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Why won't Barack Obama join this very fun party?Dagnabbit we were assured in no uncertain terms that Barack Obama was an unrepentant Marxist who would “spread the wealth around” and socialize medicine, plus other valuable American industries such as porn and sports teams. Everybody was going to win/get rich with virtually zero effort, except for the hard-working white Americans we would enslave for the Cause! Obama rode this wave of pro-Socialist sentiment to become President of our Second Great Depression. Only now have many proud netizens realized that our beloved Muslim Marxist was actually just some lousy centrist moderate type with a sober, pragmatic approach to governing and no intention of socializing anything, not even Major League Baseball.

From his capitulation on FISA to his hiring of a hawky warmongering sellout for Secretary of State, Barack Obama keeps pissing off legions of Daily Kos diarists. Now his deputy campaign manager Steve Hildebrand has bravely come forward and spoken directly to the angry netroots by writing a little essay on The Huffington Post, an online celebrity rag where Hollywood elites type about their feelings.

Mostly Hildebrand just boringly lists of all the terrible bullshit Barack Obama will have to deal with for the next four years, everything from our sad environment to Iraq to the imminent bankruptcy of 439% of our nation’s wage earners. Then at the end he adds a tart little STFU to all you left-wing whiners out there:

This is not a time for the left wing of our Party to draw conclusions about the Cabinet and White House appointments that President-Elect Obama is making. Some believe the appointments generally aren’t progressive enough. Having worked with former Senator Obama for the last two years, I can tell you, that isn’t the way he thinks and it’s not likely the way he will lead. The problems I mentioned above and the many I didn’t, suggest that our president surround himself with the most qualified people to address these challenges. After all, he was elected to be the president of all the people – not just those on the left.

OH DANG SNAP ETC! We can all perhaps take comfort in the fact that the intention to “be the president of all the people” is a very Socialist desire indeed. The capitalist George Bush never presumed to be the president of more than a couple percent of the people.

A Message to Obama’s Progressive Critics [Huffington Post]

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  • space stout

    it sure is embarassing to get fooled by the ole bait-n-switch, huh commies?

  • Hans the Diaper

    I’m missing Nixon again.

  • Min

    Whoops. I guess the netnicks will have to eat the cost of all those “Better Dead Than Red” T-shirts.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=193516]Hans the Diaper[/re]: What?
    WHAT? I would miss Nixon if only to resurrect him, prosecute him and watch him rot in jail without Ford’s pardon.
    The end.

  • King of Pants

    But how will he fit that into a three-word slogan?

  • cal

    I love that party poster. Can we use it for every Wonkette post, forever?

  • donner_froh

    This better not mean that I am stuck with thousands of “United Soviet Socialist States of Amerika” maps that I had printed to sell at the Inauguration festivities.

  • hockeymom

    I’m assuming this is being posted from Chicago.
    Have you gone thru that Willy Wonka/LSD tunnel at O’Hare, yet?

  • freakishlystrong

    We’ve been Obama-rolled…

  • tiger

    Ugh right, i forgot he was supposed to be Mao II. What am i, a fucking idiot?
    He’ll please businesses, period.

  • tiger

    “sober” and “pragmatic” =status quo.

  • user-of-owls

    Oh for the love of Shiva, the “Netroots” are never MORE happy than when they are miserable. Just give them an official Trotsky Icepick replica to repeatedly jam into their own foreheads and they’ll be as tickled as an anarchist at a factory burning.

  • heroinmule

    Damn! I was hoping he would yank the pendulum far to the left, so we can play out the Baby Boomer culture war until the end of time.

  • actor212

    an online celebrity rag where Hollywood elites type about their feelings

    But, but, I thought Hollywood was all about socialism! That’s what Chuck Norris and Roger L Simon keep telling me!

  • Hansy Dansy

    Is sober supposed to be “somber”?

  • MoonshineJoe

    [re=193523]cal[/re]: All the cheap political lawn posters should be required to be done in this style. by law. forever.

  • sati demise

    Larry Summers? hated it.

    Find a place for Stieglitz on the teeter totter please.

  • Come here a minute

    He probably won’t even un-monopolize Major League Baseball. Damned cigar-chomping, crony-loving, fat-cat capitalist oppressor.

  • monty

    haha suck it commie losers

  • 4tehlulz

    I guess Ariana wouldn’t allow the original “Choke on cock, purity trolls” onto the site. How disappointing.

  • actor212

    [re=193549]monty[/re]: You misspelled “loosers”

  • Lascauxcaveman
  • 4tehlulz

    Tribune Company BKed. Entire print industry is now fucked.

