Only a couple of years after publication of the definitive closet-gay child’s escapist fantasy, Why Mommy Is a Democrat, some dingus has finally self-published the appropriate wartime response, Why Daddy Is A Republican. Because Daddy is John McCain? Oh, wrong children’s propaganda book.
Humans play no role in this tale, because it is an allegory, like the Pixar films.
Why Daddy Is A Republican is an illustrated children’s book that follows a family of bald eagles as it explains the basic tenants of the Republican Party in terms that children and adults alike can understand and appreciate.
In the first chapter, the bald eagle Daddy teaches his male children to suck cock and then cuts them up with his talons for being gay, to Jesus. This teaches the eaglets the first “tenant” of the Republican Party: Duality.
This book touches on a few of the most important issues of our day including terrorism, abortion, welfare, taxes, and moral relativism.
Oh yes, those are also “tenants.” The bald eagle Daddy teaches his children these lessons in an episode in which he refuses to give the slothful Black Hawk his, uh, field rat, for dinner.
Page Seven, the “original” of which can be yours for only .
The “tenant” here is that if you get an eagle-boner in the nest while Daddy and depressed Brother eagle are playing 101st Airborne-style war games, Daddy will look at you with consternation.