Just now your editors were having a little talky about our secret boyfriend, the New York Times’ token cross-dressing felcher Bill Kristol. “His column is boring and moderate this week,” said our Jim Newell. “He probably has some solid shit-eating lines, though.” And WALLAH, just like that, we found a nugget of silliness embedded at the very end of this kind of dull review of different strains of conservatism.
Basically, Kristol says that small-government conservatives are fucked forever, so they better start loving big government, or at least start dreaming up new ways to spend the taxpayer dollars they are supposed to dislike spending so much. So here is an idea! In our new era of globalization, in which America no longer fights conventional wars but instead engages in long-term efforts that are a hybrid of nation-building and police action, and in which half of our fucking problems can be directly traced to our dependence on fossil fuels imported from unfriendly thugs in the Middle East and the Caucasus and Africa and Venezuela, Bill Kristol thinks we should spend MORE money on bombs and less on “fanciful” renewable energy projects.
[I]f you’re against big government, you’ll oppose a huge public works stimulus package. If you think some government action is inevitable, you might instead point out that the most unambiguous public good is national defense. You might then suggest spending a good chunk of the stimulus on national security — directing dollars to much-needed and underfunded defense procurement rather than to fanciful green technologies, making sure funds are available for the needed expansion of the Army and Marines before rushing to create make-work civilian jobs.
Clearly, our best hope for a national “project” to revive our economy and restore our standing in the world would be to incinerate a giant bag of one billion dinosaur dicks and then feed the remains to Bill Kristol.
Small Isn’t Beautiful [New York Times]
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{ 48 comments }
Errrr, isn’t the spending on the Iraq War been one of the main reasons the Bush tax cuts never really took hold until 2004?
Just don’t spend it on veterans, because they failed to win Iraq for Bill Kristol.
“Cross-dressing felcher” FTW.
Hey Bill, Japan and Germany did exactly that during the Great Depression. Look how well that turned out for them.
Seriously, defense spending is the least productive government spending of all. The economic return on defenestration (sic) is usually between 0-100% while civilian capital spending returns in the range of 300-500%.
Note to Billy: You’re not fooling me, Wanker, you just want your fellow Americans to send their kids into the military for a career, so they leave all the good private-sector jobs for YOUR kids.
Just proves that Kristol is always wrong.
He must want to keep his score a perfecto 0-infinity.
wrong,wrong,wrong,wrong.
Make-work jobs for the civilian sector=public works, art, skill-building on-the-job training for displaced workers.
Make-work jobs for defense=make things that kill people, teach teenagers to kill people, so that teenagers don’t become displaced workers, and instead, kill people.
No brainer, Bill. O hai! Look at the Blackwater guys getting arraigned! For killin’ people!
Bill Kristol is a lumpy moist turd.
EEccchhh..speaking of Bold Fresh Pieces of Insanity…
[re=193692]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Ah, but love runs in the door when money flies defenestro, Chu!
At least, that’s how it used to work on 42nd Street…
I say at least $15 billion each to perfecting the Microwave Blood-Boiler, and the Sonic Brown Wave.
that desciption is a serious insult to hard working honest felchers everywhere
Yes, yes, by all means, spending more money on equipment and training that’s sole purpose is to kill people will solve all our problems. I swear, I love these armchair generals and their grand schemes. Got a huge and complicated economic problem? Bomb people. Someone should revoke is licenes as a human being.
You can buy a whole lot of $100 hammers with $600 billion.
It’s nice that politicians and pundits can hold peoples’ feet over the fire for fiscal mismanagement while the Federal debt eclipses 10 trillion dollars.
OK, so by his measure, investing in creating new ways of doing things is a waste, and new technology is fanciful. My suggestion is that he undergo a medical procedure with no anesthetic, no antiseptic, and a surgeon who doubles as a barber. Maybe, if he is nice, we can give him a bullet to bite on.
[re=193692]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Freedoms’ not free!!!!1!, moranz.
Who needs an infrastructure?
Wrong Bill! What we need is more wars. Specifically, more wars that we can win. How about Grenada? That went pretty good last time.
Clearly the Times keeps him employed because no one does more harm to the Republican Party that Kristol. One has to wonder what part of the military industrial complex is feeding him talking points, because he obviously does not possess enough intelligence to form ANY rational thought.
the truth is that the Pentagon knows that its splurge is coming to an end and are doing what ever they can to build public support to keep the cuts limited. so you get minions out there to try and build your case for you.
so they pick Kristol, again demonstrating the oxymoron that “military intelligence”
Truth is no one else is willing to carry their water for spending folly anymore
So does this mean I’m going to be working in some fancy bomb-making factory instead of doing highway construction? I’m okay with that as at least it’ll be indoors.
Krugman needs to come back now. Have Nobel shipped DHL, I mean, UPS
Where did this shit-eating bedbug come from? Typically conservative, his view has no long range whatsoever. It’s all about right now, even when it’s dead wrong. And yeah, his peeps will never have to fight in a war.