  • Hooray For Anything

    I too am disappointed that Obama has failed to turn us into a Socialist Worker’s Paradise. Why, it’s almost like he’s not President yet.

  • slavojzizek

    Laugh all you want, but you’re about to find out just how nutty ‘pragmatic’, ‘centrists’ like Larry Summers and Paul Volcker (not to mention Hillary Clinton) really are.

  • magic titty

    Liberal whining bloggers are just as big a nuisance as wingnuts. They all get their rocks off affecting change from their IMacs, never actually doing anything, using time spent to bitch via poorly contructed sentences about all the things the guy can’t even fucking do yet because he’s not yet President.
    They are very short-sighted and lacking in nuance and should get fucked post haste.

  • jimh

    Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.

  • monty

    [re=193553]actor212[/re]: my bad, i was goona put morans but i couldnt remember how to speel that either

  • Sussemilch

    His plan is to dismantle the BCS and give us a real college football playoff system. People will be so orgasmically happy they’ll forgive him of everything ever, and he can grow his hair out and wear robes and sunglasses all the time.

  • monty

    [re=193562]magic titty[/re]: contructed? indeed!

  • user-of-owls

    [re=193556]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Some years back, I had a wee silly website of guerrilla tomfoolery in a similar vein. It was called “Che’s Lounge.”

    Maybe miller will start appending it to the bottom of all his posts.

  • Terry

    Bush has already socialized the banks and will soon socialize the auto industry. Who knew HE was a Marxist.

  • OffTheRecord

    [re=193526]hockeymom[/re]: The last time I was trapped in O’Hare I was so hungover and sleep deprived that going through the LSD tunnel was seriously so physically painful that I just wanted to cry. That thing could kill epileptics.

  • Neon Trotsky

    If you guys haven’t seen this I highly recommend it…

    In fact the government isn’t even in Washington anymore. It’s being moved to Chicago.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    I took Barry’s advice to “spread the wealth around,” and now I have three STD’s, four unwanted children and some girl I picked up in Tijuana this weekend. What the hell?

  • Borat

    Well, Netroots ought to go to this website and see they are totally wrong. (this was a clicktrhough from one of the articles Wonkette linked to about the Constitutional Challenge of a Black Dude (or 3/5ths american) winning the election.

    http://www.grassfire.org/111/petition.asp?Ref_ID=500010&PID=19065137

    (I swear I only went to see if they had a comments section and create as much fun as I just had on the ‘Thank ya Dubya’ site…they don’t)

  • freakishlystrong

    This is all the right wing, trying to get the other wacks to believe the whole thing is already falling apart. Y’know, Libtards can’t handle anything, and to try and minimize the dismal numbers of the current occupant. Shit, the guy’s not even in office yet..calm down righties..

  • mdotsota

    [re=193548]Come here a minute[/re]: Now I’ll never be able to record and rebroadcast games without anyone’s consent. FAKE CHANGE!

  • Dave J.

    So we are supposed to know how to deal with a President who considers all sides of an issue and then appoints the people best qualified to carry out his policies so as to actually solve the problem at hand?

    WTF is this, SWEDEN?

  • MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    [re=193567]Sussemilch[/re]: If he can successfully do this, I will declare his presidency a rousing success and get to work on his monument immediately.

  • Neon Trotsky

    Also, I forget, was Obama a Maoist, Trotskyite, Castroite, or just a plain old Marxist-Leninist? I voted for him thinking he was the top devotee of former Albanian communist leader Enver Hoxha–boy, was I duped!

  • gurukalehuru

    No snark here. I was about ready to agree with the guys comments, I mean, Barry hasn’t even started yet, but then I saw the phrase “this is not the time.” Nothing makes me want to scream “Fuck you! Eat a bag of dicks, fascist shit-for-brains!” like the phrase “this is not the time.”

  • magic titty

    [re=193568]monty[/re]: yess!1

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    After all, he was elected to be the president of all the people – not just those on the left.

    Darn tootin’. Who needs those Lefty loosers who voted and donated and volunteered for the campaign?
    What about the millions of Americans who are convinced that NoBama Hussein is the Muslim Antichrist possessed by the ghost of Lenin and not even a real American citizen and who would never vote for him in a million years. These are the people NoBama needs to please… mainly because these people are heavily armed.

  • user-of-owls

    It’s all fun and games until someone starts using “crypto-“….hey, there’s an idea. Can we start calling Hitchens a “crypto-popinjay”?

  • donner_froh

    [re=193577]Neon Trotsky[/re]: Communists wear brown suits in the comics. Brown sets off the bright red arm bands very nicely and are a reminder of the drab, featureless lives we face under the Marxist yoke.

