all proud of the fact they’re sending a LIVE FIELD REPORTER to DC to cover the event, I guess they assume the bright-eyed kid they send will be given a VIP press pass and a one-on-one backstage interview with Barack after they kick back with Barbara Walters and Anderson Cooper in the cocktail lounge. Yeah, I can’t wait to read that EXCLUSIVE LIVEBLOG where the kid talks about being 80 miles from the stage and how they couldn’t really hear anything but the atmosphere was just swell
[re=194471]magic titty[/re]: *desperate*. Oy.
Seriously, folks. This ain’t a game at the Metrodome where every seat is a good (?) seat.
WTF do y’all think you’re gonna see here? If you’re really into this kinda thing, watch it on the teevee, where you might actually get the gist of the event, rather than riding 6 miles in a crowded steaming metro train then walking in a huge sodden pack of humanity, a mile and a half in freezing rain to stare at the backside of a big guy in fur hat (or a sea of umbrellas), occasionally hearing some unintelligible bleat from a loudspeaker down the block.
About the only cool part you’ll see or hear is when the Blue Angels fly overhead, which takes about 3 seconds.
Duh.
Blame a system that expects a President-elect to already be so unpopular by his Inauguration that no one wants to come see him.
[re=194489]mattbolt[/re]: You type fast!
[re=194484]SayItWithWookies[/re]: and now that DC’s gun ban has been lifted, you don’t have to wait for them to die on their own!
It will be like the Jackson inauguration, only less smelly.
Yeah, in other words, a normal Tuesday in New York. Grow a sack, D.C., or no one will ever take you seriously, even with your temporarily later-closing bars.
Ha! I am going to the inauguration on a charter bus. We depart from the Madison, GA. Wal-mart parking lot at 1 in the morning od the 19th. Hours on the bus! Stinky toilet. Fast food! Snoring! I can’t wait.
I don’t need to watch this shit on television. The crowds on the ground are going to be the real show, and y’all know it.
I also plan to buy up as much crass Obama merchandise as I can carry.
And I’ll just wear a colostomy bag so I don’t have to use the overflowing port-o-johns.
On the plus side, Wonkette’s budget will be flush with cash after the editors finish pickpocketing the teeming masses.
I wish I could go, if only to annoy you guys. But after 36 hours on a bus, the joke would be on me.
[re=194496]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=194489]mattbolt[/re]:
To me, that’s the point. You can always come home two days later and actually watch the fucking speech on tv or whatever. Why not witness the clusterfuck first hand? It should feature every pathetic and frothing human emotion. It’s the reason I want to go.
I hope Sarah Palin doesn’t show up in a helicopter. That can’t end well.
so I don’t have to use the overflowing port-o-johns.
“Port-o-johns. Port-o-johns. Hey Bob! This guy mentioned Port-o-johns for the inauguration! You in charge of getting those? No? Betty? Jake? No? Ah, hell….”
[re=194492]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I’m just hoping to grab a few asses.
All of these tourist do realize that D.C. is America’s taint?
These tourists may also overtax the sewage system, sending great geysers of human waste into the brisk January air, as well as consume all available oxygen within a 50-mile radius.
So it is like any day when Congress is in session?
Thank you! I’ll be here all week! Tip your waitresses, try the veal!
[re=194502]stellabella[/re]:
Yeah, I just saw a guy on the street selling official Obama ’08 catheters.
Just like the economy, it’s gonna hurt at first; but then we’ll all dance for reason other than the need to relieve ourselves.
Way OT, but nothing yet about Blagejovich? No buttsecks, but a pretty big scandal nonetheless. I mean, the guy is actually in JAIL, the way I understand it.
Well, once the hobos move into Hooverville, it will take the army to get rid of them.
[re=194492]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: I cannot tell you how much I dread riding the Metro to work that day. Summer is bad enough, when clots of tourists stop in front of the turnstiles, baffled by their operation, stand on the left of the escalator, blocking the way of those walking down, and come to a screeching halt at the bottom of the escalator, causing crashes. Multiply that by a million or so.
[re=194470]BillyClubb[/re]:
Bus them to Tysons Corner and let them walk around the mall and stay warm. Tysons is big enough to hold them all.
how much I dread riding the Metro to work that day
We have to go to work on Black Man Inauguration Day? Well, fuck!
[re=194502]stellabella[/re]: [re=194506]magic titty[/re]: [re=194512]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Dudes, knock yourself out.
I personally love DC, being a museums n’ monuments kinda guy. Being a fairly patriotic history nerd who likes to walk long distances also helps. But I have never been there in any month not ending in “September” or “April,” and the locals tell me I’m getting it exactly right.
@ Dogless : Ha, ha! I’ve been that torurist! (only on my first day there, however; I was let lagged)
“let lagged” – it’s very similar to being jet lagged; symptoms are almost identical.
[re=194502]stellabella[/re]: Thank you Stellabella! I too am going to be part of that freaking throng, and can’t wait, personally. 50 years from now I’ll be able to tell my grandkids I was there which I assure the rest of you naysayers will have far more weight than saying “I saw it on CNN, from the comfort of my very own barcalounger. It was like I was there, except my feet weren’t cold, I wasn’t sworn at by a Vietnam vet, and my life was never once in danger of being smothered by the orgiastic (with HOPE!) crowd.”
What I really want to know is, where will the top secret, password admittance only, Wonkette comfort station be? I promise I wont tell another soul.
As long as you keep those fuckers out of San Francisco, I don’t care where the hell they roam. Have fun with your “day in the life of SF,” D.C. People.
A. Is it that the tourists will “down” heaps of rats or “drown in” heaps of rats. Who is the Wonkette copy editor?
B. The Blue Angels or F15s or F-18s(Or whatever from Andrews) will fly right over my house. The first time it happened, we thought the US military was attacking Silver Spring.
C. I will go downtown – knowing I won’t see anything but the people. I will stop at every dive on the way home for bathrooms breaks and fortifying myself- and then getting home by walking, taking metro, buses, attaching a sleigh to large dogs,paying a tourist to carry me.
[re=194607]populucious[/re]:
Yes, peoples, tell us. I’m buying an iPhone & getting GPS specifically for this event. The reconnoiterring will be the funnest thing. Second only to standing in horizontal sleet & blowing my nose onto the ground. Watch yer feet, evrybuddy.
It’s like the Wise Men and the pilgrimage to Camelot! Or something.
Ohh, you DCers. So all negative-like! I am coming down from Massachusetts to increase your suffering.
Out here we just pee in the yard, which I now call the Mall.
Why does everyone always take a bus to DC? Can’t they take airplanes? Or how about the train? Or maybe just watch it on TV? HD is pretty good you know…
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