Can i have his head wrapped in butcher paper for Xmas?
Let’s see, our current Pentagon budget is higher then it was during the Cold War, we spend as much on defense as Every Other Nation on Earth Combined and military spending is a black hole of unaccountability and graft.
Puuuurfect!
“make work civilian jobs”
I always thought the military was about ‘make work jobs’. Let’s be clear. Money going into the military has no lasting value. It is just spent blowin’ shit up.
Doesn’t matter how wrong I am if I can convince you someone else is wronger, and that you should kill them. Then, I’m a hero.
Well, I’ve always been for developing solar; y’know the whole basically-free-energy-forever thing being pretty attractive to me.
But now that I think about it, more bombs n’ guns for killing brown peoples is pretty sweet, too.
I – I can’t decide?
Even better: earlier he suggests “big-government conservatives” are allowed to masturbate to the thought of lower taxes while still bailing out every big corporation that has ever existed. But only corporations.
[re=193723]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Actually you will be weatherizing the Pentagon with a caulk gun
Are you reading this, Barry? Cause the lesson is pretty clear: max the US Government’s plastic on your watch, while we still have credit we can spend on good stuff. When the righties get back in power, they will just spend any remaining credit on on war and “tax incentives for the most productive members of society*.”
* An apparent reference to Paris Hilton
[re=193734]tiger[/re]: Kristo came from his daddy (Irving Kristol) and mommy (Midge Dicked-her), who were proto-neocons, and was raised to mature idiocy by — who else? — J Danforth Quayle.
Monsieur Grumpe’– Panama was another proud military triumph. We kicked their asses! Wow!
[re=193768]V572625694[/re]: “Kristol,” I meant to say….
A lump of coal in his stocking and drop a big fucking fuel air bomb on his ass.
I would have never guessed to use “underfunded” as a descriptor of the American war machine, but then, that’s because I’m not a lightning-rod conservative on the payroll of the New York Times. (How’s that working out for them, by the way?)
[re=193754]kimbongil[/re]: Since Obama promises to go green, I’m down with caulking the Pentagon just as long as it’ll help make it more enviro-friendly. Also not during the summer time as DC is awfully hot then.
[re=193784]joezoo[/re]: They’re about to file bankruptcy, is how.
See, conservatives can be Keynesians too, they just need that helpful word military inserted in front!
[re=193784]joezoo[/re]: “underfunded defense procurement” indeed! $650 billion defense budget signed into law with nary a peep from anyone, media included, right in the middle of the don’t ask/don’t tell financial bailout.
Why we need even $200 billion spent on defense is beyond me. Who the fuck is going to invade US America? Get green & shut down the ~200 military bases we have that aren’t in US America. Maybe then we can feed ourselves and provide health care for everyone. But really, that would just make too much goddamn sense.
“Fanciful green technologies?” Haha, all you smug douchebags who bought Priuses are all just buying into a fad! Just like the internet and personal hygiene.
[re=193715]Servo[/re]: Indeed, screw infrastructure. Who needs bridges when we can drop a couple dozen more bombs on brown people?
Yeah, Bill, spend the money on fanciful defense thingies instead — yeah let’s deploy a missile shield, even though the best evidence is that it doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of working.
I’ve never heard of an interstate highway that doesn’t work. Even the approach road to the unbuilt bridge to nowhere got used for a 10k race.
[re=193734]tiger[/re]: How can you speak of Bill Kristol and say “even when he’s dead wrong”? He’s Bill Fucking Kristol. He’s ALWAYS dead wrong.
Please tell me that the inclusion of “WALLAH” is an ode to Jessica McBride.
He and Pooter Libby are interchangeable for mediocre buttseks.
Wait, wait, what? Kristol isn’t being ironic? Are you guys sure? Like when he admitted that Reagan didn’t “particularly” slash government spending? Or when he said that our schools and bridges or whatever are just fine, but he has visited a few military bases that could use some TLC? No, you guys have Billy all wrong. If not, I’ve got to go back and re-read his columns with an entirely different mind-set.
Which would suck because I’d rather shoot myself.
So the past 7 years have proved that’s it is cheaper to fight for oil than to lessen the need for it? Since Dubya will start a ‘Freedom Institute’ Billy & pals should start some sort of “War Institute’. Situated in Israel please.
I think Sara K. Smith has been absorbing the Newell at a very rapid rate.
The image of Bill Kristol, in drag, sucking cum out of another man’s anus — and this being the kind of thing the NYT is obligated to keep at least one of around — is exactly the sort of idea I will always cherish and never ever be able to explain to society or my mother why I love it so.
It is obvious Bill has a massive fetish for all things military. His greatest fantasy it not to serve, but to service every man in uniform. Nothing else can explain his illogical lust for war.
Most national-socialists at least pretend not to be warmongers. He’s not even trying anymore.
Does he really think that this is what people mean when they say they want a stimulus package? No want.
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