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=193587]gurukalehuru[/re]: You realize you’ve just been trolled, right?

  • Gorillionaire

    What a minute…you mean Hannity was…WRONG?!?!?

  • jimh

    [re=193591]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Yup, who needs the base after the election is over?
    ALL YOUR BASES ARE BELONG TO US.

  • norbizness

    The Left knocked me down and stole my lunch money! The Left’s been in the garden again, digging up the radishes! It’s The Left’s fault I have male pattern baldness!

  • Borat

    [re=193579]Borat[/re]: Curiously one of the ‘tenants’ of Join the Obama Resistance group is to:

    “Pardon Agents Ramos/Compean”
    (I have no idea what that means and won’t waste time AOL searching it on the intertubes, I’m sure its more important than saving the world from total collapse though, kinda like that woman who wanted to be put to sleep in Florida)

    http://www.grassfire.org/111/petition.asp?Ref_ID=500010&PID=19065137

  • TGY

    К блестящие будущей! Или нет.

  • Platypus

    [re=193523]cal[/re]: I love Soviet and Soviet-style constructivist art! Its link to Orthodox iconography is remarkable given Soviet ideology. Oops, sorry, I’ll be quiet now.

  • Platypus

    [re=193542]MoonshineJoe[/re]: By God when I run for mayor they will be!

  • SayItWithWookies

    He’s just pretending to be a moderate until he gets into office — then the KGB will silence those awful birth-certificate rabblerousers before they get too close to the truth, and after that it’ll be nothing but hour-long lines for bread, statues of muscular factory workers and female shot-putters with mustaches.

  • Borat

    [re=193603]Borat[/re]:

    “The Barack Obama presidency will present the most serious threat to your freedoms and your family…fundamental changes in the American way of life…This booklet is about the major threats facing you and your family…given the number of explosive stories…”

    http://www.grassfire.org/111/petition.asp?Ref_ID=500010&PID=19065137

  • Tra

    [re=193600]jimh[/re]: [re=193591]
    Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]:

    If you read the thing, you’ll notice he’s saying “calm down, we’ll get to your stuff after we get the hell out of Iraq and ease global warming.” As in, those are for starters.

    This member of the base is, frankly, delirious with joy.

  • Neon Trotsky

    [re=193605]TGY[/re]: Да здраствует Обама и коммунизм!

  • finallyhappy

    Those of you kvetching about the O’Hare tunnel- like MY President, Hope/Change/Progress- I have been through that tunnel a hundred times. You want airport problems – try being in Rome airport overnight with trillions of pilgrims going to Mecca or using the “toilet” in Kathmandu airport.

  • actor212

    [re=193602]norbizness[/re]: The Left is on my lawn! AGAIN!

  • Borat

    [re=193605]TGY[/re]: я буду следовать

  • V572625694

    [re=193572]OffTheRecord[/re]:[re=193526]hockeymom[/re]: That jingle-jangle tunnel at O’Hare is awesome. Who knew United Airlines’ architects like to trip out like that ?

  • donner_froh

    [re=193616]Borat[/re]: Explosive stories? Call the ATF.

  • norbizness

    [re=193637]actor212[/re]: The Left keyed my car and shaved the hammer and sickle into my dog’s fut!

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    [re=193621]Tra[/re]:
    I don’t have a problem with the Obama team telling the more rabid Lefty elements to chill out. But, I do find it interesting that team Obama is already lauching a pre-emptive strike at his most loyalist base types. Do they feel like they are under seige (somebody call Segal) or something? Or, is this a sign that Team NoBama is going to kick the Left in the ribs just as much as anybody else and expect them to like it?

    The Lefty progressives may be NoBama’s version of the Religious Right, but hopefully they’re not as desperate and stupid. Compromise is one thing, but betrayal is another, and I hope it doesn’t come down to the latter. But, seeing that he’s not even sworn in yet, we’re getting way ahead of ourselves…

  • MarieDeGournay

    [re=193562]magic titty[/re]: *Nods* You tell’m Titty :)

  • 4tehlulz

    >>Team NoBama

    Take this shit back to No Quarter.

  • JadedDIssonance

    [re=193579]Borat[/re]: Said “petition” group has a FB group though….
    a href=”http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=39513126427″>http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=39513126427

  • actor212

    [re=193653]norbizness[/re]: The Left….errr, stole my shoe!

  • S.Luggo

    Hildebrand: [Obama was elected to be] “president of all the people”… [So, shut the fuck up or we will demand to see your papers.]

