HATS OFF to esteemed thing Parade for this sexy clip art collage of a mall Santa preparing to bone claymation Rudolph who is stepping on Bill O’Reilly as black people do their black African holiday whatevers in the background. The Jew Cookies see it all. This masterpiece, folks, accompanies “Bill O’Reilly’s Great American Holiday Quiz,” because suddenly you’re NOT ALLOWED to say “Merry Christmas” anymore, in America, because of the Prop 8 protesters.

There are 36 questions total, about 30 of which pertain to the actual American holiday, Christmas, and those are the hardest ones — all about the history of copywriting and patents and the ACLU, etc etc. The perfunctory Kwanzaa questions, however, are pretty simple; “What color are black people?” and so forth. You could win Bill O’Reilly’s book!


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  1. Why would anyone enter a contest that awards “An Old Flesh Heap Of Insanity” as first prize?
    What, was smashing my dick in a car door already taken?

    Oh, and a Blessed Solstice to all my Wiccan friends.

  2. I don’t know what disturbs me more. That I have work to do and I still took the quiz, that I got 26 out of 36 or that I got all the questions on Kwanzaa and Hanukkah correct (I’m not black or jewish.)

  3. [re=193608]StephanieInCA[/re]: Such unsavory discussions should remain strictly between news personalities and their grossed-out producers.

  4. Why are there questions about Jewtastic Hannukah in Bill’s Christmas quiz?
    Just because Jesus was a Jew doesn’t mean this holiday has to be.

  5. Congress was in session on Christmas Day, 1789, because it had not yet been declared a holiday.

    So the original intent of the framers of the Constitution was that Congress shall be PAGAN????

  6. What a load of crap. I got an Internal Server Error when I got the question about which one was not one of the Three Wise Men (which I knew because of Chrono Trigger) right. Bill O’Reilly is a cold-hearted Scrooge who did not want to give me a “Correct!”, for Christmas!

  7. What about there being no questions on Festivus? And what do you MEAN Harriet Beacher Stowe didn’t write “Gone With The Wind”? I love how he mixes up the dipshit questions about the names of Santa’s reindeer in with the Supreme Court cases. And the Puritans didn’t just “think” Christmas was a pagan holiday, it IS a pagan holiday.

  8. I love the question about who invented Kwanzaa. I’m surprised Billo didn’t just put down “Some Nigger” and been done with it.

  9. [re=193634]magic titty[/re]: It’s the media and we( Jews) own it. We require that something about us be mentioned in every article. Sometimes, people don’t know it is about us because they don’t know we own certain words-like “the” and “it”

  10. [re=193635]actor212[/re]: Hey, if basketball players have to work on Christmas Day, why shouldn’t Congress? The basketball players make about 30 times as much money and could just hire temps or something.

  11. [re=193675]gjdodger[/re]: But they’re all heathens anyway, Dodger! Not like our dyed-in-the-wool conservative Congresscritters from Bugfuck, MS and all them thar!

    No no, them “ballers” is all Mooselim and stuff….probably the entire league is run by a Jew, I’d bet!

  12. What I want to know is who sees the print version of PARADE tucked in their Sunday paper and thinks “I really need to check out what they’re doing online!”

  13. WTF?? Most of those questions are about things NOT related to Christmas. Bill-O’s holiday test is part of the war on Christmas!!! 3-4 questions about Rudolph the Fucking reindeer?? Teddy telling people to shop??? WTF???

  14. jeez you could’ve said it was a 35 QUESTION LONG quiz. I just spent entirely too much time looking every question up before I answered all because wonkette said I’d get his book. Now im just going to have to settle for ann coutler. hmph.

  15. The quiz takes waay too long. Can we just have O’Reilly say that Christ was born on Dec. 25th & he was white and you have to say Merry Christmas starting after Thanksgiving and Kwanzaa was created by a liberal college professor so it doesn’t count and Alabama is a way more Christian state than puritan Boston and . . .
    I told you the quiz took takes too long. I quit after Gene Autry named Rudolph.

  16. [re=193707]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Ain’t no online party like a Parade Magazine online party ‘cuz a Parade Magazine online party refuses to stop.

  17. [re=193724]roundofapplause[/re]: Oh jeez, you know, if you come to New York, Coulter’s books are out panhandling on the sidewalks with signs that say “Will self-destruct for food”. You don’t need to settle!

  18. I can’t believe he actually included Maulana Karenga. I bet one million hobo dollars he had to Google that sob – “who created the black holiday?”

    Got a 21, btw.

  19. Here are the prizes you could win if you take Bill O’Reilly’s quiz:

    20 or more right: You win Bill O’Reilly’s new book!
    25 or more right: You win a collection of Bill Hoest’s “Howard Huge” cartoons!
    30 right: perfect score: You don’t have to take either one!

  20. [re=193635]actor212[/re]: Yes, that’s why the born-again preachers of the day damned them up one side and down the other. Especially Jefferson for his version of the Bible with all the miracles removed.

    Anyway, Cromwell, the Baptist dictator, abolished Christmas in the 1640s.

    Zhu Bajie

  21. [re=193647]Fivetree[/re]: Yule and Saturnalia certainly were pagan holidays at the end of December. 25 December was the Dies Natali Solis Invicti: Birthday of the Unconquerable Sun.

    Early Christians celebrated Easter.

    Zhu Bajie

  22. [re=193675]gjdodger[/re]: They actually have to do something. Congress these days just rubber-stamps whatever the Unitary Executive puts in front of them, kinda like in China.

    Zhu Bajie

  23. It is hard to believe, but in the ’70s my liberal/hippie parents raised me in such a way that I didn’t know that Christmas was all about Bill O’Reilly.

  24. I think the funniest thing about that picture is that Bill doesn’t look anything like that. Have you seen the size of the bag of blubber hanging off this dude’s chin/neck (whatever the hell it is now)?! I can’t even pay attention to what he says because I’m to entranced by the bouncing sack of sea lion blubber. THAT’s why he canceled the radio show: you can’t hear him over the sound of that skin sack slapping around.

  25. Jeebuz, there’s about six THOUSAND questions on this fucking “quiz!” There is one question about latkes though, which is kind of close to falafel, so I’m satisfied….

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