    Where have I heard that bullshit justification for ingoring critics before? Hmmmm.
    ******
    New York Times, July 28, 1910, Thursday,
    In his speech at Portland, reported yesterday, President TAFT said: Traveling as I am, as President of the United States, I have no right to be other than President of the whole people and to stand only on the platform of patriotism, love of country and prosperity for all.
    ********
    Gerald Ford, August 9, 1974:
    “Those who nominated and confirmed me as Vice President were my friends and are my friends. They were of both parties, elected by all the people and acting under the Constitution in their name. It is only fitting then that I should pledge to them and to you that I will be the President of all the people.” http://www.watergate.info/ford/ford-swearing-in.shtml
    *********
    New York Times
    November 9, 1988
    Under a sign proclaiming ”America Wins,” Vice President Bush pledged tonight that he would be President of ”all the people” and would keep a ”conversation going” with the nation.
    **********
    AP, January 10, 2001:
    “Even with the protests, President-elect [G.W.] Bush has said his job is to be president of all the people, and that’s what he intends to do,” [WH Press Sec. Ari] Fleischer said.
    *********
    St. Petersburg Times
    Thursday, June 5, 2008
    “I promise them that I’ll be the president of all the people …” John McCain
    *********

  • S.Luggo

    [re=193729]S.Luggo[/re]: Contrast to:
    http://www.jfklibrary.org/NR/exeres/F00F5334-C791-4DF4-9212-B7A7343C76A3.htm

    Kennedy/Nixon – Second Debate

    MR. KENNEDY. Well, let me say I do think that parties are important in that they tell something about the program and something about the man.
    Abraham Lincoln was a great President of all the people; but he was selected by his party at a key time in history because his party stood for something.
    The Democratic party in this century has stood for something. It has stood for progress. It has stood for concern for the people’s welfare. It has stood for a strong foreign policy and a strong national defense, and as a result produced Wilson, President Roosevelt, and President Truman. The Republican party has produced McKinley, and Harding, Coolidge, Dewey, and Landon. They do stand for something. They stand for a whole different approach to the problems facing this country at home and abroad. That’s the importance of party. Only if it tells something about the record, and the Republicans in recent years, not only in the last 25 years, but in the last 8 years, have opposed housing, opposed care for the aged, opposed Federal aid to education, opposed minimum wage, and I think that record tells something.

  • cal

    [re=193602]norbizness[/re]: “The Left’s been in the garden again, digging up the radishes!”

    This is now my offical favorite complaint for everything!

  • wickedlittledoll
  • hobospacejungle

    [re=193605]TGY[/re]: большие продажи на грузовике гайки!!

  • actor212

    [re=193729]S.Luggo[/re]: In fairness, Taft was able to protect most of America when it rained.

  • Churchill

    Obama-lackeys. It’s okay that he’s just another worthless militarist/rich/uncaring politician. Really, it is. Just send me the money I donated to your worthless campaign under false pretenses. I don’t want to support any more Militarists/WaffenSS/Empire-Buliders!

  • groove

    [re=193562]magic titty[/re]: “Liberal whining bloggers are just as big a nuisance as wingnuts. They all get their rocks off affecting change from their IMacs…”

    Any liberal blogger worth his weight in super-inflated dollars is going to be seen blogging at a Starbucks on a MacBook Pro. Seriously, try bringing an iMac into a coffee shop and see how long until they throw your ass through the window.

  • swearing_is_caring

    Criteria for the proper tactical usage of
    the phrase ‘oh snap!’: A flowchart

    ——————————
    | |
    | Did Someone Get Told? |<———
    | | |
    —————————— |
    |
    YES NO |
    | | |
    | | |
    | | |
    | | |
    V V |
    |
    ———- ———– |
    | | | | |
    |Oh Snap!| |Tell Them |——
    | | | |
    ———- ———–

  • swearing_is_caring

    Ok so that ASCII flowchart went horribly awry.

    Anways, here’s the jpg of it:

    http://farm1.static.flickr.com/119/294168009_b25decaddf.jpg?v=0

  • Neon Trotsky

    [re=193785]hobospacejungle[/re]: победа/win!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=193605]TGY[/re]:

    Все время партии!
    Все время партии!
    Все время партии!

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=193531]user-of-owls[/re]: Today’s Winning Post(tm), sponsored by WaMu and General Motors.

  • S.Luggo

    Ken, Jim, Sara:
    The Democratic Leadership Council thanks you.
    — Bill Clinton (the best President the Republicans have had in last 20 years)

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=194246]S.Luggo[/re]: Smile, coulda been worse. Coulda been Bush another go round or, shudder, Bob Dole. I sleep better at night knowing that Bill Clinton was my president and philanderer in chief.

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